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Chris Martin- March 12th '01- 12:00 Eastern Standard Time

These titles make no sense, just so you know. In case any of you out there are obsessive fans of mine, and are attempting to probe the depths of my psyche by dissecting my prose, please note that I'm just picking these obscure titles from wherever I feel like at the time. I'm sure, two centuries aftermy death, when school children are forced to read my works, stuffy British professors will read these columns and say things like...

"You see there! In the winter of 2001 he named one of his columns 'The Value of a Miracle.' This obviously a symbol of how his mind was collapsing and would explain that sordid cow-related scandal of 2002."
The other would retort(professors can't agree on anything. Especially English professors) "You're bloody well daft, Nigel! He used the very same title later on in his biography. 'So what does THIS button do?: The Short and Happy life of Christopher Martin' It's indicative that he had his memoirs planned out well in advance."

Then they will duel to the death or whatever English people do when they can't get along. I'll set the record straight. These titles are meaningless. Today's is the title of an Evangelion manga. Next week, who knows. You may argue that I won't be that famous in the future. Poppycock, Boulderdash, and Fiddlefaddle! I am easily, right now, the greatest writer in my dorm room.

I've been reading Dickens. Does it show? Court of Chancery = Evil. That'll be my essay in it's entirty. No need for 'paragraphs' or 'proper essay structure' or even 'correct spelling and grammar'. Such rules are only for novices! Not for great college ejamacated people like me.

Column time!

What do you get when you cross SNL's "Pat" with a booger?

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Androginous Mucus!
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I'm a sucker for a damsel in distress.
Hey Chesh,
I've been having a problem with my PS2. It skips with graphics on a lot of games and on the Bouncer it freezes quite a bit. My friend told me I'm only having this problem because I got one of the brand new models, but anyhow it's out sick getting repaired, and I was wondering can you suggest any good PSX RPGs for me to play in the meantime aside from:
FFs VII, Tactics, VIII, IX, and anthology
^_^ Xenogears ^_^
Wild Arms & Wild Arms 2
Thousand Arms
Lunar SSSC & EB
Front Mission 3 (it counts, doesn't it?)
Breath of Fire III & IV
Grandia
Chrono Cross
Legend of Dragoon
Legend of Legaia

Anyhow, that's my taste, and I never thought I'd be writing an e-mail like this looking for help, but Spring Break is coming up soon, and what will I do without an RPG to play?!?! ::cries:: Please, cheshire-one-kenobi- you're my only hope!

Peace, love, Krelian (It's my idea, copyright 2000 Xenochick- ask Casey Edwards!)

Xenochick
-the Xenogears Goddess-

Cheshire Catalyst:
Well, you've got pretty much the cream of the crop picked out right there. Star Ocean 2 is a massive game with lots of characters. It's half-decent throughout the first disk, but everything starts to drag on disc two. SaGa Frontier 2 was a very average game, as is Legend of Mana. Vanguard Bandits is also a decent TRPG. Your best choice might be the underdog "Valkyrie Profile". I know about fifty people who would kill me if I didn't at least mention this game. That's probably your best choice right there if side-scrolling RPG is your thing. Vagrant Story too!

More women. Guh huh huh. Chicks, like, rule.
Wai Chesh-kun! I got me a list of questions for ya. Some of them have nothing to do with rPG's, but ^_^; I wanna ask anyway.

1. Where can I find the Garpa Fruits in SoA? I wanna find all the discoveries and this one's drivin' me nuts! ;)
2. Who's your fav Xenogears char? I like Billy. He's sexy.
3.) What's your fav anime intro? I love "Child's Toy" and "Moonlight Denetsu"!
4.) What's your fav... uh...video game intro? I like FF8. It's sooooo cool! Rinoa and Squall are so kawaii together!!! ^_^
5.) I'm getting paid next week. ^_^; What should I buy? Lunar 2 or or Grandia 2?

Thanx!
-Selphie-chan
-"I'll be there waiting for you. I promise."

Cheshire Catalyst:
1.) Look for the Garpa fruits under the isle that Horteka is on. You thought that was a pain? Wait 'till you have to look for Flutterflies.
2.) Ditto. He's a priest by day, and a male prostitute by night. His dad was a cooler character, though. Why, oh, why weren't you a playable character, Jesiah?!
3.) Escaflowne's intro is mighty sweet.
4.) I'm listening to the sweet opening song from Suikoden II right now. That was a cool intro. FF8 was kinda cool too...
5.) Lunar 2. Hands-down. (Whatever THAT means...)

Now I feel like Dr. Drew. I'll work RPG's into this one somehow...
What's new, pussycat, woah woah woah,

Alright, advice time. It's not RPG related, but I'm a faithful RPGamer who is in a time of crisis, and we all help each other out at a time like this, right?

I've liked this girl at school for a long time, six months now. She's perfect. Well, to me, anyway. I know her a bit, and vice versa, but I haven't been able to bring myself to ask her out for a long time. It's spring break here now, so I get the urge to go to Excite.com and input her name to see if I find anything, a picture or something.

A) Is that stalking?

Now, what I find is just a broken link on an old page. Fine, not much, but it's a start. I relay the story to a friend online, and 15 minutes later, he gives me a link, saying "pics from a film camp she attended during the summer." Interested, I check it out. After looking at all the pics, I turn up nothing. In the corner of my eye, I see a link to a movies page, with everything that they filmed. I click.

Here, to my great surprise, I find a video that she starred in. After much hassle to find a link that worked, I got a Real Media stream going. I nearly cried when I saw her face.

B) Am I stalking yet?

Neat story, no?

--Ryan

Cheshire Catalyst:

Interesting story. Sounds like it could make a decent flick starring Richard Gere and Julia Roberts. It would be a humorous, upbeat romance flick. Like.... everything Julia Roberts does.

Anyway, doesn't sound like stalking to me. "Stalking" implies some sort of invasion of privacy somewhere. She posted that stuff on the web for anyone to see, therefore, it isn't stalking. Though, to be fair, you should post some movies of yourself online. Preferably, some humorous ones of you drunk or in a compromsing situation with a ferret. This sounds all rather innocuous, but I can see this scene arising.

Said girl: "Wow! So this is your room, huh? I..uh...really dig the pokémon poster.
You: "Uh... Actually, that's a DBZ wallscroll..."
Her: "Huh?"
You: "I mean.. that belongs to my little brother... that doesn't live here anymore.... because he's dead.
Her: "Awww. That's so sweet."
You: "Uh, sure is. Can...I go to the bathroom for a sec?"
Her: "Sure thing! Mind if I use your computer for a sec? I have to IM someone..."
You: "Sure..."(leaves) Then she gets on your computer, and instead of clicking on the AOL Instant Messanger Icon, she accidentally clicks on the folder labled "Pic Archive of -girl-" After exploring the six gigs of space you have devoted to pics of her in various states of undress, she calls the police.

Bad news....
Oh, and to make this RPG related, more RPG heroes should have to stalk/actively persue women. There seem to be only three kinds of heroes. 1) Guys who have women just fall into their laps and don't care. 2) Lecherous womanizers (most of these guys are warm-hearted though) or 3) Don't care.

A woman's heart is as fickle as the skies of Ganymede.
Big Rant
Here's a few things that might actually persuade Sony to lessen the price to the PS2. First and foremost, with Sega no longer distributing the Dreamcast, that can let them relax a bit. Second, with the X-Box's DREADED $400 price tag, you'd think Sony would take the hint and drop the price down to maybe $200 or hopefully less to completely go head-to-head with the nasty Bill Gates killer-console at least price-wise.

But there are quite a few things I have to say that Sony really has to consider. Let's face it, even with Square, Working Desgins, Konami, and even the now acclaimed Atlus who brought us the awesome, if not confusing as hell Persona series-- if they don't start kicking their game standards into HIGH gear, the X-Box will eat them alive. I've seen Malice's graphics and let's just put it this way... unless Sony comes up with nothing short of farting holy light (I prettied up what I was originally going to say), Bill Gates' power-house will beat them out.

Most of the PS2 games have been mediocre at best and let's just face it, with Bill's X-Box and the overrated Gamecube (In my mind), mediocre will never save them. But let's hope things go in Sony's favor this year. And there are only 4 ways to do that IMO: 1) As nice as it is, Net Play is NOT a necessity. 2) Stop releasing remakes! As much as I love the idea of playing FF7-9 on the PS2, it's taking too much attention from the games actual development making VERY tragic losses in gameplay (Orphen is one prime example, as well as Oni). 3) IF a game is NOT BROKEN, don't fix it! I swear to God, if I could could all of the games that DIED because they fixed TOO much, I'd be a millionaire!

And lastly, FOR GOD'S SAKE, DO NOT RELEASE A GAME THAT IS NOT PAST BETA STAGES! Midnight Club and Smuggler's Run were prime examples of this! I've seen the pics, so don't tell me they're that great. The idea that a game being released way too early is just irresponsible of the game companies. I don't care if you have to postpone a game by YEARS, just make damn sure it's ready to play right out of the box! That's at least something I commend Working Designs for... no matter what happened, short of the world ending, they would never, at least to my knowledge send a flawed game to us. Lunar: Complete and Eternal Blue are prime examples of their hard work (As far apart from the original, Lunar Complete was one of their everlasting testiments to excellence.)

Maybe Sony will grow a brain and take these ideas to heart... then again-- since when did they ever have a brain? (Just kidding.) So write me back on this, k? I'd like to know your comments on this, Chesh.

Jon Gibson

Cheshire Catalyst:

Big ol' rant for Sony. They should listen. I'd do a point-by-point reply, but I'm seriously swamped with work here.

 
Quickies
Do u know where the forget-me-not-pot is located at and what do u need to get it? The Forget-Me-Not-Pot is in Chronopolis. It's under a set of stairs.
Is it just me, or was almost everything from Xenogears taken straight out of Evangelion?

- Lord Sephiroth

Shhh! Don't give away the secret.
Berserk main robot? Check. Nutso Red-Haired love interest? Check. Father of protagonist manipulating events from behind the scenes? Check. Sometimes odd sometimes laugh-out-loud hilarious Judeo-Christian symbolism? CHECK! (Though Crucified Chu-Chu did give me great pleasure.) Remember, kids. Shinji Ikari complained for your sins.
Pi is exactly 3!!
-The Cryptic Monkey ~Casey Edwards~

Good Glaiven!
Hey Chemical kitty,

Gamecube can be reserved right now in certain places. The Babbage's store I work at has been takin' 'em for about 2 months already. I'm #5 on a list of around 80 or so people, so hurry if you want to be in the first shipment.

You can preorder the X-box too, but some stores may not be taking anymore for at least a couple more weeks/months. It just depends on where you ask.

-Gaeriel

Handy info for you!

The Last Laugh:

Here's a pic from ShinZaphod.

Goog will be here tomorrow. Back to work for me...
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...
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And back to school for you! HAHAHAHA! Weekend is over! Get on the bus!


Chesh"Our Princess is such a crybaby..."@rpgamer.com

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