Rob Hamilton - July 23 '01- 2:00 Eastern Standard Time|
I could air some dirty laundry by publicly flaming the individual who sent me a multiple paragraph letter--twice--proclaiming (with poor use of capitalization and spelling) how Google "should be brought to justice" for the running gag concealing the slime's gender, and tell this person to find a better hobby than harboring vendettas for old gags that don't really affect him in any way, against people who he doesn't know. But, it would just be silly to bring that up!
Instead, why don't I concentrate on more pertinent issues. For instance: Michael Greenhut has returned for a night to guest-host this column. Alright, now raise your hands if you remember who Michael Greenhut is... got 'em raised? Good! Fifty bonus points for anybody whose hand was in the air. If you don't remember, he hosted this column two or three years ago or so. If you do remember but were just too good, or too lazy, to exert enough willpower to move your hand up into the air for a few seconds, then shame on you! No points for you! The only valid excuse is if you're physically unable to move your hand, in which case you get fifty conciliatory bonus points if you remembered.
Michael: *blink* Who? Wha? Where am I...? Say what..?! Oh! Good evening. Some of you will remember me, and others, well, your older siblings might remember me. My name is Michael Greenhut (designated 'Archangel Michael' by a few contributors), I am now a graduate student at Binghamton University as well as a starving writer who has successfully completed a novel, among other shorter works, though I have yet to break in as a published author. A little over two years ago, I worked as one of the Q&A froobs here at RPGamer. It was an exhilarating experience, to say the least, and a job that took a healthy 3-hour chunk of concentration each day to uphold correctly.
But alas, there came a point where I was considered too dangerous to continue working at RPGamer - an understandable sentiment at the time, but I shan't elaborate on the details. I was then placed into cryogenic containment until they could decide what to do with me, or until such time where it was deemed my services might be needed once more, despite the risk. Now, for one day only, a vacant guest position cries in despair, and I have been chosen and thawed to answer its call.
Freshly awakened, I find myself in an unfamiliar world with strange new RPGs. Life as I remember it is not the same, and I am something of an anachronism, a relic, compared to my colleagues. Yet traces of my old reputation remain; it seems I am still an unwary frequenter of blacklists. I frighten the horses, I attack your sheep at night, I (politely) stalk radioactive female poets, and I have hidden documents for an RPGamer underwear line that not even Mike Tidwell can locate that will make me more of a ravishing, unscrupulous profiteer than the NLP. So beware, I just might eat your bone marrow with my evening bowl of spaghetti next week.
But all the same, I am honored to have been invited back for one more column. I will do my best to answer your grievances. Sacrifice your eldest virgin daughter to me in a pool of beef ramen, and I might even answer them correctly.
Hi Chim and Greenhut,
Just my usual mix of slightly-printable questions mixed with incoherent
sludge : )
1) What are your opinions on game music today and how do you think it will
evolve? For example, will we ever be able to walk into Best Buy and pick up
the latest Final Fantasy soundtrack? After all, both FF9 and TSW had some
sound work done by Skywalker Sound, and the London Philharmonic is recording
the music for Xenosaga (Mitsuda in full orchestra is enough reason on its
own to get the game).
2) Should I carry out my strange and silly scheme?
3) <Insert incoherent sludge here>
4) You know what the RPG world really needs? Another FF7. And by that I mean
a game with as much impact on the community, not a clone. Either that or I
need to stop multitasking my life and settle down for a week with one game.
Bart, not putting anything interesting in his signature, so you can, and
should, stop reading; in fact, it would have been better if you hadn't
started reading this at all, since it's a total waste of your time : )
[an aside to Mr. Greenhut]
Hey, not sure if you still follow editorials here, but I'm the guy who's
revamping them, and I have a couple questions. Do you by any chance remember
the exact day the march 99 eds were posted? we've fudged them as the 15th
for now ; ) Also, if you have any of your (or anyone elses') old updates
that aren't in the archives now, can you please send them to me?
[an aside to Chim]
Hey, you should've expected that last aside ; )
Michael: 1) Games have music today? Barnstormer has a theme song?
Pac Man has...oh, wait, I haven't been in stasis for quite that long. *looks nervously for
the next cue card*...okay, just a little rusty...come on, I know this...
Ah, here we go. Well, let's take a look at the videogame timeline. Back in the early 80s,
games were being made from movies and media - Raiders of the Lost Ark, Star Trek,
E.T.(shudder), and so forth. Now that games have advanced, we have a reversal -
games like Wing Commander and Final Fantasy actually produce movies
and media. Thus, it only seems logical to me that music from games becomes increasingly
prominent and, yes, available in places like Best Buy.
2) Is it shaped like a pyramid? Does it involve me at the top?
3) AOLboy15: hlo? hlo? a/s/l plz...ne1 play saga frontier? hlo..?
wher am i? hlo...?
4) I will admit, FF7 had a tremendous impact on my GPA, knocking it low enough for me to lose my scholarship. Of course, that was almost four years ago, but neither 8 nor 9 has been able to humble me so. I will personally hang a medal over the next installment in the series that gets me kicked out of graduate school. How's that for a criteria? If you don't approve, I'm sure Chim will offer his own utopian doctrine on what the series needs.
As for the editorials, a fellow named Stephen Gohan absconded with them, along with most of my memories involved in the part. It all happened after I walked into that strange tavern . . . my sincere apologies. I haven't been able to find him, but I have woken up some mornings in strange outdoor locations with blood dripping from my mouth and nails. I'll let you of know any updates on the situation.
Chimerasame: I keep expecting to walk into Tower Records one day, be perusing the soundtrack section, and see Xenogears: Creid (or something similar) sitting on the shelf. It hasn't happened yet, but video games are getting a lot more attention than they used to, and I don't expect it to be long.
A game with as much impact as FF7? Well, depending on what sector of the community is looking, that could be Xenosaga, or Suikoden III... but, regarding the mainstream non-RPG-playing community, which is the group FF7 affected the most, it'd take another giant leap to have similar effect. Voice recognition and response might be possible to have in a few years, though I imagine it'd be fairly crude. I'd like to see some more advanced AI for conversation options with NPCs, personally, but I'm beginning to digress quite a bit. o-o
Two things. First, isn't it great that in our global society, a
conglomerate that loses money dramatically via a bad movie can easily
gain it back and more, by creating a landmark video-game (i.e. -
Also, I don't know about you, but when it comes to FF:TSW,
somehow...digital people just don't turn me on, no matter how real they
may look. Is this the same with you?
Michael: Oh, I don't know, digital women are beginning to look pretty appealing. Those are the ones who walk around outside, under that huge lightbulb that shines for half the day, yes? I still prefer the real ones in the screen.
Chimerasame: Aki disagrees, Allen. 'Nuff said. (Said?)
Mog looks just like any other Stormtrooper!
Hey (monks sing) CHIM-ERA-SA-ME AND MICH-AEL GREEN-HUT
Time for me to grill the guests so here goes.
1. What is your quest?
2. What is your favorite color?
3. What is the air-speed velocity of an unlaiden swallow?
On Chiapets response to the last one, "what? I don't know that?". (mysterious
force tosses me causing 9999 damage) Curse you last-minute Christmas present.
Also wasn't it you Michael that had some wierd circumstances happen a couple
of years ago that involved a certain Norse Deity as Q&A host? Also, I'll get
Chiapet for that response by revealing my true form(tm). Also, what RPG
cliche would you wish occured in real life? Imagine random encounters
complete with funky hallucinogenic transition.
Michael: 1) to conquer the world with my (novel) writing, make enough money from movie deals to purchase an English castle, then contract NASA to make it spaceworthy. I will then use it to house both a private game company, a school for creative escapists and damsels in distress. I'll keep it in orbit, and if the engines fail I will center it over New Jersey.
3) Eblanese or Mysidian?
As for the matter involving the Norse deity, we've more or less cleared up the situation. Read the intro for my punishment. I've challenged Thor to a wrestling match in Memphis, but he has yet to answer. Tickets?
Chimerasame: I have neither a quest nor a favorite color. The answer to the third question is forty-two, but it is up to you to determine what units this value represents.
Single-part letters are a rare specimen
Greeting Chim....and whoever might be with him.
No time to waste, questions!
1. Do you know where I can find the songs Monolith released at their
Xenosaga press conference? I know there were two they gave out on cd. Both
were done by Mitsuda with the London Symphony Orchestra, and I MUST have
them. One is named Ormus, but I don't remember the other's name.
2. When will the next RPG come out for GBA and/or Playstation2? It seems
there is an RPG drought approaching soon.
3. I can't remember if you have a flaming hatred toward dubs, but maybe you
can confirm some rumors anyway. Are they releasing the rest of Utena dubbed
this fall around the time they release the movie? Also, is there any truth
to the rumor that there will be a fourth Slayers series?
4. Why don't people make Utena references when I'm around to catch
5. Not a question, but I have the entire "Battle of Wits" set to play when
my computer starts up. My family hates me for it.
Michael: 1) Xenosaga...mmm....oh, sorry, I'll clean that up later. I'm not sure, but try google, it almost never fails. If I can use it to find ancient, obscure He-man episodes, then you have a shot at finding those songs. And if you do, let me know also. Unless Chim knows something I don't?
2) Rule #42 of the RPG industry: When you have time to play them, there's always a drought. The PS had one, even the Atari had one after Adventure, but never the Vic 20, no sir. Pirates' Cove was all I needed back then. FF7 came out at the start of my third semester in college, when I happened to be carrying 21 credits. I still have the gray hairs.
3) I actually prefer dubs. Why? I grew up on Voltron and Dragon Warrior, and anime without the mouths moving completely contrary to the words being spoken just doesn't have all of the original charm for me. Plus, part of the Dr. BlackJack dub in the beginning was funnier than the sub in its place. As for the rest of your question, I'm no longer qualified to answer myself. Crazy otaku women drove me from the club years ago, and since then I've been exploring the flourishing frontier of farming documentaries.
4) You must make use of the S.E.P. field. Trust me, it accomplishes things you would not believe.
5) Ask them if they'd rather listen to me lecture on literary theory.
Chimerasame: I've asked around a bit, and nobody online after midnight seems to know where those pieces can be found. I'm sure they'll turn up in plenty of places soon, though.
As for the second question, RPGamer does have a chart which probably knows a lot more than I do about release dates.
I don't know if they're releasing the rest dubbed. I don't hate dubs per se, but given the existing Utena dub, I wouldn't expect them to do a very good job with the rest. Some of the voices are good, but most lose something. And, I make Utena references almost constantly! *clicks stopwatch*
Leeloo Dallas Multipart!
I got a couple questions and I'd appreciate it if someone could help me
1. I'm playing Castlevania: CotM on magician mode, since it's my second time
through. I want to use my Uranus card to summon some kick ass monsters, but
I just can't do it! Even after inputting the code, nothing happens. What's
2.In SoA, is the Delphinus my final ship? It seems too good to be true.
3. Are there any words about Skies of Arcadia 2? I need more airship battle
4.Is there a firm release date for Breath of Fire Advance in North America?
How about for Tactics Ogre Gaiden?
And as a final note, I'd just like to say that I am sick and tired(mostly
sick) of people saying: "I don't want to get a PS2 if I don't have to". I
say, if MGS2, FFX, FFXI, Wild Arms 3, Suikoden III, Growlanser 2, ICO,
Shadow Hearts, Grandia II, Lunar 3, Robot Warlords, Devil May Cry, and
particularly Xenosaga(!) aren't reason enough for you to buy ANY system,
then you need serious help.
Ahem. Thanks for your time.
PS- Sorry if the html attempt doesn't work. I don't know squat about that.
Michael: Yeow. What a strange land my home has become...I feel like Scotty, being revived on the bridge of the Enterprise D. I'm afraid all I can assert here is that suikoden III is nota reason to buy one. It's the reason, at least for me. Then there's the bit about my old console being put away in Boca Raton, FL, with diapers and people to look after it while it watches Adam Sandler movies for free.
Chimerasame: I agree, more or less. If Suiko III has anywhere near the plot of Suiko II, it will more or less singlehandedly make the system worth it. And the HTML you included seems to be working fine, as far as I can see. Good job! (About the Delphinus, the answer is yes.)