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   and John  
Googleshng - April 13 '00- 1:30 Eastern Daylight Time

I spent most of the day playing Pokémon. That's not right. At least not without a gameboy. Anyway, this column is going up a tad late because just when I was about to put it up, my connection died bigtime and I couldn't get back on. Sorry. Anyway, here's John.

John: Welcome tae the hoose o' Scotland! If it's no Scottish, it's CRAP!! Alright lads 'n' lassies? I am the rather infamous yet unfound LochNessMonster. I was sailin up ma wee Loch one day when I banged intae this ruddy great thing called RPGamer. They took me on board, nurtured me, and unleashed me on the world as a European Correspondant. Now, before I get underway with a wee useful yet lighthearted anecdote of stuff, let me clear up some stuff. We, scotsmen, do not where 'skirts' and anyone that thinks will face their face introduced to Mr Claymore. They are kilts. We also do not have ginger hair, and do not spout such phrases as 'Och Aye the Noo'. However, the haggis is a real animal and can be found runnin round many a wee stoory glen doon by the burns.

What have I learned in my first wee times as a person of Europe correspoding to the people via the medium of RPGamer? Well, nothing ever happens in Europe to correspond. Now and then, we are drip fed when we are worthy of such a grace as the release of a game. But not any more!! The tides are turning and the winds blow in our favour! Square have recently discovered that the green blob on the map between America and Japan is habitable......and......get this........has a colonisation of people, in fact several. This might be a viable market said one. Thus Square Europe was formed. The fruits of this formation were learned when Square announced it's release lineup for 2000. Everything looks bright for us Europeans now. Go forth my minions, and spread the word, Europe is coming, and ye shall feel it.

Anyway, theres my wee chant for Europe over. I am John Hynd, currently a student in Scotland at Abertay University where I study Computer Games Technology and Japanese BSc. I travel lots, live surprisingly healthily, and love to go out and get 'merry' on the town of various UK cities. I can normally be found bleary eyed in some street corner, or on a train making haste to another city for another infamous jaunt around the centre's publife. I won't start any debates with RPG favourites or anything, but I like loads, but mostly console RPGs. System Shock 2 on the PC also surprised me last year.

Currently, its 5:53am as I write, and after 4 nights on the trot of no sleep, I am starting to feel a little effect. I ahve University in 3 hrs and my car is currently parked in a no parking zone. This all does not bode well. Ho, hum, anyway, I will finish up here. Let the questions BEGIN!!

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Good day mr/mrs/ms/???Googleshng and John here are some dumb questions:

John- do you get Gundam Wing and DBZ where you live?

John: DBZ is here, on Cartoon Network for some reason. Gundam was shown on our Channel 4 late at night once, but currently isn't knocking about anywhere that I know of. No games have been released concerning either of them.

Googleshng- What does Lufia 2 have to do with 3 men and a baby? (i never saw that movie)

Googleshng: Uh, nothing. That was kind of the point...

John- Have you ever played EarthBound? You know about the Tessie/Nessie thing then

John:Yeah mate, I imported Earthbound from some bloke who recommended it. I chucked the thing into ma SNES and got hit with some rubbish choons and awful psychadelic effects. But.......waaaaaa......it's well mint :) Anyway, um, the wee man called 'Ness' pleased me, but um, Tessie/Nessie?? That's a wee bit out of ma reach, didn't hear anything about that. Nobody tells me you see. I need a wise man, maybe that lives on a wee hill, and knows stuff.

Googleshng- When will you tell us who you really are? And what's up with the shng? It's hard to say!

Googleshng: Feel free to stick a vowel in it.

John- Who would win in a fight, Chrono w/ Rainbow Sword vs Ness w/ Gutsy Bat?

John: I think I could take 'em both. With my sword (I got a 6ft Highland Claymore Sword the other day :D) Sound!! But, I think Ness would win, just cos he's got a cool name. (It's a big factor in fights you know)

Googleshng- why are you playing pokemon?

Googleshng: Because I can't buy RE4. 8(

John- DO you believe that the SNES was the best videogame consol ever created?

John: I almost pished mysel' when I realised I got a SNES. I was well chuffed. But, the North American SNES?? What was that about. You guys ever hear of streamlining or aero dynamics? That was a big ugly box. The nice sleek Japanese one and European one was much nicer. But, in general, the SNES is the best console ever.

Okay then that's enough of me i'll shutup now but first, a haiku:
Googleshng and John
Genderless and from Scotland
Please print my letter

-The New and Improved Gregwar (okay, actually I just gained 5 lbs)

Googleshng:
So am I the only person in the world who doesn't get the Cartoon Network? 8(

Adapter Fun
Hi, I'm leaving for Scotland in Late May. I am planning to take my North American PlayStation with me. I know i need a power converter, what else do i need?

Thanks,
Collin

John:
Alright there Big Collin? Late May is my Birthday man, come along, and get merry :) Anyhoo, you need your PSX, and some games for a start (these would probably be regarded in the 'essential' bracket). Then, you need a Transformer which will convert the UK power voltage of 230v to a more sedate US 110/120v. This should come with a US plug adapter, allowing you to plug the PSX straight into it. This will set you back about 30, or um....$45 ish. You can get em cheaper though in places but in the high street this is what you pay. Then, you need a SCART cable. This is a 21 pin connector, long and rectangly with a slanted slope at one end. This will allow the PAL TV to run NTSC games in full colour (with a 'u'). This is about 10 or $15. You also need a TV (or video) which accepts SCART input to convert the signal. The SCART will go wherever your normal TV connection goes. This is all you need (2 things). But it is slightly pricey, although then you can get down to some game playin or something. Email me nearer the time if you need more help.

Googleshng:
Well, I can't think of anything else to say on this, so let's move on.

Saturn Pricing
Is it worth it to buy a Saturn and Albert Odyssey both for 30 bucks each? I already have a friend whos gonna give me Dragon Quest cause his Saturn doesn't work.

I already have a playstation in case you were gonna say to get it.

Thanx, seeya...

Patrick "Chaz" Higgins

John:
I am gonna be pretty useless here. I don't live in North America so I don't know how good or bad a deal that is. $30 for an old game sounds a bit much though. Maybe I'm wrong. I have never played the game either, so um....not much help. If you do get one though, get Nights, that is very good :)

Googleshng:
That sounds like FuncoLand pricing to me. Not a good deal. Actually, $30 for the Saturn itself isn't bad, that's what I paid for this one here that's gathering dust while it waits for Dragon Force. $30 is too much to pay for Albert Odyssey though unless you can't find it anywhere else. It's a pretty good game but it's not exactly in extremely high demand.

Xenogears Ending
Bigtime Xenogears Spoilers!

hello google

as for the person's question in the quickies yesterday about the episode V thing at the end of xenogears, i've heard a theory about it. i dunno if it's right, but it makes sense. you see, episode I is what takes place on the Eldridge. episode II is when Fei is Abel and Cain kills Elly. episode III is what happens in Zeboim. episode IV is when Elly was Sophia, and episode V is what takes place in the game. kewl, ne?

you should be Rei, not Pen-Pen! cuz Rei has the whole mysterious past thing, just like we dunno what gender you are and all that. and that would mean that Brad is pioleted by dummy plugs of you ^_^

i've watched the last two eps of NGE way too many times. when are they bringing over the movies?? i can't find any fansubs of them!!!

arlip the fanasmic

Googleshng:
Em, that sounds mint to me arlip. I can't remember enough of Xenogears to be bothered destroying my head trying to remember episodes and names. NGE, I have never seen, waaaaaaa? Lord, I have sinned. Or have I? Is this NGE much cop?

Googleshng:
I believe what that person was asking was whether there were 4 other Xenogears games which nobody ever heard of, and, well, there aren't. I've heard the whole reincarnation theory before, and it matches up pretty well with my own theory on the issue, that being that they were leaving prequel potential open. Although the likelyhood of really good Xenogears prequels isn't all that great since the team who made it left Square a couple months ago and started their own company called Monolith. What I want to know is why the heck I didn't hear about that until really recently, maybe it was during that month when I didn't really have a chance to keep up on news.

I said NOT to ask FM3 questions, oh, this is an answer
Hey Goog,

I am ashamed that you could not properly answer an FM3 question in yesterday's column. Someone asked about the computers, and you said it must be a typo. It wasn't.
You see, there are several different COM6 variations. each one has Activation%{arrow} followed by either low,med, or high, and combo%{arrow} followed by the same word. What it means is that the %tage by which the stat is either raised or lowered is either low, medium, or high. For example Activate%[down]high, Combo%[up]high means that the chance that a battle skill is reduced by a large amount, and the chance that when it does activate, that it will be a combo is increased by a large amount.
Front Mission 3 is very good on the translation. How could you say it was a typo. So far, between my friend and I, we have no found more than two typos, and both of them were in the Emir Storyline (I am playing the Alisa one, so I guess I am in your "other" 10%, according to the column from the other day). There is much less CG in the Alisa campaign :(.
Another question, how could you NOT like the beam weapon. Sure it is expensive, but that is to balance out the power of a weapon stronger than the strongest fist (Base attack 250, whereas I think the best fist is 150), and has a range like missiles. The accuracy is pretty high too. Don't you think it would be somewhat cheesy to fire every roung? Also take into account that there is no AP reduction for type N weapons. Meaning you always do full damage. I think that makes it fantastic indeed. I know I hate my flamer doing less damage because of type AP protection.
And one less thing. Who makes up your main battle party, and what skills do they have, and what weapons? Mine is Kazuki with a Shotgun and fist, with Fast attack, and two double assaults, Ryogo with a shield and Machinegun, Fast attack and ROTup I x4, Alisa with a Flamer and Missile launcher and skilllvlup+1 x 5 (I keep on forgetting to buy her a new computer), and Miho, with a Shotgun and a Baton, DamageFix100 x 1, Double Assualt, Hit of Miss x 2. (I should really get rid of that Damage Fix 100, it is kind of useless to me now.

Thank you
TopGun X

John:
OK, ok, rub it in, we don't have this game in Europe. I have not played this yet, but will probably import from the land of you're people and half inch a copy early. Maybe someone could send me a copy :) All Europeans, it is coming, July everyone lookout, Square are coming.

Googleshng:
Actually, I didn't say it was a typo, what I said was that either it was a typo, or what you just said. I still say it's odd that the first ones available are assymetrical like that. Anyway, I also didn't say the beam isn't good, I said it wasn't unbelievably good. It still is a really good weapon, but it's not like comparing Orlandu to a knight or anything.

Dragon Force Question?
Now i'm ticked. Now in dragon force, I have to fight Goldark 1 on 1 and I stand no chance because no one gets multiple hits and he's much stronger than me. He says that he'll come back once I get stronger, but he never does, and I need him to get into the shrine. Do I just have to wait a long, long time or am I stuck (it seems I have gotten stuck in several scenarios). Hopefully you'll know, because you actually played it even if you don't have it. And if you don't have an answer, can you tell me who you beat the game with so I can just finish the thing?

I'm going nuts,
Steve

P.S. Working Designs wouldn't answer the question, so I'm guessing that it's something dumb because they usually answer and only do for things neccessary to beat the game.

John:
Sorry, I have never bestowed myself upon such a game. If I had, I might be able to help you, but you can't have everything in life. I don't know at all. Maybe the helpful and at hand Google can assist...

Googleshng:
Well, I can't tell you EXACTLY what to do since you neglected to say who you are, but that sounds like Wein. My memory isn't all THAT clear, but I'm pretty sure you have to go do a bunch of other stuff. If you've finished conquering everyone, and talked with what'shis name and everything, all I can think of is smacking around Zenon, getting the other Dragon, and making sure the entire Dragon Force are on decent levels. I'm pretty sure we have a walkthrough of it, not sure how complete it is.

Quickies

I am tempted to buy you Resident Evil Code: Veronica.

John: Hey, buy me it, not Goog. It's out in North of your wee continent. Europe doesn't even have a release of it yet, and to get it would be cool. It's coming out though, which is good. But hey, if you're buying, give it to charity. Give it to Big John. (That could be a cool slogan for soemething)
Google: The other thing you could do is just buy us BOTH copies. 8)

Hey , Penpen!

If you're Penpen , and Brad gets to pilot a big-ass mecha , does that make Veronica Asuka and Paws Rei? Or somthun........

Freezer

Hey , can I be the 11th angel?

John: Riiiiight. Yes, I concur with all this thingameestuff. I have not a scooby who these names are, but hey, you're freezer right? And, yeah man, go for it, but God looks for a good CV, gotta have previous experience. (I hear he's a bit of a stinge on tea breaks too)
Google: All I have to say is that someone had better send me a pic related to all this for Monday. 8)

Scottish accents? I like 'em. I think they are cool. Of course, you can't tell what they say sometimes. Other than that, did you know that the flaming monkeys of death are after me?

John: Cheers Kaiser :) I'd try and be a wee bitty scottish, but there's no much you can do with just writin and stuff. It would just confuse and infuriate if ah wen'aw braw n scottish like, ken fit ah'm bletherin aboot bigsize? Oh, and don't worry about the monkeys, I'll take em out. I have a 'Flaming Monkey of Death' Extinguisher, available from all good retail stores.
Google: Everyone likes Scottish accents... I think.

Hmm...ok, pen^2...
If Mike is Gendo, RPGamera is Misato, you get to live in a fridge, and Brad pilots the freaky-lookin mecha, then I want to be...umm...I know!! THE LONG LOST 4TH CHILD!!!
*looks around at confused faces*
-_-...don't ask, just smile and nod...
~MagusAkaAlex "The 4th child"

John: Alright Bigman, fairynuff. I personally want to be a......kinnigot (MP reference)
Google: Actually there was a 4th child, and a 5th child. They just really sucked. Now where's that cow launcher...

Six months and one day
More then half a year has passed
Dirty little slime

Dave-The bringer of cake!

I got disconnected before making sure I sent John enough Quickies, so I guess I'll have to finish these solo, and, uh, thanks?

Sheesh someone goes and makes a reference to Record of the Lodoss Wars and you go and make a reference to the Amber series...Will the madness never stop??????

Denethor

I doubt it.

Why doesn't RPGamer have a message board? Sounds like a fun idea..

Look over on the left under editorials.

The Last Laugh:


John: Hello to everyone at the bottom. Well, um, that was pretty fun. I was asked some stuff I know, some that I don't and told stuff that scared me. Now, I think I shall go and shift my car, fall asleep and then take over a small country of sorts. I am not quite sure which yet, but would appreciate suggestions at bigjohn@rpgamer.com. Anyway, mail me with any old stuff ye wanna say or tell me. Comin tae see bonnie scotland, well ask me, and I'll tell ye anything ye need to know. Okay, well, cheery byes a'body, hae a braw wee day tae yersels, ah'm offski. I'll maybe dae this again sometime.

Oor John, your John, A'bodys John. Cheery Byes Bigsize.
Catch me as LochNessMonster in the IRC channel, or bump into me randomly in the street. Your choice. Aaaaarggghh, my eyes, tired!!

Google: Sorry to deprive you of sleep, but it made for a great column. Anyway, C.C. is out sick so no pic. Also half the RPGamer staff just became sick. Not good. Oh and to the person who claims he'll keep sending me the same letter until I print it, well I won't. I said I hadn't watched the LotR trailer yet (I have now). The reason I didn't watch it is because I'm on a mortal wimpy connection and it would take too long, and yes it seems Gandalf and Aragorn AREN'T played by Patrick Stewart and Keanu Reeves... darn.

Oh yeah, and about 5 seconds after I posted that gripe about Koudelka, a news story surfaced about it, it's probably up right now.


Googleshng "Late" @rpgamer.com
Off I go.

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