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Andrew Long- September 17 '03- 02:37 Eastern Standard Time

So just as I stop with the Survivor references, a new season of Survivor takes to the airwaves amidst an absolutely appalling profusion of "reality" TV shows. I'm not quite sure what fuels the popularity of these shows, other than the fact that many people have girlfriends, and girlfriends like to watch this sort of thing, along with "Buffy the Vampire Slayer" and "Iron Chef". Well, perhaps the latter is only my girlfriend, who does not exist, but let me tell you - if I had a girlfriend she'd have to like Iron Chef or there'd be no hope for the relationship.

I must, however, admit that I watch Survivor religiously. I'm not quite sure why; possibly it's because it's the original cool and possibly because it's better, but most likely just because I'm a creature of habit and once I start doing something, stopping is a rather difficult task, which is why I must now chainsmoke six packs of cigarettes daily, drink six boxes of cheap wine, and continue murdering so very many hobos. Needless to say, I wish I could stop doing these things, but OCD is a strong foe, and sometimes you just have to give in to your throbbing biological urges.

Anyhow, free-for-alls don't seem to be terribly popular with you lot, since I received very few letters of substance today. I can pinpoint the exact day I stopped getting so much mail, and it was the day I asked you to stop sending me so much mail, although I guess I didn't say it in so many words. I guess what this means is, I must now request that you send me as much mail as you possibly can. I miss sifting through giant stacks of letters, and coming up with so very many attempted jokes, most of which probably deserved to remain in the ethereal realm of maybe. Like this killing hobos thing - I don't really have anything against hobos, but for some reason, I just can't get enough of saying I kill them. Which of course I do.

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FFTA

 
Disappointment reigns

Hey Andrew,

Sorry, but I didn't take any pictures of me upside down, because I can't really take a picture of myself upside down hanging from the ceiling or from anything that well.. because you wouldnt be able to see what the cardboard sign says anyways. But, I erased my Final Fantasy 6 character taking a pic first showing the main menu so you could see the time and HP and MP of the four current characters because it doesn't show the current HP and MP of each of the characters on the Continue/New Game screen. And then I started a new character and saving all three spaces with that character(which the other two would have been empty except for I let someone borrow the game a long time ago, and he saved over all three files with a pathetic character, because I think it's pretty stupid on a SNES game all three(or five for some games) to be full with characters that are going to be the same every time you play the game).

So there are three reasons that I erased my FF6 instead of FFTactics(since you said I had my own choice in the first place). The first reason is the fact that FFTactics is a PSX game, where I could easily copy a character to another memory card, and then take a picture of the memory card inserted without the FFTactics character, or take a picture while the character is being deleted but I'd still have it on another. The second reason, is that being at the end of FFTactics and staying in one place using Yell and Accumulate with my characters until I have enough JP to master that class is very boring, and doing it for every class takes alot of time, more than it takes leveling characters on FF6 with an Esper just to have 9999 HP so it looks alot better. And the third reason is that FFTactics is the more recent of the two games I've played, and I'd rather replay FF6.

Also, in the column today you said you have a Playstation 2, so you were going to get your sister to get a XBox. But I thought you said you didn't have a Playstation 2, and if you did you would have already gotten Disgaea(which is highly advised), and this makes me very confused, because you would have already got this awesome game(and also, is gotten a word).

-andrew- -kupomogli-

Andrew:
Well, fine. I'll ignore the fact that you could have gotten someone else to take such a photo, since you've already gone and zapped your save file, but I do wish you'd given the idea the credence it so richly deserves. That said, you've fulfilled the conditions I've set, as the photos you sent are testament to, so guest host you shall. As a result of the super secret surprise of death, however, you will guest on Friday, rather than Monday. Yes, that's right. Friday.

Now, the PS2 vs Xbox thing is really quite simple. I happened upon a PS2 earlier this week, after Disgaea became scarce as change at a hobo convention and before I went on the Xbox campaign trail. With that in mind, it's really quite simple to see how I could find a hobo convention so very enticing, given my newfound fake propensity for fake serial killing. And now that I've driven this joke into the ground, let us never speak of it again, lest we end up like a certain uncle on that cold, cold December morning.

As a final aside, I'm glad I'm not the only one whose Super Nintendo converted to that hideous nicotine-stain grey over time... Unless that's just dust on yours, in which case I have to go and perform a hunger strike at Nintendo headquarters until this outrage is explained.

 
Let's talk about the weather

Hey Andrew!!!!!!!

(insert "woooo" here) It's really depressing that kupomogli doesn't want to hang upside down... Hermmmm....maybe he'll reconsider after playing Rhapsody for 5 minutes! If you hang him upside down, maybe I can stab him and then I could clean the mess up with the windex!! (hmmm........maybe I shouldn't clean it up too much!!) So you rode on the Chee-Chee Mon? Interesting name...I wonder if I could hijack it one day and drive it over there!!! (even if its in a warehouse or somewhere, but if not, I'll just steal a "Maid of the Mist" boat!!) I figured that I don't really care if I get my permit soon or not, ya know? Ya know, when I'm 19, maybe I'll go drinking with you.. And we can murder the hobos together!! (and be drunk at the same time!) Always fun... Do I have a question? Hmmm...I might. Here goes. Did you realize that the news is overexaggerating with hurricane Issabel's effect on us?? They're all making a big deal, but we're just going to get hit by major rain, nothing too hideous. Maybe I'll just knock kupomogli out and use him as an umbrella this weekend, helps me save money. Oh yea, I need to find a good specimen of a knife!!

I'm sharpening my knife, kupo!

O' Shrouded One

Andrew:
News always exaggerates everything, and usually not in a good way. In fact, you're lucky if they even manage to stick to the facts for the duration of an entire report, so count your blessings that the hurricane doesn't have a partisan agenda, or else you'd have CNN sprouting Republican commentators with glib expressions swearing solemnly that the hurricane does not, in fact, intend to impinge upon the rights of "potential terrorist" coastal homes to remain standing during the "gusts of freedom" the storm must employ to ensure the safety and well-being of all Americans. Naturally, this will take place under the watchful eye of the coast guard, which will of course do its best to ensure that the hurricane remains within tightly confined boundaries.

 
Uh oh...Must.. struggle.. to take seriously..after General Leo resurrection...question... Ah, nuts. Unfit for Print

Hey Andrew,

This is actually just a question for Kupomogli, but it is something I have always wondered. He said he maxed out everything in FF6 and I was curious if he tried to resurrect General Leo. I personally have never had the patience to try this but have always wondered whether or not it could actually be done (Supposedly some 50,000 battles in the Tyrano Forest and stealing a Resurrect from a Golden Dragon, or something like that.) I know that chances are this is just a giant hoax cooked up by some twisted maniac, thus the reason for me never going to those lengths to max out everything in FF6, but still it'd be nice to hear the truth from someone who seems like they might have tried. Oh and for Kupo's punishment, if there is no General Leo make him delete both (gasp) and if there is a General Leo, such evidence must be provided and the save file must be sent to me, only if it is from Anthologies but God knows how long it would've taken him to max everything on that. Load times, Ugh.

-Yankee

Andrew:
Why why why why why why is there anyone left in the world who still thinks you can resurrect General Leo? Aside from the fact that blank spots in the character roster screen do not mean extra characters simply because they exist, there's the story side to consider. The second you bring him back from the dead General Leo's redemption loses all meaning and there's no point to including him in the plot at all. Unless, of course, you're one of those people who actually thinks the celebrities on the "big money" Match Game '75 are actually stars, or thought "The Flintstones meet the Jetsons" was just swell, in which case I must regretfully wish scorpions upon you.

Let us never speak of this again. Ever-ever-ever.

Quickies

This week's quote is from Final Fantasy Tactics. Ramza says it after Mustadio gets flattened by Worker 8. -Wildfire

Dime short and a dollar late, whatever that means. I think it probably refers to the fact that no fewer than four people got the answer yesterday, so I'm guessing you're out of luck.

Is it true that Final Fantasy 12 will be unveiled at TGS? I thought I read something about that, but I haven't heard anything since.

Why yes, yes it will be. This still doesn't answer the question of why you came to me, instead of checking either the news archive or the game page, both of which will give you the answers you seek. At least, they'd better if they know what's good for them.

Hey Andrew, neat website.. I obviously have a question. I have an awesome idea for a third Golden Sun but I cant find a website that has a place where i can email them. Please help me find a website or email address

Thank you

Okay. So let me get this straight. You think that any self-respecting company, even one as terribly inadequate as Camelot, is so desparate for talent that they actually have any sort of system set up to gather the genius ideas of fans who got drunk one night and decided it would be a great thing if Isaac and Fynn fell in love in the third chapter of the game (should the third chapter even be produced, which, by the way, is no guarantee?) Even more implausably, you think that a company developing a contiguous series hasn't got some idea of where they'd like to take their little baby?

Well, okay, it's Camelot. Nevertheless, you're an idiot.




The Final Grumble:

So now that I have two extra days this week, I will also have two extra hosts. Tomorrow, it shall be Rudy, who I should probably mention I don't actually hate, despite his abominable taste in RPGs. When pressed for some sort of solicitation to throw at you guys, he offered this:

"I've played every RPG for every system ever and why the heck did you delete the rest of the email in which I said this you big dumb idiot? Now they'll never know what that second part was unless I come on IRC tomorrow and tell someone who has access to this column to change this part which would really be a very good idea but probably won't happen because this is a really lousy way to communicate."

See, the trick to remembering things you've heard is remembering your surroundings when you heard them. Then you can get everything right down to the finest detail, like I've just done so perfectly.

Yes, it's lonely at the top, but someone has to be here, since the dregs are so rapidly encroaching. More on that later; for now, let's all talk about obscure games, cuz apparently Rudy's played them all and would just love to show off his knowledge, while I stand by all breathless and starry-eyed. That's right, girls - back off, he's mine! MINE I TELL YOU!

Geez... I really ought to keep that repressed. Anyhow, if you're not keen on the ladies-- I mean, obscure games, I'm also just rarin' to discuss how ungodly long it takes to get started in most RPGs. What's the deal with that? Now, rush out there and send me a giant stack of letters. I crave attention, damn you!

Andrew "Ambiguously Gay Duo" Long

Meh meh... Now Rudy will hate me forever :D

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