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ASK ANDREW
Speedy Bleedy July 14, 2005

Andrew Long - 8:09 EST

SO ANYWAY, most of the time when I encounter crazy people at work, their craziness is limited to behaviour that no rational person would ever engage in. Every so often, though, there comes someone so delightfully insane that crazy is pretty much the end of their craziness. From the woman who thought she could steal a recliner by moving it slowly towards the doors to the guy who came into the store decked out in a Judo uniform demanding a refund, there have been many examples of this type of nuttiness in my seven years in furniture hell.

Today, a new crackhead was added to the mix. After closing, there remained a single family in the store, whose daughter I would judge to be between 15 and 18. She looked perfectly normal, but every so often, she would cry out in fake outrage and tell someone to stop touching her. I didn't see anyone near her, so at first I assumed it was just a game with her mother - but it kept up. Every couple minutes without fail, she'd jump like she'd sat on a rusty nail and tell "Herbert" to stop touching her. So they eventually get around to the counter, and she does it again. The cashier helping her parents gave the mother a quizzical look, prompting her to explain:

"Yeah... She has an imaginary friend. See what happens when you give her a couple pieces of chocolate cake?"

I am a veteran of many chocolate cakes, including a wave of chocolatey deliciousness in the great birthday glut of '87, and to this day that is the first time I have ever known chocolate cake to turn someone from a perfectly normal human being into a shrieking ball of madness. The worst part is, I even said to my coworker "What the hell.. does she have an imaginary friend or something?" before finding out that yes, she did indeed have an imaginary friend. WHO HAS AN IMAGINARY FRIEND AT THAT AGE?

Seriously, I'm weirded out here >_<




L E T T E R S
Reverse localization


Google (I presume?),

I notice that a healthy chunk of your Q and A letters come from fans clamouring for the localization of Japanese game X into English for subsequent release in America. I was wondering if it worked the other way too. Are there any American made games (RPG or otherwise) that have been translated to Japanese and enjoyed moderate success in their audience?

Personally, I figure BMX XXX must have gone platinum by now... haha. On a serious note, what about Secret of Evermore? It had the Squaresoft logo and everything.

Thanks,
Tommy Moo


ANDREW


In the console market, this doesn't tend to happen very often; beyond a few big developers, most of which either churn out subpar sports franchises or else concentrate chiefly on PC titles, very little from here makes it to there in terms of videogames. If I had to peg a reason why, I would probably chalk up market saturation; Japan makes more than enough games to keep itself flooded with titles, so it takes a truly monumental North American release to break through. As you may well notice, Secret of Evermore hardly qualifies as such.

You are correct, though; it was indeed developed in North America, back in the day when Squaresoft thought that having a giant white elephant of a North American office was a swell idea. Flush with its own success, or at least, the success of its Japanese overlords, the American arm decided to crank out a cheap knock-off of Secret of Mana. Unfortunately, somewhere along the way, most of the goodness was left out, and so it was that Secret of Evermore found its way onto shelves. It didn't stay there long, but it did manage to create some serious competition for FF:MQ as the most asstacular cash grab attempted by Square up to that date.

So, to put this briefly after rambling interminably, no, no Secret of Evermore didn't make it to Japan. Europe wasn't spared, however.



Mr. T pities the foo who gets sucka'd into buying a Revolution


Hey there Cast,

These are two things I thought of which I thought I'd ask about seeing as you need letters for the column

First since Nintendo's next gen system will be able to download older Nintendo games, do you think various companies that didn't release some of their NES or SNES titles in America will make officially translated versions of them available for purchase and download via the Revolution??? Cause part of me wants to play translated japanese SNES games without looking over my shoulder to make sure some secret goverment organization doesn't bust into my house and arrest me...
ANDREW

I imagine there might be one or two projects where that kind of thing happens; mainly the crap RPGs that people for some reason have been clamouring for lo these many years, since there's probably some profit to be made in such a translation (that's right, SD3 fanboys... I'm talking to you). I imagine that beyond a few titles, however, there will be some form of regional restriction to prevent that kind of thing from happening, though I suppose stranger things have happened.

Second, do you think Square Enix will hire Mr. T to do Barret's voice in Advent Children? Since Barret and Mr. T look fairly simular, and I'm assuming Mr. T needs the work

Arros Raikou

Should never write anything when he's on a sugar high... WEEEE


ANDREW

I think Mr. T needs more than work at this point; last I heard, he was having some serious health issues relating to his kidneys, so I'm not so sure he's in any condition to do much in the way of acting. If he is, however, I would hope he is at least given some consideration, since for all intents and purposes Square stole his image, stole his bling, and slapped a gun on one arm to hide the rampant thievery. The question is... would he be interested?



SILVERMAN'S ON THE JOB


any news on [PS Trilogy]? it was removed from EBgames and Gamestop a month or so ago, is it canned or still comin out?

ANDREW

I could swear someone asked this last weekend...And indeed, I did. That said, I was not aware of this game's most unwholesomely un EBGameseded status, and as a result, I have decided to sic our PR guy, Lord Klaxor, on Conspiracy Entertainment to find out hwhat gives. I will use this fantastic investimagative reporting to launch a new feature, Klaxor Kares. STAY TUNED!

...Hmm. On second though, perhaps fewer Ks might be advisable...



Randomblings


Hello Mr. Andrew,

Looking at one of the two new propaganda for KH2, it appears that Captain Barbossa and whoever it was that Bloom portrayed will be in the game. Does this strike you as a shameless publicity and marketing ploy? Because it sure seems that way to me.
ANDREW

Kingdom Hearts a shameless publicity and marketing ploy? Whatever on earth would give you that idea? What kind of crazy person thinks that a game devoted to offering meaningless cameos to dozens of Disney's most highly marketable characters, combined with a few crowd pleasers from S-E, could possibly have anything to do with publicity and shameless marketing? Your cynicism is a blight upon this column, Nayan. A BLIGHT!

Also, I haven't seen much on Advent Children lately. Have there been any new updates or changes that you know of?

Thanks,
NayanRoo


ANDREW

Nothing much recently has come up, beyond some info on Japanese release dates and a confirmation that yes, you will in fact be able to watch AC on your PSP, should you choose to puschase one. I would imagine the hype machine will be kicking into high gear in a month or so, at least in Japan, so the drought shouldn't last too much longer, at any rate.



A true defender of Thursday


Dear Andrew,

I do not want to be responsible for destroying thursday, and as such, I am sending you a letter. Since you were looking to answer questions, I wanted to ask you if you have played Atelier Iris yet and if so how much did you enjoy it (I enjoyed it a lot). Secondly, speaking of ruin, did you play lufia:ruins of lore for the GBA, because though their wasn't as much puzzle, it was still fairly remeniscent of Lufia 2. Thirdly, do you have a gameboy advance and if so what games do you have (and if not, what games would you get or want). Thanks!

-ATG


ANDREW

It seems to me that your order of operations is a little messed up, but nevertheless:
1) I have not played AI, on account of I lack money to be blowing on games, even apparently good ones from NIS. Note that this did not prevent me from picking up Phantom Brave on Monday; however, it cost me $25 and it was the first game I've bought all year (discounting the money I'm currently donating to WoW).
2)Yes, yes I have played Lufia: Ruins of Lore. It is a fairly entertaining game, but I keep getting stuck on annoying parts, which is never conducive to me beating a game in a reasonable space of time.
3) I do indeed have a GBA, and have several games; Oracle of Ages, F-Zero, Super Mario World, Golden Sun (shudder), Mario & Luigi, the aforementioned Lufia, TO:KoL, and FFTA. There may be others, but I can't remember at this point. That said, I have a nice long car trip coming up, so I'll prolly spring for one next week.



IT'S A CONSPIRACY


Is it just me, or are there less people around on Thursdays than other days? The bus is less crowded; more people are absent from class; people at work are all gone; less cars on the road; Livejournal runs faster. What's with this? Where does everyone go?

I think they go to Friday.

Carabbit


ANDREW

Thanks for sharing, Carabbit. Your theory, while moderately crazy, would help to explain why I never get any mail on Thursdays, and explain just as compellingly why my inbox is generally healthier-looking come Friday. The question is, what happens with Saturday? I demand answers, now or eventually!



Summer of Adventure my ass... THEY WERE ALL BAD GAMES


Hey there Googleshng,

Turns out it was the summer-fall period of 2000 instead of 1999 when I got Vagrant Story, as well as other crappy Squaresoft games, but yeah 3 years is still a lengthy while between start, break, forcing self to finish

So um yeah whoops ^^;

Arros Raikou

The past 6 years have been an anime and rpg filled haze for me


ANDREW

Thanks for sharing, Arros. Now that you've admitted to your miserable failure to keep dates straight, I think we can all move on into a bright future in which we never ever mention Vagrant Story again without at least three derogatory references to assless leather chaps and miserable battle systems.



<.<


Whats up with the 's?

----
Best Regards
Christopher Beaupre


ANDREW

Look, you... You're supposed to be out righting wrongs! Stop making me look bad >_<





C L O S I N G
IN CONCLUSION:

And... with negative ten minutes to spare, Thursday is indeed spared. Fortunately, there is the Pacific time zone to consider, so Thursday wins by technicality. YEEHAW! For tomorrow, I will print anything you send, so get your thinking caps on, I'll answer it all!

castomel@rpgamer.com
Andrew Long Needs to hack a certain commissioner from his sidebar.


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