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Googleshng - August 7 '03- 2:00 Eastern Standard Time

While I was working on this column someone gave me some horrible earthshattering news to pass along to you. I'll save it for the bottom of the column though for the sake of suspense.

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Watch a Theory in Action

Hey Google,

Actually, you're wrong about your theory about why people say FF7 sucks. There's the fact that FF10 sucks and not because it's been out at all, it's just that when you first play the game(and every other time you play it for that matter), the game is so boring.

You get in more battles than in Beyond the Beyond (I mean COME ON, that was alot), then there's the fact that not one of the abilities in the game other than Black Magic, Cure Spells, Quick Hit, and Armor Break are useful in the game because all you'll be doing is changing characters then attacking, the entire game, just change characters and attack, which gets boring if you ask me.

And then the storyline is just pathetic if you ask me. Go from place to place to collect all the summons to destroy sin? And then after you find out you can't use the last summon you just destroy him a different way.

The game is so bad, even Star Ocean: the Second Story is better. A series that has copied the Tales series from the first game they created, same menus and everything. Except, on Star Ocean: the Second Story, you do anything and the computer runs all around and does it no matter where you're standing, and doesn't give you the satisfaction that you've did anything yourself. Even though Star Ocean sucks, it's still better than FF10, because it has a decent storyline(not very good but decent).

So that brings me to the conclusion that the only reason people like these pathetic games are for FF10's graphics, where as Squaresoft is the best in that area now that they do nothing except graphics. And Star Oceans anime type graphics, because everyone that likes it are into its anime characters along with being biased about the entire game being awesome.

Other than that, I like Dragon Warrior 3.

Googleshng:
Don't forget how you have to hit 14 buttons to go up a level.

Anyway though, my point wasn't that nobody can see the flaws in an FF game until there's a new one to compare it to, it's that the blind rabid fanboy count will be too high to express your opinions in public without fear of massive reprisal. So people are likely gearing up to rip your throat out as we speak. I have to point out though that compared to the other games released around the same time FF10's graphics were neither technically impressive nor, in my opinion, artistically appealing. Name recognition is the main thing going for it.

Several people pointed it out. I print the one who said fnord.

"As for your Cyndi Lauper NES game, I'm reasonably certain that doesn't exist. If I'm wrong about that, feel free to correct me though."

I believe he is talking about the Goonies, as the song "The Goonies 'R' Good Enough" were played on both movie and game ;). I still have a Cindy Lauper LP, hehe.
Well, I don't have a question, I am just pointing out. Fnord.

Googleshng:
I stand corrected. I'd probably have known that myself if I didn't have a mental block around that movie which now needs some repairs.

Here's an odd one.

I just sent Square Enix USA a very well-worded letter in which I suck up more than I should...basically I tell them how much I need and want them, and how much money I've spent on them since each of their now single company was born...but I was subtle. Very subtle. I made it sound like I wanted nothing...

What do you think the chances are that they'll even send me a return letter?

The Man

Googleshng:
Most big publishers keep form letters they throw at creepy fans at the drop of a hat, so I'd guess pretty high.

Link! He come to town! Come to save...

Hey Goog,
So I'm playing Legend of Zelda: A Link to the Past again (I don't even know what number I'm on), only this time it's the GBA version! One of my favorite games ever. Anyway, I was just wondering, did they increase the difficulty in this version while they were adding all sorts of little extra things? Or did my skills just get rusty over time? Because now I seem to die every 10 minutes or so, whereas on the SNES I would attempt to finish the whole game without dying once, and almost managed.
Oh and one thing that's been bothering me since I first played the game through. You know the boy who changes into a tree in the dark world after you play his flute for him? Do you have any thoughts as to why this might happen? Couldn't Link just lead him to a portal to the light world and reunite him with his father? That part of the game always made me so sad! Anyway, thanks for your time!
~Jess

Googleshng:
The difficulty I assume is just you getting rusty. As far as tree boy goes though, well, that happens due to the whole dark world form being dependant on your general attitude. Leading him somewhere at that point would be rather tricky too, what with being inanimate and all. Don't knock being a tree until you've tried it though, there's quite a few perks to the gig.

More on this...

Glad to have you back, Goog! The last time I wrote, I asked for lettering of "Imperial Mog" and got two different things. The thing I forgot was I needed his name as well, "Greg Etter." I'm sorry, I'm kinda forgetful. Hmmm...Let's see what else? I'm really tired so this probably isn't the best time to try and remember...Well, nevermind, it's long gone. *sweatdrop* Anywhoz, I've attached a nice little comic (sorry it's not colorful, maybe someday...) for your viewing pleasure. Sorry about the slime thing. It kinda has to do with one of Queen Dork's comics, where you as a slime eat Andrew. Heeheehee. He's going to come after me for this one. ^______^ Thanks again! -True Illusion

Googleshng:
The comic in question didn't seem to make it through to my end. here you go though on the name.

Four questions oddly about me.

Hello Google-Slima.

I would like to start off by saying, "I like waffles." There, with that out of the way, I can get to the point. If you had your own empire, either in reality or for a game, what would you call it? What kind of laws would there be? What kind of political system would it have?

Googleshng:
Well, according to Nation States it'd be some weird hyper-socialist sort of affair where everyone has a great quality of life but nearly no spending cash, but that's a rather limited game. Going by Alpha Centauri on the other hand, it'd be an ultra-high tech sprawl patrolled by teaming boils of brain eating psychic worms. So ultimately, I suppose the nature of such an empire would depend primarily on the circumstances under which I came by it.

Also, since you dislike MMORPGs, what do you think of sports games? I think they personify laziness.

Googleshng:
Well, I generally don't find sports interesting, so games based on them hold pretty much no appeal. Except of course for Blood Bowl. If real football games had orcs tossing goblins into the endzone and chainsaw wielding skeletons, I'd probably watch it regularly.

More importantly, are you writing a book? I'd love to read it if you are.

Googleshng:
Well I'll keep that one potential sale in mind, but were I ever to pursue a career in the writing of fiction, I'm fairly sure I'd stick to short stories, so such a book would have to be a collection.

Finally, when are you going to finish your game, and what would it run on? Windows, Mac, or is it a system?

Thanks again,
Ricky Takare

Googleshng:
Hmm... you'll have to be a bit more specific on that one. Looking over my list of partially completed games, we've got paper, GBA, GBA, Mac/PC, paper, card, console, and another Mac/PC in there somewhere. completion times on any of those depend on how distracted I am by the rest and whether I could actually get any published.



Quickies

So how's your uterus today?

That's the strangest thing anyone has asked me in at least 48 hours.

mmm hot guys are my dish mmm

And here's the strangest statement in that time period. You have a point though, human flesh really isn't too good cold.

... not that I'd know first hand! Quit staring at me! I'm not a cannibal!

I've made it to the quickies before, I've made it to actual questions before but never have I been overly ridiculed in the intro. I'm famous, yay ^_^ *dances*

- Galvatron

Yeah, have a cookie.

If you were a tree what kind of tree would you be?

Some sort of hideous mutant humanoid tree that plays and talks about games evidently.

The Last Laugh:

OK, on with that big eathshattering announcement bit. Due to some sort of Logan's Run type policy, the powers that be have decided to kick me out of the comfy Q&A chair and let someone else have it. So feel free to toss various sappy moppy letters here for me to print on Monday, and throw Andrew the usual weekend type letters.

Googleshng "..." @rpgamer.com

I said "..." and I'm sticking with it.

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