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Cloud stared at Aeris incredulously, wondering if she was somehow more naive than he originally thought, or just insanely reckless. Cloud couldn't bring himself to plainly say what exactly went on in a place like the Honey Bee Inn, and he ended up fumbling his words awkwardly. "You DO know...what kind of...place this is, don't you?" "Then what am I supposed to do?" Aeris said, seeming almost disappointed at losing her shot at espionage. "You want to go in with me?" Cloud crossed his arms, closing his eyes as he contemplated the situation. "Well, being a man, that'll be pretty hard. Besides, if I bust in there, it'll cause too much commotion. But, I just can't let you go in alone." Frowning, Cloud shook his head in frustration. "Oh man...First...we need to find out if Tifa's alright...What's so funny, Aeris?" Cloud became aware that Aeris was now staring at him with a disturbingly amused grin on her face. Aeris had to stifle a giggle before speaking. "Cloud, why don't you dress up as a girl?" She wasn't terribly surprised by Cloud's reaction to this idea; he stared at her as if she had just coughed up a bat, only to put it back in her mouth again and swallow it. "It's the only way," she insisted. Cloud remained silent for a few moments. Then he let out an abrupt snort of laughter. "Oh HELL no! Good God, what the hell kind of idea was that?" He turned on his heel and walked away, shaking his head in disbelief. "This stopped being worth the trouble back when I crashed through that stupid church roof. Why does everyone try to dress me up like a girl? First my mom, then Barrett. I am MANLY, dammit!" (This literaturized version of Final Fantasy 7 is brought to you by my crappy writing skills)
Okay, that last bit of the conversation never happened in Final Fantasy VII. Admittedly, I took a few (ahem) liberties with the original version. But you guys who have played the game remember this scene pretty well, right? In fact, everything from when you enter the Wall Market to until you're dumped into the sewers gives rise to the question, "Where the hell did this come from?" I was just looking for Tifa; next thing I know I'm getting lessons on how to become a lucrative cross dresser. However, though I may sound like I'm hating, I still look back fondly on this scene as one of my favorite parts of the game. Who didn't get a chuckle out of this urgent expedition for a hooker outfit (that's pretty much what it was), or how Aeris just seemed to get so much enjoyment out of the experience?
Looking back, I've realized how much I look forward to these moments that pop up in RPGs. Japanese RPGs seem to be the best at making me go "Huh?", whether it's just a few pocketed instances (like that vendor in Nocturne who was, ummm, really friendly towards your male main character) or a game that is completely littered with off-kilter zaniness (Oh Disgaea. You've given me so many quirky characters and story episodes for my +500 hours I've spent playing you. And penguins). You'd think with the amount of manga, anime, and Japanese video games I've ingested over the years that I'd see when it's coming. Yet, God love 'em, there are RPGs that still manage to blindside me with some of the weirdest things I've ever seen in a video game.
Not to say that American RPG makers haven't had some fun with their games. Diablo II, for example, seemed to be a straight-up serious dungeon crawling affair. When you go to Tristam to rescue Deckard Cain early in the game, you can collect an item called Wirt's Leg. An item for a later quest? An item to be used in order to get a special armor or weapon? Ah, no. Even better than that. You use it to gain access to a secret level. Sweet! And what do you do there? You kill cows. Not docile, cud chewing, push-over cows, but battle hardened killer cows that will hand your butt to you if you're not strong enough. And WoW also sports all sorts of odd-ball quirks, like race specific dancing and jokes (for the record, male humans still have my favorite dance and joke).
Kudos to the RPG makers who put in these special little moments. We love games that make you grit your teeth in frustration, grip your controller in anxiety, and quickly swipe at your teary eyes because your mom just walked into the room and you don't want her to know that the relationship bonding scene between the main character and his long-lost-once-evil-but-now-redeemed childhood friend made you choke up. But the games that can cause me to let out a "Holy crap" between my fits of laughter, or even just the ones that get me to raise my eyebrows; may they never stop being made.
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