Blood Omen: Legacy of the Harvest Moon
By Sean Swanwick (email@example.com) and Benjamin Davis (firstname.lastname@example.org)
Winter 28: Today Im going to my Grandfathers farm. It is located in the center of a bleak wasteland where the souls scream in torment, and the rivers flowed with living blood.
Winter 29: Turns out I was lost. Should have gone left. Left the damned souls behind. Vultures followed me for the entire trip, so I was not wanting for companions. Or food. A gypsy screamed dire warnings at me, but left when I gave her a few G.
Winter 30: Took the other fork in the road in this time. Arrived at a placid farm amidst the rolling green hills. Found a skinned corpse hanging from a hook in the barn. The place is just like I remembered it!
Spring 1: Spent the day meeting my new neighbors. No real way to avoid it. Got strange looks when I told them about the vulture coop. Maybe Ill try chickens instead. Grandfather left early this morning, leaving behind nothing but a note: "Beware the ides of March." Ill add that to my to-do list.
Spring 2: Pulled a late night clearing the field of stones. Also found a few skulls. Locals assured me they were mole skulls. Seems that moles were bigger in these parts.
Spring 3: Another late night, this time clearing out stumps. Around midnight, a tall figure with an unearthly beauty embraced me. Am now a soulless creature of the night. Gypsy woman dropped by to laugh at me. I ate her.
Spring 4: To my chagrin, appears seed store is not open at night. Instead I will plant the seeds I found in a glowing asteroid at the top of the mountain. It looked like a malignant pizza.
Spring 8: I found a sprout today. The sprout found the neighbors dog. They were not happy about it.
Spring 10: Planted potatoes.
Spring 12: Maria resisted my attempts to drain her blood and devour her soul. Her holy aura kept my hunger back. Try Nina tomorrow.
Spring 13: Brought Nina some flowers. She got angry with me. I snapped her neck like a brittle twig, and drained the vitae from her still twitching form. Planted grass. Watered crops.
Spring 23: Flower festival today. Couldnt avoid going, burnt badly from exposure to sun. On the plus side, withered an entire field of flowers from my very presence. Keen.
Spring 27: Found the legendary blade Potato Reaver. Reaved my potatoes. They all burst into flame and turned to ash with a single swipe of my blade. Needed to clear field for corn anyway.
Summer 1: Planted corn.
Summer 2: Found a cute puppy outside my farm today. Decided to turn him into a vicious hellhound. Current Dog Status: 1 head, 4 legs, 1 tail, and no special abilities.
Summer 6: Dog is down to 2 legs, and has yet to develop fire breath. On plus, it has grown another head. Corn seems to be doing well, but the tomatoes scream like souls in torment. Shouldnt have watered them with blood, but their iron content is high.
Summer 8: Carpenter offered me a new watch if I improved my house by the end of the summer. Took watch. When he protested, took arm. He left rather quickly.
Summer 11: Mayor came to speak with me about my screaming tomatoes. I damned him to the curseed realm of darkness, to wander the earth in eternal torment, forever seeking his eyes.
Summer 12: Got a fruit basket from Maria. Apparently the mayor was her father.
Summer 13: Attempts to embrace fruit basket have ended in failure.
Summer 21: Hurricane. The bounding rain striped the flesh from my bones like searing flames, and caused the dog to grow a third head. Progress!
Summer 24: Rains over. While walking in the woods, hoping to supplement my crops with wild berries, I met a magical pixie that offered to turn my tools to solid gold. Tasted like chicken.
Summer 26: Update on Fido: 3 heads, 7 legs, 1 tail, and the power to reduce flesh to water.
Summer 27: Wild dogs came at night to dig at my crops. Fido destroyed them, leaving their desiccated corpses at the edges of my property as a warning. Shant have to repair fences from now on.
Fall 3: Got three chickens. Devoured their souls. I cant tell the difference. Army of undead animals rising.
Fall 12: Harvest festival. Had to bring something to the soup. Came with a flayed deer head. Anne reacted particularly poorly to it.
Fall 13: Anne made a stake gun and stalked me through the fields of dying corn. Managed to escape by sicing the zombie chickens on her. Will have to do something about that girl.
Fall 14: Wrote a searing letter to the editor about Anne.
Fall 16: Anne got the drop on me today. Had the unpleasant experience of reassembling myself from a pile of ash. Dont want to do it again.
Fall 18: Annes father, the owner of the tool shop, dropped in today to make amends. Drained his blood and impaled him on a spike outside my property as a warning. Used his own hammer to pound the spike into the ground. I love the little ironic touches.
Fall 20: Participated in egg hunt. Was asked to hide the eggs. I am pleased to report that my eggs got all but three of the children! But apparently I misunderstood the purpose of the festival. Must remember this next year.
Fall 27: Found a mystic berry in a stone statue of a chicken by the road. Didnt need it, as my undead stamina is inexhaustible. Other stone chickens came for vengeance. Am pinned in tool shed.
Winter 1: Thank goodness I killed Annes father. Took sledgehammer from the tool shop and killed the chicken guardians.
Winter 10: Anne baked me a cake for Thanksgiving! Perhaps the lure of darkness has won her over.
Winter 11: Turned out to be a garlic cake. Half my face melted off. Wreaking bloody vengeance on Anne tomorrow.
Winter 12: No bloody vengeance today: Fido has a cold. Also, tail replaced with snake.
Winter 17: A colt appeared in the morning, and sought refuge from the cruel winter elements. I began torturing it, for thus is the nature of evil.
Winter 21: Colt finished dying.
Winter 23: Learned a vampiric discipline: The dread obfuscation of the seven hundred and forty two masks. Thus disguised, learned where Erin will be during the Star Festival.
Winter 24: Star Festival. Devoured Erins soul, drank her blood, and embraced her. Much neater than this courting business. Were getting married on the 26th.
Winter 26: Burst into flames upon entering church. Will settle for common law marriage until satanic cult fully established.
Winter 30: Everyone went to the top of the mountain to make wishes for the New Year. I wished I would drain the blood of the fortuneteller. I did, too.
Spring 1: Attended the sunrise festival. Shouldnt have. That was right embarrassing.
Spring 2: This time, I planted radishes.
Spring 5: Decided to take another look in Grandfathers forbidden shed of mysteries. I found the twin hoes Agony and Malice. The ground weeps as I plant more radishes.
Spring 12: Found tribe of gnomes living under farm. They gave me a shortcut under the fields. In return, I will kill them with a minimum of fuss.
Spring 14: Finished killing gnomes.
Spring 16: Found a mole. Added it to undead army. Will have to buy more chickens soon.
Spring 19: A boy from the town discovered I was storing damned souls in the silo. Had to kill him.
Spring 13: Reconsidered the carpenters offer to add to the house. Ill add a spire. Also, talk with gravedigger about subcontracting a crypt.
Spring 17: I had two vultures for lunch today.
Spring 23: Anne bought me some perfume. Assured me that girl buys boy perfume, not visa-versa. Must remember to kill her less painfully.
Spring 24: Perfume was holy water, and badly singed my bride. No hard feelings, though. Anne and I are getting to know each other quite well.
Spring 27: Sampled Eves berry juice. The drink raised the mortal half of my soul, and I lamented my crimes. Upon hearing what I had done, Maria confronted me. Holy aura still preventing me from draining her. To console myself, I helped myself to my neighbors son.
Spring 30: Used the Potato Reaver to clear out the fields for planting tomorrow. Agony and Malice tore at the ground. Curseed weapons make farming a snap!
Summer 2: Lost soul to the blade Potato Reaver. Not worried, but a tad irked. Soul had sentimental value to me.
Summer 7: Bought three cows. Named them Jane, Suzy, and Mary. Drained their blood, embraced them. Undead army continues to grow.
Summer 10: Got around to purchasing nine more chickens. Embraced them. Army poised to attack. Now I must find a target, and water my corn.
Summer 12: Slaughterhouse called: theyre out of blood. Had to water corn with water today.
Summer 15: Tomatoes screaming again. Must find out if farm is ancient Indian burial ground.
Summer 16: Cut the tongues from the tomatoes. Wails no longer waking the dead.
Summer 19: Anne dropped by today. Left farmhouse in flames. Must call on Carpenter.
Summer 26: Carpenter finished new house. Has stone walls, iron-flanged spikes, and moat of acid. Must remember to pay bonus.
Summer 29: Dropped the last of the corn and tomatoes into the produce bin. Suddenly realized I had no need for money. Not sure why I was farming at all. Not sure what Im going to do with my time.
Fall 3: Wove a rug out of human tendons. Although it kept me busy, doesnt match the rest of my décor.
Fall 5: Started helping townsfolk prepare for the Harvest Festival. Lent them cauldron of souls to make soup in.
Fall 8: While I was nailing up festoons for the festival, Anne accidentally drove a spike through my heart. Spent most of the day reforming.
Fall 11: Eve talked me into having more of her Berry Juice. Sang an amusing song about drinking the blood of hedgehogs. Killed the conversation, sadly.
Fall 12: Harvest Festival today. Got some mushrooms from the mountain for the soup. Villagers all got stoned. Anne drove a stake through the heart of an artichoke. Drank two of the women when no one was watching.
Fall 13: Several villagers had some firm words with me. Will return to making a profit. Dont see what else there is to do. Experimenting with crops that grow in the Fall.
Fall 16: Mandrake root pulled today. Scream killed the vultures circling overhead. Got 400G for the root, and 150G for each bird. Planted another dozen.
Fall 17: Mandrakes scream apparently also killed traveling salesman. Saved 500G by doing the slaughtering myself and sending him directly to the meat packagers.
Fall 20: Once again I hid the eggs. This time, children were to seek them out and return with them. Giant mousetraps a failure, but pit trap worked well. Also, three children stranded on island in lake.
Fall 24: Began work on crypt today. Amazingly, there was already a fully furnished crypt underneath the house. Grandfather must have blocked of the entrance to keep the mobs out. That sly dog!
Fall 25: Looked in a bunch of the coffins, and found them already occupied. Revived the inhabitants with a cup of warm blood. It's family reunion time! Note to self: contact catering service, thank Mrs. Jones for lending a cup of blood.
Fall 26: Family reunion did not go at all well. Anne bribed the caterers to spike the punch with holy water and write Bible verses on everyone's place cards. She also reduced Great Aunt Marie to dust, and Fido bit four of the kids at the same time. When did he grow a head THERE?
Fall 30: Wife gave to birth to triplets. Cigars for all the village men! Three girls, all deathly pale, with eyes that have already gazed upon the shore of hell. Just like their mother.
Winter 3: Good news at last! The cows are producing milk!
Winter 4: Unfortunately, the milk turned out to be snake venom. On the plus side, undead army is growing nicely. Beet harvest slightly smaller than expected.
Winter 8: Finally finished off the leftovers from the reunion. I thought we'd be eating caterer 'til Judgment Day.
Winter 10: Anne has run out of ideas. Tried garlic cake again. When I tried to destroy her, Maria stopped me. Consoled myself by treating my wife to thanksgiving dinner: Eve vole-a-vaunt.
Winter 14: Entered Fido in a dog show. Judges protested that he was not technically, a dog anymore. But he was awarded the prize anyway when it turned out there wasn't another dog alive in the village. Guess that explains where Fido disappears to every night. Perhaps I should consider putting up a fence after all.
Winter 21: First time occurrence for this area: acid snow. Must talk to wife about her hexes. Her aim needs work.
Winter 23: Pulled out my latest crop, dire onions. Deliveryman had trouble taking them to market. Sure his scars will heal with time.
Winter 25: Our first anniversary is tomorrow night. Bought a slinky, low-cut, V-neck dress at the tailors for the occasion. It just seems right somehow.
Winter 28: Dress was a great success. She refuses to wear anything else. She's also developed the strangest laugh: Ooh hoh-hoh-hoh-hoh! Burst the ear-drums of every mortal in hearing range. Curious.
Winter 30: Gathered with villagers and undead army at the top of the hill to make wishes for the New Year. Wished for Anne to fall off a cliff.
Spring 1: Why leave it to chance? Threw Anne off a cliff. Marvelous invention, sun block. What a great way to start the year!
Spring 3: Girls got at Potato Reaver when I wasnt looking. Destroyed my entire potato crop. Those loveable scamps!
Spring 9: Earthquake! Hole knocked in roof, sunlight reduced me to dust. Must call on carpenter again.
Spring 10: On way to carpenter, found that spring in mountain had open up. Found a water spirit there. Embraced her, shes now my maid.
Spring 13: Total worth reached 1000000 G today! Knew investing in stocks, bonds, and chains was a good idea.
Spring 18: Purchased twelfth cow today. Sending them to rampage through the area tonight.
Spring 19: Rampage worked beautifully. Neighboring farms decimated. Crop prices have gone through the roof. Raking in the G.
Spring 23: Flower Festival. Almost missed Anne trying to kill me. Snapdragon flowers a great success.
Spring 29: Fido is less vicious than he normally is. Not sure who to call on-- drank the livestock owner after I purchased twelfth cow.
Summer 4: Fido has passed away. Must find seven virgins and candles made from the fat of a basilisk.
Summer 9: Given up on resurrecting Fido. Instead, Ive got a lovely little puppy, Spot!
Summer 14: Grandfather returning soon. Must neaten the farm up for him. Decorating fence with cheery garlands of entrails.
Summer 16: Time has flown so fast! I can remember when the farm was overgrown, when I still worried about the cost of things, and when I was still human. But enough about the past. Have to take Agony into town to have it sharpened.
Summer 18: What a switch! Turns out Maria is a closet Goth. Convinced her to serve me. She has already set up a cult for me. Expecting the blood tribute to start shortly.
Summer 23: Found out that reincarnation of Anne is being born in a valley to the south. Sent Spot to hunt her down and kill her. Its unpleasant having a hero whos fated to destroy you.
Summer 25: Picked the last of the corn, sent it in. Purchased town, established a kingdom. Will expand quickly. Thinking of huge steam engines to blot out the sun.
Summer 30: Girls are growing fast. All three have a healthy penchant for speaking cryptically and drifting around the house in flimsy, white shrouds. They also seem quite taken with our gentleman boarder, that nice Mr. Renfield. Grandfather will be so proud!
The authors would like to apologize to everyone in the world for this fanfic, but it just had to be written. Look at it this way: at least to you got a read an original crossover for once. Send questions (i.e. "What the hell were you on when you wrote this?"), comments, and death threats to: Yawgomoth@aol.com (Sean) or email@example.com (Benjamin). And just in case you didn't figure it out, yes, this was a Legacy of Kain/Harvest Moon crossover. Good idea, eh?