I'm a Farmer

By Al Kristopher


"Lu... pa? Lu... pa?"

(Oh, excuse me. I'm using the old language. I am sorry, but I can only speak four words of the common tongue. That is, I must admit, more than my fellow neighbors can boast. My name? Unimportant, but I have been given the name Fredrick.)

"Lu... pa?"

(Oops, at it again. I'm sorry that you don't understand me--see, I have lived in this isolated village for such a long time. I really only communicate with my fellow brethren, so bear in mind that I'm not exactly sociable.)

"Lu... pa? Lu... pa?"

(Back in the village, I used to be a great biologist. Not anymore. The world has no need for biologists, not since life began dying away. Fields start to burn up before researchers can examine them, the seas become rotten as soon as our boats touch the water, and the wind stops all aviation life from flying. It is a sad fate of mine, to lose such a worthy occupation.)

"Lu... pa? Lu... pa?"

(After the world started to die away, I set about a quest to attain a new line of work. Of course, coming from a city dwelt by scientists, mathematicians, philosophers, and the like, I have found a great challenge in looking for work that can challenge and entice me. Knowing that my native tongue would not get me anything higher than a mere cleric, I set about learning the language of common folk.)

"Lu... pa? Lu... pa? Lu... pa?"

(I started out simply. I needed some way to address myself. Let us begin with...)

"Lu... pa? Lu... I? I. I."

(Yes, I. A simple word, easily spoken even by me. This isn't so hard. Now I must find a way to identify myself.)

"Lu... pa? I? I... am. Am. Am. I am."

(I am. Not too difficult. Of course, in order to blend in perfectly, I must speak as the commoners speak. Dreadful, their language--and yet intriguing. The common folk, it seemed, spoke in contractions most of the time. Now, I had to wonder, did "I am" have a contracted form? Imagine my happiness when I discovered that it did.)

"Lu... pa? I am? I'm? I'm. I'm."

(Simple and somewhat easier to say. I'm. But what was I? What did I want out of life?)

"Lu... pa? I'm. I am a. I'm a."

(I'm a what? A what? What did I hope to accomplish? How did I want to spend the rest of my life? What sort of contribution did I want to give to society?)

"Lu... pa?"

(As I was walking one day, I noticed the ground beneath me. Such a terrible condition, this soil. One could not hope for anything to grow out of it, not even weeds. It was burnt and destroyed by some ungodly force, some terrible demon. Perhaps, though, I could help. I had studied a little botany in my days, so perhaps maybe I could become a kind of ecologist. Yes, that seemed fitting.)

"Lu... pa? I'm a. Lu... pa?"

(I learned of a town called Melmond that still flourished. Nay, not flourished--thrived. This town, this Melmond, was pulsating with life and flowers and fruit and meadows. It was beautiful, this town, this Melmond. I decided to take a journey there to learn their ways: how they managed to keep such a jungle thriving in a world of plague, how they kept Eden when Hell sprawled over the earth. Here, I reasoned, I would learn as much as possible, and then I would go back and become some kind of botanist or ecologist for my people.)

"Lu... pa?"

(Of course, I needed to express my reason for being there. After buying commoner's clothes from a reliable vender, I decided to learn the final part of my common-speech. After asking several of my comrades about the job, what it consisted of and what I would be doing, I learned the word that best described my desired position.)

"Lu... pa? Lu... pa?"

(It was a fairly hard word to say, but I got it out. When combined with the other three words I had learned, I could easily identify myself and thus gain the desired knowledge I needed to rebuild the earth.)

"Lu... pa? Farm er. Far mer. Farmer. Farmer. I'm. A. Farmer."

(Terribly difficult, for sure, but worth it all once I arrived. After identifying myself, I was given spade and hoe, and was instructed on how to "farmer" the land. I learned a great deal from my teachers, and they were very patient with a new bee such as myself [They called me a "new bee", even though I'm sure I don't know what that meant. Maybe they just saw me as a "worker bee", and knew about my recent transferal into this job. Makes sense to me]. Unfortunately, not even Melmond could survive the rotting of the earth for long. That nasty vampire didn't help, either.)

"Lu... pa?"

(No, none of that. At least, not yet.)

"I am."

(Better. Now of course, word spread of four warriors that thought they were destined to restore the legendary orbs of light. I even heard, from dwarves and elves, that these "light warriors" were coming to Melmond--probably to investigate the vampire business. I saw them approach me, and as formally and audibly as I knew how, I greeted them in the language that they knew best.)

"I'm a farmer."

The End


Closing comments: Just goes to show that everybody, no matter how small or insignificant, has a story. I personally have always wondered what this guy's deal was, so after a bit of thought, I decided to do a fanfic about him. To find him in the game, go to Melmond and talk to everyone there. You'll find old Freddy eventually.