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I had jut sat down, after another secret FFVIII playing session, and I just stared at the computer at two in the morning... I sat there for a moment... and I considered something. "How influential are RPGs on my life? Are we influencing it, or is it influencing us?" I never really thought about that before... Then I came up with something which shocked me... in fact my computer came up this little detail just minutes before. I was quite a bit like Squall. I'm a pretty much silent girl... I hear my family go snap around, telling me to do this, telling me to do that, listen here, I hear threats and insults fly around everywhere... And I just shrug... much to my family's dismay. If they're lucky, I might add a word or two... "... Whatever." Either way, they just start insulting and screaming once more, and they'll get the same reaction... or they give up. Then again, I'm not totally like that. From those who know me, I talk quite a bit... on the net anyway. I seem to always be the one with the last e-mail before a new topic arises, the one who usually brings up the little amusements in life, I go writing things like this, for everyone, or at least a big majority, to see... But wait a second, that'd mean that I'd be like Selphie... but that can't be right. I sit down for hours on end, with nothing except the dull screen of the computer on in the background thinking silently... that's definitely something that Squall would do. Hold it... this situation would make me quite a bit like Terra... I guess I like suffering an identity crisis or two. Come to think of it, I guess I'm not really a reflection of just one character, but of a whole bunch of them. Well, I guess the first and foremost character I would reflect would be Kain. My life is somewhat checkered, at least in my mind it is. If you ever run into my record, you'd think I'm a good, above average student who is very polite, somewhat quiet, never crossing the line, and fairly concise. I know otherwise. I know that my family's always been on face value terms, that given a chance, [and a change in the law] my parents would happily lock me away anything resembling a computer or a television, probably restraining me in the process with heavy iron chains. Kain was always taken in cautiously at best by Cecil and his associates, and I guess I'm no exception. He split once the work had been done for his reasons, and if you gave me a chance [and preferably a million dollars] I'd do that as well. Second on the list of people I reflect? Probably Terra. I'm a bit of a drifter really, not belonging anywhere, forever travelling... never truly belonging to any one group. She never quite knew who she belonged with, if she was part of the Empire, or she was with the Returners... and she never quite knew what to do... even when she got to the small village, she didn't know if she wanted to fight and destroy Keifa, or to stay, and take care of the children. I have never really 'fitted in' with any one community, I'm always bumbling along, making mistakes which would kick me out because I never knew the little details, and I will admit that I'm always cautious of any group. My family would be the first experience of that. Iris? Yes, that would suit me well. She had to choose between good and evil, and she had a very difficult time choosing between the two, siding on one side, then suddenly switching from outside pressures. I had to make that choice, swinging from what you are told to what you think is right... pressure from the family says that games and television are nothing more than just entertainment, RPGamers on the other presenting that RPGs are more than just entertainment, that they can be informing, that they can mean something. I reflect in some small part Ellone... maybe because I want to change my past. I wanted things not to happen, I wanted to make my decisions again, I want to correct my mistakes. I guess even maybe I'd reflect Keifa, Zeromus, Gannon, and maybe even Sephiroth... hatred and the will to change what is currently there to make it more of your liking. Almost every single hero and heroine would be part of me also, I want to do something good for the world, something that I would be known by, that I didn't just let life go by, that I tried do something for it. I can even see a bit of most of the townspeople, knowing something which could help someone else considerably, but really just a small time player within the world. All within a combination mix of Selphie and Squall. Sometimes awfully loud, other times cold and emotionless, thinking silently. If I looked hard enough, I might find more. I guess that means that I would be greatly influenced by RPGs... Hit the brakes for a second there. FFVIII only came out last year, and I only started playing RPGs five years ago... and FFIV came out in 1992. If I've always been like this, how did these RPGs influence me? Maybe it didn't... maybe it's a reflection of who we are. Of course, I'd doubt that RPGs represent you so clearly, but maybe, just maybe, you might find a bit of you in any character in an RPG. That maybe RPGs are the reflection of all of us, big or small. Maybe that is the magic of the RPG, of how it means something to each one of us. Well, I guess the gloves are down on this one. If you'd like to share what the RPGamer oracle came up with for you [And I don't mean Brad... although it'd be interesting what he'd have to say about it.], to say that I tripped over one of the unspoken rules and should be kicked out, or just to say that with the description of me I provided for you, that you figured out who I am, where I live and you're going to sick your favourite RPG character because I didn't mention him or her, drop me a line at nightshadow_007@angelfire.com. I'd be overjoyed to hear from you... and if you're planning to bring over that RPG character, could I ask for an picture and an autograph?  |
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