If God Will Send His Angels
Author's Notes:
"One of the benefits of [writing fanfics] is that you can abuse other people's ideas."
–Andrew Vant, Usenet Post
Well, the end is finally here. I'm actually starting this Author's Notes about a third of the way through the story– just short of wrapping up Part 1 [and actually, by the time I finished writing, it wound up being only a quarter of the way through]– but the quote, from one of my good friends, is just too true. I have to admit– and be grateful that I can admit this– that some of this story was deeply influenced by some of the other writers' takes on Ramsus and the Element girls. Specifically, I feel I should mention "Ramsus and the Elements" and "Darkest Before Dawn" by Janus Calloway, "Pick of the Litter" by Mess, and "Things Left Behind" by Azusa Kuraino. These were some of my favorites of the Xenogears stories in the RPGamer archives, and I am deeply grateful to these authors for their dedication to a half-dozen characters on a largely obscure video game.
I am also deeply indebted to the amazing band U2, for of course providing the song lyrics quoted at the beginning of each part (and the story's title, obviously). I'm sure that I need not urge anyone to listen to the work of Bono, the Edge, Adam Clayton, and Larry Mullen Junior, but I feel the need to re-iterate what a wonderful job they do with both composition and songwriting. If you've not yet experienced anything by these talented artists, then stop reading this and go get yourself a copy of "The Joshua Tree" or "Achtung Baby".
I'm sure many of you will correct me on the lyrics to "If God Will Send His Angels", as quoted at the beginning of Part Four; I chose to use the final refrain sequence from the Big Yam mix of "Angels" (found on the Best of 1990-2000 compilation set) because it fit better with the tone of the story. I hope no U2 fans will crucify me for my choice.
When writing this story I was in a period of great personal turmoil. I began work on the tale about a month after being released from a job that I had been relatively comfortable at. I hadn't exactly been given a whole lot of warning, either. It forced me to re-evaluate who I was, what I wanted, and how to get it. In a way, it was very helpful to have Ramsus get out some of the things I was feeling. In another way, it meant following our favorite 'trash' down some mental dark alleys that I ordinarily wouldn't have gone down. And a few that were best left untread.
Writing for the girls again was a bit of a treat. In case you didn't notice, I tried to match each girl to her personality as portrayed in the game a little bit more closely than I did previously; the 'excuse' for this is that my older stories were set further after the game, and their natures have had time to settle. But really, I just wanted to have Seraphita trip over phrases, Tolone be sarcastic, and Kelvena be quiet and caring.
Actually, going through Xenogears again while writing this has helped me notice a few things that I probably would have completely overlooked. Specifically– yes, Ramsus really was a nice guy pre-Fei. Play through the martial arts tournament again if you doubt me. ^_^ I wanted to have him try to re-discover that side of himself. Here at the end of Part 1, I think I've set him on the right path.
So what of Dr. Saffron Van Alton? It's very hard for me to describe what exactly led to her rise to power. Originally, she wasn't even a she– but I realized that a woman's motivations can be far more inscrutable and mysterious to someone like Ramsus than a man's. More than that, I liked the Miang angle, too. How many of you did I have fooled, I wonder? Probably not enough to notice that I (the narrator) never referred to Saffron as Miang.
In writing the story, I checked many sources for information. Eventually, to avoid any unintentional plagiarism, this meant checking other fanfics. In the course of the reading, I wound up realizing that almost the entirety of my story seemed to be a rewrite of Janus Calloway's "Darkest Before Dawn". I suppose the premise was what I had had in mind when writing my other two stories– which referenced "the Zeboim Incident" and "the lighthouse"– but I had always intended to go back and write that tale myself. I re-read Janus' story just after starting to write Part Three of my own; at that point, I briefly considered just cutting my losses and quitting. Fortunately, and obviously, I decided against it, as the setups and results diverge greatly for each tale. In any event, Janus' story is exceptional in its own right, and well worth reading. I apologize, of course, for any unintended similarities, and urge you to read Janus' tale to view another way the Zeboim Incident could have happened.
In looking through all the material, though, I noticed that a few things which I believed I had merely invented for the purpose of telling a better story were actually canonical. Strange, but true. For example, in "Penance", I had merely guessed that Kelvena and Elly had roomed together– who knew it was true? However, I deliberately broke canon with a few other things, such as the ranks and last names of the Elements (except Dominia, who does have a canonical last name), so I used the precedents set in my previous stories.
Ramsus' autobiography, which I have liberally interspersed with the story, for a moment seemed like a good thing to continue on with, if I were to attempt to keep going with fan-fiction. However, in writing the clips for it, it occurred to me that it would be awful reading just because every three paragraphs or so would be an overly melodramatic passage; and the overall effect would be lessened by the fact that Ramsus himself is a terrible writer. ^_^ I guess writing, like commanding four super-powered women warriors, is one of those things which gets closer to second nature with practice.
One of the hardest things that I had to do was be evil. It occurred to me that the easiest way to hurt Ramsus would be to hurt the Elements first; if Saffron was going to have him under her thumb, it meant taking something away from each of the Elements and reducing the girls to complete wrecks; after all, it's far more cruel to force someone to go on living after stripping them of that which they hold most dear. So how do you do that, when you like the characters too much to do any real harm to them? I guess it's a failing of fan fiction writers, who never develop the real story because they don't want to be too mean to their favorite "people". I've fallen into the trap more than once, myself– giving the characters an obvious and easy way out. But the problem is that without adversity, the character never develops into someone interesting– or at all. And a story without character development is basically... well, it's not much.
In my previous stories, I had established that Kelvena lost someone she loved very much during the Zeboim Incident– that explains Brian's somewhat grisly death. Also, I had a general idea of how to re-brainwash Dominia (she would later complete her fall in "Penance"); and Tolone's break was too easy– having cybernetic implants makes it almost trivial to zombie-fy a character. But Seraphita was the hardest. How do you break an unbreakable optimism founded on a pure innocence? And how do you take Sera's innocence without descending to the level of a rape scene? I hope you enjoyed my answers to these questions, and frankly I'm glad I didn't have to resort to such a vulgar drama.