Here Comes the Bride

Nick Harvey

One bright, sunny morning at Lucca's house, Lucca woke up. "Wow. I have woken up," she said.

"Hello, Lucca," said Marle, coming into her room. "You have woken up."

Lucca turned to face Marle. "Yes. I have woken up."

"Oh, tis a joyous day," Frog chimed in merrily from the next room. "We have woken up, all three of us. Let us rejoice!"

"Knock knock!" Robo came lumbering in the room. "I have today's mail for your perusal."

"Oh, wow, Robo, you're just in time. We have all woken up."

Robo's eyes flashed. "I am overjoyed at this fact, Miss Lucca."

"Oh, look at this one, Lucca," Marle said with concern. "It is an invitation to a wedding."

"An invitation?" Frog said. "I wonder whose..."

Lucca took the note from Marle. "Oh no! It's for Crono's wedding!"

"Crono?!" everybody exclaimed in unison.

"What treachery be this? Methinks this be a trick. What would ail Crono such that he would forego his friends to marry an unforeseen party?"

Lucca tapped her chin thoughtfully. "Perhaps he is under some sort of spell." She snapped her fingers. "We will go and stop them!"

"How will we do that?" asked Marle skeptically.

"We will use the Epoch to go to 12000 BC where they are to be wed!"

* * * * *

"Hold still," murmured Ayla, trying to fasten a swatch of white gauze around Crono's head. "How Crono expect Ayla to finish if he keep looking in mirror?" she grumbled, taking a pin out of her pursed lips, and trying to connect the two edges of the veil with it. Crono shifted his head, admiring his diamond earrings, a present from his fiance, and Ayla accidentally poked him.

"!" Crono exclaimed.

Ayla shrugged her shoulders. "It not Ayla's fault Crono move so much..." She crossed her arms defiantly. "If Crono hadn't been moving around and admiring his own blasted beauty so much, Ayla would have been done much long ago! It not Ayla's fault that pin happened to be where Crono wanted head to be!"

"..." Crono muttered angrily. Ayla smirked and went on with her business.

* * * * *

"Are we there yet?"

Lucca scowled. "No, Marle, we are not there yet. Sit down and do something productive instead of bothering me all the time."

Marle pouted. "But what am I supposed to do?"

"I don't know, look out the window or something!" Lucca snapped.

Marle crossed her arms and stared out the window. Robo emitted a series of beeps and grinding noises.


Frog turned from his seat next to Lucca in the front and glared at Marle. "So help me, if you cursed children don't stop this tomfoolery at once, we shall turn this Time Machine around right this instant!!"

"But I only--" Robo started.

"Ah-ah! Don't you even start with me! I am the unfortunate victim of a fierce headache and am not in the mood to deal with thy paltry excuses!"

Robo's whole body kind of sagged. He looked over at Marle. She stuck her tongue out at him.

"Err, Lucca, what is that ahead of us?" Frog asked warily.


* * * * *

"Ayla am just a cavewoman. She not cut out for this kind of work."

"?" Crono asked curiously.

"No, it not anything Crono did. Ayla just tired is all."


Ayla stared at Crono long and hard. Was Crono being sarcastic? Humble? Congratulatory? Catty? His tone had been flat and formal, with no emotion at all. Ayla looked away first. "Ayla guess... what happened, happened."


Ayla managed a grin. "Now Crono just being silly. Now quit bother Ayla. She have work to do."

* * * * *

The following was found in the travel journal of Lucca:

We've been stranded here for what seems like an eternity. Marle's constant moaning of how she misses her nice, warm castle is doing nothing but infuriating me. I wish we could just go home. We're running out of food as well... I'm going to have to start eating my friends to survive. Hmm... Who should I eat first? Hmm... Well, Robowould probably taste a little bland. Hmm... Marle is just a skinny little thing. Well, she has a pretty fat head, though... No. Best stick to Frog. I've always wanted to try frog's legs...

The following was found in the travel journal of Marle:

Lucca is soooo mean! I just want to go home, but she keeps yelling at me! I had a dream last night. Crono was in love with me, and I was in love with him. Then we went to Taco Bell. Hmm... I'm hungry. I'm gonna go eat Frog now.

* * * * *

Ayla glanced at her wrist sundial nervously. "Lucca and others not here yet. Where you think they are?"


Ayla cocked an eyebrow. "That stupid. Why they do that? Crono is real idiot sometimes."


"Don't take that tone with Ayla. Ayla pop open can of whoop-ass."

Crono thought about that one for a second. "?"

Ayla raised her eyebrows. "What Crono say again?"


"Oh." She thought for a moment. "Ayla not really know. That good question, though."


"Ayla hope they show up soon too..."

* * * * *

"Hey, uh, Lucca, have you seen Frog around?"

Lucca swallowed nervously and wiped her mouth with her napkin. "Uhh.. Frog?"

Marle crossed her arms. "Yeah. Short, green, jumps alot. You know?"

Lucca tapped her fingers together. A few beads of sweat appeared on her brow. "Well, uh, it's funny you should mention him, uh, Marle, because, uh, he's, uh, that is to say..."

Marle put her hands on her hips. "Lucca, is there something you're not telling me?"

Lucca looked at the ground and guiltily shuffled her feet. "I, uh, ate him."

Marle's nostrils flared. "YOU WHAT?" She stomped her feet. "It's not FAIR!! I wanted to eat him!"

"That's so cruel, Marle!"

Marle scowled at Lucca. "Cruel? CRUEL?! You ate him, goddammit! How am I cruel?"

Lucca crossed her arms. "You just are. Don't bother me withsemantics."

Marle pouted in anger. No food. What would she eat now? "Lucca..."

Lucca looked at Marle in contempt. "What is it, Pretty Pretty Princess?"

Marle got an insane grin. "I'm going to eat you!"

Lucca's eyes snapped open. "Excuse me?" Marle suddenly lunged for Lucca and pinned her to the ground.

"I'm gonna eat ya!" she giggled insanely. Lucca struggled and managed to kick Marle off of her.

"You're crazy!" she exclaimed as she brushed the snow off of her butt.

Marle shook her head. "I'm sorry, Lucca, I just don't know what came... over..." The crazy look snapped back into her eyes. "I'm gonna eat ya!!"

Lucca screamed as Marle leapt into the air and latched on at her ankle. As Marle eagerly gnawed up Lucca's leg and around her kneecap, Lucca's slowly blacked out.

* * * * *

As Crono silently took his place at the side of his love, a distressing thought occurred to him: The others hadn't made it.


The tall man at his side noticed Crono's discontent. "Do not concern yourself with who is or isn't in attendance. The only thing that matters tonight is that you and I are here, my love."

Crono looked up at Magus, the man he loved. His stomach flip-flopped, as it did every time Magus smiled at him. What exotic, catlike eyes! What long, beautiful hair! What a knowing, mysterious smile! How deeply Magus loved him! He was glad he took the path he did.

The wedding music played, and Crono and Magus slowly walked up to the altar, hand in hand, looking deeply into each other's eyes.

* * * * *

Ayla slowly walked up to the gravestones placed in the searing snow. "Brr. Ayla cold. Why you all have to die in such cold place?" She stared at the headstones. "You all stupid as it was. You go to the wrong year, you crash in snow, and then you eat each other. Ayla happy she not as dumb as you." She rubbed the back of her neck. "You all idiots. Ayla go home now." And with that, she silently strode down the mountain and off into the horizon.

The End

That was a blatant ripoff/homage to Liana's story The Wedding. It

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