|
Shame and Desire. Some people don't know it, but these two feelings have many things in common. They both elicit the basest and near-primitive actions from each of us. They are both something we hide under the guise of our own personal morals. They both push us to edges of socially accepted norms and beliefs, conflicting with society at large. They are both we have in tremendous amount that often overflow, yet they are the ones we must always keep in check.
Most of all, however, shame and desire are those emotions that cause us to lose control of ourselves. To lose our most closely-guarded inhibitions and to just let loose. We see ourselves, but we no longer feel that we are ourselves. We feel such large amounts of shame and/or desire that we alter everything, our minds and bodies included, to survive the calamitous aftermath of these two emotions.
It is like the Devil's temptations, luring us out into the open, exposing ourselves, and leaving us high and dry to deal with the fallout. We could either feel shame for what we had done or failed to do and act on it, or we feel the desire inside our hearts conflicting with everything else and rebel. It all changes depending on the person. The Devil itself is that loss of control, as the person feels he is in a hopeless downward spiral and that the only way out is to hide the shame or to give in to desire. The Devil in his ear whispers his deceit and, feeling the hopelessness of it all, succumbs to his words.
The Fool, in his journey or before it, would clearly have felt times when his own life was no longer in his own hands. Time when he feels like it's all on some cruel autopilot who's course he cannot control, and thus feels hopeless in it all. When it all does stop, he is often filled with so much emotion that rattles up his very soul. If he feels shame, then he reacts in ways to cover the shame, if he cannot accept it. If he feels a strong desire to counterbalance the negativity, then he aims himself accordingly. These are the times when the biggest weakness of the Fool are made manifest, and these are the times where he is at his most exposed, naked, and impotent.
What of shame?
This had been a secret life he had been hiding for almost 5 years. At the start of his journey the the hero said he would join SOLDIER, become an elite warrior of Shinra, and bring pride to his family and village. He recounted the story of his return, his friend's betrayal on the ashes of his burning home town. He was so proud of his accomplishments until, that day inside the crater, meeting the white-haired swordsman, he is shown a picture that had supposedly been taken mere days before the disaster. He says he should be on that picture, proving he was there and he was a SOLDIER, but his figure is absent. He continues to deny it all as more fragments of memories are shown. It all goes until finally it is proven: it was all a lie. He was never in SOLDIER, he had never become an elite warrior and he had never fulfilled his promise to the town and it's people. He had lied, all of it, to hide his shame.
What of Desire?
He is but a young man of course, and clearly enough, with all the stress that the war has imposed on him he has become tired of it. He has lost friends and loved ones to the fires of war. He has been branded a traitor in his home nation, now his sworn enemy. He has been on the run more times than any person his age and has faced death every day. He is only human, and every human has desires and wishes. All he really wants is to live in peace. His sister reminds him how they all used to live like this in the past, and how she herself wishes for such a life again. They know that with the way things are this is just a distant dream. She even goes so far as to suggest that they run away, abandon leader ship of the army, and live peacefully in some hut in a remote region somewhere. The young leader is clearly shocked at her suggestion but does not deny thinking about this, that he also desires something like this, but in the end insists on his responsibility as the leader. If he wants his own peaceful life, he will fight to earn it, and not seek it elsewhere.
The Fool now knows that the Devil is everywhere, figuratively speaking, with the intention of leading him away from his course with negative feelings and emotions. It is possible that he had already been affected before in the past, and now his own secrets are coming back to haunt him and destroy the progress that he has made. With such stunning revelations or uncontrollable desires stemming inside, the Fool needs to decide what is true, what is important and what is necessary in front of him.
The Devil, as he is often, tends to exist in the hearts of men.
|
RSS feed
iTunes