LoveÕs Labor Lost
Where is it that dreams end and reality begins? What sours and twists them before they can cross into the waking realm? Why do our aspirations and expectations never come to pass as we imagine them countless times? Why arenÕt we allowed to see the truth of what is truly transpiring until it is too late?
If only I knew the answers to such questions....perhaps it would be a comfort to me this lonely evening. Maybe I could find a little peace. For the both of us.
Sighing for what feels like the millionth time tonight, I roll over in bed to face your sleeping form, mere feet away from me in your own bed in this little hotel room. Even in sleep, you are denied peace....your face holds a frown as some unpleasant dream grasps your mind. I want to comfort you....but the fear of being rejected yet again stings my heart and holds me back.
The memory of that day....every time I hear your voice, the words you said to me ring in my ears. The pain that tore me apart....I couldnÕt even breathe, much less respond to your cruelty. All I could do was run....while the agony burned me up inside and the tears I thought I couldnÕt cry streamed from my one good eye. IÕll never forget that day.
I thought I was doing the right thing....we thought we were doing the right thing. Raijin and I....we foolishly thought that it could make you see what was happening, what youÕd let yourself become. As it turns out....we were more delusional than you were, trapped in your twisted dreams. Idealistic fantasies gone awry....perverted by that witch whose name I cannot bear to even say to myself. She ruined them....ruined you.
They say love is blind.....but I know itÕs not. I may only have but one eye, but I see clearly. I see everything. You keep yourself hidden from the world, but I can see into you like no one else. I see all your faults, all the good qualities you try to deny. Your hopes, your dreams, your pain. YouÕre not perfect.....far from it, in fact....but in spite of all of it, I love you. There, I said it. I love you. ThatÕs why I sacrificed my own dreams to support yours....why IÕve stood by you in your worst hours....until I just couldnÕt anymore. CouldnÕt stand by while you were transformed from the strong man I fell in love with into her pathetic puppet.
ItÕs you thatÕs blind. Blind to everything IÕve done for you, the many ways IÕve tried to express the feelings in my heart. When you only speak in fragmented sentences, itÕs hard to show love. I thought my actions would be enough. But blind as you are, you never really saw them. Never saw me.
And yet....you wonÕt even look me in the eye anymore. But you havenÕt apologized either. I donÕt know how I feel about that. Mixed signals. I want to forgive you for what youÕve done....but a part of me wonders how long I can continue to let you do this to me. Love doesnÕt always last forever....I donÕt know how long mine can. How long I can keep forgiving before I finally break, my long efforts at making you see what....who has been waiting patiently for you all these years at last fruitless. LoveÕs labor lost....what more can I do?
I can only wait for so long....take so much....before itÕs too late. I only hope you can cast away your blindness before that happens.