I can feel the hard stone ground against my back, and the only thing that's keeping me warm in this lonely cave is my own blood, matting down my fur. There's my gear several yards away, trashed and almost as broken as I am. What happened? How did I become this? Where did I go wrong?
All my life I've been alone...looked down upon. I was never even seen as a person, only a demi-human, more of a rat than a man. Even growing up in the slums of Kislev, nobody would play with me. I dreamt a lot about becoming "Hammer the Great"...showing off my mad skillz to everyone. But I knew I'd never be recognized as any more than a dirty creature. That's why I wanted to be something more. As I grew older the only place I fit in was the jail yard with all the other outcasts...even there I felt excluded. Even Rico, a fellow mutant like me...even he was cold to me.
Power. That's what I needed. Power to be respected...to be seen...to be loved. Krelian was the first one that noticed me enough to help me. 'Hammer, I can give you power,' he said. 'I can help you find strength beyond your wildest dreams,' he said. It sounded so perfect. The cause didn't matter, not to me. Just as long as I got my pay in the end.
I remember when I first met bro. I don't know why I decided to call him that, it just seemed to fit the kid. Like I had called him that before in a dream or distant memory or something. What a great guy...powerful and brave. He had everything...power...respect...friends......even love. I envied him...I wanted to be just like him. I wanted to fight with them, help them, but I was too weak and too scared. All I could do was sell them items. I know they just saw me as an annoying merchant, a portable shop, that was it. I was worthless.
Krelian had told me to keep an eye on Elhaym. Elly...the kindest most beautiful girl I ever met. It was clear to me from the start her feelings for bro were strong. I almost fooled myself into thinking I meant something to her, but deep down, I always knew I was nothing, to her and to everyone. When Krelian contacted me and told me to take her back to him, I was so nervous...and excited. For the first time I held a gun in my hand. Holding it alone gave me power. I remember holding her to my side and pointing the gun at the shocked party. It was wonderful. No one would stand up to me! I had complete control! I was powerful and brave! ...I had never expected her mother to come save her. What could I do? I panicked. This wasn't supposed to happen! I saw my friends losing their fear, their respect for me. Everything had gone wrong. I wouldn't let her stand in my way! Nobody could stand in my way! Not now! Nobody could take away the power I had now!
I can still feel the trigger being jerked back into my hand. She fell. I had killed her. Killed the woman who stood up to me. It was the happiest moment of my entire life. I started to laugh as I looked at the faces of my friends. I had done it! I had stood up for myself, and shown my bravery to everyone! I was so happy. I was powerful! I was feared! I was bold! I was...I...was...a murderer.... I had killed Elly's mother in cold blood. I had shot down an innocent woman. I dropped the gun in disbelief. I was the lowest scum I had ever known in my life. I can still hear my own shrill cry or fear and despair as I ran away from the bloody scene, poor Elly's cries of "Mother! Mother!" ringing in my head. There was nothing left for me then. Bro, Elly, Doc, Rico...they all hated me. I was a coward. I was weak. Weaker than anything. A pitiful sobbing rodent, who had betrayed his only friends. I can still see Elly's eyes shining like all the pain in the world. God, what did I do?
When Krelian told me about the new technology...that merged man and gear together as one...I knew what I had to do. I would go out and find those people...who now hated me...and finish them. I would show them that I was strong. Just...like them. But when they beat me...when my gear collapsed and threw me down into this cold pit...they didn't laugh or cheer...or even smile. Bro...he called out my name. Bro...still...cares about me. And Elly. After everything I did to her......she wept. Because of me. I've never seen her cry before. Could it be...that they really...do care about me?
I'm losing so much blood...now...I can barely raise my arm. Did you see me, bro? Did you see me...fighting you today? Did you see how hard...I fought? I was strong, bro. Wasn't I brave? Just like...you. Elly...you'll never know...how I felt.... You'll never...know...how sorry I am. I'm dizzy...I don't have much time left...I...bro...you're...you......understand...don't you? I......I'm s...sorry. ...I'm sorry......bro....