I Need Scissors! November 16, 2005

   This week, Lariat continues and Scheduled Disasters finally ends. Hopefully, we'll have one of Karlinn's huge .Hack fics for you by then. We also have yet another FFXI fic about catgirls and a FFVI fic from Michael Thomas. On a different note, where are all the submissions, guys? I've only gotten two fanfics in the last two weeks! If for some reason, you think we're too busy to read your fic, guess what - we're not! So, please, send your fanfics in to

  New Fanfiction - November 16, 2005  

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Of Pain and Pouncings
By: Karlinn
Final Fantasy XI
“Well, this is another fine mess you’ve gotten us into."
I never understood the relationship between peanuts and Spain. I mean, sure, one is cruncy and salty and the other is thousands of miles away, but I'm a little wary of putting both of them in the same room. Speaking of rooms, I wonder if that apartment down the hall has opened up yet. I mean, really, how many people do you have to have deported to get things done around here? I'll tell you who could get things done: schadenfreude, baby. Now, where was I? Oh, right: Cookies! The silent scourge of the seas!

Scheduled Disasters
By: Simon
In the waning years of the third era of Tamriel, a prisoner born on a certain day to uncertain parents is being sent, under guard, without explanation, to Morrowind, ignorant of the role he is to play in that nation’s history. (Chapters 27-End)
Scheduled Disasters... wait a minute, I've reviewed this same fic at least four times. Clearly, I'm stuck in some kind of loop.... my god, my life is a prison! All this time, I've been stuck in a prison! What if people are watching it right now on TV, oh Jesus now it's like the Truman Show! This fills me with murderous rage... but I can't kill somebody! OH GOD I'M A ROBOT! AAAAAAHH! FOR THE LOVE OF ALL THAT IS HOLY, SOMEBODY HELP! *passes out*

By: Doc
Final Fantasy VII
Guns, fights and money. All in a day's work for Vincent and Cid. (Chapters 6-8)
You ever have one of those moments where you feel like you have somehow failed at everything you have ever attempted to do, and it's all been orchestrated by some vast cabal of people who derive some sick, perverted pleasure from watching you fail? Smirking and hiding in shadows, plotting your downfall at every turn, until one last public failure sets you off into a maelstrom of suicidal rage? No? All right, follow-up question: do you have any spare change?

One Man Army
By: Michael Thomas
Final Fantasy VI
One outlook on what Locke might have done in an attempt to sabotage the Empire and liberate South Figaro from their control. (Chapters 1-4)
One Man Army - Man, I miss the good old days. Sure, things are faster and quicker and more efficient now, but there's something lost along the way. My sight, for one. I miss being able to see. I'm sure some of you are asking, "How can a man who can't see type so well?" Glad you asked, but that question bores me. Anyway, I miss the old days. Back then, you could throw a brick at a kid and nobody would blink an eye. Now? I tell you, you accidentally run down one lemonade stand, you're marked for life. The moral of the story is that my arm is starting to go numb, I think I'm having a stroke, would you please call 911? Thanks, you're a peach.

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