The Planet of the EscApeists

by TSG

Well then. RPGs, or Real Life? Which is better?

I'm here to submit that /neither/ is better, because they are the same thing. Confused? Then I'll explain. Nono, really, I insist.

People often describe that they remember coming out of their womb as emerging to a bright, white light. Well, they're nearly correct, but not quite. You see, they're actually staring at the Now Loading screen. It's the same sort of thing as those people who've had near death experiences see, only their Now Loading is from their last save game.

I mean, think about it. There's so many things that are similar. Personally, my day's definitely an RPG. I wake up, feeling like it's only been 10 seconds since I went to sleep. (Presumably there was a brief snatch of inn music, but I was asleep, so I wouldn't know.) I practice a little with my katana, and then I proceed downstairs, pausing only to have a Random Encounter with the Big Nasty Housemate monster. After pummeling him into oblivion with said katana and my special moves, Wit and Outright Insult, I get some breakfast, and can feel my HP and MP restoring as I slowly wake up.

I'll spend a little time building my skills by using the computer, and then I'll wander into the town, where just as in every RPG, there are no random encounters with Housemate Monsters. There are some encounters with friendly people, but they're plot so they're allowed in towns. I buy things from the local chemist - maybe an Antidote for indigestion, or Eyedrops, or even a Panacea for my headache. Sometimes I'll even head out onto the world map and head for a different town. There's random encounters out on the world map, too, but they tend to be either lethal or slight nuisances, just like RPGs. When I get home, maybe I'll play a mini-game or two on my consoles, before going to bed. Cue inn music again. Maybe if I'm lucky I'll even have an FMV dream sequence.

There's too many similarities to list. Some people have to do a certain task each day to get a number of G at the end of the month. Some people have to do Heroic Quests like Go Shopping or Get Me A Beer. My personal favorite is running around trying to find all the minigames I can - they're really great fun. Somepeople run around checking all the lamps or the stoves or the clocks or the furniture for Elixirs - I call them Treasure Hunters, I don't really understand why they're called Electricians or Repairmen. There are many different classes in the world, too - Martial Artist, Magician, Librarian, Scientist, the list goes on and on. And most, if not all, of these classes have fights with their boss - Boss Fights, naturally. Of course, every RPG needs a party of heroes or misfits. I don't know about your house, but around here there are plenty of parties, chock-full of misfits. Our neighbours are getting quite annoyed at the noise.

Life ever stretches to being a Strategy RPG, but with the roles slightly switched around. Now, I have housemate peons, whom I can issue orders to (such as Go Shopping, say, or Get Me A Beer). They move at a set rate, they often threaten to leave if I mistreat them, they can learn a number of skills just like characters in strategy RPGs. They often stop and stare at a wall for no reason, waiting for their next turn to roll around. Their enemies are the technological problems within the house - sentient computers threatening to spark and blow up, the television remote that tries to flee every round so that it can never be found, the dangerous power of the Thing Lurking In The Refridgerator.

In conclusion, Life is an RPG. It's just a shame that the inventory isn't limitless - what I'd give for one of those Pants of Infinite Holding...

TSG is a level 21 computer spod with 120 HP and 150 MP, sad enough to design a Fanfic Maintainer AD+D class.

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