Wine, Women, and Song

A fic by

Themis56

Themis56@aol.com

CHAPTER ONE: A FINE LITTLE DANDY

The Gabbianis had always been a well-respected familyin Jidoor. The very first Gabbiani who had come to the cosmopolitan city had been a humble merchant with an eye for color and a nose for money. He had pooled his money with a few other small traders to invest in the silk busines s, a wise choice because all Jidoorians doted on the material: they even dressed their pets up in little silk vests and shirts. A poodle shivering in the winter cold, garbed in the finest and flimsiest of brightly colored hues,was a common sight. Such frivolities were foolish; the first Gabbiani knew this, but he didn't mind in the least. If these people were so mad for thestuff, then he didn't care how it was used. Through the years, he broke free from his fellow merchants and finally got a monopoly on the silk market through sometimes unscrupulous but always clever methods.

The Gabbianis have always loved to make money off ofpeople's excesses--except one, and he started out about the same as the worst of them.

Now, about one hundred years after the first Gabbianihad arrived, the family, though always respected, was not as well-off as itonce was. The first Gabbiani had liked to gamble away some of his hard-earned money, but he was shrewd enough never to go overboard, which could not besaid of his descendants. Gambling ran through the family, men and women alike, and they had slowly brought down the family business bit by bit, year after year, as the money was taken away by the dealing of cards and rather wild lifestyles. One Gabbiani once boasted that he and his family could take baths not of water, but of the most exotic perfumes, and they did. Theywere the nicest-smelling people in town, even if they were the stickiest.

But the opulence took its toll, and when the family business was handed over to one Ponzo Gabbiani, it was not nearly as grand asit once was. The monopoly had been broken, and other silk merchants had grown more successful and richer. The family home was no longer located in the rich northern district, but--insult of insults!--in the very middle of town,right next to the auction house. But the Gabbiani name was still well-thought of and somewhat feared, and Ponzo, kindly and intelligent, was not as much of a pleasure monger as the others before him, though he still enjoyed fine wine, admiring beautiful women, and playing cards.

Ponzo married one of those beautiful ladies, a vivacious red-haired girl named Dulcina. Unlike most aristocratic girls, she had agreat deal of common sense and financial acumen combined with a lack of arrogance, and would not sit idly by and watch her husband's business go downthe tubes. From the very start, she helped Ponzo with his book-keeping and maintenance of the store, even going so far as to haggle with customers herself. Ponzo didn't much care for the help of a woman, but he didn't complain--he was actually getting a little more money than before, which he promptly gambled away.

Dulcina took her husband's little vices in stride, because she loved him and didn't care what people said or how much they earned. But when she became pregnant, that all changed.

When the doctor had confirmed her suspicions, Dulcinamarched right into the store just as Ponzo was closing up and she hauled him into a half-empty storage room.

'Ponzo, brace yourself,' the lady announced. 'I went to the doctor today, and there is a reason why I've been throwing up every morning the past month other than indigestion. We've got a baby on the way.'

Ponzo tried to read her face, but it was perfectly blank and blunt, and it gave him no clue as how to react. He had always thought that when a woman found out she was pregnant, she'd be ecstatic; Dulcinaproved him wrong. Still, he took a blind shot.

'Sweetheart!' he cried, joy bursting over his face as he advanced to embrace her. 'What good news! It's wonderful!'

Dulcina dodged his arms and gave him a small shove. He gawked at her as she crossed her arms, planted her feet wide apart, and looked stolidly at him.

'Listen, Ponzo. I've never minded you burning a little midnight oil--the gods know you can't help it, being a Gabbiani. But now it's going to be different. We're going to have a beautiful bouncy baby in a few months, a sweet little boy--'

'How do you know it's going to be a boy?'Ponzo asked a bit archly; he didn't like where this conversation was going.

'I just know. Women's intuition. But his sex doesn't matter, Ponzo. He's going to be our child, our lovely child. And,to cut straight to the chase: I want him to have a roof over his head, enough to eat, an honest family--a future, Ponzo.'

'Won't he get it? We're not poor, Dulcy." The merchant was exasperated with his wife's outlandish behavior--were all pregnant women this touchy?--and he scratched at his thick, long hair, which was, strangely enough, gray. It had been like that ever since he had been in his early twenties. But, thankfully, it was not showing any signs of thinning or falling out, for he was only thirty-two, after all, and it actually made him look quite dashing.

'Oh, I know that!' Dulcina retorted promptly. 'But who knows what the future holds? A merchant takes lots of risksin his business, and he can go bust at any time. A merchant who gambles is ten thousand times worse. I don't mind the risk. But now we've got this," --she jiggled her belly-- 'we've got to be more careful. I want this child to have a safe, sweet childhood, the one that every child deserves. And you're not going to louse it up, my dear Ponzo. One bad card hand, one missed roulette call, and we can lose the farm. So, hear this: Give upgambling.'

'Wha-at?' Ponzo looked like he had been slapped across the face with a dead fish; he staggered back a few paces. 'You surely must be joking.'

'I mean it,' she growled through clenched teeth. 'I love you, Ponzo, but I love this baby, too. If you'reany kind of a father, you'll do what's going to be best for your child.Give him a future.'

'But, Sweetheart! No playing cards, no roulette,not even bingo! I'll die!'

'Nonsense! You can still do all of those things,just don't bet on them.'

'But that's what makes it fun!'

'Ponzo, shut up and take it like a man. Fine. Gamble away all your money, see what I care. But I swear, the moment your back is turned, I'm going to smack you in the back of the head with a piece of stove-wood and then I'll leave you and go back to Papa. He'll take care of the baby, at least.'

The wretched man smoothed back his hair, which he hadtorn in his grief, and lowered his hands, which were clenching and relaxingin agitation. He saw the determined look on his wife's face, and then he knew he was beaten. A good gambler always folds before he loses even more than he already has; a slow smile spread across his face, and then he nodded.

'All right, Dulcy. Have it your way; you know what's best,' he conceded miserably, thinking as he said these words: I am so utterly whipped. My Gabbiani ancestors are laughing at me. I thinkI'll go insane.

'That's my Ponzo,' Dulcina laughed, her expression softening as she wrapped her arms around her husband's neck and gave him the nicest kiss he'd ever had.

Ponzo's chances at retaining his sanity improved greatly.

*************

And so the Gabbianis ran their shop as before. But Ponzo didn't gamble any more, just as he'd promised, with a little help from his wife: whenever he felt most tempted, she locked all the doors to the house and collected all the keys, which she hung at a belt around her waist.She watched her husband like a hawk and never showed any pity towards his struggles.

The money started to slowly accumulate, despite the natural downturns of the trade cycle, but the family was still nothing compared with the other silk bigwigs. It didn't matter to either of them. Their child would do all right, and that was what counted.

Dulcina grew as round as a hippo with a glandular problem, but she was still as vivacious and lovely as ever; Ponzo seemed truly excited about the upcoming birth as well. Everything was going fine.

Then, it happened: one fine day, the husband and wifewere sitting under a tree and having a picnic, soaking up rays of sunshine while basking under a blue February sky. The two were playing a silly game, trying to tickle each other, when Dulcina snapped:

'Ouch! Ponzo! You kneed me in the stomach! That's too rough.'

'I did not,' came the indignant reply as hesat up and crossed his arms.

Indeed, Dulcina realized her error, because that samepain came again, and his knees were good inches away from her.

'Oh, gods,' she swore, her eyes big. 'He's coming!'

'He's...coming? The baby?'

'Yes, you moron!!' Dulcina roared as she threw a grapefruit at his head. 'Don't just sit there gawking! Go get the doctor!'

'You mean...you can't walk...?' Fear madethe normally intelligent Ponzo a dimwit.

'Ponzo!! Does it look like I can walk?! Just get your deadweight carcass off the ground and get me help!"

Ponzo didn't need another word to be said; he jumped up and ran faster than he ever had in his life towards the doctor's,which, fortunately, was very close by.

Soon, Ponzo and the local doctor came rushing up to ascreaming, thrashing woman who was kicking bread and tarts all over the place.

The medic was an old hand at this kind of thing, and the delivery was as safe and swift as could be possible. After about six hours, he had pulled out a healthy, live, screaming baby boy. He wiped the blood and gunk from the newborn's eyes.

'See? I told you, Ponzo! A boy! Give him to me," panted the disheveled Mrs. Gabbiani, her eyes a bit drowsy from some painkilling herbs she had been given, lifting her head from her husband's lap and stretching out her arms.

As the baby changed hands, its eyes opened just a mere crack, a slit so tiny that it could barely be discerned. As it was being transferred and in mid-air, it did not gaze upon any human face.

The first thing it saw was the sky.

*************

The little baby was named Setzer, and his first few years were spent like any child's: his parents played with him, he was happy, and he didn't have a care in the world. He had no distinction of the finer things in life: chewing on a wooden block was just as exciting as playing with a silk--naturally--scarf.

Things started to change, though, when Setzer first started to attend school--not some ordinary public place, but one of Jidoor's finest private institutions. Naturally, the school was made up almost entirely of the upper class children, kids with fine leather coats, glittering jewelry, and the fanciest bagged lunches cooked by gourmet chefs.

When he saw his classmates, Setzer lost all contentment with his lifestyle. He was still very young, only about six, but he was aprecocious child and knew of the fine name he was born into: why should thenouveau riche have such fine things while he, a Gabbiani, had to settle for middle-class? That old family love of the finer things sprang out with a vengeance. Little Setzer wanted everything his classmates had, the fineperfumes, the chic clothes, the fluffy little lap-dogs, everything.

And it didn't help much that the other childrenwere, as can be expected, quite cold towards Setzer, whom they saw as an intruder and a slob. Although the young Gabbiani was immaculate in his dress and hygiene, the children avoided him as if he had lice. He didn't dress asfinely, he didn't eat as richly, he didn't speak with refinement as they did, and for that, he didn't even deserve the time of day. Setzer underwent that vicious, bratty kind of torture that only little children can mete out, and it made him angry and confused.

One day after school, little Setzer, tired of being ignored or insulted, marched in through the door, slammed his books on the floor and stomped into the living room, where his parents were reclining.

'Mama, how come we don't have an imp robot?"

The question was met with astounded glances between husband and wife, but it didn't totally surprise them. Little kids often spout out nonsense, mostly just to hear themselves talk. Setzer didn't seem to be kidding, though.

'Hmm? What's that, Angel-Face?' Dulcina said slowly, breaking the awkward silence, deliberately using their pet name for their son; it always embarrassed him, and children usually aren't contrary when they're absolutely mortified.

Setzer's face--indeed angelic, with its smooth, strangely creamy skin, the slender cheekbones, deep hazel eyes, and beautiful platinum hair--wrinkled up in disgust, but he pressed on: 'Almost all ofthe kids at my school have these imp robots. They get them from the auctionhouse. They're ugly, but they're robots, and they can talk! They make them fight in a ring during recess until the teacher makes =91em stop. Why don't we have one, Mama?'

'Angel-Face,' Dulcina said soothingly, "we don't need an imp robot. They can't do anything except talk and bugyou and mess up the house. They bump into things all the time.'

'But all of the kids have them, Mama! Whynot us? Caiyrn Kathay's got five of them,' Setzer cried, rolling hiseyes.

'The Kathays have got more money than we do, sweetie. They've got too much money, if you ask me.'

'But Mama, we're Gabbianis, aren't we? We're supposed to be rich,' Setzer said, his face growing very serious.

'That was a very long time ago,' Dulcina sighed; her eyes flickered over to her husband and gave him a knowing glance, almost like giving a nudge in the elbow. Ponzo took the opportunity gladly.

'Delectable, would you mind leaving for a moment? I'll handle this,' he whispered to her.

'Don't you go egging him on, Ponzo. If you don't nip him in the bud, he's going to grow up to be a grade-A pansy, just like those other kids.'

'Trust me.' Ponzo gave his wife his most charming grin, one that under other circumstances would have melted her into putty in his hands, but she still remained on guard. However, her resolve hadbeen weakened somewhat, and she nodded reluctantly.

'I'm going into the kitchen and bake some cookies for you, Angel,' she cooed sweetly, running her hand through her boy's thick platinum locks as she passed him by. Setzer stared after her, feeling that something was up, but he didn't know what.

'Son, come here,' Ponzo beckoned, patting the place next to him on his overstuffed chair; Setzer ran over and snuggled his in father's lap.

'Now, Son, how much do these fancy little imps cost, anyways?'

'A million GP.'

What?! A MILLION GP?! That's outrageous! Who could afford it? If I had a million GP, I'd put it in a bank and...ARRGH! Curse Dulcina! She has brainwashed me! 'Hmmph! A silly waste of money!' Ponzo snorted, curling his lips up in a sneer.

'Why, Papa?'

'Son, let me tell you something. A Gabbiani doesnot waste his hard-earned money on such trifles. We're better than that."

'We...are?' Setzer's eyes shifted from surly and disappointed into shiny hazel beacons of hope.

'Yes, we are. We could buy some of these fancy little robots, but like your mother said, what's the point? They'd only break down, and you'd have lost a million GP. But we Gabbianis are smarter than that.'

'But if we're so smart, how come we're not rich?'

Ponzo was nearly on his feet, he was so excited; instead, he simply pumped his knees, making Setzer vibrate up and down: 'Only for a little while, my boy! We were rich once, and, by Stray, the Lucky Cat of Mark-Ups, we'll be rich again! Someday, someday, we will have a nicehouse in the north with a golden chocobo stable and we'll eat off jeweledplates. And then, I swear, we'll show those little idiots!'

'And their daddies?' Setzer asked mischievously, getting so excited now that he was bouncing on his own accord.

This time, Ponzo did leap to his feet, sendinghis little son sprawling off onto the soft plush carpet, roaring, his eyes glittering: 'Especially their daddies, those sons-of-bitches! And when you're older you'll be ten times as wealthy, and then we'll rub their faces in it! Wouldn't that be great?!'

A forbidding shadow appeared in the doorway, looming ominously over the now sober Gabbiani males. Dulcina held a large spatula inone slightly trembling hand, casting down her eyes so her son could not seethe anger fermenting in them. Ponzo paled.

'Setzer,' her voice was sweet and coaxing, "there's some extra batter on the bowl. Wouldn't you like to lick it off?'

The boy felt something was amiss, but he didn't care; there was raw cookie dough to be eaten, salmonella be damned! He flew outand ran into the kitchen, oblivious to a loud smack that sounded in the living room as Dulcina proceeded to assault her husband with the spatula.

'What was that hogwash you were feeding the boy?!' she demanded, accenting each word with a belt on Ponzo's head. Shereally was furious.

Ponzo, however, couldn't help but feel a sense of triumph. He had irrevocably instilled his son with the true Gabbiani spirit, and if passing on the family heritage meant being beaten by a utensil, he was more than glad to make that sacrifice.

*************

Indeed, little Setzer took his father's words to heart, and school was not so horrible; he could take the snubs and jibes philosophically, knowing that some day, he would be richer and more powerful thanany of his fellow students. He would get the last laugh in the end.

As a result, the boy became insufferable, especially to his teachers. He acted like he was just as good, if not better, than anybody at the school--there's nothing more annoying than a child who puts on airs without anything to back them up with. He talked back, he complained often. There wasno doubt that Setzer, even if he wasn't a bright child, would always get passed on to the next grade; no teacher wanted him for another year.

'Thank you so very much, Ponzo,' Dulcina snapped to her husband one evening after hearing of her son's behavior. 'What a fine little dandy our Angel-Face's become! Do you hear that? That's the voice of the couch, inviting you to sleep on it tonight.'

Dulcina then tried to erase all of the =91brainwashing' her husband had inflicted on their son, but to no avail. Tears, talks, and spankings did no good, for Setzer was a truly stubborn child with a one-track mind. Eventually, she had to give him up for lost and painfully joined in with the universal consensus: Setzer Gabbiani needed something to curb down that ego ofhis a couple thousand notches.

That something came along in the middle of the school year, right inwinter. The silk shop suddenly went bust. To be perfectly fair, this was not Ponzo's fault, for he was a good businessman, but rather simply bad luck. There were too many silk fishes in the pond, and the demand plummeted through the floor, as did prices. Ponzo, knowing he was doomed, sold the remainder of his stock to a larger, more prosperous business at laughable prices. For one dreadful moment, it looked like the family would have to leave Jidoor, for the poor had no place in that town.

Luckily, Dulcina's father saved them. He didn't want his daughter to be miserable and leave the town she loved, and so he gave them a monthly allowance to live on. In addition, Dulcina became a working woman, a secretary for a rich glob of fat, Owzer. Her reputation never recovered after that and she lost some of her friends, but, despite the hurt and shame, Dulcinatrained herself not to care.

The same could not be said for Ponzo, however. Discouraged, defeated, and convinced he was a shame to his prestigious family name, the man slunkback and became a heavy drinker. While his wife worked--another insult--he stayed at home in the gray of the unlit living room, lying on the couch, a bottle in his hand, his eyes peering at things unseen. He was not the viciouskind of drunkard, the one who is a terror to his family, but the sad, soulful, despairing type. Dulcina knew this, and, try as she might to harden her heart against him, simply couldn't bear to leave him alone in the dark--she never even once considered filing for divorce.

As for Setzer, he didn't understand what happened exactly, but he did know that yet another blow had been dealt to the family status, and thathe could no longer take comfort in thinking about the future, now dull indeed. He was deathly embarrassed by his father, and could barely hold his headup at school, where the children continued to mock him: 'My daddy makes more money than your daddy!' Setzer had no retort to this jibe; somehow, 'Oh yeah? Well, my daddy can drink more than your daddy without passing out' didn't have quite the desired effect.

The men of the house drooped under a deep funk, with only Dulcina togive them any comfort, and then they were embarrassed when they went to her. But nothing lasts forever, and Setzer soon found a little spark of hope, quite by accident.

*************

It happened late one night, near the winter's end. For some reason or another, young Setzer simply found it impossible to go tosleep. He then decided to sneak quietly down to the kitchen, where a quick midnight snack might cure what ailed him.

He was astonished to see a faint light flickering in the kitchen. He peeked around the corner of a wall and saw his father, bathed in the feeble light of a candle, head cradled in arms. Ponzo no longer slept in bed with his wife--not from any marital spat, but because he felt thathe no longer had the right to even touch her hand.

'Papa?' Setzer whispered, coming slowly forward. Ponzo's head jerked up, and he squinted at his son with bloodshot eyes. A sedated little smile crept over the middle-aged man's lined face.

'Hey there,' Ponzo mumbled a bit thickly. "What're you doing up so late?'

'I can't sleep.'

The father nodded his muddled understanding and pulled out a chair, taking care for it not to squeak over the floorboards. 'Come and sit up with me, then, if you feel like it.'

At first, Setzer felt like refusing, for he was stillembarrassed of his father and didn't enjoy being associated with him. Butthe look of abject loneliness and depression in the man's eyes touched the boy's heart, and he felt a desire to cheer his poor father up.

Setzer did not sit at the proffered chair, but snuggled up in Ponzo's lap, wrapping his arms around his father's neck. Ponzo put a heavy hot hand on the platinum locks which shimmered in the candlelight.

The boy felt something hard underneath his father'swaistcoat. 'Papa, what's that?'

Ponzo started, and he reached in and brought out a battered pack of playing cards. The man regarded them curiously, not recognizing them at first, but then a small laugh escaped his lips: 'Ha! These...these...My lucky deck! Well, how about that.'

'Are they old?' Setzer inquired, awed by the dog-eared, yellowing things; he had never seen anything so worn.

'I've had them since I was twenty. They brought me luck. I swear, my boy, I never lost any money when they let me play from this deck. Made me quit, though. Thought they were fixed.'

An awkward silence followed, with Ponzo lost in memory and his son not knowing how to respond. Eventually, Setzer broke the silence.

'Will you teach me to play?'

Ponzo glanced down at the boy in surprise, but a sly smile crossed his face. He knew Dulcina would definitely not approve of thisat all, but she couldn't have her way all the time. It was time to give his son the only gift he could offer: the family heritage and vice.

Still, Ponzo tread cautiously at first: he only taught the boy the innocuous, childish games like Rummy, War, and Crazy Eights. But once he got started, he found it impossible to stop. Sitting there, his son in his lap, his big hands grasping Setzer's small ones, he showed how to play such games as Five Card Stud and Blackjack, along with helpful tips on how to improve the odds of winning. The man's eyes grew sharp and clear; he looked more alive than he had in years.

Setzer's eyes sparkled in the light with this new understanding and pride for his father, who now seemed like the wisest man onthe planet, whispering arcane secrets that were only to be known between them. His father was no longer foolish, for he now had planted the seeds of a plan in his son's childish mind. Setzer realized that this knowledge had the potential to rid him from the dullness and dissatisfaction that plagued him.

*************

Armed with his lessons of card-playing, Setzer went straight to work. He challenged his rich schoolmates to card games, demandingbets.

The other kids, gleeful because they knew that the teachers disapproved of gambling (though many played a round of Poker or two in the faculty lounge on the sly), accepted the games with gusto. Setzer proceeded to win game after game.

Setzer won because of two factors: one, Setzer, even at such a tender age, was wonderfully terrific with numbers and could count cards and money with ease; second, he challenged only classmates of his own grade level, and some of the other six-year-olds could barely count to ten. The children didn't have a prayer.

Even though they were rich, the kids at the school didn't carry much money with them, so the stakes were usually not monetary. Setzer didn't mind this at all. Fancy lunches, toys, and even clothes wereput up as bets. The lad soon accumulated a great hoard of expensive, shiny things, but he had the good sense to not show off too much, lest an adult get wind of what was going on.

Once, Setzer managed to win nearly a whole suit of brand-new clothes of the classiest, most recent fashion from a classmate in anafter-school game; he even won the boy's pants. However, when the loser came home almost starkers, his parents raised a terrible row: Gambling in theschools! Ponzo thought this was hilarious and nearly fell out of his chair laughing, but Dulcina, who wanted to cling to some modicum of dignity, pulled Setzer from the private school and enrolled him with the middle-class children in a public facility (after giving her husband the tongue lashing of his life, of course). The jig was up, and Setzer had to abandon his schemes; his new peers had nothing he wanted.

So the little plan in Setzer's mind had to be put away for the time being, but he was not discouraged. Soon, the little boy thought, he'd be an adult, and then he could start from where he left off. His father had told him that a good gambler had to be patient, and he was determined to prove himself a good gambler.

In the meantime, he practiced his game with his father--when Dulcinawas away, of course--and with himself when he played Solitaire. And on the weekends, Setzer went up into the shopping district and watched the fine people being fitted for beautiful clothes, his thin-bridged nose pressed up against the glass.

CHAPTER TWO: NIGHTS AT THE BAR, DAYS AT THE OPERA

The transition from the posh private school to a lowly public one should have been difficult for Setzer, but, miraculously, it wasn't. In fact, Setzer actually started to like going off every morning to get an education, despite the lower standards, the underpaid teachers, and the second-rate equipment.

For now Setzer was accepted--more than accepted. The lack of pretension and snobbery was a change for the better, and the kids were friendly for once. Although he would have liked the place to have a little more class, Setzer cheerfully took the bad with the good. Besides, the casual air of the school lent the fallen-from-grace child a bit of its atmosphere: Setzer became less haughty and surly very quickly, though he never once lost his resolve to become rich again.

Growing up in these new, affable surroundings, Setzerrose to be one of the most admired, most popular boys in the school, and, by the tender age of fifteen, his reputation preceded him in all the local, humble haunts.

Why was this? First of all, Setzer still dressed impeccably, and his fashion sense blew the socks off all of his classmates. Second, the boy was rather handsome, in a delicate, seraphic way, and, whether it be fair or not, attractiveness attracts admiration. Third, Setzer was exceedingly intelligent and witty, and he had a biting yet refined, somewhat sarcastic sense of humor, though he still enjoyed a good cheap laugh--he was only a boy. And Setzer was friendly and easy-going, if a tad bit full of himself (he wasn't completely humble); he never judged anybody on first appearances.

These traits earned him many friends and admirers, along with a few enemies, but over the years, Setzer became great friends withfour other boys. The little group became notorious throughout the school, never failing to keep the gossipy girls full of delicious scandals.

Lorenzo Rivera was a red-haired youth of average proportions, the son of a blacksmith; he was the most talkative of the group, though not the most eloquent--he was too fiery and blunt. In fact, he could have been a more caustic, male version of Dulcina, and the other boys never hesitated to make fun of him for it. And what was worse, Lorenzo deeply admired Mrs. Gabbiani, if he didn't have an outright crush on her (he blushed and stammered in her presence). Setzer and the rest thought this too rich. 'You'd better watch out, Lorenzo. My dad's got a dirk and shovel stowed away under the couch and a secret patch out on the plains. I doubt anybody's gonna miss you.' Setzer used this line every time the groupcame to his house, and eventually Lorenzo became so embarrassed that he refused to set foot inside the Gabbiani home--the boys had to stay out on the front porch if they wanted to come calling.

Vardaman (he had no last name that Setzer could recall), affectionately dubbed Mandy, was the poorest of the group and the smallest, but quite possibly the most entertaining. His parents had used to be wandering performers in a carnival; they were famous in town as professional contortionists, actors, and puppeteers, and Mandy seemed to be picking up the family business. The boy, who was so dexterous and lithe that he seemed to be made out of rubber, could do the most amazing things with his limbs, squeeze through about any opening. And the voices he could do! Once Mandy got a good hearing of what a person sounded like, male or female, he could imitate him or her perfectly. He despised the rich and loved tormenting them,much to the delight of others.

Benoit Gaetan--Benny--the foreigner, a boy who had come to Jidoor from Maranda, rivaled Setzer in bravado, but his sense of humorwas much more puerile. A tall, burly youth, he played sports of all kinds and excelled at them. He loved boasting about his exploits, but it was not that haughty kind of boasting; it was a whimsical facade, full of humor. His nature was essentially childish; even when he reached adulthood, he acted like a big kid and remained unchanged until he died. He was, in a sense, the heavy artillery of the gang, because he was strongest and the best fist-fighter. But the thing Benoit was most famous for was his way with the girls, which will be addressed shortly.

Last and usually least: Joel Jarrgas, J.J. He was theodd man out in the group, unpopular, shy and quiet, and didn't talk abouthimself much. The other boys were fine young men and handsome; J.J. was not. He wasn't hideously ugly, but the circumstances of his birth were unhealthy, and the boy had a thin body, rather sallow complexion, a disproportionately large head and hands, deep-set, placid brown eyes and a heavy-browed, bullish face. Furthermore, J.J. could not read (he suffered from mild dyslexia) nor speak very well. His voice was deep and dull, maddeningly slow, and it took him a long time to finish sentences. This unfortunate trait made people--even his own parents, but they also loved him dearly and never hurt him--believe he was stupid, which was exactly opposite of the truth. J.J. had asa head on his shoulders as good as anybody else's, but his way of thinking was stunted, a child's logic with a teenager's knowledge. Young Setzerhad realized what many adults did not, and invited the boy to be a part of the little clique, where he would not be mocked, but protected. J.J., thrilled with the prospect, had accepted gleefully. The other boys had been a bit skeptical at first, but J.J. didn't bother them, and so they learned to like him. Besides, J.J. was useful at gathering information: he was inconspicuous, and, being a supposed simpleton, people never were cautious around him.

Setzer guided these four throughout countless misadventures; the boys became famous for their pranks, the town entertainment. They were the darlings of the middle-class and the banes of the wealthy.

Indeed, the rich youngsters of Jidoor were always thevictims of the little troupe's attentions, without exception. For Setzer,even after all these years, still had a rancor in his heart towards the young people who had mistreated him as a child, and there was always that senseof jealousy and longing that filled him when he saw the fop-spawn prancing down the street, sniffing down their noses at everybody who was not on theirlevel.

It was almost purely selfish: if he couldn'tenjoy living in the lap of luxury, then Setzer wouldn't let any of those haughty snobs enjoy their riches, either. But Setzer also intensely disliked the way that the upper class treated his friends--sometimes the affluent were truly mean-spirited and just plain cruel. A fledgling dandy once crushed a pet dog of Benoit's underneath his carriage and didn't even apologize. In fact, the boy had actually yelled at Benoit for ruining the copper-plated hubcaps while the dying mutt howled feebly in its tearful master's arms.

Keeping such instances as this in his mind, Setzer made up his mind: when he became fabulously rich, he would only look down hisnose at the snobs less wealthy than he, not the middle-class. But he wouldn't coddle the lower caste, either. The old friends he had he would clasp to his bosom and give aid to them when needed, but no more than that. Philanthropy, Setzer thought, made people soft and lazy and even more pompous thanever, rich bloated people giving out doles to people who would only squander the money anyway. Besides, when had he ever felt the kindness of a stranger's money?

Setzer and his friends proceeded to wage a campaign against their well-heeled enemies; however, they weren't indiscriminant. Those children who had not tormented Setzer too badly in his old school daysor those who had mended their ways and became kinder were spared the wrath of the dreaded quintet. Many of the rich were of either of these two types, and the foe was actually a very select group. Which was just fine where the gang was concerned, because it meant a small, solid, definite battleground for them to work on.

From the very start of hostilities, the boys trouncedtheir adversaries due to wonderful teamwork. Setzer usually was the one whocame up with the actual schemes, with some help from the others; J.J. was sent out and gathered the needed information; then Setzer, Mandy, and Lorenzowould put the plan into action, while Benoit provided protection and back-up in case of emergencies.

They never physically harmed the snobs they targeted;humiliation and more subtle forms of torment were employed. For instance, one day they would =91borrow' some of the wealthy kids' chocobos and takethem clear to the other side of the city; the next they would foster strifebetween one unfortunate victim and his or her girl/boyfriend--many couples were broken up by the sarcastic, biting words of Lorenzo and Setzer's smooth, cajoling ones. Benoit specialized in stealing a young lady's attentions from her beaux. J.J. mainly stayed out of the action, but he always had great fun, his low guffaws a victory trumpet after a successful prank.

But it was Mandy who was probably the most feared of the five--the small boy did the most damage and was the hardest to pin any wrongdoing on. One of his favorite things to pull was to pass by the door of the auction house and quietly poke his head in, careful not to disturb anything; when a person he particularly disliked opened his mouth to make a bid, Mandy would then shout out in a perfect imitation of the person's voice, "A MILLION GP!!!', quickly running away before he was caught, giggling madly all the while.

It was the high point of Setzer's young life; he never had so much fun. School was somewhat stimulating, the days were full of wonderful tricks, the evenings usually spent in the company of his good friends, and what was best of all, his parents never interfered.

Ponzo and Dulcina were definitely not thrilled with their son's behavior, but some of his antics amused them, and he never did any true harm--it wasn't like he was a hooligan or anything, terrorizing everybody and shooting things. Furthermore, they were both indulgent and practical parents. They wanted their boy to have fun--he was a good student and had waited out the bad times, and they felt they owed him something. They trusted that he wouldn't go overboard. Whenever an irate parent pounded on the front door or had the nerve to march in on her when at work, Dulcina's response to the inevitable angry complaint about Setzer and her bad parenting was always the same.

'My dear Mr./Mrs. So-And-So,' Dulcina wouldreply stiffly, her brownish-red eyebrows knitting together and her chin jutting out pugilistically, 'I am truly sorry that Setzer did (insert crime here), but what do you expect me to do about it? You have a child yourselfand know how stubborn they are. I could talk to my boy about his behavior and give him a whipping or two, but what good would it do? If he's made up his mind to do something, he does it. And, if you don't mind my saying so,I don't care what happened to your brat. If (s)he's anything like you, then (s)he probably deserved it. Good day, and don't forget to soak your head in the water-barrel outside. Things deflate when put into cold water, orso I hear.'

And when she got home from work, Dulcina would take her husband aside and say to him, 'Ponzo, I got another complaint today."
'Oh gods, what'd the boy do today?' Ponzo would moan, rubbing his eyes.

He always laughed when she told him, and said, 'By Bahamut, the boy's a true Gabbiani! Only we can think up things so clever as that!'

'You're both impossible,' Dulcina would snap. 'Setzer won't listen to me, and you encourage him. The boy's going to go too far one of these days.'

'Listen, Sweetheart, stop beating yourself up about it. You break your back for this family, but you can't do everything. Setzer's young and just wants to have a good time. If he does get into trouble, he'll have to learn responsibility on his own. You can only do so much.'

'I guess,' she'd sigh, 'but I reallywish he'd stop it. I can't stand much more of this...all that whining and bitching from those stupid, stupid people! Why can't Setzer get interested in girls or something?'

'Don't worry. Those particular genes will be asserting themselves very soon,' Ponzo would assure with a rakish wink. "Just you wait!'

*************

The days went on, and Setzer's school ended for summer break. To celebrate their first evening of freedom, Setzer and his entourage went to one of their favorite haunts, a tavern christened The Scarlet Hart. It was a nice place, rather rustic, it wasn't as smoky as someother bars, it was charming, and the food was better than most. The boys were crowded around a small table, sharing a basket of breadsticks.

'Ha ha ha!!' Benny exulted, raising a tankard of strong, meady ale up into the air, nearly sloshing the foam onto Mandy's face, 'Here's to us for surviving another year!'

'I'll drink to that,' Setzer smiled, raising up his glass of deep red wine, the finest the humble tavern had to offer. Mandy and Lorenzo roared their approval, thrusting out their drinks, whileJ.J., who didn't drink wine because it made him too =91excited,' had tomake do with pounding the table.

Benny licked the foam off his upper lip and addressedhis leader: 'So, Swanky,'--Benoit's nickname for Setzer, a good-natured dig at the latter's fashionable dress-- 'We're young, handsome, and free. Free! What do you have coming up this summer?'

'I don't know for sure,' Setzer mused. Hepulled out a deck of cards from his coat pocket, opened them, and deftly flicked a card between his fingers contemplatively. 'My parents don't like vacations, so we won't be going anywhere. They might try to make me get a job, but I won't do it.'

'Same here,' Benoit concurred, nodding. "Hell's gonna freeze over before I ever get my hands dirty. Damned if myfolks'll take away my childhood. Me, I'm gonna play hard, drink hard...and love hard.' He smacked his lips with anticipation at the last sentiment, making a growling noise in his throat.

'Bah!' Lorenzo spat into his mug, his fieryred eyebrows arched and askew. 'I don't see why you even bother withthem. Young girls can't romance worth jack. Their perfume's always so heavy that you gag, their make-up's thick enough to stick a GP in, and the ones that aren't dumb are ugly. You're wasting your time, Benny. Gettinga job is better than screwing your brains out all day--which is what you'd do. Playing and drinking, my ass! You'll be so tied down, you won't have time for us, you traitor.'

'Oh ho HO!' Mandy chirped, his black eyes laughing as he punched Lorenzo in the arm. ' =91Enzo's in a badmood tonight. What's got your panties in such an uproar? No more school! That should make even you happy.'

'I am happy. It's just that I don't want to hear another cursed word about...Benny's... =91plans.''

'Oh, I get it,' Benoit hooded his eyes knowingly, 'you're just being snotty because you prefer Setzer's mama!!'

Everybody at the table had a fit of laughter, except for Lorenzo, of course, who simply sat there, his deep blue eyes frigid but a tight, acrimonious smile on his sharp-edged face.

'Well,' Lorenzo finally said after the others had stopped laughing, 'Setzer's mother is a much better prize thanyours, Benny.' He pointed out the tavern's window at a small,mangy mongrel that was limping along the street.

'OH,' Mandy roared, slapping the table, "BURN, BURN, BURN!! That's gotta hoit, Benny!'

Benoit sputtered impotently, obviously striving to come back with a witty and devastating zinger, but Setzer cut in.

'Come on, =91Enzo. Be nice. We all want to stay friends, here.' Setzer gave a complacent look as he stared down at the cards in his slender, long fingers.

'Wanna play a game?' Mandy inquired, gesturing to his friend's deck; Setzer shook his head.

'Heck, no. You guys know me too well. I'd get stiffed.'

Even though all of this was said in jest, every boy at the table knew it to be true. Setzer, albeit a skilled and suave player, had one fatal quirk: whenever he had a winning hand, the right corner of his mouth would inevitably twitch ever so slightly. This was not a problem when he played with strangers, but his close friends or the experienced cardsharps always caught the reaction and folded before a big win. Setzer had spent countless nights in front of his mirror, trying to get his traitorous face tobehave and be perfectly still, but with no results. His poker face was flawed, and there seemed to be nothing he could do about it.

As a result, Setzer never challenged his friends at cards; those games not requiring poise and stoicism were considered babyish. No self-respecting fifteen-year-old wastes his time playing War.

'Oh, gods forbid that one of us actually win a game against you, Gabby,' Lorenzo laughed, rolling his eyes. Setzer skillfully maneuvered a card in between his index finger and thumb and, with an adroit flick of the wrist, sent the projectile flying right into the other boy's face.

'Ow! Gabby, you jerk! Put my bloody eye out, whydon't you!' Lorenzo snapped, chunking the card back, but his aim wasall wrong. The card went five inches before pathetically fluttering back and landing in his lap.

'Will you look at that?' Setzer demanded ofJ.J.. 'No poise! No grace! All wrong, wrong! Isn't that sad, J.J.?"

'Very sadsome,' the large-headed boy drawled dumbly, an easy grin on his florid features. J.J. had a sometimes odd way of speaking. As a child, he had often liked to make up his own words and garble up phrases, and he still did so on occasion as a point of pride.

'Aw, look at that,' Mandy crooned, edging closer to J.J.. 'Lorenzo, look what you've done. J.J.'s lookin' tocry! Isn't that right?'

Before J.J. could reply, Mandy had shot up his hand and gently grasped the boy's jaw and started to move it while he said in a perfect imitation of J.J.'s deep, muddled voice, 'Yes, I'm gonna cry out my eyes, I'm so sadeous. Boo hoo! Boo hoo! Lorenzo's the most grunicious person in the world. Makin' dummies like me cry. For shame!'

'Lay off, Mandy. Unless you want a card in the face yourself,' Setzer remarked easily, brandishing a ten of hearts. Mandy thrust up his hands and scooted away, rolling his eyes in feigned terror.

'Oh, no! Save me! You'll gouge out my eyes! I'll go blind! We all know how much damage a piece of cardboard can cause!"

'Yeah,' Lorenzo barked, laughing appreciatively at the dramatist, 'looks like the cards aren't intimidating enough, Gabby. Why don't you try throwing a sheet of paper or a cotton ball?"

'Shut up,' Setzer said flatly, putting the cards away in the recess of his coat pocket. Mandy giggled and returned to the table, resuming the business of downing his drink.

After a few moments of drinking in silence, Benny'sbody suddenly twitched and his eyes went wide; he shivered slightly, raising his eyebrows and licking his lips as he announced:

'Get ready. There's a buncha honey coming our way!'

Lo and behold! Mere seconds later, a small squadron of girls, all of them from Setzer's school, made their way into the vicinity.

'Looks like we're not the only ones partying tonight,' Benny continued, appraising them all with an experienced eye from tip to toe--especially from the neck down. 'It's our big chance, guys! And there's more than enough to go around.'

'Go get =91em, Lust Machine,' Lorenzo said dryly. 'Switch seats with me, Mandy.'

The exchange was made, and Lorenzo was now sitting beside J.J. The redheaded boy drew the latter into a conversation, and both ofthem moved their chairs away from the table.

' =91Enzo, you're gonna miss out!' Mandy sang out, spot-checking himself in the table's lacquered surface.

'Years from now, I'll look back on this and rue the day I didn't get laid,' came the response. Setzer laughed; Lorenzo hated flirting and didn't care much for most girls, thinking that bothwere vapid, worthless, and just plain stupid.

Setzer smiled to himself, made sure that his long hair was straight and pulled back into a perfect ponytail, and then made himself ready.

For the dashing young man had his own method of dealing with the female persuasion: whenever a pretty young thing came his way, he would half-close his eyes, cross his arms on the table, and mold his face so that it wore a bored, somewhat surly, yet suggestive expression. He spokelittle and did not openly flirt; the affable Setzer now became a mysterious, discontented, laconic, aloof swain, and this drove girls wild. His body language cried out for something to break his boredom, and many girls would have loved to give the handsome, fashionable Setzer Gabbiani the time of his life. He seemed untamable--and what girl doesn't want to get a maverick and make him into her lapdog?

'Hello, ladies!' Benny called out merrily to the gaggle, raising his glass. 'Jenna! Dolly! Beatrix, you sexy thang! Care to sit with us?'

The girls giggled coyly, exchanging looks; most, if not all, of them knew Benny and enjoyed his company immensely. He was good-looking, with a good, muscular physique, a strong jaw, happy brown eyes in a boyish face and nice brown hair, kept short despite that it was the fashion for men to wear their hair long. He was indulgent and liberal with compliments, which were like popcorn to the girls' egos. And he had interesting friends except for Lorenzo, who was funny but had a mean streak.

'Only if you'll buy us something to drink, youbig stud, ' one of the girls called out in return, her eyes shining.

'Done, and done. Barkeep! Some refreshments for my fine little friends, here!' Benny shouted, snapping his fingers; thegirls gave their orders and then flocked around the boys' table.

'Hello, Benny!' several girls chorused, some leaning against him, some pressed close, one of them even got into his lap. Benoit laughed lustily, tickled one or two, pinched a few more, and started whispering into their ears, eliciting giggles, blushes, and cries of "You're sick!' accompanied by playful slaps.

Some of the other girls chose Mandy for their attentions. Mandy was one of those boys who was simply adorable: he was small and slender, his skin was the color of hazelnuts (very exotic), his thin, street-orphan face was dominated by two very large almond-shaped eyes, and his thick black hair was silky and hung in loose curls. The girls doted on him. Theyloved his humor, his tricks, and they thought he was just toooo cute. In mere moments, Mandy had them all cooing and laughing while he cuddled up like a puppy in one lucky maid's lap.

The remainder of the girls gather around Setzer, who was enjoying this turn of events very much. They asked him innocent, idle questions and prattled on and on; he would smile ever so slightly and nod, andon the rare occasions when he spoke he did so in a low, husky voice.

Ever since he had hit puberty, Setzer had loved girls. He loved looking at them. The curves, the lovely painted faces, the way they walked, their luminous hair, their scent, their dresses, the bodices, their long legs and busty chests--was there anything ever so beautiful, so poetic, as a young lady?

As he breathed in their perfumes and let his eyes andlips roam where they pleased, Setzer's attention was momentarily distracted by a cry from Benny's little entourage. He must have said something rather crude, because the girls squirmed and said, in perfect synchronization: "Ewww! You're so immature!'

Setzer had to restrain himself from laughing scornfully. He loved admiring girls, that was beyond question, and he had kissedquite a few of them, but his delectation was soured by the girls themselves.

The boy did not respect many girls his age; if it wasn't for his accursed hormones, he probably would have had the same attitude as Lorenzo. He disliked the way that girls imposed complete monogamy on the boys they dated while they themselves could have several beaux at once. Hehated the way they always wanted concessions: the man had to pay for everything. But the thing that he disliked the most was their conversation: girls could be witty, but they rarely were, and they talked about the most boring things. Who was dating who, clothes--sometimes interesting, granted--emotions, love, always love! And they were vicious towards the girls they didn't like. Forget the macho, violent treatment boys inflicted on one another, thesneaky, treacherous, malicious torments of vengeful teenage girls were a thousand times worse. If he had had his way, Setzer would have made all women,with several exceptions, utterly dumb. They were works of art, and like works of art, they should be silent.

To tell the whole sordid truth, the only woman well-known to him that Setzer respected and, yes, admired--though he'd never admit it--was his mother. He didn't blame Lorenzo at all; the boy had great taste, and knew integrity when he saw it.

'You think he's immature?' Lorenzo snapped, turning from J.J. to Benny's group. 'It's funny. How can you call him immature when you're all giggling like ninnies? You like it, and youknow it! You're just as bad. No, worse! At least Benny's honest--I overhear some of your snotty conversations in the halls, you backstabbing broads, and they're just as stupid as anything he's ever said. Immature!'Lorenzo spat on the floor. Setzer wanted to laugh and give a high-five, butvetoed the notion--he didn't want to lose his lovelies. Their winning ways had hooked him, no matter what came out of their mouths.

'Oh, shut up,' one of the girls, looking rather tipsy, retorted. 'We're just having some fun while you sit there, talking with that idiot. Don't you snap at us!'

'Come on, Lorenzo. Don't make waves, okay?" Benny pleaded, casting an imploring look in Setzer's direction.

'Zip it,' Setzer commanded, leveling his finger like he was going to stab Lorenzo with it.

'Kiss it,' Lorenzo growled back, slapping his keister; the boys and a few girls had a laugh at that.

'Now, now,' J.J. spoke up in his drawl, "no need for that. Let's all be friendlious, eh? Summer's here in all its glumptious glory. Isn't that enough?'

'Your little pal's got something, there,'a girl laughed, raising up her glass. 'A toast! To summer!'

'To summer!' came the collective cry.

'To wine!' Setzer crowed.

'To beer!'

'To looove!' Benny shouted, leering at the girls clustered around him.

'To Benny's raging manhood!' Mandy snickered.

'To swim trunks,' J.J. said softly, clapping his hands.

'Yuck. That's an image we all could have livedwithout, J.J.,' a girl giggled, sticking out her tongue; J.J. cast down his eyes and rubbed his hands self-consciously.

'And what about you, Lorenzo? There's gotta besomething you like about summer,' Benny prompted; all eyes turned to the red-haired youth. Lorenzo scowled, turned around in his seat and regardedthe table with a flat expression.

'To alcohol poisoning--may you all get it,'he said in a monotone, chunking his empty tankard at Benny's head.

Everybody, a bit light-headed from the beer and wine,erupted into laughter and continued their revelry, growing louder and more rowdy as the night went on. Mandy once even dangled from a chandelier by onearm, monkey-boy that he was.

'Damn kids,' the barkeep muttered to himself as he watched his property being abused--he knew what to expect this summer: chicanery, riot, arson, and vandalism! These kids were the worst bunch that Jidoor had to offer in years. He could only guess at what crazy stunts they'd do in the upcoming days.

Setzer and his little band did not disappoint. Over the hot, wild, primey summer months, they pulled the most tricks they ever had, and they had wonderful fun without ever getting into deep trouble (mostlybecause they could outrun most of the guards). But their greatest triumph, their best prank, was the first and last time they attended the Jidoorian Opera House.

*************

Mandy's parents, being members of the Professional Actor's Guild of Jidoor, were given free season passes every year to any theatrical performance in the city, including the stunning productions at theOpera House. His little sisters and Mandy himself were also included in thedeal. So, one particularly sweltering, sticky day when the little group wassuffering from terrible ennui, Mandy proposed that they go see the last performance of a prestigious and popular opera, The Romance of the Dragon and the Star, before it went on tour. Nobody would have to pay a thing: Mandy had his own pass, his parents had gladly donated their tickets, and he had gotten his sisters' passes by promising to give them his suppertime dessert for a month.

Having nothing better to do and bored out of their skulls, Setzer and the others agreed. None of them had ever been to the Opera House--admission was outrageously expensive--and they all, Setzer especially, wanted to see if the place was as opulent as it was cracked up to be. Theyput on their best clothes, rented some chocobos, and off they went.

The Jidoorian Opera House was very lovely. It was constructed entirely of granite and marble in the shape of a great cathedral, complete with flying buttresses and rose windows of beautiful stained glass. The carpeting inside was either velvet or mink. The stairs and floor were gilded, and mirrors covered the walls. Setzer immediately liked the place.

Although the seats were free, that didn't mean theywere good. When the boys presented their tickets, an usher took one look atthe group before him and led them up to some balcony seats, where the middle-class patrons were relegated (the rich were seated on the ground floor), and sat them on the first row. The usher left without giving them the specialopera glasses, so while their view of the stage was unhindered, everything was small.

'Well,' Mandy whistled, rolling up his program and looking through it as he would a telescope, 'it looks a little better this way, I suppose.'

'What a gyp,' Benny mumbled, Lorenzo seconding; even J.J. looked disappointed.

'Come on, you uncultured swines,' Setzer baited, trying to cover up his own sinking feelings. 'Don't you know anything? The visuals don't matter--it's the music that makes these thingsgreat. As long as you know who's singing what, it doesn't matter how far away they are.'

'Whatever you say, Gabby,' Lorenzo shrugged, fidgeting with the scratchy starched collar of his coat. 'What's this thing about, anyway?'

Mandy flipped through his program and said: 'Here we are. =91Thrill! As you watch this timeless story of love, hatred, and betrayal palpitate on the stage! Cheer! For the heroic Draco as he strives to win the hand of his fair love, Maria! Boo! The fiendish, wicked Prince Ralse, who stands in the way of the two lovers! Swoon! When you see the beauteous Maria sing her timeless piece of passion, 'Aria Di Mezzo Carattere'! Cry bravo! To the stirring music, the smoldering, classic plot, andthe golden voices of the finest singers Jidoor has to offer! Munch! As you chow down on the tasty snacks from the finest concession stand--''

'That's not in there, Mandy...you made that up!' Lorenzo accused.

'Excuuuse me, Mr. Anal. Let's see...Nope. That's where it ends, unless you'd like me to read off the names of the actors. '

' No thanks. Well,' Lorenzo said, puffing out his breath, 'that certainly left nothing to the imagination.'

'Too many exclamation points,' Benny nodded.

'Shut up,' Setzer said good-naturedly, trying but failing to remain aloof and disgusted, 'and behave properly. This isn't some dumb play, you know. Respect, gentlemen!'

'Okay, okay. We'll be good--if the opera is," Benny grinned.

The great crystal chandelier that hung down from the marble ceiling turned dull and the footlights of the stage flared; all movement and chatter ceased. The overture began.

Things went started off well. As Setzer had foretold,the music really was something beautiful, and even Lorenzo seemed to be enjoying himself.

A strange quirk about opera: the music may be astounding, the scenes and costumes gorgeous, but the plot and libretto is almost always ridiculously stupid. Men with powerful lungs and voices sing beautifulten-minute arias merely to observe the fact that the sun has risen. The filler dialogue is horrendous(SOPRANO: 'Say you love me! Say you love me!" BASS: 'I love you!' SOPRANO: 'Truly?' BASS: 'No!'). Most of the people attending had been born and raised on opera and learned to overlook and even love its failings, but Setzer and his friends were fifteen-year-olds at their first performance. They wanted to be entertained, not enlightened.

A roly-poly man with a thin, finely clipped mustache and dressed in a fine suit stepped into the center of the stage. This was the main opera director, the Impresario himself, playing a cameo role. He began to speak, a lone harp accompanying his words:

The Impresario then waddled off. Setzer felt a tap on his shoulder; he turned his head and faced Lorenzo, who was leaning over across Benny's lap.

'What kind of an introduction was that?" Lorenzo demanded in a whisper. 'It didn't tell you squat! There's a war on, and all this guy can think of is this Maria lady?'

J.J. furrowed his brow and pouted his lips, looking every inch the idiot, and he whispered gruffly in his dull voice, 'OperaBAD!' Benny and Mandy shook with pent up snickers.

'Will you shut up and behave? This is the Opera House, for the gods' sake!' Setzer hissed back; with glum, petulant faces, the others complied.

The red velvet curtain then rose up majestically, revealing the set of a rocky outcropping with billowy clouds in the background.The music changed to a heroic thrumming as Draco walked grandly onto the stage. He was a huge man with an abnormally large chin, relatively small eyes that looked to be outlined with charcoal, and ridiculously skinny ankles which the dazzling silver armor did not conceal. But the most grabbing thing: the man was fat. Setzer had grown up thinking that most opera singers were big, but Draco was the topper.

'WHOA! Look at that big honker down there!' Benny gasped--out loud. People hissed from behind them, telling the boy to shut up. Setzer didn't know whether to strangle the idiot or laugh;he settled on shooting him a nasty look, which was promptly ignored.

'Man, if this is the best the West can do...the East is going to win so fast,' Lorenzo whispered conspiratorially to Mandy, who giggled.

'Maybe he sits on his enemies and squamps them flatter than fritters,' J.J. suggested.

Setzer surreptitiously brought his leg around Benny's and gave Lorenzo a kick.

As Draco reached the center of the stage, three men on chocobos came dashing on from off-stage; one of them seemingly creamed Draco, making the man fall to the floor.

'Huh?!' J.J. gaped, back into idiot mode, scratching at his head.

'It's the East's Chocobo Death Squad!' Mandy announced, almost shouting but catching himself.

'If you want to kill a man, run him over with a chocobo,' Lorenzo concurred.

'Will you guys--?!' Setzer hissed, shaking with laughter but trying desperately to remain outraged at this blatant disregard of etiquette.

'Stop resisting. Join in. You know you wanna. Stop being such a prick and have fun! You can't mean to say that you're actually enjoying this?' Benny asked slyly.

Setzer raised his hands and let them fall limply to his sides in resignation. If they were going to act so badly, he'd might aswell join in on the fun.

Draco then began to sing:

'Um, Draco, sorry to intrude on your little lovesong, but she can't hear you,' Setzer mumbled, rolling his eyes.

'Whew!' Mandy fanned at his face with his program, pretending to gag. 'That last note was way to low for any humanbeing to make by singing...I think he burped it. Lay off the garlic, Drac."

'Our hero, Sir Lardo: a big stinky love-smitten doof with weak ankles,' Lorenzo muttered, putting his head between his legs.

'HATE opera!' J.J. grunted, just a little too loudly. Hisses and threats of calling an usher followed from the increasingly irritable people sharing the box.

'You punks show some respect!' a man sitting directly behind them whispered angrily.

'Bite me!' Benny snapped back, making even Setzer snicker; however, the boys, not wishing to make any trouble, settled down.

After that lovely aria, Draco then sang for what seemed an eternity about his plans to attack the armies of the East, and severalother actors playing Draco's lieutenants joined in. A rousing chorus began.

Then after the battle-plans were made, the scene changed from the outcropping to the interior of a castle. A trio of handmaidens--all of them too chubby for Setzer's taste--warbled about their mistress, the beauteous Maria, and of her love for Draco, and about the danger of the Eastern army, which was drawing ever closer to the castle. Throughout these two scenes, despite many temptations, none of the boys said a word.

The bombshell broke when the scene changed yet again,this time to the outside of Maria's fancy castle. The Impresario informedfrom off stage that the forces of the West fell ('Of course. Lardo wasleading them,' muttered Lorenzo) and Maria's castle had been taken by the East's Prince Ralse, who had forced her into agreeing to marrying him. But her love for Draco was still steadfast, they were assured.

This song, Setzer realized by looking at his program,was the famous 'Aria Di Mezzo Carattere,' and was supposed to be beautiful. And it really was quite gorgeous, but none of the boys cared. When the song was introduced by the sounds of a harp, J.J. dropped his jaw in delighted awe and drooled: 'Durr...Are we in heaven?'

Maria glided gracefully onto the stage, and Setzer's eyebrows shot up; she was really was quite lovely, a slender wand of a brunette woman garbed in a gorgeous dress of ivory white silk.

'I declare this opera suddenly great!' Setzer laughed, leaning forward to get a better look.

'She is one hot mama,' Benny concurred dreamily.

Maria began to sing:

'Gods!' Lorenzo snorted. 'Going into simile and metaphor overkill, sister?'

'Head...hurts...' J.J. whimpered; Mandy patted him on the back in sympathy.

'Guys,' Lorenzo murmured weakly, slumping onto his knees, keeling against the balcony, 'if she sings one more metaphor...kill me. Just kill me.'

'I just don't get it,' Mandy whispered. 'Why's she pining for the big fat dumb guy? I mean, his huge chin would engulf her face anytime they'd kiss...she'd smother!'

'Ah, but you see,' Benny grinned, 'menlike Draco are in large demand.'

'Benny,' Setzer growled, 'if I hear another pun, I'm throwing you over.' Setzer truly hated puns; they werethe lowest form of humor in his mind, and sickened him to no end.

Maria continued:

(Lorenzo: 'Woman, help thyself!')

'If you're so desperate for him,' Setzer murmured, 'why don't you just get some bedsheets, tie them together, and use them to grapple down the walls?'

'Too obvious,' Lorenzo chuckled.

'And too complicated,' Mandy added.

'I don't care,' Benny sighed, leaning over the balcony. 'The dumber they are, the better, I say.'

Maria then walked up some stairs to the roof of the castle; for a few moments she stood there, mooning about with a lovelorn expression on her fine features, when Draco, resplendent in his armor, suddenly appeared.

'What the--?!' the five whispered in unison, drawing some very nasty looks from the row behind them.

'Gentlemen, I think it's obvious: if Lardo canget in, then the army of the East must be even more pathetic than the West's,' Lorenzo said, throwing up his hands.

'How did they take Maria's castle, anyway? With slingshots?' Setzer demanded; everyone guffawed silently at that.

Maria rushed over to Draco, and the two lovers started a slow, romantic dance. After a while, Draco then laughed gently (prompting Mandy to say, in Draco's voice: 'Ha! You've got two left feet, baby!') before disappearing into thin air, leaving a bouquet of roses in his stead.

'Whoa...that was fantasmigous,' J.J. marveled, 'Draco turned into a bunch of flowers!'

Maria scooped up the bouquet and pressed it to her bosom; she made her graceful way up to the highest point on the roof and started to sing again:

Here she tossed the flowers high into the air. "Jump after them!' Lorenzo hissed, prompting the rest of them to chant quietly, 'Jump! Jump! Jump!'

She continued:

('Um, sorry sweetie, but I've got a newsflash: you will.' scoffed Lorenzo.)

Maria stared off into the starry backdrop for a few seconds before her Chancellor came onto the scene, informing her that Prince Ralse wished to dance with her and that she needed to start adopting thespirit of the East.

The scene shifted to the interior of Maria's castle, where an elegant dance party was going underway. The heroine was dancing with a skinny, pale singer with extremely elaborate ruffles on his shirt and sleeves.

'That is not the villain,' Benny gaped. 'I will not accept that limp noodle as our villain! J.J. could beat up this man. '

'He dresses even goofier than you do, Setzer," Mandy twittered; Setzer brushed at his ruffles of shirt self-consciously, glaring at the small youth, and responded:

'Maybe that's because he's the only one who's got good taste.'

'Looks like Maria doesn't have much to choose from,' Lorenzo remarked. 'It's either Lardo or Frilly-Boy, here.It sucks to be her.'

The dancing below was interrupted by an Eastern guardrushing in and announcing that the remaining forces of the West were attacking the castle. And sure enough, two Western warriors rushed in, screaming "Attack!' at the top of their lungs.

'See? See?' Setzer pointed. 'Three kids and a dog can take this castle!'

Just then, a bellow of 'WAIT!' came from off-stage; Draco suddenly appeared from the shadows on a chocobo and proceeded to run over Ralse.

'What is with these people?' Benny demanded. 'Can't anybody ride a chocobo properly? I've never seen such horrible driving!'

'Not if you count that one time J.J. rode down Main Street blindfolded and no reins,' Mandy amended.

'Only because I was double-dared,' J.J. pouted, raising up his hands defensively.

'Okay, this is a little ridiculous,'Lorenzo sighed. 'Lardo there manages to ride a chocobo right through the front gate, taking only two armed men with him, manages to overpower the guards outside, tromp down through the halls without anybody noticing him until two seconds before he busts in, and then he creams Ralse--like nobody saw that coming--and...'

'Stop it before you hurt yourself, old bean," Benny coaxed, laying a hand Lorenzo's head.

Draco, who had dismounted, started to sing:

The lady responded with:

'Took you long enough, ya big tub of lard!" Mandy sang out softly, mimicking her voice; the other boys shook with trying to contain their laughter.

Meanwhile, Prince Ralse belted out:

'How can she become a queen if he's only aprince? I'm confused,' Benny frowned.

'Just give up trying to figure it out,' Setzer sighed, patting his friend on the shoulder.

Draco sang:

To which Ralse responded:

The two men then engaged in a blatantly unrealistic but finely choreographed fight; they pussy-footed around each other and swungfluttering, weak blows.

'By all that's good and true!' Lorenzo spat. 'Just sit on him, Lardo!'

The stirring action went on for another minute beforeRalse, in a completely innovative move that no-one saw coming, threw a smoke bomb down on the ground, shrouding the stage in mist. When the air cleared, both Maria and Ralse were gone. 'Mariaaaaa!' Draco shouted in anguish as the curtain dropped.

When the lights came on for intermission, the people in the box stood up, grumbling irritably amongst themselves whilst they shuffled out. The boys dropped to their knees under the seats to make sure no snooping usher saw them and started to confer amongst each other.

'This,' Lorenzo said, 'is the stupidest thing I've ever seen in my life.'

'You love it,' Benny goaded, grinning widely.

'Listen,' Setzer hushed them, 'I suggest we move to another box. Those people looked pretty angry; I'll bet they'll get an usher here to kick us out. I think that place two boxes down doesn't have that many people. Let's go there. But keep it quiet.'

The boys sneaked their way into the desired seats without running into trouble.

'Hey, guys,' Mandy giggled, tilting back inhis seat, 'I've got a great idea. Wait till the opera starts again."

After a few minutes, everybody had shuffled back intotheir seats and curtain rose for the second act, wherein Ralse was draggingMaria onto the roof of the castle. The skinny tenor then burst into a vehement song about the terrible revenge he was going to have on Draco, taking his sweet time about it, too. It was then that Mandy made his first move, and thus began the group's most (in)famous prank.

For Mandy no mere mimic, but an excellent ventriloquist; he could, without cracking his lips a millimeter, twist his voice so that it appeared to come from any corner of a room. And now he put his talents to work.

As Prince Ralse sang, a voice, seemingly from one of the center aisles on the ground floor, shouted, 'Sum up!!'

The actor on stage paled ever so slightly, but continued his dread aria without breaking a note. Two ushers came up the aisle androughly interrogated a hapless fop who seemed to have been the perpetrator,since he was sitting in approximately the same seat where the voice came from; the slighted patron protested his innocence with rather ungentlemanly words.

Meanwhile, the five boys were nearly dying with trying to hold in their mirth. After he got his breath back, Mandy struck again, this time making his voice appear to stem from the left section.

'Mari-aaa, baby, yours is truly a butt that justwon't quit!'

The ushers made a mad dash over to the seeming sourceof the cat-call, but before they could ask a single question, another voiceyelled from the other side of the theater: 'Push him over the edge! The man's a limp noodle--even you could do it, Maria!'

Setzer felt a great rush of adrenaline and pleasure sing through his veins--this was too much fun. He leaned over and whispered suggestions to Mandy, as did the other boys, and the small ventriloquist had himself a field day.

The actors on stage began to sweat like pigs, but they gamely carried on. The ushers were driven from aisle to aisle in search ofthat damned heckler; Mandy even led them up to the boxes and back down again, giving them workout of a lifetime.

Ralse finished his piece and, with a relieved expression, exited the stage, leaving the wretched Maria all alone. The actress, quite shakily, commenced to sing dolefully about the terrible state of affairsand questioning whether or not to commit suicide. It was a beautiful, passionate song of frenzy and despair.

A wicked smile crossed over Mandy's face; he reached into his coat and pulled out a small silver flask, and, winking, whispered, 'Get a load of this.'

As Mandy chugged at contents of the flask, a revelation so hideously funny and yet so improbable formed in Setzer's brain. His eyes widened and his jaw fell.

'He's not gonna--?' Benny gasped, staringat the mimic.

'Physically impossible. Not even you could do it, Mandy!' Lorenzo affirmed. Mandy only bothered to cock one eyebrow knowingly as he put away the now-empty container; his cheeks were bulging slightly as he lay in wait.

Maria's song was at the apex of its emotion; her body was trembling with the effort and pathos as her notes rose higher and higher on the scale. Then, when she started to hit the very top note, her mouth opening for breath...

'BRAAAAAAAAAAAAAPPP!'

The trumpets sounded as Mandy was almost literally lifted out of his chair, but he had done the seemingly impossible: he had thrown his belch so that it appeared to be coming from the actress' mouth.

There was a moment of dead silence. Then Maria, whimpering quietly, slowly wilted to the ground in a dead faint. Another thump was heard from backstage (it was, unbeknownst to the audience, the Impresario,who had been thrown into a fine panic since the heckling started, but this was simply too much for him).

The wealthy people on the ground floor were petrifiedin their horror, but the attendees in the boxes erupted into resounding peals of laughter, including a certain quintet of fifteen-year-olds, who were on the verge of collapsing out of their seats. Mandy was showered with chokedpraises and weak slaps on the back.

Long after the other audience members ceased laughing, Setzer and his compatriots continued to gasp and gurgle. Finally, when he had regained his composure, Setzer looked up straight into the fuming, sweaty face of an usher.

'YOU!!' the man yelled. 'Get out!!"

He yanked Setzer and Benny out of their seats by the backs of their coat collars, while another usher did the same to Mandy and Lorenzo. J.J. quietly rose and obediently waited.

The boys were marched posthaste out of the box. As they left, the middle-class patrons, sufficiently impressed by Mandy's talents, began to applaud and stand up in their seats, a rousing standing ovation. Mandy grinned from ear to ear and blew kisses out to the crowd; Setzer andthe others walked out with their heads high and steps light. This had undoubtedly been their best trick to date.

When he became an adult, Setzer appreciated and admired opera and attended them regularly, but his very first opera always remained his favorite.

CHAPTER THREE: THE DANGERS OF STEALING HUBCAPS

When the exiles had been unceremoniously tossed out the Opera House doors, they all erupted into fresh paroxysms of laughter thatleft them all sprawled out on the ground like hysteric butterflies.

'Man, oh man,' Mandy panted, doubling over and gasping for breath over his wet, choking laughs, 'our finest hour! That was great, just great. You know, guys, I think I've found out what I want to do when I get a real job.'

'And that would be...?' Setzer prompted, wiping his laughter-ruddied face.

'I'm gonna go around and attend bad plays--andthen I'll make fun of =91em while I watch. I'd make a stinker funny. People'd come from all over to hear me diss the play. Me, Vardaman the Magnificent! '

'I'd pay for it,' Benny grinned.

'Nonsense!' Lorenzo barked, slapping his hand on the ground. 'Don't be stupid. What kind of person would watch someone make fun of something when he could do it himself? Nobody'd pay forit! Well, except for Benny--but this is a boy who once paid to see a flea circus, so I wouldn't put much stock in his opinion.'

'Hey!' Benny shouted, 'The man said the fleas were really hard to see, and that if the lighting wasn't just right--'

'By Starlet's garters! There are no fleas, you moron! That's the point!' Lorenzo retorted.

'Will you two shut up about the fleas?' Setzer demanded as he rose, deciding to tactfully cut off the truly philosophical conversation. 'And Mandy, good luck in that little lifelong dream ofyours. But look. The opera's almost over, and when the rich people come out, we'll be bringing home our asses in buckets if they catch us. Let's all go home.'

'Good idea. Bye, guys. Have fun running away from the lynch mob.' Lorenzo rose up, brushed himself off, and sauntered off towards his rented chocobo.

'I'm gonna go get a drink and mess around a bit,' Benny drawled, rolling up leisurely, the others following his example. 'Join me, Mandy? You deserve a drink. Girls for all.'

'I'm game. With my brains and your beauty, what chicky could resist us? Le's go.'

After the two had left, Setzer turned and addressed J.J., who was still sitting on the ground, idly sketching squiggles in the dirt with a stick: 'You did good today, J.J. You're a funny guy.'

'Thanks.'

'We'd better get going. You want to ride back with me?'

J.J. nodded and clumsily hobbled over to his choc andmounted, Setzer doing the same. They headed towards the north, but they hadnot gone more than a mile before some children of about eight years or so dashed out, disregarding, in front of the riders.

As he wheeled his mount to a halt, Setzer noticed that the children were being trailed by a large, shaggy dog, looking rather excited and growling low in its throat, performing strange little pouncing motions at intervals. Closer inspection indicated that one of the children had something tied to a short length of rope which he was dragging behind him--and that something was squawking and beating feathers. It was a small pigeon.

J.J.'s mouth dropped open slightly and a small, almost inaudible whimper escaped his lips: 'Setzeerr...can't you make=91em stop? I can't watch.'

'Hey!!' Setzer shouted, riding forward and swiftly overtaking the imps. 'Don't you kids know anything? That birdcarries diseases...bad ones. Why, I once knew a guy who handled a pigeon once, and the next day he dropped dead. And that's not the worst. Pigeon diseases can make your eyeballs explode. They can make you go crazy, start flapping your arms, and eat bread crumbs off the dirty streets--Pigeonitis! You're all doomed!'

'Eeeeeeeee!' the children shrieked; the boy towing the bird dropped the rope and ran off along with his friends,which allowed the dog to pounce and start gnawing away. Setzer dismounted.

'Stupid dog! Get!' Setzer gave the mutt a good kick in the ribs, tugging on the rope and yanking the bird out of its jaws. Rover whined and scurried away after its masters, its tail in between its legs.

J.J. rode up and went over to Setzer; both boys stared at the bird. It was a plump, round thing sporting iridescent green stripeson its wings and a head covered with feathers of the same hue. The remainder of its body gray with some of its feathers tipped with white and black. Its tail and dorsal guidance feathers were ragged and wet with slobber; one wing thrashed feebly at the earth while the other one stayed immobile. It squawked feebly, its ruby-red eyes half-closed. Blood trickled out from several puncture wounds from the dog's teeth, and one leg was chewed up badly.

'Poor little thing, its wing's broken,' J.J. whispered, reaching out, but his hand was slapped away by Setzer.

'Don't! That thing's swimming with disease."

'But Setzer, look at it,' J.J. cried.

Indeed, as he looked upon it, Setzer couldn't help but feel his heart wrench with pity. He was not an animal lover by any means--he was allergic to cats and hated dogs--but he loved birds, always had since his early childhood. There was just something about them that appealed tohim. These creatures were not consigned to the surly bounds of earth, as most animals were; they were perfectly liberated by their ability to fly, go where they wished, see things that no animal could, not even most other winged things. Insects and bats and the majority of flying monsters never could fly so high as an eagle. They were not obligated to do anything and could roam at will, free from care. They were the freest creatures Setzer knew of. How he craved that license! And nothing was more tragic to him than to be laidlow from such a height, to have freedom stripped away. The pigeon was filthy and pestiferous, true, but it did not deserve such malicious treatment--noliving thing did, in Setzer's opinion, and he could not bear to see this poor creature in such a condition.

'Oh, all right, all right,' he conceded. "I'll get it.'

Setzer doffed his coat, pulling out a pair of gloves from its pocket as he did so. He put on the gloves and gently placed the wounded bird on the coat, wrapping it up in its folds. He then lifted the pigeon, to weak to make any further resistance, and brought it up to eye-level.

'Okay, bird, listen up,' Setzer declared with a glare. 'I'm doing you a reeeall big favor. If you mess upmy best coat, I swear, I'm going to kick your bony feathered butt all theway to Zozo. I'm already going to have to dip this thing in disinfectant just because it touched you--don't make it worse! Do you understand? Good."

As he made his way back to his mount, the youth heardthe soft sound of laughter from behind; he whirled around and frowned at the grinning J.J.

'What's so funny?'

'You. Talking to a bird,' J.J. answered innocently.

'Ah, cram it,' Setzer muttered, hoisting himself up into his saddle, taking the reins in one hand while cradling the pigeon in the crook of his free arm, 'Just for that, you get to play nurse.'

'No,' J.J. shook his head sadly as he mounted. 'I wish I could, but my mother hates pigeons. She'd throw it out."

'Do you think mine's in love with them?' Setzer demanded, but he amended when he saw J.J.'s face, 'Okay, okay!I'll keep it until it gets well. But let's stop by Doc Lee's place first. He'll patch up this little guy better than we could. He's just as good with animals as he is with humans.'

'You know, J.J.,' Setzer spoke up again as they continued their ride back, 'birds are the best of animals, the very best. They're beautiful creatures, and useful to boot. Just look how well-made they are!' He patted his choc on the shoulder, loving the rhythmof its moving muscle under his hand, and jerked his head towards the pigeon. Setzer also loved birds from a scientific point of view as well as aesthetic, and he loved watching and talking about them--he even had a special hilloutside of the town that was perfect for bird-watching. He used to take hisfriends there, but they did not share his enthusiasm, and they laughed at his inevitable ramblings and conjectures, never listening. Except for J.J.--J.J always listened and always seemed interested, even though the speech was almost always the same.

'I mean, they're works of art,' Setzer plunged forward, 'They're beautifully adapted for flight. Take this little guy. His bones are hollow and light, they don't weigh him down, and they're arranged so intricately. He's got great and powerful chest musclesbecause they're the ones that actually allow him to beat his wings with enough force to take off the ground. And his feathers! They're all arrangedthat each one has a different function. Some keep him warm, some are used for balance, others for flying. And as for this choc,'--he gave the big bird another pat-- 'his wings are too small and useless to get him to fly, but he's got lots of muscle and strong legs. They're great runners, and don't need to fly. Except for the black chocobos. Those can fly, but not very well. Their bone structure is lighter, you see, and their wings are much more well-developed. This guy doesn't even have primaries, but the black ones do. And the blackies are usually smaller, with shorter legs, and their much more aerodynamic--very sleek and thin. We're too heavy to ride=91em. And the big ones are so wild that nobody can touch =91em. I heard that once, way back, people could ride the black chocs, but not anymore; they're too rare and wild. Gods, I wish that wasn't so! I'd give anythingto fly, just once. Everything's just so free and unspoiled up there; a guy can do just what he wants. The land is boring. You can't do anything fun. But up there, I'd be having a hell of a good time. Do you think that humans'll ever be able to fly, J.J.?'

J.J. sighed and regarded Setzer patiently. The sky was another one of his obsessions, and the other boys gave it the same amount of respect as they did Setzer's bird fixation. How many times had Setzer dragged the group up onto the hill on a clear night just to look at a bunch of stars? More than they cared to remember. But J.J., as always, took it in stride and said nothing; he even actually enjoyed those times. Setzer gave him a lot more stimulation than most people.

'Well, if they ever do fly, then you'll be thefirst person up there, I'll bet,' the large-headed boy answered in his lazy fashion, casting his eyes up to the sky.

'Hide and watch, J.J, hide and watch,' Setzer laughed. 'Hey, I've got a proposition. Since I'm being such a nice guy, taking care of this stupid bird, after I get sneak him into the house--dad's always drunk on the couch and mom won't be home-- give him somefood, see that he's cozy, can I stay the night at your house? My parents will go nuts when they heard what we did today.'

'Sure. My folks don't mind. They know I never actually pull the pranks, I just watch.'

'You certainly helped us this time,' Setzerreminded.

'Ah, but I didn't ruin it. That was Mandy, allthe way. We'd love to have you.'

'I'm in your debt. You're a good pal, J.J."

'Seems I can't be anything else.'

Setzer snorted and urged on his chocobo, speeding towards Jidoor before their feathered friend lost too much blood and died. There's nothing in the world so vile as a dead pigeon, and Setzer didn't want to ruin his coat.

*************

For a few weeks, Setzer wisely stayed very low-key inhis doings. As had been expected, word of the opera stunt had spread aroundthe city, and the upper echelons were quite upset about the desecration of the arts-- it took a whole week for the uproar to die down and dwindle away.

Of course, Dulcina and Ponzo found out about their son's part in the whole affair. Secretly, Setzer suspected later on in life,they were both extremely amused by the news, but neither showed it on the surface. Instead, Setzer was called upon the carpet and given a fine lecture on the respect of aesthetics, accented many times by the fact that he deserved a beating. And beat him they did. Ponzo hauled his son off by the ear tothe front yard, Dulcina marching in tow. When they got there, Dulcina reached up into a tree, pulled down a thin, supple twig, commanded him to bend over, and let him have it. The beating was not so much painful as it was embarrassing for Setzer; he was being whipped, which hadn't happened to him in years, in broad daylight for everyone to see--people actually stopped in the street to point and laugh.

Thus chastised and mortified, Setzer did not meet with his fellows for a while. No doubt they had all gone through similar punishment. But when they did finally congregate about three weeks later, near thesummer vacation's close, the boys began to discuss the usual matter: revenge.

During that summer, an affluent man named Ruadh (few people ever knew whether this was the first or last name; Setzer himself never found out) had moved to Jidoor from Vector, the capital city of a smallempire on the Southern Continent. In actuality, Ruadh had a double-citizenship: he still belonged to the Empire, but had been drawn to Setzer's hometown by the lure of its refinement and elegance. It was like a summer retreat; Ruadh had tired of Vector and wanted a change of surroundings. So he came with a small bodyguard of Imperial soldiers and settled right in.

Setzer never knew how Ruadh treated those of his own ilk. The man could have been downright decent sometimes, for all he could figure. But the boy immediately hated Ruadh the from the very moment he even heard of his existence, let alone seen him.

It started like this: Dulcina's employer Owzer was celebrated for his fine art collection which was almost like a small museum of the best paintings from all over the world. Sometimes he would sell the pieces that no longer interested him. Ruadh came to the connoisseur's mansion one day as a prospective buyer, where he was met by the secretary (Dulcina), who politely told him to wait a few moments before Owzer granted an audience.

As he waited, Ruadh began to make passes at the middle-aged but still quite pleasing to look at secretary. When Dulcina rebuffed him curtly, he started snapping the most vile insults at her, calling her, amongst other things, a gray old puffed-up, priggish has-been of a harlot. Dulcina never spoke of the incident to her family, but Setzer found it out several days later when he met one of Owzer's stewards on the street and became engaged in idle conversation. The man blurted out the entire story, and Setzer immediately summoned an emergency meeting at The Scarlet Hart, where he informed the other boys of the crime.

'Hey, I think I know this jerk,' Benny mused after Setzer had finished speaking, 'Ruadh, his name was? Hmmm...I remember! A few days ago, me and Mandy were walking down the street, minding our own business, when this prick--he was going the other way-- with two bodyguards in funky-ass armor comes right at us. They didn't even move off to the side! They just barreled over us. Made me lose my balance, and I accidentally shoved Mandy right into the gutter.'

'It took my mom a whole afternoon to scrape the mud off,' Mandy appended.

Lorenzo brought his fist crashing down onto the tabletop and nearly yelled, 'That tears it! When that motherfucker insults alady--he's gone too far! We've gotta strike back. Reprisals, gentlemen!'

'You've insulted lots of gals, Lorenzo...you certainly aren't doing it for chivalry, let me tell ya,' Benny grinned, giving the outraged youth a nudge. Lorenzo raised his hand for punch, but Setzer restrained him.

'Lay off, Ben-wah,' Setzer admonished. ' =91Enzo's right. He can't get away with it, and he isn't going to. But we're not going to egg his house--that's letting him off too easy. We need to stick to him where it hurts. What would hurt him themost?'

The boys sipped silently at their drinks (J.J. had tea) for a few long moments as they brain-stormed, when J.J. finally spoke up quietly.

'I think I've seen this Ruadh's carriage before. It is loaded with wells and bistles, and it has shineous gold hubcaps covered with jewels. He was boasting about them as I was passing by, saying how great and expensive they were. He was very proudsome of them.'

Setzer's deep hazel eyes lit up with the fires of vindication and a smile formed on his lips. 'Well, then Ruadh's going to be quite surprised when he finds one day that his oh-so-precious hubcaps have just vanished into thin air. What say you, gentlemen?'

'Let's throw them into the river,' Benny suggested.

'Pawn =91em,' spoke Mandy.

'Piss in them,' Lorenzo said, spitting viciously at the ground.

Setzer laughed heartily at this advice before lookingpointedly at J.J. and ordering, 'You know what to do. Tomorrow you'll ask around, find out where he lives. Then find out the soonest time when he'll be gone from the house--without taking the carriage, of course.'

Lorenzo gave a harsh, mirthless laugh as he cracked his knuckles, and his voice sounded like a message of doom.

'Let's teach him not to screw with us.'

*************

Two days passed. J.J located Ruadh's house and had gleaned a riding schedule from a boy who worked in the rich man's chocobo stables. Ruadh actually had two carriages, the golden hubcapped one for riding in the city, and another less elaborate one, for excursions in the countryside. Ruadh also, without fail, took his family on joyrides across the surrounding plains once every week.

On the third day, which, J.J. reported, was the allotted day for the trip, Setzer led his comrades into the northern district; every one of them concealed assorted tools underneath their clothes.

The chocobo stables/garage was located behind Ruadh's lavish, gargantuan mansion, and they were enclosed behind an iron-barred gate. The boys positioned themselves on top of a neighboring wall where their view of the back gates was unobstructed but at such a distance that they wouldn't be noticed when the carriage rolled out.

After about an hour of waiting, the doors of the garage burst open, and the coach rumbled past. The youths scrambled down the wall and halted in front of the gate.

Mandy, with a little difficulty and a lot of pushing, squeezed through the bars, and, using a hairpin, unlocked the latch. Setzer and the other three moved in, taking care not to jiggle or jar the rather creaky gates, and soon they reached the garage. Setzer pressed his ear up against the wooden door, listening for any indication of human movement, but all he discerned was the faint warking of chocs. He nodded, and Mandy used his magical hairpin to unlock the door.

Cautiously cracking the entrance open, Setzer peeped in and the apparent lack of humanity was confirmed. All he could see were chocobos in their stables, and, at the very back of the building, was the coveted carriage.

The quintet silently surrounded the cart, taking the precaution not to disturb any chocobos on their way. They brought out their tools: screwdrivers, jacks, wrenches, even a hammer or two--you never knew when you needed one--and proceeded to dismantle the wheels, Setzer, Mandy, Benny, and Lorenzo working individually with J.J. as the watchman

Mandy's size turned against him now. The boy was not very strong, and he had a devil of a time getting the recalcitrant lynch-pins out of his wheel. J.J. abandoned his post to give assistance, intendingto return as soon as the pins were out. Everyone was totally engrossed in their work.

'What the hell are you doing?!!!'

Setzer shouted and jerked his head up, cracking his head on the wheel well of the carriage; he staggered up into a standing position and, through the bright lights flashing before his eyes, he faced the owner of the voice: Ruadh.

The other carriage had broken an axle a small ways outside of town, and the man had taken one of the chocobos back to retrieve a replacement, only to find five hooligans dismantling his prized coach.

Now Ruadh stood before them, a small, thin whip, usedmainly on chocobos, grasped in one of his hands. He was tall but stocky, and the great, hard-packed muscles of his sloping shoulders and big forearms rippled underneath the cloth of his jacket. It was a cruel, bearish body, andhis face was sloping and stern and extremely angry.

The other boys got up and huddled around Setzer, staring with some defiance at the owner of the stable, a little frightened, but mostly feeling horrendously sheepish. They hadn't been caught at a prank in years, and they were embarrassed and annoyed at themselves for allowing themselves to slip up.

'What in the name of all the gods were you doing?!' Ruadh demanded again, fixing his small, beady eyes on Setzer, stomping a heavy booted foot on the ground.

'Well, Sir, we--' Mandy stammered, but whatever his response was going to be, he didn't get the opportunity to finishit.

'Shut up, you little ape! I wasn't talking to you!' the man shouted, uncoiling his whip; Mandy jumped back a few feet, almost as if he was anticipating the sting of the wicked metal bit at the end of the leather.

'Don't call him that,' Lorenzo shouted back, raising up his fists a little. The whip hissed as it struck, but the red-headed boy somehow managed to duck, and the bit passed over him, striking Benny in the shoulder instead, cutting through both coat and shirt, giving the skin an ugly scratch. Benny yelped and clasped his good arm over the smallwound, looking with rabbit eyes at the now-terrifying man before him.

'Mind your tongue, boy,' Ruadh snapped in aloud voice. 'Where I come from, if a boy talks back to his elders, hisis whipped. You people need to acquire some manners. Gods, you kids have got nerve! Trying to steal my property out from under my own nose. You little thieves need to be sent to a reformatory.'

Anger and fear churned violently in Setzer's chest as he stepped forward and said in a voice that sounded much braver than he was feeling, 'Stop it! I'm the one who put them up to this. I'm yourman. Leave my friends alone.'

Ruadh coiled his whip as he regarded the seraphic boywith an amused grunt. 'Ahh, I know you. You're that little lad Setzer, aren't you? They say that you fancy yourself quite the gambler.'

'I don't fancy I am such...I know,' came the rather heated response; Setzer tilted back his head and slitted his eyestruculently, but the only thing he received for his bravado was another laugh.

'Same here. You've got spirit, I'll admit that. But it won't help you much in prison, my boy. I'm going to press charges of attempted theft and breaking and entering on all five of you, and trust me: I will win.'

Setzer felt sick to his stomach; the other four boys paled and bit at their lips fearfully. Visions of the bleak brown walls of the reformatory school and the stone ones of the town prison flashed before their eyes. Knowing this man, he'd almost definitely seek to put them behind the latter.

'I don't want to go to jail,' Mandy whispered almost inaudibly; a small tear trickled down the side of his nose.

'Listen,' Setzer managed to speak calmly over the lump forming in his throat, 'it looks like we both fancy ourselves the gamblers. Correct?'

'Lad, I've been playing cards longer than you've been alive,' came the laughed reply.

'That so? Well, then, I'm sure you'll love this. My friends and I will replace your hubcaps and shine up your carriage for you. We'll even clean out the choc stables if you want. But here's the deal: how about we play for these hubcaps of yours? Since we both want them, I think that a good poker match would be a very enjoyable way to settle our differences. If I win, I get your hubcaps. If you win, you can turn me in. But leave my friends out of this. I'm the one who put them up to this. They just followed my orders.'

Ruadh struggled to resist this offer, but he was a true gambler at heart. He could no more turn down a card game with such stakesthan stop himself from breathing. Setzer amused him greatly. This little urchin obviously hadn't a clue about what he was getting himself into.

'All right,' the ursine man relented, 'we'll have our game tomorrow morning , ten o' clock, at the Peacock Plume. You know where that is?'

'Of course,' Setzer responded, a little insulted but greatly relieved.

'Very well, then. I'd put those hubcaps back if I were you, my boys--your ringleader isn't carrying them off today, and bloody likely won't tomorrow. You've got your own tools, I see. That'sconvenient. Now get cracking.'

CHAPTER FOUR: ANGEL FACE

That evening Setzer was nearly bursting with the rushes of adrenaline that coursed through his young body. It was extremely hard for him to stand still in one place for more than a nanosecond, but the boy had to act as if nothing was the matter. Even during an especially long (to him), torturous dinner, he managed to put up a calm facade throughout the entire wretched business. It simply would not do to let his parents on to whathad happened earlier in the day. Setzer didn't wish to get into deep water before the tide came in, and why upset his parents when there was a good chance that he would come out of it all unscathed? In fact, the youth's greatest fear was that some rumor or a slip-up on his own part would come to Ponzo and Dulcina's attention before the game. He was sure they would go into hysterics and do something idiotic. Parents could be such wing-nutssometimes.

Night fell, and Setzer holed himself up in his room, graciously released from the scrutiny of his parents, and bounced around on one foot like a crippled rabbit on amphetamines. He garbled to himself, flipped through books without looking at the pages, bounced on his bed. He had so much energy, he needed to burn some of it off or else he would never get to sleep.

Setzer may have been a shrewd, rational boy and mature for his age, but his youthfulness gave him a sense of security that could have been considered nothing else but rash. No thought of the chance that hemight lose the bet ever crossed his mind--it was almost as if he was dead certain that some higher power was protecting him, making him invincible. Besides, the boy had conditioned himself not to ever worry excessively about what might happen in the future, only what will. A good gambler does not waste his energy fretting away possibilities. Arrange and plan what you can to the best of your abilities and let the gods handle the rest, his father always counseled.

After a little more pacing and hopping around, thinking wild and grand thoughts, Setzer at last gave in to fatigue and promptly crashed down for the night, no worries or doubts troubling his youthful slumber.

*************

The next morning, Setzer awoke at the crack of dawn, rising up before either of his parents was awake. He snuck downstairs, and silently had breakfast, taking great pains not to disturb his father on the couch.

While he ate, the boy propped a hand under his cheek and idly gazed out the kitchen window, which allowed him a fine view of the back porch. So when his four henchmen came unannounced up to the door, Setzer immediately knew of their presence, which allowed him the chance to quickly and quietly slip outside before they knocked and roused the house.

'Good morning,' he addressed them collectively in a muted voice. 'A little early for you guys to be up, isn't it?'

'No earlier than it is for you, it seems,' Lorenzo smirked; he was then given a good prod in the back by Benny, who stepped forward, looking uncommonly apprehensive.

'Listen, Swanky,' said the lusty Marandian,'we didn't all come up here just to say good morning--'

'I gathered,' Setzer remarked.

'Cram it and listen. We've been doing some spying, and--'

'You mean J.J. did some spying,' Mandy piped up. He tottered back and forth on the toes of his sandals but stilllooking a bit subdued, merely a faint copy of himself.

'Will you just shut up? This is serious! J.J., you try. I can't get a word in edgewise. But don't take a million years," Benoit snapped as he gave Mandy a shove that nearly sent the dark-skinned boy off the back porch. J.J. shuffled forward.

'Setzer, I did some research on this Ruadh,' the school idiot reported, his face a mask of concentration as he forced his words to come out much faster than the wont yet still remain intelligible, 'and this is what I found out. We all know he's from Vector. But doyou know his job there is?'

'He runs an illegal counterfeit underwear ring from his basement,' Setzer quipped, crossing his arms and leaning against one of the supports of the porch. Everybody frowned at him.

'Stop it. Please listen, Setzer,' J.J. pleaded, slightly peeved. 'Don't get smart. Anyways, I did a background check, and I found out this: Ruadh is an Inquisitor for one of Vector's largest prisons. He's one of the best they have. They say he could get a confession out of a rock. He's so well-thought of in the prison, they give hima large salary and that escort of bodyguards. They're Imperial soldiers, those toughs, but that really doesn't mean anything because the army also supplies the guards for the prisons. He's got no political connections, thank the gods. I think they just selected six guards at random and told them to follow him everywhere. '

'So? What does that have to do with anything?"

Lorenzo stepped forward, flapping his arms wildly. " =91What does that have to do with anything,' he asks! Are your wits addled, Gabby? Don't you get it? This man is a torturer. He's so used to grilling hard-skinned criminals of the worst kind that he's lengthened what probably was an already long cruel streak. He'll show you no mercy!'

'I still don't understand how that applies to me,' Setzer sighed. Lorenzo looked like he was going to have a stroke; J.J. rolled his eyes and also sighed.

'I guess I should have added this,' said the slightly deformed boy. 'I've got it on the best authority that Ruadh's got nerves of steel. He's usually in control. But if something really ticks him off--and that takes quite a bit to do, but no matter--then he just goes berserk. He's also very proud.'

'Will you people stop beating around the bush? Get to the point!'

'Fine, you big jerk, here's your point,' Mandy gave Setzer a shove. 'If a guy like Ruadh loses a card game to a kid, you, and you slip through his fingers, he is going to be pissed. More than pissed, I'll bet, if he has a few drinks during the game. He'd look like a fool before everybody--d'you think he could take it with grace? He might hurt you, Setzer. We're scared for you.'

It took a few moments for Setzer to digest all the information he'd been fed, and when he did, he was indignant.

'Are you suggesting that I duck this match? I don't do that. '

'We didn't expect you to,' Benny rebounded. 'But you've gotta be careful, Swanky. We're not saying you'll lose, but if you do win, then don't rub his face in it. Hell, I wouldn't even smile, if I were you. Compliment him, buy him drinks, kiss his ass! None of us want to see you hurt. Or in jail, for that matter. I don'tsee how you can stand it. You've got balls of rock, let me tell ya.'

'And a brain to match,' Lorenzo interjected. Setzer smiled at that and gave them a nod of gratitude.

'Thanks for coming over, guys. Now I know what to expect. That helps me a lot. You're a good army of darkness.'

'One turn deserves another,' Mandy grinned,the others following suit.

'We'll be there you when you arrive,' Lorenzo said, backing off the porch's steps. 'Good luck, Gabby.'

'Remember to be careful,' J.J. whispered, shaking Setzer's arm. The other two murmured the same sentiment as they withdrew. Their leader cracked a smile and waved at them until the quartet was gone from sight.

Setzer turned on his heel and made to open the door, but as he placed a hand on the knob, he ground to a complete stop.

Now, for some reason, he felt his confidence waning away, and he began to doubt his gambling prowess. Ruadh was no lightweight, formidable in his trade. Setzer now realized that he was at a great disadvantage, with less experience, less influence, and cursed with a bad poker face.A sense of panic rose up in his chest, and Setzer began to breathe heavily.Luck!--He needed luck, and in spades.

The now-doomed boy dropped to his knees on the woodenplanks and fumbled around in his pockets, presently bringing out a small charm cut from a single snowflake onyx in the shape of a cat in red enameled boots. This was Stray, the lucky cat of good fortune, of merchants, of politicians, of gamblers, and basically liars of every kind.

Setzer was by no means religious, not by a long stretch, and he did not know whether the gods (sometimes called Espers) truly existed or not--the universe could have been ruled by a giant chocobo, for all he knew or cared about theology. However, he was a bit superstitious; most gamblers are. Stray may not have existed, but if he did, then what harm would it do to ask for a little help now and then? Praying always seemed to have helped in the past.

'Stray,' the boy closed his eyes, clasped the charm between his hands, and raised his face as he spoke.

It was then that his mind drew a complete blank. He could not remember a single word of the official chant that doctrine prescribed. His mind raced furiously for a space, but to no avail. Setzer licked hislips and started over.

'Stray...Sweetheart...Buddy...Pal...It's me, Setzer. Listen, um...I'm kind of in big trouble right now, as you can see. Stray, I'm just a poor snot-faced kid that's gotten in over his head, but I really need your help. You see, if I don't win this card game, I'm gonna go to jail, but if this guy loses, all he gives up is a set of crummy hubcaps which I don't want anyway. If you have any sense of fair play, Stray, then give me luck. I don't ask for an easy win. A guy needs to conquer on his own merits and skill. But the odds are a little uneven, don't you think? Show some compassion. If you won't give me luck, then at least, just this one match, don't let that damn twitch ruin me. I've tried and tried to get rid of it, but it won't go away...Please do something about it. In return, I'll make you my patron. I'll devote myself to you. If I can swing it, I'll build casinos and banks and foster trade all in your name. This I swear. So please, Stray, even though you're feline, stand up for an underdog.'

A strange sensation of calmness and serenity washed over him. Setzer looked down at the charm grasped in his sweaty hands. Was itjust his imagination, or did a sparkle wink up at him from those glassy eyes?

It was the flimsiest sign of favor ever, but to Setzer it was if a mountain had been moved. Desperation drove him to clutch at any paltry thing available that kept him from despair.

Setzer sprang up to his feet and silently opened up the door, fully confident now he'd be home in time for lunch.

*************

When the clock showed 9:30, Setzer slipped on his coat and called out, 'Papa, I'm going out with the guys. I'll be back at noon, maybe a little later.'

'Try not to get into too much trouble today, Son,' came the sleepy reply from behind couch. 'I'll have lunch ready when you get home.'

'No worries.'

The youth stepped out the front door and sauntered leisurely down various streets towards his destination. He smiled at a few people, waved, and made it look as if he had no cares in the world; the less attention drawn, the better.

The Peacock Plume was one of the most respectable establishments in Jidoor. It was a handsome building with a large, crystal-transparent front window sporting the place's name in elegant gold lettering. It was a light and airy haunt, filled with sun, and the smoke and smell of liquor were hardly noticed. The walls were painted a gorgeous deep shimmeringblue, the tables elegant and slender, the beer served in cobalt-glass goblets. The patrons weren't really that different from the others of their kind, sitting at the bar snockered or dining on fine but unhealthy foods, but they wore nice clothes and tried to vomit in the bathrooms and not on the floor.

When Setzer arrived to this fine place, he was met inthe entryway by his four friends. After greetings were exchanged, Lorenzo huddled them together and spoke in low tones:

'Things look grim, Gabby. He's in there, and he's got four of his stooges with him. All six of them were here, but two of them left and went into a nearby store. I guess he thought that all six ofthem would cause a little too much commotion--he's usually seen with justfour, anyway.'

'Great. Just great.' Setzer sucked in his breath sharply and pinched the bridge of his nose, squeezing his eyes shut.

'Well, there's nothing we can do about it," Lorenzo said. 'But we'll stick by you. No fair-weather friends arewe.'

Setzer managed a smile and entered the tavern proper,his entourage in tow. Ruadh, sitting at a large table located before the sunny window, his four guards standing behind him, saw the group come in and raised a glass of water in their direction.

'You're early, my boys. Sit down, sit down."

'Good day, sir,' Setzer greeted in a pleasant voice as he pulled out a chair, eyeing the Imperial soldiers.

'Don't mind them.' Ruadh waved a hand dismissively. 'I have no intention of sicing them on you. It's just thata man can't be too careful. Even fine places like this have their share of brawls. I merely want a good game with no disruptions. Would you like something to eat or drink?'

'No thanks.'

'Then let's begin.'

Ruadh produced a pack of cards, and one of the soldiers brought out a container of Poker chips.

'Is there any particular game you would care to play?' the man inquired, shuffling the cards idly.

'Five Card Draw, if you don't mind,' Setzer replied lightly. Five Card Draw was his favorite version of Poker, and the game he was best at. He only hoped that he didn't betray any eagerness in his voice.

'Sticking to the classics, I see. All right. We'll keep the Jokers--I always like having wild cards in my deck. Makes itmore fun. '

Ruadh slapped the cards in the middle of the table and pushed a stack of chips towards Setzer before proceeding to deal.

At first the game seemed to be a stalemate, both players earning and giving up chips at roughly equal rates, but soon Setzer began to fumble. The strain, pressure, and apprehension of the Imperial soldiers(despite Ruadh's reassurances) were finally getting to him. He threw downcards rashly, exchanging them when it would have been wiser to hold on to what he had, he bluffed to disastrous ends, and he seemed utterly opposed to folding.

Setzer grew angry and frustrated; the worse he played, the more flustered he got. The faintest trace of sweat bespangled his brow, and a feeling of panic and doom crept over him, smothering him. He felt like he was drowning.

'Let's take a break,' Ruadh suggested after about an hour's worth of playing; Setzer felt resentful and insulted. He was going down fast and the man knew it, but he dared not refuse. In fact,he was a little grateful for a chance to gather his bearings in spite of the condescension that came along with it.

Setzer leaned back in his chair, tugged at the collarof his coat and undid the top buttons so that the cloth hung limply on his shoulders, and quietly asked a passing waitress for a drink. Ruadh engaged in idle conversation with his guards and with a few spectators; the game had received a rather large audience, and a ring of people now gathered around the table.

As for the four boys, they were, understandably, growing quite upset. Watching their esteemed leader undergo through such stress and panic made them feel guilty and worried sick.

The waitress carrying Setzer's drink, the usual glass of wine, passed right next to J.J., who put a detaining hand on her shoulder. He and the other three knew that drinking wine would only muddle Setzer's concentration further, and that it was foolish to let him have alcoholwhen he needed all his facilities about him.

J.J. stared up at the buxom lady with beseeching eyesand whispered in his sweetest voice, flicking a thumb in Ruadh's direction, 'Ma'am, I would thank you if you'd give the drink to that man over there. Say that it's compliments of all us four, and that we're very sorry that we broke into his stables.'

'But who's gonna pay? That boy placed the order, and if he isn't going to get it--' the waitress snapped irritably.

Benny came forward, placed a few GP on her tray with his patented woman-melting smile and murmured, 'Just do it, toots.' The waitress sm