Stars and Darkness
Little Trowa-san

Bart lay awake in the cold, dark night. He glanced at the clock at his bedside. 1:30. Sleep was impossible now, everything else wasn't. He was lost, and afraid, but too proud to admit it? No. Not too proud, because he wasn't anymore. He was instead, ashamed, of a lot of things he would rather just throw away. But life wasn't that simple, and he knew it. Life would always be hard.

Bart rolled over onto his side, which now faced the wall of the musty room. He tried to push it all far away, back into his mind, where maybe he'd forget, but that was what was foolish, it all came flooding back sooner than he'd think and would never leave again.

The moonlight poured in through his window, which was left open on purpose and Bart found himself sighing, turning over onto his cold back. He was half naked, wearing only his familiar leather pants. His back was wet, with experience of tossing and turning and sweating through the already wasted and sleepless night.

He stood suddenly, reaching his hand down his back, wiping at it. His eye was mellow and out searching the dry warmish air around him. With no second thoughts he walked straight down to the window. The sofa at the edge of the window glimmered, the moon's brightness flooding half of it. The other half was pierced with stripes, from the closed blinds, that were rolled down.

Bart flung his arm over the edge of the couch, his head facing the window, and closed his eyes briefly, and only once, to open them quickly again to stare into the gentleness above him. A tree's branches entwined on the corner of the roof that Bart looked over. The leaves were old and dull green. In the night's darkness, Bart could sense the gentle showers were to come. His cheeks slowly touched the window sill and his hands rested underneath his chin. Suddenly, staring out didn't seem enough, and with a simple breeze, the leaves and branches stir, and he sees the sand sweep out below him. Bart feels a shiver run through his long hair and a strange pain quaked inside his eyes, one of fear, and one of loneliness.

A feeling that would probably never leave until he could forgive himself. Standing to his feet, Bart looked out ahead at the wind blown sand dunes, and a place he'd always think of as his prison, even if in reality, it were so much different. He stood a bare foot on the cold roof tiles, just outside his window, and shivering, he subconsciously lifted up another. Pulling the rest of his body with him, he crouched in the tender breeze, like a statue; bent over. The wind picked up slightly and Bart raised his gentle chin looking out among himself. It was so silent though, as if the whole palace were at tender sleep. Standing straight, and feeling extremely tall, he lifted himself higher on the roof, the whole time the wind picked up with his every step.

Bart sat at the very top, letting his legs unfold and stretch out in front of his body. He leaned back onto his arms, pushing them behind his frame, to hold most of his weight, letting the strong breeze pull him. He closed his eyes, suddenly feeling a bit dizzy, then quickly opened them again. He was aware of the many clouds above him, twisting and stirring their moisture around, ready for a storm, he knew it.

He pulled his arms away, and slowly laid back, letting his arms slowly rest underneath his head. He let his soft, and blowing long stands cascade down the side of the roof then he opened his eyes looking up at the bright night sky. Clouds encircled overhead, and they were visibly seen from the clear moonlight, but the stars were faintly seen against the bright moon, yet he could hear whispers from plant's being blown over side by the wind. Staring at a large cloud, thoughts flashed through his mind. Thoughts that were painless and pure. A flash of a blonde running past his deep eyes, one of secureness, and one of silent happiness. The loud crack of sudden thunder cascading through the open range, woke Bart into reality, and sent goosebumps all over his bare back. He sat up then, when the first few drops of sudden rain hit his warm body. The water was cool and pure, just like his thoughts, and he stood, crouching down, to make his way to the edge of the roof.

The curling tree, whose branches had wrapped around the corners of the palace wall's, had several dry green leaves still attached, and they bounced as the rain hit them, leaving them wet and bright. Grabbing a hold of a sturdy branch, Bart stood on a lower limb. He knew the tree was rather strong, and carefully he suited himself down its branches. Only a few minutes later, the sky, no longer bright from the moon, lit up with a flash of lightning. Rain pounded harder into an even pattern of splashes. Bart's cold, bare feet hit the cool wet grass, planted only on the sides, and in the palace garden.

He stood straight, his bare back still to the wind and rain, and he started off, stepping into the damp sand. He walked along watching the moonlight that flashed out onto its grains. It made the simplest sands sparkle in the plain light, making them magnificent, so complex and intricate. He bent over picking a handful up and he slowly stood straight, letting the grains, slip from his fingers and fall to the ground. The rain was harder now and strands of his hair fell over his face as if it was plastered there from a long track race, that of course, he had won. Leaving it to blow in the wind, he started across the sea of browns and grays, the sea blown world of sand he was so used to, yet so tired of.

As he walked silently, among the small clashes of thunder, he drew deeply inside himself, searching for a reality, an answer. He wanted simple, but nothing was simple. Everything was always complex with bends and turns, whatever road you chose would change you forever.

"That's for sure," he thought, and walked further, pulling his braid behind him.

The sky darkened slightly as the roaring storm clouds drew in behind the moon. He kept walking on until he reached a dense forest covered in green, wet foliage, and dark trees. Entering the forest, he shook his bare body, and flung his hair behind him. He took a hold of his braid, and ran his fingers through it, so it could become untangled and fall out. As it hit his cold back, he continued on, walking further through the brush, and foliage.

Tall, dark trees shook as the violent rains hit their leaves and branches. Inside the small forest, Bart opened his eye looking up through a canopy hole, rain dropping down through it. Inside, he felt a calm secureness. The rain didn't escape through as well, and it was warmer, but he still felt aware, as if something, or someone were watching him. He turned and walked, his soft feet, seeping into the swampy type sands, mixed with mosses formed from the rains, and started ahead.

Only a few feet later he found himself staring out at familiar calm waters, undisturbed by the overgrown branches above, that kept the rains out. The Lake. Signs showed it had been undisturbed, forgotten, just like so many other things had been lately. He kneeled over and brushed his hand against the surface. A film of greeny mosses and plankton coated his fingers. Very undisturbed. Sitting down, Bart draped his feet into the water, leaning back looking around him. There were very few holes above him where the canopy let in rain or the moonlight. He stood and reached for a branch only a few meters over head, and he tears its fresh branches and green, wet leaves and throws them aside on the ground. He reached up for another branch, among vines and needles, tearing them down as well, until in a sudden burst of energy, there a hole opened up to the sky, and the stars. Rain dripped in an