The death of my mother woke me up from my innocent dream. I used to think that mother and father would stay with Sabin and I forever - I didn't expect her to be gone just like that. I cried, expecting her to come to comfort me and tell me everything will be fine like she always do. But she never came.
At that point, I realized that nothing lasts forever. Time passes by so fast you don't even have a chance to hang on to what you love most. I began to treasure every precious moment in my life, living in a fear that everyone I love will all be gone one day and I'll be left all alone. That day eventually came when my father died and Sabin left the castle for his own freedom....leaving me alone in the castle with a kingdom to run by myself.
My nightmare came true. I couldn't escape.....I had no choice but to remain in the castle and take over my father's realm. The truth is, I didn't really want to be a ruler - I wanted freedom. I wanted to walk down the streets and not have people watching my every move and judging my every action. I didn't enjoy the pressure of being a ruler, the pressure of having to make the right decisions for all the people. But it was my father's dream to build a perfect kingdom, and I had to carry on his wish. It wouldn't be as bad if I had someone that would stand by me and support me emotionally. But my family was gone, and I didn't have any true friends in the castle. I was on my own. The loneliness was too much for me to bear.
I gradually accepted my fate and my life. I eventually developed a habit of toying around with romantic relationships to ease off the pressure and the loneliness. Even though I know it's morally wrong, I guess flirting with women became my only entertainment in the castle...it gave me a false sense of not having to be alone, and there was no pressure - if a woman ignores me, I can just move on another one. It's the only time that I can fool around and not have to be serious. Well, I was serious to a degree, because I was hoping to find someone that I would love who would also love me back, and that I'll never have to be alone ever again. However, none of the women I have met seem to be able to move my heart yet.
Well, that was true, until I met her.......Terra.....
I remember the first day I met her. Locke brought her to my castle in order to hide her from Imperial Troops. I have to admit that her physical beauty was what captured my attention at first. As with any other women, I fooled around with her a little, but she ignored me. Well, I kind of expected her to; she seemed too confused with herself to even pay attention to me. As time went by I realized that she was more than just a normal pretty face. She was different. She was.......special. Beautiful, kind, gentle, yet also strong and courageous at the same time.
Locke and I escorted her to the Returner's Hideout so she could meet our mentor, Banon. Her ability to use magic was our only retaliation against the Empire's Magitek, and we tried to convince her to help us. However, she was still too confused about herself and her ability......
"Oh..um, nothing...I didn't know you're in here. I was just looking around," Terra said.
Edgar noticed the dark circles under her eyes. "You didn't sleep well last night?"
"Not really......I was....thinking......I couldn't sleep...."
Edgar motioned for her to sit down. Terra paused for a moment, then sat down on the chair opposite to him. "Terra......you understand that we really need your help. But if you don't want to fight, we won't make you. Forcing you will make us no better than the Emperor. It is entirely up to you,"
Terra sighed. "I just don't know....this...magic power...I don't even understand it myself....."
"Well, I'm sure your magic relates to the Empire's Magitek in some ways....your abilities, your identity...maybe you can find the answers from the Empire...."
Terra looked at him for a moment, then asked, "Why are you fighting then?"
"What do you mean?"
"Locke said that he is fighting the Empire because a close friend of his was imprisoned by them. What's your reason for fighting the Empire?"
"....For a couple of reasons....partly, for Figaro of course.....I'm not going to let the Empire take over Figaro......"
".....personal reason......" Edgar looked away. "....I know I'm not supposed to but....I am seeking vengeance......"
Edgar paused for a while, then softly said, "The Emperor killed my father,"
"It's okay," Edgar turned back to her. In his eyes Terra could see sorrow, as opposed to the mischievous spark he usually has. ".....I wanted the Emperor to pay for what he did to my father....and for wrecking my life....." he trailed off. He then forced a smile on his face. "Let's just don't talk about it anymore.....you have problems of your own; you don't need to hear mine's."
The two fell silent, until Terra said, "I just don't know what I'm fighting for.....I have nothing in this world...."
"Don't say that! Even though you can't remember your past, it doesn't mean you have nothing,"
"But......I have no one in this world.......no family....no friends...."
".......That's not true......you will meet new people, make new friends...." Edgar came up beside her and kneel next to her. "You can start by letting me be your friend,"
Terra looked at him blankly. Edgar flashed his usual playful grin at her. "C'mon. Friends?" he held out his hand.
Seeing his expression, Terra couldn't help but smile. "Friends." she said as the two shook hands.
Those words were what caught my attention the most. The same words I hear in my heart all the time. The moment she said that I felt as if I was talking to a part of myself....the sad realization that I have no one close to me. I understood the sad loneliness she was feeling, and it made me want to help her, and protect her......I thought that if I could help her get rid of this sadness, then maybe I will be able to help myself as well......I guess it was.....the first sign of me falling in love with her.......
Terra eventually agreed to help us, and she was able to recover her lost memories as we found the magicite of the Esper whom was her father. We thought that she could help us to convince the Esper race to help us battle the Emperor, but when the gate to the Esper world opened the Espers went berserk, destroying everything in their path as they gathered in Crescent Island. Soon after, to our surprise, Gestahl proposed peace, asking Terra to talk to the Espers to make them understand that the war has ended. We didn't trust Gestahl, but we decided to act along to see what he was up to. Gestahl has ordered General Leo to accompany Terra to Crescent Island. We were not going to let Terra go alone, so Locke and I decided to go with her. We boarded a ferry in Albrook the next day and were on our way to Crescent Island.......
Terra watched as General Leo walked away. "But...I want to know what love is...now!" she muttered.
She heard footsteps approaching to her. She turned around and saw Edgar. "Edgar? What are you doing here?"
"I couldn't sleep, so I thought I'd just wander around," he replied.
"You heard my conversation with General Leo?"
"Yeah....sorry, didn't mean to eavesdrop,"
Terra didn't say anything as she turned around and leaned toward the side of the ship, staring out at the horizon. Edgar came up next to her and the two gazed at the endless dark ocean in front of them.
"Terra," Edgar finally said. "Love is not something you can rush on. True love doesn't usually come to you immediately. You have to search for it yourself...."
Terra sighed. "But.......I want to know what love feels like....love is supposed to be magical right? It's what most humans live for.....I want to have something to live for...."
"I'm sure you'll find someone you will love someday,"
Terra looked at him for a moment and asked, "Have you ever loved anyone?"
"Or you just don't really care?"
Edgar stared at her blankly for a while, then let out a laugh. "Look, Terra, Locke probably said some things about me to you behind my back. I won't deny the fact that I tend to be not as serious as I should be in relationships with other women, but it doesn't mean that I don't care about love......" he glanced back out at the ocean. "I'm still searching, I guess.......for someone that I will truly love for the rest of my life....."
To his surprise, he saw a smile on Terra's face in the corner of his eye. "What's so funny?"
Terra laughed softly. "I don't know....I just think it's funny to hear those words from you, after hearing Locke said that you would rather die than give up your bachelorhood,"
"Well, Locke isn't exactly the best person to get information from."
Just then, a streak of light from the sky caught their eyes, causing them to look up. Terra caught a glimpse of a bright star falling down from the sky, then disappeared into nothingness. "What was that?" Terra asked.
"I think it's a shooting star," Edgar said. "It's a rare natural occurrence. Beautiful, isn't it? I heard that shooting star is a sign of hope,"
"A sign of hope?"
Edgar nodded. "People say that if you make a wish at a shooting star, it will come true," To Terra's surprise, he reached out and took her hand. "Let's make a wish for both of us!"
"Let's wish that both of us will find what we are looking for,"
Terra paused, then wrapped her hand around his. "Yeah.....let's hope....."
It turned out that the Emperor's true intention was to capture magicite and control the magic statues in the Esper world. However, Kefka decided to betray Gestahl and took control of the statues, destroying the world as he moved them out of alignment. We tried to escape from this havoc, but the Blackjack was destroyed during flight and we were separated.
The next thing I remembered was waking up in an old man's house in Nikeah. The old man, a retired doctor, told me that he found me unconscious in the outskirts of the town, and that I was in a coma for four months. I suffered from a broken neck, and it took another month for me to fully recover from my injury.
I thanked the old man for his care and began my search for my companions. However, the search was cut short when I heard that Figaro Castle was buried underground. I knew they would lower the Castle when the world was going through chaos, but I didn't expect it to get stuck. I didn't want to give up the search because I was worried about my friends, especially Terra, but I knew my responsibility. I spent the next five months travelling back and forth from Nikeah to South Figaro, trying to find a way to get into the castle. The castle has a life-support system for these kind of emergency, but I know it wouldn't last forever. My breakthrough came when I found a group of thieves talking about tentacle monsters breaking into Figaro castle through a cave that allowed them to escape. I came up with a plan to disguise myself as a master thief and convince them to take me to the castle so we can steal the treasure there. The plan was successful, and I even ran into Celes and Sabin, who helped me to kill the tentacle monsters.
We found Setzer in Kohlingen, and he got us a new airship. We began to search for our lost comrades. My surprise came when we found Terra in Mobliz, taking care of a group of orphans. I was happy to see her alive. However, when we asked her to join us, she refused......
"But Terra-" Celes began, but Edgar motioned her to stop.
"Let me talk to her," Edgar said. Celes, Sabin and Setzer stared at him for a moment, then exited the room. Edgar came up and sat down on the chair next to Terra's bed. "It's okay, Terra, you don't have to fight if you don't want to," he assured her.
Terra turned to face him. ".....Really?....."
"Of course. Remember what I said before? If you don't want to fight, we won't make you. It's your choice,"
"......" Terra gazed down at the floor. "I don't mean to desert you guys like this.....but.....I just don't understand what's happening inside me.....helping these kids made me feel needed......I feel as if I have a purpose in life....I thought maybe through this I can understand myself and my life better....." she looked at him in the eyes. "Remember when we made a wish upon that shooting star?" Edgar nodded. "I'm just thinking.....what if this is the thing I'm looking for? I wanted to stay here to find out...."
"Well, if you're happy here, then stay. It's hard to find a place where you'll be truly happy. You don't want to miss that chance. Don't worry, we'll take care of that madman Kefka,"
Terra gave him a small smile. "....Thanks, Edgar......"
"No problem. We'll visit you when we have time," he hesitated for a moment, then leaned over to kiss her on the forehead before leaving the room.
We continued on with our journey. I thought about her everyday, and as time went by I missed her more and more. When I look up at the night sky, I thought about the wish we made, the wish that we'll find what we're looking for in life. I did find what I'm looking for - her - but she didn't want to be with me. This made the sorrow even greater.
We visited her a month later, and Phunbaba attacked Mobliz again. We were able to kill him with Terra's help. This time, Terra agreed to join us. I was delighted, but I knew she would return to Mobliz once the battle with Kefka is over. I didn't want her to leave my life again.
After all the preparations, it was time for the final battle.......
At the corner of her eyes, Celes saw Strago lowering his head. "What's wrong?"
"......" Strago turned to face the group. "Kefka drained all the magic out from those statues. If we kill him, then...."
"What?" Celes asked.
"Magic, Espers....they'll ceased to exist....."
".....Then......" Celes eyed on Terra, who was standing on the other side of the ship. ".....What will happen to Terra?"
Terra lowered her head, then ran down the stairs.
Edgar hesitated for a moment, then followed her downstairs.
Terra slowly turned to face him with a weak smile. "This is ironic isn't it? Just when I thought I'm beginning to understand about my life, my life is about to end. What have I been fighting for all these times?"
"Terra, please don't say that. Nothing is going to happen to you,"
"How can you say that? I'm half-Esper. If the Esper race perish, so will-"
Startled by his outburst, Terra became silent. Edgar took a deep breath before continuing. "Nothing is going to happen to you......I.......I won't let anything happen to you...........I can't..."
Terra looked deep into his eyes, trying to figure out what he was trying to say. "Edgar.........."
"........I-I don't want you to leave me........." his voice was unsteady. He trailed off, unable to continue.
Terra glanced to the side. The two remained silent until Terra finally said softly, "Edgar.........there was another reason why I chose to leave Mobliz.....it wasn't all because of the children......I....I wanted to fight.........alongside with you......." Edgar's eyes widened at her words. "I was wrong, Edgar......the 'thing' I was looking for.....it wasn't the children...." she turned to him. "....it was....you....."
Edgar, shocked, stood numbly for a moment, then came up to her and the two passionately embraced. "I love you, Terra....I wanted to tell you this for so long......I love you so much......" he whispered to her.
Tears began to come out of Terra's eyes. "I don't want to die now, Edgar.......I want to be with you......"
Edgar raised one hand to her face to wipe the tears off her eyes. "You won't die........I won't let it happen.....I promise I'll protect you no matter what......and you have to promise me you won't give up, Terra...."
Terra nodded and gave him an assuring smile. The two lovers kissed as they held tightly onto each other. A few minutes later Edgar let go of her. "It's time to go," he said softly as he took her hand. "Stay by my side no matter what, okay?"
Kefka's tower was full of monsters, but we managed to get through and defeated him. As we were escaping from the falling tower, each piece of our magicite began to disappear. I began to fear for Terra's life.
Terra led us out of the tower, and I could see her power fading away as each minute went by. When she fell unconscious, I felt as if my heart has stopped. I feared for the worse.
I quickly ran to her.....
Terra slowly opened her eyes. She was back in her human form, but her face was pale as snow and her lips were in a dead-flesh color. "Edgar........this is.....the end....isn't it?" she whispered.
"Please don't say that.....please....you promised me you won't give up..."
"......It's useless to deny the truth.....I guess this was inevitable....."
"No...you can't die.....I'm not going to let you....."
Terra looked up at him. His eyes were wet, and she could tell he was fighting back his tears. "Edgar......I know you tried to protect me, and I'm grateful for it.......but this is not something you can prevent....."
Edgar clenched her tightly in his arms. "........This can't be happening....."
"It's alright, Edgar.....at least I can die with no regrets....." she weakly placed her hand on his. "....You gave me what I wanted most in life......Love.....I was able to know what love is like because of you.....this feeling....it made all the struggles and battles worthwhile.....I now know what I have been living for....it was...for you....." she was beginning to struggle for breath. ".....You made my life worth living......."
"No.....you made my life worth living.....that's why I don't want you to go...."
Terra took another deep breath. ".....My only regret will be not being able to stay with you....but Edgar.....you will live on......you will eventually find someone else....and I'll eventually become a distant memory....."
"No.....I will love you forever....."
She smiled at him. She felt very tired, and she knew she was about to die. "......I love you, Edgar....." she managed to choke out.
The world began to fade out. She could not keep her eyes open any longer. The last thing she saw were his tears rolling down from his eyes.
It was not supposed to end like this. I didn't expect it to end like this. I was expecting the evil villain to be destroyed, and we live happily ever after. Wasn't that what was supposed to happen? Why did it end up this way?
Why did she have to die? She never had a chance to live. She spent her whole life struggling to find herself after being controlled for so many years. All she wanted was a peaceful life. She didn't deserve an ending like this.
Fate, why did you separate us? Just when I finally found my true love, you took her away from me. Why? Why won't you let us live happily ever after, like in those beautiful fairytales? That was all I wanted.....that was all she wanted.....
Perhaps 'live happily ever after' is nothing but a fairytale ending. It will never happen in reality - at least for me. Happiness was never meant to last......
If so, what am I living for then, if I am doomed to live in this sorrow and loneliness forever? I was fighting for a 'better future' that doesn't exist........
The people I loved, the people I needed most in this world....mom....dad.....Terra......all gone in the blink of an eye.....leaving me in a black void.....floating around in a dark nothingness....
How can I love anyone ever again?
I understood the feeling he is going through right now. I went through the same thing when Rachel died. It felt as if the whole world has collapsed, and nothing seemed significant anymore.
At the night of the party, I went up to the top of the castle for some fresh air. I saw Edgar there, and I stopped at the top of the staircase. He didn't hear me approaching. He was looking up at the starless sky.
I wanted to go talk to him, but then decided it would be better to leave him alone. He was probably still in too much of an emotional shock to even listen to me. I just stood and watched him, mainly because I was worried that he'll do something stupid.
A few minutes later, I saw a thin line of white light moving across the sky. It was a shooting star.
Edgar saw it too, and I saw him trembled uncontrollably. He then dropped weakly to his knees like a defeated man and buried his face in his arm. Through this quiet night, I could hear his silent sobs. I left as quietly as I came.
Strange, to see a shooting star in a starless night.
Or maybe it was a tear from the sky.
When you look up at the stars
you see light, you feel hopeful
you believe that the future is bright
But when you watch time passes by you
taking away your happiness along with it
your joy, your hope, your love
disappearing before your very eyes
you will realize how fragile happiness is
how short-lived joy really is
The world is drowned in sadness, crying
can't you see?
There is no hope, no bright future
As you grow older, cruel reality will take you away
from your pleasant naive innocent thoughts
Sooner or later, you'll realize
stars hold nothing more than lies
and empty promises of tomorrow
Shooting star will no longer be hope
rather, it will become a tear
from you, crying to the sky, the heaven
begging for that happy dream you can no longer have.
A Tear From the Sky © 2000 by Lilith Morrigan aka Midnite Angel Aeris