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Is It Friday Yet?

 

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Send correspondence to the following stud
Joshua Reid

A most jovial salutations to my fellow They Might Be Giants fans! Wow, not only am I surrounded by men and women and aliens (your letters have proven to me the existence of extraterrestrial life--some of the e-mails are just too strange to be the work of a human hand) who love RPGs as much as I do, but I'm also buffeted by the knowledge that we hold similar music tastes as well. I have my own little support group here, and it makes me feel so warm and fuzzy inside, like when Cecil held Rosa tight after he rescued her, like when Celes blushed under Locke's tender gaze, like when my prom date told me I was the nicest geek she had ever met.

Sailor Moon Says . . .

I am Sailor Moon, the Champion of Justice!! No one trashes me and gets away with it!  How dare you!  I almost feel like I'm gonna . . . Gonna . . . *Waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah!!!!*   First those defenseless Crabbits, and now me??  I saved you from the Negaverse, buddy!!  And this is how you thank me?? You better watch it, or one of these days you're gonna find a tiara where the sun don't shine!!   Ha, yeah. You're no better than that sleaze queen, Beryl. I beat her with my wand . . . And I'll do the same to you! On behalf of the moon, I'll punish you! Cosmic Moon Power!!!!    

-Love, Sailor moon *Wink, Giggle*    

Sailor Says: I know that when I flamed Joshua Reid, it may have sounded a little harsh. But you have to remember that he's picking on me, the Moon Princess. Like even! So, until next time, Scouts! Sailor Moon says, See ya! *Giggle*

Joshua: SOBERING FACT #1987: This is the generation we are handing the world's reigns over to.

Very Important! Ignore at Your Peril!

I just thought that you might want to know that for buying music, Game Cave has horrible support, bad prices, takes a long time, and they're just a plain unethical company (e.g. selling FAQs with games where the FAQs were allegedly taken without permission from the author). For buying music, the best place currently would be http://www.the-place.com/. Yeah, http://www.book.uci.edu/anime.html is also good.

-Speed

Joshua: Thank you Speed! Sorry about the bum site, readers. Next time I'll only endorse places I've actually bought from, like Animenation.com. I can't praise that site enough!

What Do I Think?

1- Should I buy Brave Fencer or just steal the FFVIII demo at my local video store?

2-What do you get when you cross a Chocobo with a Moogle? (Do not answer a Choco-Moogle please . . . or a Moogobo for that matter.)

3-Do you truly believe a turkey invasion is possible? Should I lock the doors?

4-Are you one of those people who thinks that "The Wall" is the best Pink Floyd album?

-traveler friend

Joshua:

1. Stealing is wrong. You should give it back when you're done playing it.

2. I don't think that's anatomically possible.

3. Just in case, turn your oven on and leave it on--wards the Butterballs away. Ok, THAT WAS A JOKE, don't do it. *smelling lawsuits*

4. They're all good, yo.

Josh v. Josh

<rant about RPGJosh's Zelda comments> Oh, and I must ask, why are you upset you can't buy Brave Fencer Musashi? You obviously can't be impressed by it, as the only way to know whether a game is good is to play it yourself! Then you must just buy games from gut feelings? With BFM being new, you obviously haven't played it otherwise yet... Or maybe based on the graphics, as that IS the one thing you have admittedly been impressed by in games before playing them. Well, I guess that theory doesn't work either, as you're still playing the atrocious-looking Xenogears. Hmm. Beats me. </rant>

-Joshua Slone

Joshua: <B.S.> That's quite a slew of logic you've employed there. </B.S.>

Haha. Couldn't resist. Just Joshin ya!

Ahhh . . . More Questions

1) Why do you think Parasite Eve got such a media blitz, when Xenogears, a much highly acclaimed game by reviewers (or at least ones like me), doesn't get a glance?

2) Any chances of you doing an interview for characters from the Lunar series?

3) How many people do you think will buy Brave Fencer Whatever simply for the Final Fantasy VIII demo?

4) Why under any God's name is Pokemon so popular?

5) Why can't I just shut up occasionally?

-Radhil Trebors

Joshua:

1) I'm not going there again. Too much grief.

2) Very likely. As long as I stay here, I'll do an interview every week, on Tuesdays. From here on out, the guests will either be mystery guests or announced ones. If I tell you who I'm interviewing ahead of time (like Crono: Tuesday, the 17th) you can submit some questions for me to ask him. :) One per person, please.

4) Pokemon or . . . . Kirby. You decide. Also, Tetris is getting dull.

5) I have that same problem. My fiancee used duct tape.

Pokemon 64 Exists!--Kinda.

In regards to Kevin Warner's question about Pokemon not being released for the N64, there's one big reason you didn't hit upon. That reason is Pokemon Stadium.

Pokemon Stadium is an N64 game that was released in Japan this past summer, which is basically a simulation of the Pokemon Championship Games or whatever they're called, which I believe are featured in the Anime. The game comes with an accessory that plugs into the bottom of your controller, which you stick a Pokemon cartridge into. Then, you can pick Pokemon from those you've captured (as found on the cartridge), and you use these Pokemon to fight trainer after trainer in order to become something along the lines of ultimate Pokemon trainer/fighter/guy/girl/hermaphrodite.

Anyway . . . having seen the game myself, as I was in Japan just after they released Pokemon Stadium, I can attest that:

A) The commercials are scary. (But all Japanese commercials are, so it's all good.)

B) The game whips horse's butts with belts (in the words of Wesley Willis). The various Pokemon and their attacks are beautifully animated, for the most part, it's very colorful, and was pretty easy to follow despite the fact that my Japanese is less than perfect (I'm less than spectacular at reading Kanji).

C) Small Japanese children are very good at this game. -Very- good. What ramifications this could have on this side of the Pacific are beyond me, although if there were some sort of International Pokemon Championships, I'd not be putting my money on the U.S.

-Chris Erb

Joshua: The United States has about as much chance of whipping Japan in a video game competition as the Jaguar has of making another sale. I think it's a religion over there--maybe a new Buddhist Sect. I've heard some crazy stories relating to Japanese gamers: A FFanatic beating FFV at ninth level, someone getting through Resident Evil 2 in tofu mode without getting hit, and one fellow committing Sepuku (Honorable suicide, probably spelled it wrong) because he forgot to stock up on healing potions in FFIV, and a party of imps slew his characters. The last example was a tad facetious, but you get the point.

Chris is so right about the Japanese commercials. I was once watching an advertisement for a tote bag where an Asian Heidi was prancing around a field with cartoon--you guessed it!--CRABBITS bursting out of the flap. Yikes.

You've been to Japan? Hey, do the women there look like they do in Ranma 1/2? If so, do they do mail-order brides?

Unnecessary Panic

I read in one if the popular videogame mags that the new Zelda game was selling really well (preorders) and that this was surprising for a game that was "only going to be on sale for the last 39 days of the year." What does this mean? That the new Zelda is only going to be on sale for a limited time and then no more? If that's true, why would Nintendo do this? Or did the person saying this make an error? I sure hope so because I want the game but won't get it for a few months due to a lack of money.... do I need to hurry up and get it or is it still going to be for sale in the new year?

-Kody

Joshua: Kody, I'm sure they meant that the game was going to do very well considering it's rather late appearance in the Christmas market (actually, I think Nintendo picked a perfect release date). It's going to sell better than many games that have had a head start. Some places have already run out of the Gold Editions. But if you want to wait till next year Kody, barring nuclear holocaust, you'll be able to buy the game.

Okay, I'm going to admit something very shameful. I've been unnecessarily harsh on a game that will probably knock my socks off. I'm just mad because I don't own a N64 yet. The N64 wasn't an RPG console when I made my choice of system, and I never thought Nintendo would actually get off their butts and make this game. I'm miserable. I'm going to have to play it at a friend's house. Wah!

If you'd like to donate an N64 and Zelda64 to your poor RPGuru, I'd love you forever and a day. Infinity plus one!

Get Hyped

I noted your comments about Zelda 64, Parasite Eve, as well as other games, and the hype that surrounds them. I agree that hype to a certain extent is not to be believed, but there are really two types of hype.

1) "This game is the greatest! Everyone must buy it! The <fill in the blank> is/are AWESOME!"

Okay. Great. Obviously a ploy to sucker poor readers into purchasing a game that would otherwise never leave the shelves. Plenty of magazines are guilty of doing this, though some more than others (I never trust an "official" console magazine, because it's in their own interests to plug their system's games).

2) "We saw this game, got a chance to play. It's top notch, because ... <list rational, believable reasons here>"

Generally, if everyone and their dog says that a particular game is going to be good, chances are, they're not lying. Two examples that come to mind are Metal Gear Solid (loved it, and only one website I noted gave it a bad review, but their site has the worst reviews I've seen anyhow), and Half Life (everyone just loves it, can't wait for the full version to come out). Parasite Eve, if you will note, received some o the most mediocre reviews. Typically the fans were the ones defending and overhyping the game, whereas a good number of publications gave fair reviews. Several trustworthy publications say that Zelda 64 is going to be a great game. The chances of Miyamoto letting one of his most prized gaming franchises become stale is far less likely to occur than Square allowing the Final Fantasy series to decline in quality (but that could be several editorial columns unto itself). Not all hype is bad. And some hype can be trusted. And if Zelda 64 doesn't live up to the hype, well, I'll eat my gold cartridge.

-Chiral Fox

Joshua: Wonderful distinctions between the world of publicity and the world of journalism. I also agree that most of Zelda's hype is probably right on target.

No mass media publication is 100% objective. If you want to find an accurate review on Zelda64, don't peruse Nintendo Power.

The Readers Have Spoken

Lord of All things that are RPG and Dictator for Life of the Anti Crabbit Coalition

NO RPGURU! Don't Give up the good fight, were it not for you I would never hear of the insidious devious, demon fluffs, that hunt Anime and RPG's. I have never seen one as I don't own a console and don't watch as much Anime as I would like to, so it was only your warnings that prevented me from plunging into that abyss known as Crabbit worship. Never give up! The world must know! They have to believe you! Still there are those who not only do not know of or support the evil Crabbits, but there are those who worship there graven image, and sacrifice copies of the FFVIII Demo before there smiling faces. Never Give up! Never Give up! Help us RPGuru your are only hope!

-J Cat

Joshua: How can I resist such an honest plea? Sir Joshua, Defender of Justice, Slayer of Crabbitkind, RPGURU, shall once again take up his holy cause to rid the world of all that is Cute and Fluffy! Beware Crabbits! I'm baaaaack.

This Title Has Nothing To Do With The Letter

Well, now that Crabbit-Free day is over, I've got a really scary statement to make: you can actually BUY Crabbits! AHHHHHH!!! They are called Furbys and are made by Tiger Electronics. And they talk!!! They cannot use the word "I" but call themselves "me". On a lighter note, I have a question. I downloaded the FFV script of RPGamer and now I want to import it. I do not have a modchip, nor have I ever imported a game before. I was reading a column on psxnation.com about a new way to play imports w/out the chip and it goes in the slot that the gameshark goes into. Know anything about that? Also, where is a good place to find imports for the psx? How about modchips? Is FFV worth importing? How much would it probably cost? Thanks

-Kain13

ps. - and what are the FFIV peoples' last names? I now know Cecil Harvey, but what are the others'?

Joshua: You are the harbinger of horrific news. The demonic creatures have infiltrated further than I thought. The ICBM launch codes are next! Emergency meeting of the CAC tonight at the super-secret headquarters!

Imports huh? I mentioned in an earlier column that I'm not too keen on imports because of all the trouble involved (mod chipping, scripts), the extra money you have to pay, and the fact that there are some perfectly great games here to play! Could someone with experience importing give me a letter I could post with some pros/cons/suggestions about this practice? I don't want my ignorance leading this fellah astray.

The Original (Romanization) Cast of FFIV!

Cecil Harvey as Mr. Whipped

Kain Highwind as The Guy Who Keeps Running Off With My Equipment and Losing All Of It

Rosa Farrell as Mrs. Whipper

Gilbart Chris von Muir as The That's A Crazy Name So We'll Change It To Edward

Yang Fang Leiden as The Guy With The Pointless Kick That Does No Damage

Cid Pollendina as The Only Nearsighted Cid

Edge "Edward Geraldine" as The Romeo Who Never Was

Tellah as He's What's For Dinner [ineffable unless you've been a faithful RPGuru reader]

Rydia of Mist as The Living Proof That Girls Mature Faster Than Guys

Palom and Porom of Mysidia as The Annoying Mages You Cheered For When They Were Turned to Stone and Wept When They Returned To The World Of The Living

Scattered Thoughts:

Here are some more corrections: I meant Edgar, not Edward (so sorry), Diablo is a console game now, and my spellchecker didn't tell me that Ruminiko Takahashi is actually Rumiko. :)

The RPGuru archives are UPDATED! Ahhh, it feels so good to say that. Relive your favorite RPGuru memories.

Shakespeare beckons, I must depart.

- Joshua Reid

"Whoever cares at all for the syntax of things will never wholly kiss you." -e.e. cummings

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