Emotion

by Raincrystal

Before I got the Internet, I was the only RPG fan I knew. My opinions were simple and uninformed. I thought FFIV was Final Fantasy II, and the idea of having orchestrated RPG music on a CD was an impossible desire. Posters? Action figures? In my dreams!

Now, I am an educated gamer with reasoned beliefs and lofty ideals. I want to research the backgrounds and explore the symbolism of my favorite games. And suddenly I feel like I'm required to have opinions on every aspect of a game: was the translation good? How did the FMV look? I have to decide what I think of these things, so that I can compare my opinion to everyone else's. I am in the clutches of the critic's world, and I better find clearly defined facts to support all of these opinions, before they are swayed by someone else's.

Worst of all, I am now aware. I'm aware that Square is spending money to create and promote its games. Aware that they use marketing tactics to determine what their next move will be. Aware that certain groups of gamers are alienated or catered to with each title. Aware that the changes between games are and aren't drastic. Aware of new-school and old-school and the fact that whatever your opinion might be, you better darn well feel that way for a reason.

I want to have an opinion about an RPG that is pure emotion. That's what RPGs are about to me, anyway: emotion. I love games because they make me feel more for their characters than movies or even books, because I truly care about those silly little polygonal people. They are my friends, my lovers, my enemies, my killers. It's frightening how much I would give to see the main characters of Suikoden II happy in the end. I cried my heart out for them more than once, because the story really made me feel. I really wanted to ease the pain of those who lost; I wanted to know the cause of all the sorrow. I wanted to catch the tears of a broken world, falling down upon the earth. I've always thought that was the perfect RPG song, because it wasn't just about the characters; it was about *me*, the gamer. I play by Emotion.

How can we all sit here and judge something which is pure emotion by logic and reason? Time and again, we form these opinions about the story, but our reasoning is just silly. We didn't *really* like Squall better than Cloud because his character was more realistically developed. We liked him better because he struck a particular chord in our heart, and now we feel that we have to find reasons why it is so. But what if it's so just because it is? How can we prove it then? We can't-- we can only accept it, and love or hate each game because of what it did to ourselves alone.

I reserve my right to base my feelings for each game primarily on my emotions. I reserve the right to love Mystic Quest for no discernible reason (I do) and become bored with FFIX (if I want to.) I do not want to have to like a game because it is publicly accepted as a good game or because it's got so much going for it. I am tired of judging by reason: in the words of four-year-olds everywhere, "I don't wanna." Games are my leisure, and darnit, I'm gonna like 'em.