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ASK Z-FORCE
OMGWTFBBQ Drunk QnA!!!1!1!eleven August 26, 2005

Steven "Z Force" Zimmerman - 00:00 EST

HELLO, and welcome to the fifth and final day of the RPGamer Idol Preliminaries. I successfully rigged the lottery last weekend to place myself as the Friday contestant so that I would be fresh in your memory when you go to vote tomorrow. My name is Steven Zimmerman, and I'm a college student at Clemson University. By "college student," I mean a lazy drunk gamer who eats too much pizza and sleeps through class. I'm also several powers of ten more awesome than Sean Connery, Catwoman, and Hugh Hefner combined, and I can cook Bagel Bites like nobody's business. I am trying to win RPGamer Idol because it has always been a dream of mine to be on the staff of this wonderful website, but more importantly, I want to try to seize power in a peaceful manner, and save the violent coup d'etat as a last resort. So without further delay, let's see what sort of letters you dorks have sent me....




L E T T E R S
I'm... kinda a big deal. I have many leatherbound books!


I got a question, how come we got no news on Final Fantasy III DS? Is it cancelled?

i would like to know

Later

Paine


Z-FORCE


I tried to call up the president of Square Enix, right now at 1:45 AM EST, and ask him what the hell was going on with Final Fantasy III DS. Apparently, he doesn't realize how important I am, because he totally avoided my call. I then tried to contact the janitor of Square Enix, but he didn't speak a lick of English and used lots of words that I didn't understand, and they didn't sound friendly.

So I did the next best thing: I tried to find some news for you on the web. Sadly, there has been no news about FFIII DS in almost a year. But no news is good news, because if the project was canceled, even if it was done quietly, we surely would have heard about it. You got to remember that FFIII is being REMADE for the DS, which means they are probably getting rid of everything good about it and replacing it with stupid gimmicky DS alternatives. It's also the only Final Fantasy to never have been released outside of Japan, which means they have to do a fresh translation, as well.

I would sit tight for a while, because it might be a few months before you get an update on it's progress. It'll probably be worth the wait. Nintendo and Square get along like cake and ice cream.



These letters are shorter than my...... pinky finger.


What do you think the chances of Rogue Galaxy coming stateside are?

Carabbit


Z-FORCE
It's so sweet of you guys not to overwhelm me on the first day of the job, but I could REALLY use some longer letters. I feel like the class retard who everyone gives pity attention, but no one really expects an answer from him...

I think the chances of Rogue Galaxy coming stateside are pretty good. The X-Box 360 will already be released, and Sony will be preparing for the release of the PS3. To combat the sales of the XB360, Sony will have to release a bunch of killer games from now until Spring. Assuming Level 5 doesn't sit on their asses like lazy college students, they should be able to port Rogue Galaxy stateside just in time for the last generation of PS2 games.

Let's hope the game takes the route of Dark Cloud 2 and not the route of True Fantasy Live Online.



Cat fight! MEOWR!


Apparently my letter that I sent like...the last time Andrew did a Q&A stirred a lot of controversy up. So I would like I chance to defend my views since I got completely attacked in two separate letters.

Now, granted, they may have games for the DS that uses the new capabilities in ways that actually make some sort of sense... this dog game you speak of...could have been a minihandheld all to itself for all I cared. And just because **I** would not buy it no matter what the cost does not say that **you** should not. I don't have the money to throw away on handheld systems I will not use due to the fact, I have yet to see a game released that screams "must have" to me, or a game coming in the near future for that matter. My opinion may change if I see multiple games that I like. Just like with the PSP (I told you not to get me started) I fail to see the point in putting in an unprotected LCD screen that can get damaged within the first five minutes of playing for a person who has small children or animals in the house. But no one needs to hear my entire tyraid on that because I'll probably get attacked once again by people that can't take my opinion with a grain of salt and move on. ANYWAY...

(this will be directed to the second letter listed) and while change MAY be inevitable, the technology they used has been around for quite some time. They just decided "ooo, lets throw everything together and make everyone happy". And while this may strike another cord with you, I'd appreciate if you take your issues elsewhere because as i said, my opinion is of my own. It was a topic ANDREW suggested. I figured I'd send in something because I could actually relate to it and I enjoy reading the RPGAMER Q&A responses.

With that said, I have no questions. I'd just appreciate this to be tossed in with one of the columns next week. Thanks.

-Angel0886, who is now tired AND pissed off.


Z-FORCE
If it makes you feel any better, I agree with you 100%. I think the DS is a stupid piece of hardware created by Nintendo to counteract the PSP, when Nintendo already had a wonderful portable SNES (the Gameboy SP) handing them more profit than they could deal with. I loved being able to play Yoshi's Island and A Link to the Past on a tiny, compact gaming system....

Then they release the DS, with its silly second screen and all those other features. I won't be buying one, and I am happy with my Gameboy SP (even if Nintendo has abandoned it). I don't need a portable gaming system for any other reason that nostalgia (to play old, ported games). If I wanted to play new and advanced games, I'd play on my home systems, which I have three of.

I guess I'm just past the age when I can appreciate portable systems. I have a PSP, but I never use it, and I'll probably end up selling it in a couple weeks. I've never once considered buying a DS. Once the Revolution is released and I can download classic N64 and SNES games right onto Nintendo memory cards, I will probably put away my SP for good. I never have a use for a portable system! The only time I would need one is when traveling, but since I have my own license, I am always doing the driving, so when would I have a chance to play a game?

That being said, I can understand where your opponents are coming from as well. One of the major problems with the videogame industry these days is a complete and total lack of innovation. You have to applaud Nintendo for not caving in and traveling the "safe" road of guaranteed sales and mediocre sequels. They try their best to innovate with every new game, sequel, and piece of hardware. The fact that we haven't even seen the Revolution's controller yet is a testament to this! That, or Nintendo is just ashamed of it.

But let's try to keep the catfighting in my column to a minimum. I'm the overlord here, and my word is law!



Its #5! Get it right or pay the price!


To Contestant #4 (or #5 if this gets answered on Friday),

I would like your opinions on two games I'm thinking of purchasing. They are not necessarily classified as RPGs, but an RPGamer like me would probably find some joy from them because of their stories, so what do you think about Onimusha Tactics and the latest Romance of the Three Kingdoms games? And if you never played them, could you take an IRC poll and get a general consensus about them?

Thanks for your help if any.

BLG


Z-FORCE

I have not played either game, because I am a lazy college student who needs to play catchup with the latest RPG's and pseudo-RPG's.

Onimusha Tactics has gotten very, very mediocre reviews. The only tactical RPG on GBA that I have played is Tactics Ogre: The Knight of Lodis. Have you played that? I would strongly recommend picking that up before you pick up Onimusha, because I enjoyed it, and anything that I enjoy is automatically awesome. As I glance at the user reviews for OT, I see that most people (across several websites) are giving it about a 7 out of 10. That means that it would be a good game to pick up used in a bargain bin, but don't waste your money buying it new.

Of course, if you've played Final Fantasy Tactics, MOST tactical games will fail to entertain you. I have played many, and the only ones that have kept my interest to the end are Knight of Lodis and Disgaea.

As for Romance of the Three Kingdoms, it is getting much better reviews than Onimusha. Most of the reviews, across several websites, is around an 8.5 out of 10. This means that, if you are really dying to pick up one game or the other, you should pick up Romance. As I sit here and browse the screenshots, I'm almost tempted to pick it up myself next time I walk into an EB.

Romance is my recommendation, and I'm sticking to it. Flame on, RPGamers!



hai2u, a/s/l plzkthxbye


Hello Q&A Contestant,

This letter is in response to Val who wrote about a lack of RPGs that appeal to females. I'm fifteen and am a hard core gamer. I also happen to be a girly girl as well. Anyway, I have a suggestion. This is going to come as somewhat of a surprise and hope it's relevant to the column but... Play Beyond Good and Evil! I know it's not an RPG but the story kicks the crap out of any one I've played recently. The pacing, personality, and characters that make up this game create an atmosphere that will draw you in. I promise! The best part? The female lead character, Jade. She's strong, pretty, smart- the type of heroine I love to play as. This is just a personal opinion but it is currently my all time favorite game. Do me a favor and give it a try. Please? The gaming community unfortunately seems to have passed this treasure of a game by so you can pick it up for twenty dollars or less.

Just as a side note, I agree with your comment about Final Fantasy X-2. I played and conquered Final Fantasy X a few weeks ago but was too embarrassed to even touch the sequel. Believe this girly gamer when I say I love clothes but... Who wants to fight with them? Dress spheres instead of aeons? Call me old fashioned if you want. This is one innovation I never wanted. Also, did anyone noticed how the music somehow got sent back in time to the sixties? Oh yeah. Don't even get me started on the stupid J-pop. What happened to the haunting, beautiful tunes from the original? Thanks for reading if you bothered.

Megan Beck

PS. Jin Uzuki from Xenosaga is sooo hot! I just had to write that...


Z-FORCE

As a hormone crazed college male, I find it very hard to relate to you. What's wrong with hot, big-breasted, half-naked chicks running around kicking ass with cold steel? I just don't understand it! As a female gamer, you need to realize you are the minority, and you are treading in very sexist waters. Sex sells, and most gamers are male. Unless you want to convince all your friends and the rest of the girls on Earth that videogames are cooler than makeup and Jude Law, then you are going to have to stay in the minority.

But you offer some good suggestions, and I'd like to offer a few more. Games like Jade Empire and Knights of the Old Republic aren't very sexist at all. The storyline is the same for the male and female characters, and the female characters wear clothing that is reasonable yet still attractive. You can feel pretty AND kick ass at the same time. What girl could ask for more?

This is a recent problem. No one cared about how girls were portrayed in old-school games because the difference between male and female characters were about 5 pixels of hair length. Nowadays, half of the console's processor is used to render cleavage. Take a look at Ninja Gaiden, for example. I know it doesn't count as an RPG, but look at the way Rachel was protrayed... I mean... come on... look at those... mmmmmmm...

Sorry, got distracted. You offer some good suggestions, and I added my own. I hope all the girls on the planet are happy now. If you aren't, its just further proof that you are a nitpicky, impossible gender, sent to Earth to cause stress to your menfolk.



Cut the sass, Captain Sassypants


Hey there,

I've got some questions for you the answers to which I believe will reflect strongly on your ability to be the new Q&A guy.

Given the fact that relations between Googleshng and Andrew have been rather tense at best (and it's no small wonder, considering how painful it is to read Andrew's column), this whole "let's find a long-term solution to Google's absence...I know, let's just get rid of him like I always wanted" bit seems fishy. Isn't it the case that shortly after Andrew climbed to his current position of power, Googleshng was told he was giving up his seat as Q&A host against his will? Isn't it also true that Google was brought back by popular demand?

Now, I'll grant you that Google's disappearance is strange. There's no way to know when or if he will return. What I can tell you, though, is that if he does return, he'll want his Q&A spot back. He probably won't demand it, since his not showing up is his own problem, but I'm sure he'll want *some* position at RPGamer.

So my core questions are these: Do you see this whole shebang as something of an ousting? I mean, finding a new Q&A guy is one thing, but removing all trace of Google from the staff profiles page? Something just doesn't smell right. Also, if Google does return, won't it be awkward for you? Do you feel like a pawn in Andrew's nefarious plot? Well, nefarious plot is probably going a bit far. I think he just saw an opportunity to get rid of Google, and jumped on it.

-jaraph

"Disliking Andrew since column #1."


Z-FORCE
I think you are an idiot. Google did the QnA for a very, very long time, and I highly doubt that Andrew suddenly got angry and unleashed his rage as a drama bomb like a snotty high school teenager.

If you want to know the truth, Google's disappearance was the first step in my violent overthrow of RPGamer.com. I had to find a way to get my foot in the door, so I banished Google to the Tesserect and manipulated the boss men into hosting RPGamer Idol. Seizing power is a complicated process, you must realize.

Furthermore, your question has absolutely nothing to do with RPG's, so I hereby ban you from ever writing to me again. The only reason I'm printing this is because of the sickening shortage of decent materials available to me tonight. Go away! I banish ye!

FOLDING TOOL HEAVY DUTY
Me-ow, my friend. If you're going to be so easily put up to this kind of nonsense, at least have the guts to do it to the person you're directing it at, and for the love of decency, take some singing lessons before you punish my ears with all that caterwauling.




C L O S I N G
IN CONCLUSION:

And so ends the first week of RPGamer Idol! This is a lot harder than you realize, because there is a severe shortage of quality letters. I also screwed up the HTML and probably gave Castomel a heart attack. It's all a part of my master plan! Bwahaha!

I'm going to have to bribe you people. Tildes for everyone! ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~!!!! Vote for me.

mailto:boyarty@aol.com
Steven Z is better than you, end of story.


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