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ASK ANDREW
To Faraway Times February 13th, 2006

Andrew Long - 3:25 EST

WELL, WE ALL KNEW THAT IN THE END it would have to come to this, as it always does. Some last longer, some last... shorter? As for me? I'm content with two and a half years, so now, as I sit here, growing steadily more mawkish as Chrono Trigger's soundtrack, still one of the best, by the way, my little chickadees, lulls me into grandiose reminiscence, I must indeed bring this thing to an end.

I spent five years and more angling for this job, and I must say, I've had a great time doing it. Now, however, it is abundantly clear that it is time to hand it off to someone else, someone who might, oh, I don't know, update more than once or twice a weekend, and maybe even on consecutive days! This I have cheated you of, and so my replacement will hopefully be somewhat steadier.

Do not think this is goodbye; I'll still be with the site, and if ever someone needs a fill-in, I shall be only too happy to claw my way back here for another brief stint. That said, the time has definitely come to lay it aside, and so I shall. It's been fun, and I hope you enjoyed it half as much as I did. For all my periodic bitterness and such, I really did enjoy answering your questions, and am glad that you considered me able to do so.

And now, for the last smattering, I turn once more to the mailbag.

Andrew Dangerous

...God.. You finished yet? Yer worse than mining for peppermint schnapps in the exotic mintcaves of Cuba, and believe me, for someone with my less-than-robust lungage, that's pretty damned bad. Why, it was one of my closest scrapes, to think back on it... Rapelling down the twinkling slopes, the intoxicatin' stench of breath freshener makin' the place damper than a swedish... peat bog... Ah, to be there again! It was dangerous, right enough, but damn, it made ya feel ALIVE! Aaanyhow, just be done with it, ya simpering pussywillow! Yer makin' ME all reflective now.

...

...

*sniff sniff*




L E T T E R S
Boingy, Boingy!


Hello there, Matt!

Long time reader, first time writer. I'm not sure what finally inspired me to write in, although given that I'm a sucker for a competition, I'm sure the Sock questions were partly responsible.

I'm writing in in response to the Dragon Quest/Final Fantasy crossover idea at the end of today's column. Please, please, don't give Square Enix any more ideas for bad Final Fantasy spinoffs. I'm in the middle of Dragon Quest VIII now (admittedly my first DQ/DW game), and it's a completely different feel from Final Fantasy. The thought of the two combining should send shivers down your spine. It's strange enough to see younger versions of FF characters popping up in Kingdom Hearts, or to see umpteen different spinoffs from FFVII. If someone puts it out there, right now, Square Enix just might do it, if they thought it would bring in enough money.

BigWook


ANDREW


I think you're probably safe from such a crossover; if nothing else, the development teams involved probably have some shred of proprietary dignity left, and to thrust such widely different series together would be at best perplexing, and at worst disastrous. Either way, though, it's somewhat heartening to know that no matter how many hosts we plunk down in this chair, there will always be someone to worry about such unlikely things, and that every so often, one of these crazy concoctions will actually see the light of day. Yes, I know there are those of you who love Kingdom Hearts, but let me just say this: if playing two minutes of Kingdom Hearts doesn't make me qualified to make the following statement, and I for one am certain it does, then I don't care, but what I am going to say is that Kingdom Hearts is for suckers and I don't care what anyone says. So there!

Incidentally, other games that are for suckers: Chrono Cross, Final Fantasy IX, Xenosaga, Drakengard, anything made by Working Designs, and anything made by Camelot. Try convincing me I'm wrong now, losers! I'll never check this email again!! HAHAHAHAHAHA!

ANDREW's CONSCIENCE


So, burning bridges, eh?

ANDREW


Yup, it's pretty swell...

ANDREW CONSCIENCE


Yeah... listen, since quitting is in the air, I thought this'd be as good a time as any... I resign. Go to hell or Reno, I don't care, but you're doing it without me.

ANDREW


ADRIENNNNNNNNNNNE!



Yes, all the questions will be titled Boingy Boingy today... I'm LAZY!


Dear QnA host.

I was a HUGE fan of final fantasy, right untill i played FFXII demo. It sucks. But, thats not the point im going to make here. Almost a year ago, the sequel to FF7, the highly anticipated Advent Children, was announced for a Worldwide, silmutaneous release. In October(or september), it was released in Japan and we, dumb-ass english-speaking north-americans, have been stuck waiting for it since then, OR watching it in japanese, from an illegaly downloaded copy, or one bought on e-bay. Now, the question... where did that wordlwide simultaneous release go?

-Yulrick
PS: I would be greatly honored if you could grant me a tilde, grandmaster question answerer.


ANDREW

It went the way of all poor planning; right back to the studio, so as to allow for decent voice acting talent to be secured and an acceptable translation written. Sure, they probably could have swung that by November, but releasing it simultaneous to an internet-leaked version probably wouldn't have helped sales any, and by keeping the wraps on the new, voice-acted version, S-E is able to a) distance itself further from the internet leak and b)offer people who have taken advantage of said leak some reason to still consider purchasing the actual film.

Incidentally, since I won't have another chance to do this, may I just say one more time, you people who downloaded that video make me sick. You're dirty thieves and I hope you all get run over by snowmobiles. FOR SHAME!



Ah, Paine... How I'll miss your disjointed rambling


Sup Q&A Guru, i have a question for you.

will america see breath of fire 3 for the psp since japan has it and europe is getting it?
ANDREW

I have a question for you. Over the year or so that you've been sending me letters, how many of my answers to your questions demanding prognostications out of me have actually come true? How many have even been proven wrong? If the answer is "very few" to one or both of these, you should probably consider the possibility that maybe, just maybe, I either don't know or don't care enough to give you a good answer, because basically you've just been asking me the same damned question a hundred times over with different games slotted in and quite frankly I am amazed at your capacity for dwelling upon the matter of portable remakes! LORD! Just get a bloody PSX!

also when do you think we will see any more news on square-enix games like final fantasy V and VI?
ANDREW

When they release it.

im waiting daily with no news.
ANDREW

Not an uncommon reaction to a period during which no news is forthcoming!

also i was curious if and i say if secret of mana was ported or remade would it be for the gba or ds?
ANDREW

With Children of Mana in the pipeline? Unlikely.

same goes for chronotrigger?
ANDREW

See answer to question one.

also do you think if chronotrigger or secret of mana was remade for the gba do you think we will see info at it at E3?
ANDREW

No, game companies typically like to keep information on games they're developing under wraps, so as to prevent the public from finding out about them.

alsoAt E3 do you think we will see info on breath of fire 3 as well as final fantasy 5 and 6 and if square let it out then as a surprise for chronotrigger for the gba and secret of mana would it be at E3?
ANDREW

GOOD LORD HOW MANY PERMUTATIONS OF THIS RETARDED QUESTION CAN THERE POSSIBLY BE? FIND SOMETHING BETTER TO DO WITH YOUR TIME, FOR THE LOVE OF GOD!

now do you think taito will surprise us atE3 and give us lufia 1 and 2 for the gba?
ANDREW

Yes. YES! YES! GOD YES!

and finally my last question is.

bauldurs gate dark alliance 1 and 2 was awesome games.

do you think the xbox 360,rev or PS3 will see a 3rd installment of it?
Paine


ANDREW

Sure, why not? It's a big moneymaker and the game industry is 90% creatively bankrupt, so it's a good fit. Anyhow Paine, I'm sorry if that came off as overly harsh, but you seriously do need to get a hobby besides lusting after remakes, because there's a great big world out there with things that are a lot more fun to do than rehashing old material. Go for a walk or a hike or a bike ride! Travel to an exotic country! Take up sport fishing! Get a pet if you need companionship for these activities or go with a friend! Join a club, a team, an assocation! Volunteer! Get your hair done, go shopping, go to the mall for lunch with someone, go to a movie, go to a sporting event, go visit a family member, but go out and live. The nonexistent remakes will still be there (or not) when you get home.



The Ol' RPG Cliche list strikes again


RPG Cliche #736: Strategy RPGs always take place in war-torn kingdoms. (Ogre Battle, Yggdra Union, FF Tactics, Kartia, Vanguard Bandits, Front Mission, your favorite TRPG here...)

Someone please tell me if any NIS America titles fit this one.

Well, they kind of HAVE to... If there was no war torn kingdom, there wouldn't be armies on both sides of the battlefield!

Flamethrower


ANDREW

Have to? I don't see warring nations in Phantom Brave...



Hell no, I do it all the time!


Good morning Matt and Ourobolus

You really do have to play a game before giving critisinging it don't you. I mean i've heard a lot of flak about Crono Cross but after finally playing it, it reminds me how I fell in love with RPG's. The music is just beautiful and the story so far as not let me down. And the fact that you can alter the story by choosing how you respond to people males it a lot less linear then most games aka the Final Fantasy series with exeption to 6. So my questions are what games have the music been so great that you have ignored the lesser quality of the story and or graphical qualty of the game, and which rpg game deserves a sequal? My choice is Terranigma but it already a non direct sequal to Illusion of Gaia/Time and Soul Blazer (I think).

Anywho thanks.
Bainick says Veni, Vedi, Vici. But only on Sundays!


ANDREW

First off, try and cling to that feeling of enjoyment, because the plot to Chrono Cross is likely to irritate you a great deal as you draw towards its later portions. Then be sure to wrap yourself in that openendedness, because it rapidly becomes "utter inane directionless garbage" as you progress. Finally, altering the story is fun and all, but when the difference is the choice between an incomprehensible ending and a retarded one, you will find that the shine wears off of that too.

As to your questions: music has always been one of my favorite elements of RPGs, so I tend to pay attention to it over other aspects regardless, meaning if a game has good music I am often willing to overlook its seamier qualities (although with games like Chrono Cross, an excess of these will still lead me to dislike it most intensely.)

As to games deserving of sequels, well, the one that pops to mind right offhand has just had two announced for it, so I'm more or less satisfied now that Valkyrie Profile is getting the serializing it so richly deserves.





C L O S I N G
IN CONCLUSION:

And so, I am finished. I had a great time, and I hope you enjoyed at least some of it. As to who my replacement will be? Well, first off, it's a girl, our first Q&A maven of the female persuasion since the venerable Veronica. Her name is Janelle "Tiptail" Berscheid, and you can find her profile here. She's been in our news department for over a year, and I think you'll all like her very much. She'll be starting out Sundays and Mondays, but if her and Matt decide a different arrangement will work better, you may see them change it up. Anyhow, be sure you send Tiptail lots of email next weekend, as she is very much looking forward to her first column.

As for me? I will continue on as the guy in charge of hiring people for the site, and you'll see my reviews pop up from time to time. My time here is most certainly finished, though, and so, for the penultimate time, I extend to you my fondest wishes. May all of your mishaps going forward be creamsicle related, for those are truly the most delicious of all!

castomel@rpgamer.com
Andrew Long isn't crying, honest!

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But that Andrew Dangerous character? Weeping like a schoolgirl!

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