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Chris Martin - October 7th '01- 2:00 Eastern Standard Time

Ever have a friend make you do something? He hints, and whines, and pleades, and alludes, and begs until you give in? Something you'd never do normally, but you feel that you should both because he IS your friend, and you'll eventually want to make HIM do something he doesn't want to do? Well, last night, that situation played itself out for me.

And no I'm not talking about THAT, you perverts. My friend Steve told me, in no uncertain terms, that I should watch the movie "Pink Flamingos" because it was so cool. A movie starring an especially ugly transvestite named "Divine" about her quest to hold onto her title as "filthiest person alive". How could that NOT be wonderful? I'll spare you some of the more greusome details, but let's just say Steve owes me big time after that. If you don't like your eyes very much, watch this movie.

I'm listening to Jimmy Buffet music right now. Ever since I was little, I've listened to it. I honestly don't know why. When I was six, I really liked "Come Monday" and "Cheeseburger in Paradise." This is bad. I'm not Jimmy Buffet's target audience. I'm not supposed to listen to Jimmy until I'm forty years old, stuck in a wage-slave job that affords me one week's vacation time, I'll spend it in Ocean City, Maryland. I'll listen to "One Particular Harbor" and think "Yeah, why can't all year be like this? Just lounging by the sea all day with a breezer in my hand and a George Carlin book perched on my now protruding belly.

Screw that, after that piece of insight, I need a pack of drinks now. Let's get on with the column, eh?

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Fan Cheshires

First, some birthday announcements.

Hey (Kefka kackles) Chesh Mwa ha ha ha

I really can't imagine you on a game show. Imagine if you were on some reality show. I'm surprised there hasn't been a sketch where the RPGamer staff is in a reality show. I'm surprised also that Prof. Cranium talked about some meddling kids. Also, have you turned into a magical girl yet? Also, you didn't notice that yesterday was my 20th birthday.

Imperial Mog

Cheshire Catalyst:
Happy birthday Imperial Mog! Only one more year until you're twenty-one. From then on, it's all downhill. I believe it's Radrisol's or someone else's job to take care of all spoofs of the RPGamer staff in comic form. Also, I have yet to turn into a magical girl. The naked transformations are embarrasing. Especially when they take five minutes and you're spinning in the air like that.

 
This format seems familiar

Hi Cheese La Gato Espaniol The Third, It's me again.

Anyway, more Q's.

1. Ever played that old SEGA Genesis Action-RPG game Cornielius and the Valley of Doom? Fun game.

2. Woo! I got an old WORKING copy of the 1st Phantasy Star for free! Kickin'!

3. What's the hardest RPG boss you know of? (It's XINENIX here. It's from an old RPG for the PC.)

4. Weirdest game? (Earthbound here...)

5. Garage sales= Not fun. Trust me.

Well, that be all.

Sir Xuelian of the Larson Clan "No...No! Not Jimmyo! Anything but that! NOOOOO!!!"

Cheshire Catalyst:
1. Nope.
2. My joy for thee knoweth no bounds
3. Pretty much any Dragon or Lich in Baldur's Gate 2, Borgan in the original Lunar:EB, and the Blue fiend from the complete version of that game.
4. Maniac Mansion. They don't make things that wonderful anymore.
5. They can be fun. Just pretend you're on the world's crappiest treasure hunt.

 
Where's the gear?

To the person who asked about where they CAN find Xenogears...

Wanna know where you can find the original Xenogears? Sealed? For $39.99?

http://www.ebgames.com and http://www.gamestop.com !

Yes, that's right, apparently the folks at Square were cleaning out their warehouses one day and sifting through their many piles full of copies of SaGa Frontier 2 and the defective Final Fantasy Tactics rerelease when one of them said "Hey, what's in this box underneath all these returned Mystic Quests?" at which point a fair amount of sealed and original Xenogears games popped up.

I purchased my copy this way (after I sold my original a year ago... bleh, stupid!), and I can tell you, it's sealed, it's the original (the back of the manual still advertises Parasite Eve and Bushido Blade 2), and it's been great to play through again!

Just thought I'd pass that along.

- andrew, off to Dr. Uzuki's free clinic

Cheshire Catalyst:
For goodness sake, go get yourself Xenogears, people. Even if you're a certain Chu-Chu hating frog, go and buy it. It's become a classic. My friend is playing through it, and has fun just learning new deathblows. That, and Citan may be one of the coolest characters ever.





Quickies

In response to the Sega/Nintendo "merger" from yesterdays letters, it's entirely false. Sega is a full cross-platform third party, they have no special allegiance to Nintendo, Sony, or Microcrap.

This is A) Good for gamers. B) Bad for gamer's wallets.

-Mikon

This is so. Not a merger, but Nintendo still likes to gloat a bit. Sonic the Hedgehog now polishes Princess Toadstool's footwear.

Hey Chesh

Okay here's the straight dope (or whatever they say), I haven't really had that much time to play videogames anymore (high school, job, various other things), but I still want to. I was thinking of getting the Game Boy Advanced. I figure I can carry it around and play when I have the time. The games look pretty good. So my question is this: should I shell out the money to buy it, a few games, and a peripheral or two? If so, what games are 'must have'? I've heard good things about Mario Advance, Mario Kart, Advance Wars, and others.

The Wandering God
"So what does a Cheshire Catalyst leave behind?"

If you want one, and can *honestly* afford it, then it sounds like a good investment for you.

I like balogna
-Bob the Hatchet

That makes one of us.

The Last Laugh:

Goodnight, until next week. Be good to Aegis and send him some letters.

Aegis:
I hacked into this column a bit later than I'd have liked to, but I've got plenty of reader-suggested topics from last week's column so I better start using them. Tomorrow's topic is one that was submitted by IceDingo: "why not have a column about what gamers have done just to afford that new, ultra-cool (or sometimes completely worthless) game?"

You heard the... erm... dingo, so tell me your stories -- past, present, and near future -- of how you've managed to get your greedy mitts on expensive gaming stuff. A couple questions for me here and there are okay too.


chesh "Can Space Reporter Wolf Blitzer out-dance the Taliban and save the day?" @rpgamer.com
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