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I learned from playing RPGs!
-If you have spiky hair and a sword, you are probably going to save the world.
-The best battle tactic is standing in a horizontal row and attacking one at a
time.
-If there's a guy prettier-looking then any woman in your party, he must be the
villain.
-All villains can change shape/be reborn at least twice, even when there's no
prior explanation.
-A cheesy laugh is all it takes to be instantly famous.
-If the enemy only needs to collect one more item to get their doomsday weapon
going, don't bother trying to stop them. You'll only fail/get betrayed/have a
teammate held hostage, and have to give it to them anyway.
-You can hurl huge balls of fiery magical destruction, and the battlefield will
remain unscarred.
-If your summon has a huge, long, fancy casting animation, your enemy will be
content to wait the ten minutes it takes to call your minion.
-Shoulderpads and/or a cape are required dress for all villains.
-That meteor might crash down on the planet any day now, but you can take 40
hours of time or so to cook, make weapons, collect girlie magazines, or whatever
other silly tasks you can think of.
-The more simple your quest seems at first, the more bizarre things you'll have
to do to complete it before it's over.
-Fruit juice is magical, and will restore magic. However, eating the same fruit
whole doesn't help.
-You can heal any wound by eating a whole turkey. Or five.
-You can eat five turkeys and still feel like fighting two second later.
-It's completely plausible to completely miss a huge, hulking, slow monster that
also happens to be standing still.
-If the enemy will die in one hit and so will you, you are almost guaranteed to
miss.
-He won't.
-It is the fate of heroes to be forced into a love triangle between a shy quiet
spellcaster and a spunky warrior babe.
-Your civilization might be advanced enough to have a fancy
airship/spaceship/plane to fly you around, but they can't invent a decent tank.
-Whenever you're in a hurry, monsters will pop up every ten seconds.
-When you're looking for monsters, it will be more like ten minutes.
-Don't think about how that huge sword or delicate cloth robe got in that
creature, or how you got it out.
-No matter how cramped the tunnels or building you're in is, you can still swing
a sword longer then your body and twice as wide.
-It is not only socially acceptable, but perfectly legal, to break into people's homes and rummage through their things (Don't try this one at home kids!)
-If someone in your party is money-grubbing, odds are they're donating to an
orphanage or saving their sick mother or something.
-If someone in your party is a girl-chasing letch, he's either married or
engaged.
-No matter how much you run around, fight things, climb mountains, etc, the fat
guy in your party is still fat.
-You never have enough money to buy anything starting out; at the end you'll
have more then you ever know what to do with.
-All empires are automatically evil. All Emperors are wicked tyrants.
-If the local kingdom has an advisor to the king, chances are he's evil.
Especially if he has a little moustache or goatee.
-A good night's sleep will cure anything short of death.
-Potions, spells, prayers, and other methods can restore the dead to life. Unless
the plotline dictates otherwise.
-People will give you ultimate weapons of power for doing the silliest things.
-That item you got 15 hours ago that seemed useless is probably the key to
finishing the impossible puzzle you're stuck on now.
-Heroes only come from small obscure towns, or live with their only known
surviving relative in some tiny shack in the middle of nowhere.
-If your character had a friend/sibling/parents lost and believed dead, they are
alive.
-And probably evil now.
-Good will always triumph, even if you do have to load from the last save file
five thousand times.
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