The Problems with Editorials

by Joshua Maciel

Time to single out a single section from a single editorial for the good of the world. I think that if everyone follows the advice I'm going to try to give in a simple, straightforward fashion, everyone will have a more enjoyable time reading these editorials. First, let me quote the passage

"8. My favorite games include Lunar and Chrono Trigger (Best games ever), then FF5 and 6 (Tied). Games I hate: FF8 - Too futuristic, too lame, undepthful characters, stupid stupid STUPID story XenoGears - Just not my thing, the whole religious bit that fits in, I dont like it (Im not religious in real life, dont believe in a god because until I see him and proof of his existance--the bible doesnt count, for all I know that could have been written by a buncha drunk guys around a campfire one night--then I'll believe in a god and be religious, then maybe Ill appreciated XG more) Zelda 64 - I dont even consider this kid game an RPG (All N64 stuff is terrible, its made for kids who cant handle the serious stories of FF7 and such)"

That comes from Omega's editorial as a rebuttal to an editorial of FFA. Generally, I would feel bad singling someone out like this, but as far as I'm concerned, Omega is a non-person, just like Steven Gohan. Why? There's no email address. Therefore he can't get a mailbox flooded with notices about how off base he was, so I figure I can do that here.

Problem #1: Baseless Opinion -
Here we go. Lunar and Crono Trigger are the best games ever. Thanks. Is that going to convince anyone? No. But it's there anyway, just so people like me can get all huffy about it, and write about how ridiculous it is to put opinion in an editorial without backing. This little problem isn't quite so bad on the positive side, because sometimes people just have fun playing a game, and that's a good enough reason to me that they like it. However, when you come out of the blue and say that FF8 is "too lame, undepthful characters, stupid stupid STUPID story" you're going to get a lot of hatemail (assuming you were to put an email address with your words).

Solution #1: Logic and research -
So FF8 was lame to you. How was it lame? Did the game glitch every 30 seconds? Did it fail to keep your interest because you only like games with prolific nudity? Was there not enough senseless bloodshed? We don't know. So just tell us, or leave the comment out. That's simple logic. What about research? When you say that FF8 had undepthful characters, you have to consider what you just said. Look at the amount of time telling stories between FF8 and the other games you mentioned. Miraculously, I think you'll be amazed that FF8 actually has more story in it, which implies more character development, than FF5 or FF6, even Crono Trigger or Lunar. To boot, you say the story to FF8 is stupid. I see 2 major themes in the story: Love and saving the world. What were the two major themes in Crono Trigger...doh! But Lunar's different...doh! Capiche? And FF8 is too futuristic, which is a good point. Because it has a flying building, and cars. You'd NEVER see a car in Crono Trigger -- only time machines and robots...hey wait?!

Problem and Solution #2: Grammar -
Re-read. Undepthful is not a word. At least spell check, or grammar check your editorial first if you are notorious for making mistakes of that sort. If you don't trust your work enough to put your email address on it, don't send it. Ok?

Problem #3: Generalizations -
"All N64 stuff is terrible, its made for kids who cant handle the serious stories of FF7 and such" Of course it is. Because the actual hardware running a game effects the software. I love the logic, research, intelligence, and sheer intellectual strength behind your argument. Had Sony not entered the race, where do you think we'd be playing our Squaresoft games? I'll give you two guesses -- Saturn and Dreamcast aren't in the running, neither is Wonderswan.

Solution #3: Common sense -
If something doesn't seem to make sense, it probably doesn't. In order to avoid generalizations, either re-read your articles in an objective fashion, and see if it makes sense, or get someone objective to read it for you. Pretty simple, and will save out on a lot of embarassment later in your life, when you're working for an advertising firm, and you propose to make a white supremacy ad campaign, because "Goodness knows that only good Christ-Loving bigots will buy our product" or something equally off-base. Oh, that would probably get you very fired by the way.

Problem #4: Staying on topic -
There's this general trend that seems to be sweeping the world of academia. It's been doing it for hundreds of years. It's called coherency. One wants to make a point, and just one point, and hammer it home through examples. As I mentioned at the start, this was written as a rebuttal to a Final Fantasy Anthology editorial. Speaking about what games one likes and how other games suck, or don't, and proclaiming your undying love for the games which you are supposed to be objective about (FF5 and FF6) isn't going to help you one heck of a lot.

Solution #4: 5 paragraph essay -
There's this really neet format to put your editorials in, and this isn't a good example, since this is more of a guide than an editorial really, but I'll explain it and hope you all can do as I say and not as I do. It's called the 5 paragraph essay. It consists of 5 paragraphs. Paragraph 1: Introduction - state your point, and tell what your 3 elements of focus will be. Paragraph 2-4 are all very similar, each discusses 1 element of the 3 you mention in your introduction. Each paragraph should have an opening and closing sentence which link it with your main point. Paragraph 5: Conclusion - wrap all the things you've just said into a few sentences, restating your point, and showing how you just made a great argument by proving that everything links together. If you use this format, it will be very easy to read and understand your editorial.

Problem #5: "Too many drugs" -
I'll call this problem "too many drugs" because I can't find any other justification (they wouldn't give people in an insane asylum of the caliber we're talking about a computer, goodness knows what a sick mind can do with a mouse). This would consist of this poor soul's view on religion. First of all, he generalizes (problem #3), then he breaks too many grammar rules to count (e.g. "buncha" Problem #2), and additionally makes baseless assumption (Problem #1) and fails to relate this to FFA (Problem #4). Therefore, since he broke every rule in my little book, I decide to qualify this as its own problem.

Soltuion #5: Seek counseling -
The only solution to breaking all the rules is to follow them all, which would create an interesting paradox. So instead, try to think before you speak. A bunch of drunk guys didn't write the Bible around a campfire one night (if they did, it would be proof of God, that many volumes of text could not be written by a "buncha," which I think is the technical term for around 10, guys in a night). There's plenty of historical and literary evidence quite to the contrary. That aside, he says that were he religious, he may appreciate the game more. Quite a quandry since Xenogears seems to give an interesting anti-religion twist on its story, which would make him feel insulted. But I won't hold that against him (or her) since he never played the game, and probably didn't read any of the thousands of news snippets around the site about objectionable religious content. The general point is that by the same logic he used, one could say you can't appreciate a game about saving the world unless you've done it (or are in the process of doing it), you can't appreciate games about time travel unless you've done it, games about love unless you're in it, etc.

If this has seemed excessively harsh, then I did a good job. If this kept you reading to this point, then I did a good job. Why? Because it was interesting enough to keep you reading. I invite you all to do the same. For those of you who write rocking editorials every week which make great points and keep people hooked until the last word, keep it coming! For those like Omega here, who just doesn't seem to be able to post his thoughts in a coherent cohesive manner, please try to follow these guidelines: Logic, Grammar, Topic, and Common Sense. Thank you for your time.