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The Oracle
 
Goog in da hiz-ouse.
 
The Oracle, Brad Lohr - November '99- 02:00 PST

Bon journo, everybody! It's learning to speaka ital--.. wait. Wrong show. Sorry. It's the Brad and Googleshng show.. and on that note, let me introduce my partner in crime, at least for the evening... (here, penguin, penguin!)

Googleshng: Hello. I'm crackpot Googleshng. You may remember me from such weirdness as my page, #RPGamer, and various weird pictures in this here column. You know, Master Roshi in a bunny suit? That Freud picture a couple days ago? Fine, I'm "the slime guy". Get long term memories. 8)

Brad: Yes.. he was the one who put together the Jedi Borg pic, the Pink Freud, and of course, Master Roshi. Basically I contracted him out to do these weird pictures and bribed him with a spot on the column. That, and I think he's crazy in a great way. Anyhow, I think today needs no further comment.. I'm laughing just thinking about it.

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In Brad's Head
 
11.5 hours at work. I'm kinda fuzzy. Not only that.. I came home early.
 
If a man could overdose on perl.. there could be no more glorious death..
 
$dbh->do($breathe) or die;
 
Oh, and for the ladies, a little C++:
stalk(*this);

Dear god.. I make jokes in programming languages.. I'm such a dork... I love it.
 
Goog's crazy whacky weirdness.. part 1
Brad

Am I crazy, or is Suikoden 2 a great game? I hate to say it, but I'm enjoying it more than Final Fantasy 8. What's wrong with me?

-Dyne-

Goog:
Yes. You're crazy. Thouroughly so. Anyone who prefers a non-Square game to a Square one needs some serious deprogramming. Actually I haven't played Suikoden 2. Not only am I broke, but I honestly didn't really like the original that much.

Brad:
I'll go with 'no' on the crazy issue. I loved Suikoden 2. I'm definitely going back through the game to get more of those damned stars as soon as I have a little free time.

 
Now that you're warmed up...
Jerad Hurst wrote:

I'm confused, Brad says my name is Steve, but you say that I'm a Japanese Schoolgirl. Now, I know that I can't be named Steve and be a Japanese Schoolgirl at the same time, so which is it?

- Confused & Dumbfounded, Crono & Dekar

Goog:
You ARE confused. It's perfectly reasonable to be a Japanese Schoolgirl named Steve. In fact, I come across something like 50 Japanese Schoolgirls named Steve a day. Better hurry to class Steve or you'll wind up standing in the hall with a bucket of water all morning!

Brad:
I'll second that. I have pictures of a Japanese schoolgirl named Steve around here somewhere.. Oh. Wait. No, this one's named Edge. :P

 
Grandia Questions.. 'answered'.
"Steven P. Ostrowski" wrote: Okay here are a few questions I would like you to answer: 1. In Dom Ruins how do you get the bag with the orcs behind the cages?

Goog: 1. You have to go to the last town you were at and talk to everyone 5 times in a row. Then you get the maid costumes. Equip those, they're armor. With those you should be able to just sneak in and take it.

Brad: .... I haven't played Grandia yet :(

2.What does the Trust item do?

Goog: 2. You use it when you're fighting the head guy. It makes him just you completely, so then you just tell him to commit sepuku. If you think that's bad, you should see the saw in Saga 2 (FFL2)

Brad: .. (see above) ..

3.Have you played Grandia?

Goog: 3. Well, no. Maybe you should have asked that first eh? 8)

Brad: .. (see above) .. (snicker at Goog's response) ..

4.IF so do you like it?

Goog: 4. Well, like I said, I haven't played it. I don't know a single thing about it except that it's made by the same people as Lunar. I've been trying to get people to tell me about it, but they won't give me a single specific detail.

Brad: I've heard great things about it. It will be the next game I play, I hope.. I just haven't had time recently..

Well thats it Thanks! -Spin!-

 
You're not my daddy's bovine!
Seeing how it's only about 6 hours long, if they keep releasing new screen shots of Vagrant Story, we'll be able to put them all into one big animated .gif and watch the entire game! AHAHAHHAAA!

Vagrant Cow "These ain't your daddy's bovine"

Goog:
Hey, don't forget that games are interactive entertainment! If you just watch the whole game you don't get the gameplay, just the plot! Oh wait, this is by Squaresoft. Fine, you're right, just put it on a fast server, my modem's only 56k.

 
How can there be a 4 player action rpg for the psx2 if it only has 2 controller ports. :o

Goog:
Well, you'd think they would just make a multitap sort of thing, but that's not it. You see, 2 people control the first 2 characters, and then to control the others, you hit select and then give the controller to someone else real fast. On that subject, the PSX2 only has 2 controller ports! Let's all point at it and laugh! Haha! Stupid overpriced unoriginal hardware.

Er, I mean, probably a multitap kind of thing... or a modem like with Phantasy Star Online.

Brad:
If I haven't seen a 4 controller converter for every system I can remember since the SNES, well, then, it's probably 1:30am, and I'm sleep dep--.. okay, bad analogy.

 
Serious Answer from Google.. really!
I made Terra go peepee in FFVI. Its so funny. Just go to the bathroom in the jail cells in vector. You can go PEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!

Hayabusa

Goog:
Yup. You can. You can also make Ogres dance in WarCraft 2! Just have the first one patrol a distance of about 4 spaces, and have the other one follow it. They even spin eachother around! The scary part is, this is the only thing I've answered seriously.

 
 

Words from the Wise One:


Er, well, that was interesting. :) Yeah, well, it's the weekend. Veronica's up starting tomorrow, and I'll be back on Monday, like it should be. (We pulled a quick one on you the last two weekends, didn't we? Anyhow, here's some closing thoughts/words from Goog, and ya'll have a great weekend. I'll see ya then!

Googleshng: That was pretty amusing. Anyway, now I'm going to have to force you all to go to my page. It's only fair since I made all of them come read this. It's at: www.geocities.com/googleshng/rantings/ Now, let's see, was there anything else I had to plug? Hmm... oh yeah! My new movie with Bill Mur- er, no, wait. This isn't Saturday Night Live, if it was I sure as heck wouldn't want to host it these days. Aha! I'm making an elaborate Tactical RPG and it's almost done! All I need is the graphics... I really need to find a talented anime artist tragically living in the gutters or something. Anyway, when I finish, buy it! I need the money! I can't even afford Grandia or Suikoden 2!

Googleshng "insert clever obscure Escaflowne reference here"


Brad "mumbleweekendmumblefall" Lohr

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