Let's Go Fishing - What is this Garbage?
This is the weekend we didn't play golf...
By: Filet O'Carp
| Battle System||
| Music & Sound||
| Story & Plot||
| Replay Value||
Game: Easy Environment: Difficult
| Completion Time||
That's in *inches* you fool!|
So, there I was…fishing in one of the lakes of the Great White North. Which lake, I'm not sure. All that mattered was my trusty motorboat rented from Bob's Bait and More and the six-pack of "The Beast" that I'd smuggled into the National Forest despite DNR regulations. There's nothing like the peace and tranquility of nature and a small buzz to keep my spirits afloat. However, as I'm ready to unload the boat at a docking point, my son comes up and yells to me, waving his annoying video game at me. I brace to listen to his screed.
"DAAADDD, LOOK AT THIS!! Let's Go Fishing!"
It was as if the Almighty Himself had answered my prayers! Here was my 10-year old son, who ran to me with great enthusiasm as he was to enjoy one of the greatest joys of manhood. Fishing! It was a shame that he had fallen prey to the lure of videogames. I thought to myself, "Why couldn't he be normal and join his friends at our neighborhood pond? Why couldn't he play sports like any other normal boy? Instead he spends time with a bunch of games that give him satanic ideas."
Seriously, our pastor had been very adamant about the evils of…Pokemon, I think it was. What horrible game designers would pollute children's minds by causing seizures in Saturday morning cartoons and encouraging them to "Catch 'em all!"? Yet, there he was - proudly gloating about the accomplishments of his Cactuar. Hell, they all sound the same.
Much to my disappointment, he shoves the screen of his Game Boy in my face as his face beams. I always regret the Christmas I gave it to him…should have gotten a Louisville Slugger instead. Or maybe I could use a Louisville Slugger on the Game Boy.
But, I'd have none of that. My son wants to go fishing! He runs up to me and beams, "Dad, fishing is so exciting. I get to try hooking so many fish. Look at this one, it's 32.5 centimeters!"
How can you assemble a rod with those sunglasses on?|
Sure enough, there was a fish on the screen. It looked pretty authentic, although I had no idea that carp were dark blue. But its length was in centimeters? GRRRRRR! How un-American of them to use the metric system in front of our children. Keep that crap in Europe! Time to alert my wife on our PTA…
Anyways, I got off track. It's only a game, how much harm could it be? But the worst was yet to come. As my son's attention drifts off to his game, I dart to my secret cooler and grab a can of "The Beast", and take a swig. My senses dulled for a second, but I took it like a man. At least this would help me deal with the stress of having a son who didn't love sports.
I stumble back and my son looks at me with a tear in his eye. "Dad, why did you have to start drinking? You know what the ranger said..."
I angrily cut him off. "Boy, he doesn't know how well I can control myself!" Slowly, I stand back for a second and then apologize. "I promise I won't do it again, OK? I'm sorry." He wipes the tears from his eyes and then shows me another screen. "Well, that's alright. Take a look at the rod I made!"
Sure enough, there's a picture of his rod, along with two strange looking boys with ugly sunglasses. But the text's not in English! I stammer back and am not able to understand why he plays such a game. He smiles and pulls out a few sheets of paper from his backpack. They look like instructions, and I leaf through the pages trying to find any redeeming values in the game. My son smiles and glances at the last page. There's a small note at the end. I think it was written by the maker of the instructions (or FAQ, as it's supposedly called. Who came up with an acronym like that?). As I read the note, my can of "The Beast" fell out of my hand. I couldn't believe what it said...
Dear fellow gamer:
I can't think of any reason for anybody to play this game.
Sure, we all love our imports - but for the love of Cthulu...just because it comes from Japan doesn't mean it's golden.
Seriously, it's a game about fishing!
But we know how overbearing some of our parents can be, especially fathers on fishing trips.
So I've made this guide just for you to deal with those occasions!
Good luck, and remember - kids don't let parents drink and boat!
Go figure. This is the weekend we didn't play golf...