Caring: To Save a Soul

by Gabriel Ang

"The greatest hope is found in the most hopeless of places."

The RPGamer community was deeply shocked and saddened these recent days with the loss of one of its own. And because of that, I set aside video games for a moment to write about other, more important things.

It was late in the day of June 27 CDT that I entered the RPGamer IRC channel, hoping to idle like I recently tend to do. However, I entered to see the channel topic referring to DragoonT, RPGamer's resident Internal Contributor. I read the topic title, and was confused by what it meant. I would later read from other chatter's messages what had happened. Most of you who read this already know, but when I realized what was going on, I was deeply shocked. I can honestly say I've never had any contact with him, I've only read his work, but I was still shocked though he was but a stranger to me. I always feel terrible when someone does this even though I didn't know them. I read through most of the messages left by the staff, and I could easily tell DT was close to them. Why someone would resort to take his own life isn't something strange to me.

I could remember some years back that a friend of mine sank into deep depression. His friends stabbed him in the back for petty reasons and his girlfriend left him for some other guy. Needless to say, he was wreck. I never really thought of him as friend until that day. That day, feeling all hope was lost for him, he decided it was time he left the mortal coil. I was devastated like everyone else who knew him. We never saw it coming. No, wrong term. We REFUSED to see it coming. Days before he sank to new lows, but many of us merely dismissed it as a passing phase. We decided to ignore and humor him, thinking he was simply crying for attention. Eventually, he would mention things about suicide. However, he always struck me as a carefree and cheery fellow, so I didn't think he was serious in anyway. But in days his depression and suicide talks bacme more intense, and when we realized that he was serious, it was too late. By the time anyone realized what was wrong, he was already covered in white sheets. And that moment, I realized, if I had decided to give a damn, he'd still be alive.

I can't say to know anything about suicide. I myself stood on that thin line between life and death, in so far as to have held the tool with which to end my life with. I looked at the blade for some time, and looked at myself on the reflection. I felt so lonely, thinking the world's problems were on my shoulders alone. I decided that it wasn't my time yet. The world had other things for me, and I decided I had to see them. A few days later, I went on a spiritual retreat with my High School class, and that's when I realized I wasn't alone.

Many of those who thought of suicide feel alone on their problems. Stuck in their loneliness, they feel that they have no use or place in the world, and decide there's no point in living. I realized that the only way to keep someone from standing at the edge and leaping.... was to show that we care. In some cases, actaully begin to care. If people actually cared about each other, we wouldn't be so empty and lonely. We wouldn't be wondering if it was the time to join the creator. If people just decided they had to help each other carry the crosses on their backs, then life wouldn't be so heavy. Sure, life has its ups and downs, but for some people it just gets heavier and heavier. It reaches the point where they can no longer carry it, and decide there's no more point in living. We all have our crosses to bear, but if we decided to help each other and carry our burdens together, then life wouldn't be so hard. For once in our life we SHOULD NOT complain how life treats us so unfairly, and see how some people so plainly live in the mud, and could use our help. Then surely.... people would stop dying uselessly.

My message for those of you who are going to put your life on the line: Think of all you'll leave behind. I know that some of you feel hopeless and depressed, but somewhere out there, someone cares. You may not realize it but your friends and family care about you, they love, and are more than willing to share in your burden. If the RPGamer boards are any proof, even complete strangers care. So don't feel so alone. Just around the corner someone's willing to listen. Someone's willing to help. Someone's willing to help carry your cross with you. If you only decide to put that blade down, and search, you will find them. I promise you.

As for everyone else: Show them you care. Life is so short, and when you realize it, it might be too late. It's never too late to show that you care. In the process, you will surely avert disaster. I'm sure none of you want to experience the death of a love one. A simple hug or kiss can mean all the difference.

I just want to say this: "When people start caring, people stop dying."

Once again, my deepest condolences to the Green Family. I know too often the pain of losing a loved one, but rest assured the Big Guy up there has better plans for him than life on earth did.

Tony Green, I salute thee and bid thee farewell.