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Q & ABUSE
MANTICORE OBFUSCATION
Chapter II: In Which Manboobs Are Not Mentioned
ante diem VII Kalends November, A.D. MMVII

Lusipurr - 15:30 GMT

Welcome to Q&A at RPGamer. Once again, I have been sentenced to answer your idiotic and trivial ramblings. Gather together, that we may all laugh at my misfortune.

Once again, Sean Kepper has pipped off to the Bahamas, this time using some so-called exam as his excuse. I have yet to see an academic exam which requires hundreds of dollars in travel expenses and a skimpy set of swimming trunks. Of course, I know what he is up to. My trained assassins have been given their orders. Justice will be served.

Whilst I await their satisfactory reply, I suppose I can be troubled enough to see what you mindless drones have written in to say. Therefore...

I will now address your tiresome and annoying questions.




Let battle commence!
Vox Populi


Hey-o Lusipurr,

I will have it known that Sean requested letters for you. So now you're getting one, despite the fact that you were quite rude to many writers in you last go at the helm. Maybe you can do better this time instead a resorting to a holier-than-thou mentality of making fun of people for simply having a different opinion than yourself. I'm not holding my breath on that one.

I'm hoping that the break there is enough for your response. If you feel the need to continue ranting about how I've misjudged you please continue.

Done? Good let us move on.

Lusipurr

"Quite rude?" "Holier-than-thou mentality?" I haven't the faintest idea what you are on about, but I can assure you I do not possess a 'holier-than-thou mentality'. I am holier-than-thou, it's not a state of mind, it is a fact.


The topic of the removal of backwards compatibility from the PS3 is new for me so you can read my opinion. I know you're probably thrilled.

Sony is making a number of mistakes if they want my money with the PS3. Removing backwards compatibility is one thing that strikes me as foolish. So what if it lowers the price? It's removing a function that I would use. On top of that they're going to try to pass off their new model as better than the last because the price drops. And unfortunately people will buy it and be unaware that they are buying the lesser product. Like people who buy Xbox 360 core systems, they are simply uninformed about how the company they are buying from is charging them more for less.

I will not be buying a PS3 anytime soon. Not only is it still overpriced, it has no RPGs I want. With a backlog the size of mine backwards compatibility is a must, because by the time I catch up the next generation of systems is out and I'll end up wanting to play some of those games inbetween my classic sprite based games. I'll stick with Eternal Sonata and Blue Dragon, with the difficulty patch of course. That and the virtual console of the Wii allows me to play great games like Paper Mario.

Anyway, Lusipurr, I hope you've enjoyed the letter,

Ken

Lusipurr

Normally, I would use my editorial oversight to 'adjust' the tone of your letter from bitter resentment to glowing praise. You may well ask why I didn't. The truth is, I really couldn't be bothered to spend the time what with having to attend to all of the other rubbish you're spouting.

I know how you feel about the PS3, and in my opinion Sony is squandering the reputation they've spent more than a decade building. It is certainly interesting to see them breaking open the piggy-bank of PlayStation goodwill, spending their accumulated earnings with an unrivaled frivolity, whilst at the same time squeezing all the money they can out of their diehard fans. I cannot but think that, eventually, there will be a reckoning for this cynical manipulation of the masses. That day may not be tomorrow, but unless they stop screwing the gamers, they are going to be run out of town just like any other snake-oil salesmen.

THAT SAID, perhaps I should not condemn Sony as a whole. Their PS3 department may have its head firmly lodged deep within its hindquarters, but their PSP unit seems to know which way is up. A whole host of engaging, excellent titles has been (and are being) released, to the point that I have played my PSP more in this past month than I have played my DS all year. I cannot put down F.F. Tactics, and there's Disgaea in a few days, Crisis Core 'round the corner, and Castlevania to play if I get bored--not to mention Dissidia and whatever else is eventually announced. The PS3 hasn't managed to coax so much as a farthing out of my pocket, but the PSP is another matter entirely.

The Live! Arcade and Virtual Console are excellent as a means of distributing low-cost classic titles quickly. I can tell you they get a lot of use here.

Alright. Enough of this idle blithering. It's not going to change Sony anyway. Next!



The WoW Factor


Lusipurr,

When looking for an MMORPG, what kind of game should I go for? The difficult FFXI or the simple to use WoW? Explain to me the both qualities of FFXI and WoW, and what social benefits I may gain from both of them, and if I was going for difficulty, what level of strategy I would have to use in either game.

-ACG

Lusipurr

So you've decided to write in by giving me essay questions from your video-game history class. Well done, you little plagiarist. I know what you are playing at, but I'll answer your question anyway, if only because you have touched upon one of my favourite topics.

For many people, this is a question close to the vest. FFXI players are touchy because of the reduction in players of their game as people migrated to the more casual WoW. WoW players are touchy because of accusations that their game is easier and plagued with 12-year olds from HaloOnlineLand. Let me be the one to settle this disagreement. All the claims are true.

As a devout and frequent citizen of Vana'diel, I enthusiastically support Final Fantasy XI and its many beautiful expansions, but the game is not for everyone. It is vastly more time-consuming and challenging than WoW, which is important to consider. How much time do you have to play it? How much time are you willing to put in to get a reward?

Also important is whether you prefer to be able to work alone, or if you prefer working in groups. Whilst it is possible to solo in F.F. XI (and the converse in WoW), most of your activities will be the opposite. If you are antisocial or have trouble getting on with others, this may be a game-breaker for F.F. XI.

Last but not least are the differences in style. WoW plays a lot like an FPS with fantasy characters, whereas F.F. XI feels much more traditional with its menus and its displays. As a result, the pace is slower in F.F. XI, but with this increased difficulty comes an increased sense of accomplishment as waypoints in your journey are met. And, when you finally do reach the heights of L.75, you don't have to scupper your accomplishments and begin a new character to play with your friends, you can simply change your jobs and try your hand at a new path.

The best thing you can do is try both for yourself and see which you prefer. Try to make your choice on the basis of gameplay, not social system. Unless you are an atrocious dunce (and maybe even then) you'll make friends eventually in both games. Make certain you choose the game that suits you first and foremost, or you'll just end up being disgusted.



HaLOL RPG


Sean,

The Halo RPG... apparently, the idea is not so far-fetched for some people: Link1 Link2.

Lusipurr

Some projects should never see the light of day. Also, I'm not Sean. Duh.


Okay, in all seriousness though, I think it could be possible. If the lack of story is what you're worried about, then you need not worry. The Halo universe has a very rich story and well-developed world for people to write stories in, even more so than Star Wars in my opinion. One can certainly write a story about a certain individual, a soldier or a Spartan with a cool backstory and put him in a particular conflict in the Halo universe, where he can make many friends and enemies, and maybe even get involved in a more complex plot. Gameplay-wise, I can very easily see Halo's gameplay being translated into one of those top down action RPGs like Fallout, or one of those psuedo-RTS RPGs where you control a whole squad from a top down perspective, using squad tactics and coordination with RPG elements to fight. Since they are indeed making a Halo RTS, I wouldn't be surprised if they take that same gameplay engine and apply it to an RPG.

FirstAid

Lusipurr

Are you seriously advocating an RPG version of Halo? You obtuse piece of flotsam, do you have any idea what that would mean? An RPG version of Halo would be covered by this site, and in a condemnable act of spite I would almost certainly be charged with reviewing it. This reason alone is enough to warrant death for any person involved in bringing such a fell deed to fruition.

Moreover, why does every successful enterprise necessarily require conversion to another genre? If you've played Dirge of Cerberus, you should know that some games ought stick to what they are good at. Isn't it enough to be an excellent shooter? Why make it an RPG as well? It seems to me this is only a brazen attempt to tap the finances of a different subset of the population. A pox on such wickedness!



Bleach Babes


Hi Sean.

Is the Bleach game for the DS you're obsessed with this one or the already released fighting game? If it is the fighting game, what do you think about? I'm not a big fighting fan but I've been considering getting it since I like the series.

To make this RPG-related, what other genres, apart for RPGs, do you play? The only other type of games I enjoy are strategy games.

Zohar Gilboa

Lusipurr

I am not Sean. I am not Sean. I am not Sean. Have you mental midgets figured it out yet? Good. Last Friday of the Month. I'm Lusipurr. Not Sean!

Now that we have cleared up any confusion about my identity, we can attend to your silly little questions. Bleach RPGs? I have nothing but foul scorn for such games. Games based on anime programmes, and anime programmes based on games, usually disappoint. I don't even like Bleach, so I imagine I'd hate the game even if it wasn't the rubbish it almost certainly is.

I've already told everyone that I hang around for platformers and puzzle-games mostly, but I haven't the faintest idea what Sean likes. If I had to guess, I'd say apart from RPGs he likes Educational Games, Racing Simulators, the Madden Series, and Grand Theft Auto. His favourite game at the moment is called Skip Town on a Bahama Junket at RPGamer's Expense. I hear the sequel is a killer.



A Song for Squeenix


Hi!

So I was otherwise occupied for the last several years and neglected to jump on the DS bandwagon. I recently caved and bought it as well as FF III, which of course held my foremost attention. Did anybody else want to squeal when the overworld music played for the first time?

Lusipurr

Like a Japanese schoolgirl.


FF overworld music has always been phenomenal, really, being possibly some of the best pieces of the series, but it floored me that such a short, simple, repetitive theme could be so damn pretty! It possibly helped that the first phrase is quite similar to the title theme of the original FF Adventure, which was also great, and also sounds reminiscent of some Zelda themes--but either way, it completely brought home the ambiance of the adventuring friends and the big, unknown world, and made me want to go out and explore life for myself. All of which is more amazing thinking that it was originally an 8-bit music sample, and we're now used to significantly more evolved works.

Lusipurr

What's your point, bub? You like overworld map music? Welcome to the group, member number sixty-eight million seven hundred thirty-one thousand four hundred two. I am glad Squeenix's symphonic aspirations encouraged you to escape the mildew and damp of your subterranean lair.


I think it's a testament to Square(Enix) that, even though their games obviously aren't perfect, they can evoke such a response that people (even if I'm the only one) hold their breath and stop short just to hear what the world's theme sounds like.

JD

Lusipurr

Music is the sort of thing which can evoke all manner of emotional responses, and Square's classic tracks are no exception. Seeing the opening of Chrono Cross always brings a tear to me eye--or would, if I had tear ducts--and I don't even like the game that much. The opening of the Suikoden games also evokes a similar response.

Part of it, I believe, is that RPGamers perhaps more than any other subset of the gaming populace have heroic aspirations which are unlikely to ever be realised. After all, villains seldom threaten the world with universal annihilation these days. (Most of them have realised it is far more profitable to go into business or politics.) Thus, these yearnings to adventure are endlessly denied. Music evokes the feelings associated with those desires, and for a brief moment we are transported out of our mundane existence into a creative realm of possibility where, if only for a short time, we are capable of being the hero which the real world will never need.

Or maybe not. Who knows? And that, as they say, is that.



QUICKIES

What colours do Moogles come in? Why do we only really see the pink and yellow ones in FF7? I want a green Moogle!
-Ginia

Lusipurr
Any colour which modern hair dye can provide. In FF7, the colours pink and yellow just happen to be all the rage amongst fashionable moogles.

What do you think will be the next new job announced for Wings of the Goddess?
-Firefox

Lusipurr
Acting on various information, I'd guess Time Mage.



To the victor, the spoils!

For those of you who thought it would be a clever joke to write in saying how 'refreshing' and 'amusing' my earlier column was, I have some choice words. RPGamer's family-friendly policy prohibits me sharing this edifying dialogue with you, but believe me, I'd love to let you know what I think of your praise. After all, it's because of this 'popular demand' that I am here, serving time attending to your every whim like some oppressed commoner. Instead, I will say thank you all so very much. The words are heavy with meaning, I assure you.

Halloween is just around the corner. I'll be back in a month, by which time most of you should have finished off the candy you acquired by blackmailing your neighbours with threats of toilet paper and eggs. That gives you some time to send me some pictures of your costumes! I will render my judgement upon your efforts, and the person whose costume I decide is the best will be personally and genuinely praised by me at the very top of my next column. The effort may kill me, but consider this my (sole and single) gesture of good-will.

But, just so you know, I still hate you all. Good bye for now, you sorry lot of rotters.

~Lusipurr



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Unanswered Letter Backlog: Z4g0sa.toot!!1

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