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     A Dozen Monkey's Uncles

Andrew Long- September 25 '03- 03:06 Eastern Standard Time

I may have mentioned this before from time to time, but Warcraft III is the purest form of evil. It just ate my day entirely, saving for a delightful interlude when I went jogging in the rain and encountered a crazy old lady who shouted the following at me:

"By the way, you can tell the rest of the boy toy club that this isn't old, it's what happens when they hire a rabbi(t?) to beat you up!"

Being the congenial fellow I am, I waved politely and assured her that I would, in fact, deliver this message to this Boy Toy Club, although that was obviously a bald-faced lie, since I know of the existence of no such club and am reasonably certain that if I did, I would not qualify for admission. Nevertheless, she was old and terribly insane, so she can perhaps be forgiven for assuming that anyone more than ten years younger than her looks a hell of a lot better than her.

Of course, I could just be saying that - I didn't really get a good look at her face, as it was raining and I was kind of running in the other direction. I mean, Cher certainly doesn't look utterly hideous with her ad-infinitum plastic surgery and aching desire to be thirty years younger, and Celine Dion isn't a ropy old hag who I want to frame and have publicly executed. Still, this woman's babbling ranks right up there in my top ten crazy lines delivered by random insaniacs on the street in passing, the rest of which I have forgotten which is why this one has achieved such eminence.

Speaking of talking to crazy people, here's today's letters! AH! I kill me...

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Happy happy Africa

Hey, Andrew

In response to your response to Beth's letter yesterday (yes, it took something like this for me to stop just reading Q&A and start sending letters in again), I seem to remember Final Fantasy V kicked things off faster than Chrono Trigger, which makes you wander around in the Millennial Fair for about a half an hour before Lucca and Taban's invention is ready for use. Final Fantasy V advances you pretty quickly into the story, taking all of about five to ten minutes.

Out of the blue: are there any RPGs that have a soundtrack inspired by African music?

-CW
"Where are all these guest hosting requests coming from, anyway?"

Andrew:
The Millenial Fair does take a few minutes, but you can get it done in well under half an hour if you just ignore half of the minigames that the instruction manual tries to seduce you with. Sure, they help you get acquitted in the Trial, but since that's pointless it's really not worth it in the end, unless you're really into saving imaginary kittens.

It was awfully nice of Square to figure out how irritating this was, however, since its next big RPG, FFVII, kept the minigames later and in the desert where no pesky time machines could go around screwing things up. I must admit, though, that I had forgotten about FFV, which is understandable since I try to forget about FFV whenever possible. It's made difficult by the fact that the plot just keeps repeating itself like some infernal subliminal message tape, but aardvark a burrowing mammal of Southern Africa abacus a device utilizing rows of beads to aid in addition, and then some.

As far as the African music thing goes, there hasn't really been one that I know of to date (Corrective Connies, feel free to get out your condescending hats and email me into the dirt if I'm wrong), but never fear. I'm sure Nobuo Uematsu will eventually decide he wants to appear more musically delicious and will subsequently declare an undying love for African music.

 
Mmm... Overstatement

Haven't had a Q&A host fight in awhile. Have you noticed that you guys always end up fighting? Like Thor and that one guy, etc. I actually stopped reading this column a little while after brad stopped doing it. It just started to seem kinda bland. This is my first time reading in awhile, and I think your sense of humor and stuff has made it more interesting than it has been for a long time.

Andrew:
Well, thanks for the kind words, but I'm not really at Google's throat, despite our lack of agreement on a number of things. This is because we agree on various other things, like "Legend of Dragoon is bad" and "Tidwell should totally wear that green sweater" and "my cat's breath smells like cat food." Glad to have you back, anyway, and I hope I can keep you around ^_^.

Incidentally, that kindness is a facade; if you don't stick around, this attack robot I'm building using an empty Lysol bottle and these three pens will surely track you down and drool ink on you until you tearfully agree to obliterate New Jersey with the power of Christmas.

 
How to be disconcerting: Pink-lettered emails 101

To the Andrew of whom is Andrew, but not the other Andrew... What the heck am I saying?

First off, I've just beaten FFTA, thanks to my team of fox-women (mmm, doublecast-summon tastes soo good!). I've heard lots of good things about Disgaea, so that's next. For the sake of asking something, which do you think is better?

Oh, and don't worry about people who talk bad about you. Some people may just be upset that the Q&A hosts keep getting shuffled. Personally, I think occasionally mixing hosts up keeps things interesting.

Now, go! The Peruvians need you! Don't let the Magidrakees get you down!

NeoCarbuncle

Princess Gwaelin: "Dost thou love me?"
Me: "FOR THE MILLIONTH TIME, NO!!!"
Princess Gwaelin: "But thou must! Dost thou love me?"
Me: "AAAAARRRRGGGHHH!!!"
Princess Gwaelin: "I'm so happy!"
*cheesy music*

Andrew:
I have yet to play Disgaea, as it's toastily zooming through the mail system to my door as we speak, but I think I can safely say that all the buzz indicates FFTA comes out a close or almost close or abysmally far second, depending upon who you believe and whether Fox is showing a certain commercial. Actually, the commercial has no bearing on anything, but is it so much to ask for a giant meteor to hit Lockport Gambino Ford?

As for Princess Gwaelin, I can sympathize, man. That bizzatch is so needy, this one time I had to sit there for three straight hours while she went on and on about how her friend's boyfriend was such a jerk for telling him to meet her by the south gate and then totally not showing up there because he was off at the north gate stealing keys from old men and selling them back to the key store for outrageous profits, which was actually pretty easy to do because that particular key store owner had been kicked by a mule some years back and didn't realize he could charge double what he was demanding for his precious keys.

End of story: I eventually had to get this crazy dragon to come and kidnap her so I wouldn't have to listen to that infernal archaic english, with all the "Dosts" and "Thous" and "1-800-CALL-ATTs".

 
Kupomogli weighs in

Hey Andrew,

Today I went and bought the Final Fantasy 4 and Super Castlevania 4 that I saw in Babbages the other day, except for the fact that I already own both of the games, Final Fantasy 4 on both SNES and PSX, but both of them came with the box and instruction manual. The other day I didn't go and buy them because just because I bought Super Castlevania 4 used and it didn't come with a box and instruction manual, and when I was younger my parents threw my FF4 box away(pisses me off), I go and spend 40 dollars because they have them and then think it was stupid after I bought them. But now I have the best possible Final Fantasy collection you can get out of Japan(every FF released, remake and original, and 2 original FF4's).

Along with the fact that today I also won the auction of 79.99 worth of items on ebay. So that makes 120 dollars in one day, and that moves the amount I've spent from the day Disgaea came out the 27th to now 450 dollars, while from the very beggining of this year I've spent less than 100 dollars on myself.

Andrew:
Now that's a spending spree. Fun fact: in Canadian dollars, that $450 is $608.14, which just goes to show that math is power and I have nothing worthwhile to say here, despite having determined to say something which I must now regretfully conclude should have been against my own better judgment. Damn you, Zeaus! DAMN YOU!

Anyways, I've been playing Mobile Suit Gundam: Journey to Jaburo. And going to the movies option, and then seeing the Mobile Suit Gundam: Zeonic Front advertisement. If only they made Zeonic Front to play like Journey to Jaburo, then it would have been the best Gundam game. It may even have been better than Mobile Suit Gundam: Federation vs. Zeon, but the way they set the stuff up in the game, makes the game cool and unique for the first hour. And then you're extremely bored the fact that it's almost like doing the exact same thing from beggining to end. So if you ever see Mobile Suit Gundam: Zeonic Front. Avoid the game at all costs.

Also, I started my character on Dragon Warrior 4, but since my Nintendo is so messed up that whenever I play any game in it, these huge scan lines run across the screen from top to bottom, not making it very much fun to watch and play any NES games. Then I play the same game as a ROM on the computer, like say Castlevania, and I play to somewhere like Death's stage where I get pissed off because of the 4 hits and you're dead, and die at the part where you fight 2 Axe Armors just because they're going to move back where I can't hit them, and when they throw an axe, my whip won't hit them and I die, then getting brought back to life at the same spot, getting killed by the first Axe Armor because the whip can't destroy the high thrown axe and you can't duck below it, and you get screwed over when it hits you then comes back to hit you a second time. But I love Castlevania, just the fact I get mad when I die at a part like that by getting screwed over.

Andrew:
Ugh, scan lines are the devil, although my NES eventually grew tired of that visual punishment and just started obscuring the entire screen with these horrible horizontal lines instead. Then, when that still didn't deter me, it would just reset itself in a final act of spite. So then I would throw it in the garbage can in frustration and it would work for two hours. Yes, it was a rocky relationship, but if I learned anything, it's that you shouldn't whine about scan lines because much much worse can happen.

Like scan lines in Wind Waker. By the way, ever consider tracking down a NES unit on eBay, since you're on such a video game bender?

Oh yeah, I was playing Chocobo Racing on the Vagrant Story demo, and I remembered that one thing I thought up a long time ago about games and demos. Squaresoft has awesome PSX games, but not all of them rule, so the ones that suck badly, they put some demos with them. I can prove it, because see, there is Vagrant Story, with an awesome storyline, but to enjoy the storyline, you have to play through that horrible gameplay, but to be nice, Squaresoft added a demo of Chocobo Racing, Front Mission 3, and Threads of Fate, along with movies of Chrono Cross, and Legend of Mana. If I had Chocobo Racing right now then that demo would be worthless, except for collectors(me), which is kindof funny because thats one of the items I won on ebay today. Then there is Brave Fencer Musashi, which it's an ok game, but it's not awesome, so they give it a demo of a game that's coming out that has a good storyline, great music, but the gameplay is horrible, Final Fantasy 8. Then there is Parasite Eve, and the demo you get to play on the Parasite Eve demo disc is Xenogears, and you get to watch a Bushido Blade 2, Brave Fencer Musashi, and Final Fantasy 8 movie, but just the fact that they have Xenogears as the game playable on the demo kindof tells you something, because Parasite Eve sucks.

Actually though, I used to like Parasite Eve. Until I wasn't paying attention and renamed Club 1, and lost my pistol which could use 3 commands, a single bullet each shot(why have more if you could use 3 commands), Shotgun shells, it had 800 attack power, and over 70 bullets in a clip, and even though the game got kindof boring going through it alot, I was proud of that gun I made, until I screwed myself by accidently renaming Club 1.

So anyways, my theory about games that suck so they come with demos. What do you think? I think that's a pretty good theory if you ask me. And Chocobo Racing doesn't come with a demo, the only reason the Chocobo's Mysterious Dungeon 2 is on the game is the fact that both are the Chocobo series, and it's a movie anyways, not a demo, so that justifies it(heh, which now lets everyone know that I like Chocobo Racing).

-andrew- -kupomogli-

Andrew:
It's a very sound theory, with the exception of BFM, which was obscured by the FFVIII demo that came with it. This is very unfortunate because BFM was actually a really good game, making use of all the food names and other junk that Rhapsody tried to get away with, but actually pulling it off in a good way rather than cramming it together with horrible gameplay. And yes, I remember the VS demo disc vividly, particularly the promo video for Chocobo's Mysterious Dungeon 2, which basically gives away the entire plot and culminates with one of the most hilarious moments in videogaming, when the little chocobo lets off a heart-wrenching wark after the equivalent Aeris death of that little White Mage girl takes place, with the marbly announcer's voice cheerfully informing us that "sometimes, the hardest decision is to leave someone we love." I don't know when smarmy crap like that started seeping into videogames, but I sure wish someone would take a giant sledgehammer and pound it back into Terms of Endearment where it belongs.

 
Be warned: you probably shouldn't ask me about hockey, I go on at length

Sup Andrew, I saw your promise to print every letter you received, so I couldn't pass that up. I noticed yesterday that you are playing Breath of Fire V. What a nice game eh? It's nice to have a challenging, interesting and unique game all in one for once. Before I started Breath of Fire V, I decided to replay all the previous Breath of Fire games. My question to you is what are your thoughts on the series as a whole? The original I felt was an average run of the mill RPG. The second had an outstanding story and nice music at times. Too bad it had possibly the worst localization jobs ever. I'm not even going to talk about the third one. But, Capcom really stepped it up with IV and V. Those two games are gems, too bad they don't get talked about much since the first few games in the series were so unassuming. Anyway your thoughts?

Andrew:
Well first off, I wish it didn't take me saying I'll print everything to bring you guys out of the woodwork. I mean, I end up doing that most of the time anyways because I don't have enough letters to turn anything away, so people shouldn't feel intimidated by the possibility that I might torch their letters, because even if I don't print something, I save it for the next day.

So anyway, you were talking about Breath of Fire. I'd say you summed it up pretty good there. I've played bits of I, about half of II, and have it on the highest authority that III is a giant puddle of monkey turd. I haven't heard much about IV, which intrigues me, but I will agree and say that V is, thus far, gaming goodness at its finest.

Oh and are you pumped for hockey season yet? With the horrible showing from my beloved Mets this year, I really need my Stars to pick me up. Speaking of my Stars and since I know your a Leafs fan, what are your thoughts on steady Eddie? I will always have a soft spot in my heart for him since he delivered us The Cup, but he sure is a hot head and a jerk. He sure stunk it up his last year in Dallas as well. Did you know he once got pulled over for a DWI and offered the cop a billion dollars to let him go?

Anyway Im out, one luv
-Lucky Melchior

Andrew:
A billion?!? I can only hope he put his pinky to his mouth and cued some Dr. Evil music before he said that, cuz even the thickest cop wouldn't buy that sort of bribe otherwise. I think Eddy tends to get misunderstood, though, which is probably deliberate on the part of the media; that tends to happen a lot to athletes that aren't friendly to reporters, despite the fact that if I were in the NHL and in Toronto, I'd be inclined to give reporters hell too. Anyhow, yes, I am looking forward to the season with bated breath, even though I'm fully aware that the real Stanley Cup Finals will be whichever round the Avalanche and Red Wings end up meeting each other in.

Not so sure about your Stars, though. Last I heard, Turco was still holding out, Hatcher's bolted for Detroit and giant bags of money, and a few of the old guys retired. Still, Moro's an annoying bastard and Mike Modano's flowing locks and giant teeth should keep things interesting for another year or two. Then you may be in for some extended mediocrity, although Bob Gainey probably won't let that happen.

 
Beth returns, and this time, she's got icky stories to tell!

Hello again Andrew,

I support you wholeheartedly as a Q&A columnist. Keep on keepin' on, and I'll continue reading and writing. :)

I was visiting Ontario (Guelph and Sudbury) at the time I was cleaning four "sockets," previous sites of impacted wisdom teeth, with fizzy peroxide solution and a squeeze bulb. Small world!

I'm amazed at how quickly time goes by. It seems like not that long ago that people were all excited about the tidbits of information they were getting about FFX-2, Xenosaga, FFTA, and Wind Waker, and all but one of them is out in North America already.

Andrew:
Yeah, it seems like just yesterday we were doing stories about the PS2 in exclusively the future tense... Sunrise, sunset, Sunrise, sunset; And the cat's in the cradle and the silver spoon, little boy blue and the man in the moon; Yes, we have no bananas; Well, didn't you hear what I said? We have...no...bananas! It's so sad :(

But about FFXII. I was surprised to read that it wouldn't be making an appearance at TGS. I don't keep up with release schedules but, unless there's another major Japanese show coming up very soon at which it makes an appearance, I guess even Japan won't be seeing it for awhile.

Kingdom Hearts 2 will bolster Square Enix's fandom, but I think their image will suffer if they don't release another "true, new and unique" FF fairly soon. For better or worse it's their flagship series, the one that obviously generates the most excitement and (important when you're running a business) the most sales. After the few FFXII illustrations they've released, it seems natural for them to follow up relatively promptly with screenshots, cinemas, and other information. I can't imagine they're bucking the usual promotional flow and holding out on a game that's developed further than the current amount of information suggests. The delay will immediately make people think there's something wrong: how many games do we know about that had inexplicable long delays and that ended up being, well, not as good as expected?

Beth.

Andrew:
Well, if you had read Kami's article all the way to the end, you'd know that Square Enix will shortly be holding its own super news conference spectacular at which time it will reveal all the dirty details about the still-shrouded-in-mystery title everyone's clamouring to find out about. So your spidey sense is not, in fact, betraying you. Now quickly - go hunt down that guy in the green vegetable suit before all is lost! And uhh... "sockets" is an awful term, particularly in view of the fact that my friend once got an entire piece of pepperoni lodged in his wisdom tooth crater.

 
Voice acting is ALL bad

Andrew, Have you ever played a game called Drakan: The Ancients' Gates? I highly recommend you do so, provided you can find a copy. Anyways, what RPG, or game in general, do you think had the best voice acting? It's a big thing these days. My personal fav was Silver, on the DC. The voice acting was amazing. Also, do you plan on getting FFXI?

Nigel

Andrew:
As the title suggests, I hate all voice acting. Still, if I had to pick the game that least made me want to gouge my ears with an icepick, I'd go with Final Fantasy X, which had an outstanding cast aside from the two lead roles, which of course kind of ruins the whole thing. I hear Kingdom Hearts was pretty good too, which stands to reason since they hired professionals for it as opposed to the bum they found behind lot 49, who by astounding coincidence and synchronicity was part of this crazy secret organization.

Finally, the jury is out on FFXI; a bunch of staffers here are in beta, so I'll await their final verdict before deciding.

 
Hmm.. I guess I sounded pretty needy yesterday

O' Great Castomel

I'm glad you're going to be on here for good. I don't know who I would share my delicious Miss Peru's brain and other goodies with. How to prepare her: Prepare the oven to 129 degreesF. Take 1 Miss Peru (the more recent, the fresher), 2 lbs. Martha Stewart's(tm) sweatshop kids' livers, 3 eggs w/shells, stir in a giant bowl, spread evenly in a 10' x 23' pan, and pop in the oven for 45 mins. After, let cool on a plate, and serve with 1 tsp. vinegar. Add some vodka for garnish, and there you have it!

I'm sorry you have to get your wisdom tooth out, I had all 4 taken out at the same time, and it bled a lot! Just be glad you only have to get 1 out, I totally hated recovering. Are you going to sleep when they do it?? I wish you luck in your surgery and recovery.

Andrew:
Oh no no no... My dentist decided I needed all four out, so never fear, I'll get the same excruciating pain you did, not that that makes me terribly happy or anything. I certainly hope they knock me out, because while I've heard you get absolutely wrecked on the novocaine they give you, I still think it would be highly disconcerting to be chatting with a nurse about the giant purple hippos floating above your head while a surgeon carves your face like Thanksgiving dinner.

FFXII promo poster looks great. Can't wait!!! They should have another environment like FFX, where it's a mix of fantasy and reality, ya know? Oh yea, I got the debut CD today of my friend's band in Batavia. They're called TOAST and they're pretty good. If ya like rock/alternative that is. One of the songs, "Ice Battles on the World Map", has a reference to FFX, I believe. It goes, "Onion knight, I am your master. Doublecast will kill you faster". That's a FFX reference if I ever saw one, unless they're referring to my town, Elba, that's the "Onion Capital of the World". God, how corny is that for a town? I hate this village with a passion. Now, it's not a song devoted to FFX in any way, but I found it quite a nice touch to have a reference. The funny thing is I became friends with Adam because I was in love with his girlfriend, so one day he tried to mess with my head on IM and be someone else and ask who I liked etc. Being me, I didn't catch on, but I just told him the truth. He's a cool kid tho. The bands' website is here if ya wanna check them out.

Til the morning sun comes shining this way,

O' Shrouded One

Andrew:
Thank you for providing the best rhyme I've heard all night. Speaking of morning suns, how on earth did it get to be 5 AM?

 
Games n girls buy gun license, not marriage license as previously reported

Hellooooo Andrew!

*Insert long-time reader first-time writer stint here*

Welps, you vowed to print everything you received today, so here goes. It's been a long-since proven fact that the video game market is a male-dominated one. Want proof? I got four words for you: DOA Xtreme Beach Volleyball (Okay...so maybe that's six words). Not just that, but yesterday I walked into a local game store with my boyfriend of roughly four months (I've been devoutly playing games my entire life and I'm the reason why he's really into RPGs now). The employee on duty went up to him and started chatting him up about this new game and why the gameplay is so cool, and about that game and why it's the best of all time, and he (my boyfriend) isn't all that interested, and this guy just keeps talking...and talking...to him. And my boyfriend still isn't too interested. I'm standing there, just like, "Lum di dum, hum di dum." Something about this irritated me. It made me think of being a woman alone in a man's world. That finally brings me to my question: What is it about games that doesn't work with girls? This is something I obviously don't understand firsthand and it irks me when the guy at the game store goes right past the girl gamer and straight to the guy...just cause he's a guy...and guys play games...and girls don't. So perhaps you can help me out with this. You got any idea why more girls just aren't into it?

- Saia "I have a katana and I know how to use it" Rei

Andrew:
Marketing, and decade after decade of advertising executives bombarding little girls with the message that pink is the greatest colour ever and if it doesn't say "For girls" after it then it probably isn't worth doing. This is evil, of course, but it works both ways - I never did have much interest in plastic trash like GI Joe and He-Man fortresses of doom, but TV sure tried to convince me I did. Fortunately I didn't watch enough of it to be scarred for life, which is why I possess the capacity to think clearly today. On the downside, TV is now trying to convince me that beer will enable me to become a wacky frat boy with many hot girls dancing around me, and I'm not doing too much resisting in my attempts to avoid its wiles.

Anyhow, as shallow as that is, I think it's probably the reason why people don't tend to take girls seriously as gamers; it's because they're just not supposed to be interested in them, even though most girls I know have played at least a dozen different games. It's just one of those things that someone back in the 80s decided should be exclusively for boys, and when you're 8 years old, it's of the utmost importance that girls never play with the same things as you, which the advertising industry figured out early on and has milked for all it's worth.

Nevertheless, times are a-changin', so hopefully one day that clerk will address you instead of your boyfriend. Until such a time, I recommend plotting his grisly death, possibly by making use of a "Chess For Girls" board combined with a side-splitting Home Alone-style iron mishap.

 
TGS ShmeeGS.. It's all about crazy S-E press conferences!

Oi Cast,

It's a shame FFXII won't show at the TGS - I was anxiously awaiting to see it in video form. (I doubt it could've made it as playable a game) Judging from the promotional poster, we know it's going to have a medieval theme to it, which is awesome to me, but I do hope that it brings back those futuristic environments from FFVII. Rather, for the environments to be modernized. However, I don't think this is going happen since it's medieval-like, with knights, mages, and so on.

Another neat feature that would be excellent, is that if we could see 16+ characters able to join your party, like in FFVI. I haven't seen that in any other FF game, aside from VI, so seeing that make a comeback would be great. I don't know if it's possible in this day and age, since having more characters with a background would probably require the game to be much longer, spanning more CDs.

- ALXNDR

Andrew:
I wouldn't mind seeing a wide variety of characters either, and I don't think you'd necessarily have to rack up a coterie of discs to make it happen. There were much larger cartridges than FFVI's megabittage constituted, and besides, as that game proved it really doesn't take a truly mammoth story to give them all backgrounds. It's all about interrelation, like lumping Shadow in with Relm and Strago because the game is just that cool.

 
FFX love

Hey Long,

In reading your closing today (yesterday), I was wondering why you said you were one of the few people who enjoyed Final Fantasy X. I actually think it's the best RPG I've ever played, possibly the only perfect RPG ever. Out of the 30-some odd reviews I've done FFX is one of only two games to get a perfect 10. I thought it was great, terrific graphics and sound, awesome story with lots of twists, innovative leveling system, interesting characters, super challenging optional dungeons, VERY optional side quests, and pretty much everything else one would want in an RPG. I have heard a lot of people say they thought it sucked, but I've heard a lot more say they enjoyed it a lot, all of my friends did.

Robust Stu
Gold Reviewer/Swell Guy
www.geocities.com/robuststu

Andrew:
Well, that's good to hear. My friends and I are, as it is with you, all big fans of the game, but people in the RPGamer neck of the woods tend to have a rather less appreciative outlook on the matter. Ah, well. I hear their mothers dress them funny anyway, so at least I can pass out soon secure in the knowledge that there's someone else out there who gave the game 10/10. It's one of three such scores for me, incidentally. Isn't it great being larded down with useless information? I always sort of wish I could format my brain if I wanted to, just to get rid of the disgusting amount of advertising I'm carrying around up there. Then again, hatred of advertising fuels my rage, and what would I be without rage? Much more pleasant, probably, but hey, somebody's gotta be seduced to the dark side, so it may as well be me.

 
Schizophrenics unite!

Heya Andrew

I am kinda looking forward to Final Fantasy 12. When I first saw the image they released for it a while back I thought to myself, "self, does that or does that not look like ruined midgar from the end of FF7?" and then I replied "yeah, but self, for that to be true square would have to make an actual sequel to a Final Fantasy, and you and I both know that will never happen." This conversation happened before the news of FF X-2.

Andrew:
Apparently, that conversation also took place after being maimed with a brick to the head, because that's what it'd take to convince yourself that the picture looks anything at all like Midgar. Then again, you are talking to yourself and referring to yourself as "self," so this may in fact be a reasonable diagnosis. Even so, I wouldn't get my hopes up; after all, they'd call it 7-2 if it was actually Midgar, not XII, and besides, I'm pretty sure you're far too crackers to play videogames.

Anyways. I just recently recieved an old, dilapitated, only runs when on its side PS2 as a gift from a friend. So far I have played 3 games. Kingdom Hearts, (up until traverse town. the disk was too scratched to continue. stupid rental places), Metal Gear Solid 2 substance, and I am currently playing through Xenosaga. I haven't really been paying much attention to whats been coming out on ps2 and I was wondering if you ming have any suggestions of what are good to play. So far on my to-do list are Final Fantasy 10 and Suikoden 3 as soon as I find a copy.

Thanks
Afkef

Andrew:
Those both sound like pretty good choices, but I'd make sure to get my hands on BoF V and Disgaea as well. Of what I've played and heard about, having a kitten directly in front of your screen makes for a bad update, but fortunately, she just moved, so I can tell you those two are probably among the best RPGs on the system.

Quickies

You're not a moron! I like to think of you as special! Keep it up :) !

I like to think of me as special too. Thanks, pal.

First off, I should have mentioned this earlier, but if someone wants to send me Guilty Gear, I would like it to have a fully intact (i.e. no pages ripped out) manual with it. Secondly, how am I supposed to send you VP if I have no idea where you live?

Jamie "Call me Gameboy if I need a name thingie" Harper >8^()

Well, I'm not exactly sure if rudy has such a manual, but he does seem to have Guilty Gear and a deep and abiding hatred for it. So rudy: is it a deal? As for the address, I'll email it to you, along with other details of your upcoming hosting stint next week.

I own the orginal version of Guilty Gear on the PSX...and I'm not very proud of it. I'm not sure anyone should *want* to own that game and I only have it because it was a gift. >_> So let everyone in the world know that thinks they want that game. They don't actually want that game. It's horrid in compairison to the new ones.

~rudyxx

Nonsense. You hate it and someone else wants it, so it's tailor-made for this chain. You'd best be acquiescing. That's right. Acquiesce...and yes, I am shaking my fist at the monitor, which is actually a neat trick what with all this typing I'm doing. Anyhow, the ball's in your court. Will you keep my chain alive, or consign me to miserable failure and concamitant seppuku?

Hell, if you wanted VP, why didn't you just ask? I wouldn't even ask to guesthost or anything. (wait...what am I doing?)

-Scar

Because when there's nobody left to fight for justice, one man will step forward and show the world what he's made of. Also, your generosity seems highly dubious in its longevity, and plus you hate on my hat all the time, so I bet you'll probably try and use this to make me stop wearing it.

I recently unearthed a turbo duo that's not working. Where would you recommend I go to get it repaired. Please send response to ANDREW thank you.

I suggest the hardware store of vague terminology, where you can also get your doohickeys and thatwheeledyellowthingses fixed by the best in the business.

I truly don't understand people who gripe about the quality of the various Q&A hosts. If you don't like a particular host, don't read that column. Is that so hard?

~micro

Apparently. Then again, listeners who hate Howard Stern religiously outnumber those who listen to his show and love him, so perhaps you shouldn't be surprised.



The Final Grumble:

I just knew there had to be some of you hiding under rocks out there somewhere. Please, don't be shy with the letters. The more I have to work with, the better I can make this column, so in a way, you might say I'm going out... to stalk.

In another, more accurate way, you might say I'm tired and will shortly pass out, so this concludatory blather will end here and now. Except for tomorrow's topic: HAIKU!

Yes, there hasn't been a good haiku day in forever, so I'm hereby requesting that every letter I receive tomorrow be accompanied by a fantastic bit of poetry. In exchange, I'll make both my intro and conclusion tomorrow haiku, which will doubtless make all those people who fervently hate my sometimes hoary introductions hella happy. And if we can't all be hella happy, then why bother living?

Oh, right. The hardcore nudity.

Andrew "Haikua" Long

A foretaste of my lamentable poetry talents lies in wait below. Read it or die - can you do any less?

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