>Notes and Disclaimer: This is just a REALLY short POV of Squall's thoughts and feelings of the past. It mostly circulates around the significance of Squallās pendant. Also, all the familiar names used in this story, especially Squall and Griever, are properties of Squaresoft.
In the eyes of others, I was seen as a rather silent and cold person. How others saw this perceived image of "Squall Leonhart" had no effect on me. Perhaps I became this way ever since I left the orphanage and entered Balamb Garden. I never saw my friends again....especially Big Sister when she mysteriously disappeared on us all of a sudden. I remembered that I missed her so much ever since she left. I waited for her day after another...on sunny days...and on rainy days. I still waited...and waited...and waited...but she never returned. I even began to lose hope and thought that I would never see her again.
Big Sister was my closest family member.
I had no family...I was born without knowing whom my mother or father was.
Why? Because I was told that they passed away when I was only a few months old. I always felt lonely...but I had Big Sister with me. She was the one who lightened my spirits when I was down. She was the one who gave me warmth when I felt alone. And she was the one who gave me the love that my parents would probably give me if they were still alive. But no...I lost her as well...my only family member...
I became a very depressed youth thereafter. I lost my parents at a very young age and then lost my only family member. I never felt so alone after she was gone. Even though I had friends, our relationships never became as close as the relationship I had with Big Sister. It was not the same and I presumed that it would never be. I sulked all day and moped around the orphanage, hoping that perhaps she would return and that I could finally see her bright, cheerful face once again. That was why I became excluded from the normal social life. I became distant from my friends and rarely communicated with them. All I ever thought about in my mind was Big Sister. Rather than playing with my friends, I went elsewhere to be alone so that I could wait for her to return. From then on, I became a very silent person and I lost the love that I had from Big Sister. Slowly, I became a very cold-hearted person. Without receiving any affection from anyone, I never understood what "love" meant anymore.
Perhaps that explained why I gave my pendant a name. This chain...this ferocious lion-beast pendant glistening around my neck and my Gunblade. I often wondered where I got this chain. I suppose it was from my parents. I had this chain with me for seventeen years. It had always been around my neck. Every time I gaze at it and run my fingers along the edges of its rough, silver-tip hair, I could almost sense a certain spiritual energy within it. I had never felt this peculiar life force before. This spiritual energy carried such warmth and gentleness...and also yet, sadness. I felt it from this ravenous, wild beast. But I realized that beyond this beastās tough-looking exterior, it carried a certain presence with me....a presence so gentle but yet so dispirited that I could almost sense its grief. I felt life in this pendant. I know because it had emotions as well. I could feel it. Thus, I named this beast...Griever. It bore the meaning of, "the lion of sorrow".
Strangely enough, I even gave this beast a full name...Griever Lionhart. Since mine was Leonhart, I felt that there was a significance between these two names. Perhaps, one of its names belonged to an animal while the other, to a human. The human name signifies its spirit animal like how "Leon" symbolizes a "Lion". This applied to how the two distinct names could determine our differences. If the opposition between our names could distinguish our differences, then what would be the relations between this pendant and me? We both feel sorrow but we tried to avoid it. We tried to hide our emotions by showing our "tough side" instead. We tried to manipulate others that through this tough-looking exterior of ours, we feel no emotions when in fact, we do feel it the same way as everyone else. We feel the pain but we tried to shade it away from others. We both feel the same emotions because we are one.
The emotions I felt deep inside of myself...I knew that this beast could feel it. It was anger I felt ravaging through my cold, black heart. And as the anger built up, I felt this unique power within myself. There was this strange, hateful power revolving around my pitiful heart. I wanted to destroy everything with it...vent my hatred out. But...no...what kind of person would I become if I did unleash it? Instead, I went to the training center everyday so I could let out the emotions that I kept hidden deep inside of myself for such a long period of time.
I train to let out my anger, my frustrations, and my pain. I let Griever take control of me...let it take over my body so that it could have a chance to resolve my mixed emotions. I let this presence surrounding Griever, take control of this dark, black energy hidden deep within of myself. I let this spiritual energy calm my angered heart. Why do I feel these emotions after all these years? Because Big Sister abandoned me when I needed her the most? Because I grew up without knowing what love meant after she left? Am I really angry with her? I always questioned myself about this but there was never an answer for that. Still, I do feel the pain when she left me up to this very day. I could never forget about it no matter how many times I told myself that it was the past and over with. This vague memory still haunted me to this very day. My anger and frustration still builds up deep inside...so deep that it hurts. But to brush away these mixed emotions, I simply clenched my fists tight and at the same time, whisper to Griever that I could overcome these emotions as long as it helped me. I knew that it could hear me. I knew that it could understand me. And I knew that it could sense everything I feel. It was a part of me.
That was why this pendant became a sentimental value. This life force deep inside of Griever...when I had thought I was alone again, there it was...there was Griever. I felt this life force...this gentle spirit hovering around me as if to assure me of its presence. I knew I wasnāt alone anymore. But, I could never understand what this presence is and why I could feel it living inside of Griever. Either way, it didn't matter to me anymore...for I knew that I would never understand why.
I do know that it is telling me to learn to forgive and to forget. Maybe I should learn to do that and accept Big Sisterās reasons of leaving the orphanage behind. But I know that the hardest part of doing this is to learn to let go.
Notes: I know this fic is very, very short but I actually liked the way it turned out! ^_^ Many thanks goes to those who supported me while I was writing). Anyway, thanks for reading this fic!! Feel free to leave me an email...I would be very happy.