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Let's pretend yesterday never happened
 
 
Okay? Thanks.
 
A lil' something something for the PC
To the feller wit' da big hamma'

While back some one mentioned somthing called RPGmaker 95. Now, this has bugged me for a while so I'll ask,

1. What is it?

A Win95/98 game design program which lets you create "Dragon Warrior" style RPGs.
2. Where can I get it?
Japan. It was never legally translated. You can find a hacked English version out there, but I can't suggest you do so, because then I'd be sued.
3.How much will it cost?

- Silver Jackal

Either a bunch of yen, or a few years in jail for piracy.
 
Hi, can I have some Role Playing in my Role Playing Game?
O god who owns the fifth day of the week, please answer my question:

Are there any good PSX RPGs that give the player control over characters' histories or characteristics? I guess I'm thinking along the lines of FF1 or Dragon Warrior 3.

I bow humbly before you,

- Theophrastus, the Zoma-lover.

Boy, you'd better watch it. Zoma-lovin'll get you tossed in the clink 'round these parts!

I'm probably missing an obscure game or two, and there are most likely a few Japanese RPGs which don't hand-feed you your own character, but hell if I can think of one. I even searched the list of PlayStation RPGs on RPGamer, and came up with nothing. Kind of pathetic, eh? No wonder fans of PC RPGs don't like consoles very much.

 
What?
Yo Thor,

How can you call yourself an RPG guru and not be able to answer this question ?

Uh. I don't. I hate that title. You must have mistaken me for Josh Reid. You know, the guy who hasn't worked here since December? Sheesh.
Try just about every game based in the Forgotten Realms. eg. pools of radiance, gateway to the savage frontier. They might not have been console games but these are classic RPGs. At best you save a city or small area. What about Darksun, all you save is a some villages out in the wilderness. What about the Ravenloft games ? About all you really save is your own butt. Return to Krondor, while a bit Rpg lite was more about getting revenge for a murder than anything else.
Ahh, "Gold Box" AD&D games! How I loved them. Guys, if you're picturing a Dungeon Master style bore-fest, you're dead wrong. The classic AD&D games practically started the Strategy/Tactical RPG genre! The thing is, when people ask about "RPGs" on RPGamer, unless they specify otherwise, I assume they mean "Console Style" RPGs, so I don't mention PC games. The Ultima 4 (and Legend of Zelda) suggestions were mostly jokes, 'cause there just aren't many csRPGs which don't revolve around saving the world.

Hey, I know. If Square really wants to be the RPG innovator, they should make a PlayStation RPG in which you can design your own character, and your goal isn't to save the world... naw. They'll just give your main character a gun/sword. That's innovation enough for anybody!

BTW, I wish people would stop showing off their stupidity by singing the praises of Everquest. It's a con. You basically buy the game and it works for a month, then you pay for the game again and get another six months out of it. No pay per time online scheme, just pay for your account to stay alive. If you have lots of time to play maybe, but if you get a new game and spend a month playing it, your EQ time is still ticking away.

- Allan

Luckily my computer struggles to run Quake, so I don't have to worry about it. If you ask me, the only online RPG worth playing is The Legend of Thor Gets Some, the multiplayer edition! Now you too can assist Thor on his quest to, well, get some. Battle overprotective fathers, awkward dates and even Thor's own vaguely disconcerting looks! Coming this fall to the Virtual Boy and 32-X (with new modem addons).
 
I for one am glad that monster isn't in my pocket.
Yo Thor!

Give my regards to XD for sending you that wonderful FF7 viewing program. For Photoshop savvy users such as myself, it becomes a kind of 3D clipart program. For example, see the image I attached? That's an enemy you won't see too often in FF7!

BTW- I'll make a smaller, animated version of the attached beast, in case Shadow Zero ever gets pooped.

- WetPants

Jolly good splended bloody rich idea! It's always good to have a backup dancing icon, and I don't think anyone wants FuSoYa to return as a stand-in...

(And before you ask, that's a chainsaw blade. Not, uh, something else.)

 
Why can't Sally and Jeff fall in love?
I had this idea ya see? It was like this. One the next Final Fantasy games Sqaure should do this. They should put their writers back to work and think up an actually GOOD reason to bring cool characters back from the past final fantasys back into a future game (not that crap reason tactics had for cloud, who also wasn't cool enough to bring back). Then once they have the old characters in a new game Square could breath new life into them. First off fire the guy who does all that of the pasty white skinned bolemic looking FF characters (i think he already was fired) and make more real anime type art for them. Then give them new cool uniforms and make a real cool premise for the game. Just think of it this way. The older Final Fantasys were much richer with good plot and storyline. So if Square could steal some elements from them (like characters) and perhaps insert them into a new game I feel that it would be very amusing. Just think about it, Kain and Edge in bad ass suits tearing up people with swords,claws and whatnot. A friend of mine doesn't think my idea is cool enough but I think your opnion could possibly sway his words.

- Ross Levine

Ahem.

That "guy who does all of the pasty looking characters" was Yoshitaka Amano, who was the character designer for Final Fantasy I through VI, and therefore responsible for a good deal of your beloved plots, and directly responsible for the characters.

Didn't like FFVII's plot? Liked FFI-VI's characters? Then quit bashing Amano already, you dingus.

Anyway. I think your idea is cool, but it probably won't happen. Most authors (be they novelists or game designers) detest the idea of squishing all their finely tuned characters into one big fantast-a-thon, where they all battle the Ultimate Evil. As a writer, the idea of someone making a Fighters Mega Mix out of my characters is a bit appalling, whether my readers would like it or not.

 
Arr, I remember the night well. Twas a full moon, it be, yet no stars show'n the sky. I was alone, searchin' for gold, an' that's when I saw it.... THE BIGGEST MULTI-PART LETTER EVER!
Yo, Thor! (I'm so obedient. :D)

Hey, just a few quick questions. First, um, I was looking through the fan fiction stuff at RPGamer, right, and I stumbled upon a very 'odd' one for Xenogears. Can't remember the name or author, but probably wouldn't tell you anyway. ;) Anyways, in it, Sigurd and Citan/Hyuga/Shitan/etc. seemed to be *achem* gay lovers. Now, I thought this was a little odd at first that somebody would incorporate this, but then a thought hit me: Was this in the Japanese version? I really have no clue, so naturally I come to you, my blunderous idol, to seek the truth. :D While I don't like the thought that they would cut such a huge thing, I can understand why, after going to school daily only to hear the words "fagget", "assrammer", and their kin uttered infinite times.

I've heard no rumors that Citan and Sigurd were bed buddies, so I'm going to have to assume that the fanfic was based on a healthy imagination, and not an "uncensored" Japanese version of Xenogears.
Also, I heard 'from a friend of a friend' that in the ending scene of the Japanese version, there's footage of Fei and Elly's *achems again* genitalia. True or false?
Nay. You see plenty of male arse, but little else. The Japanese version of Xenogears showed a tad more of Elly, but her naughty bits down below were well hidden.
One last thing: Is there any official say on whether or not Legend of Mana will be released in the U.S.? I really hope so, if they're going to release SaGa Frontier 2 and that silly Chocobo game (or was there two of them?) that nobody wants. I mean, didn't Secret of Mana sell a hell of a lot more than SaGa Frontier did? I have both and to me, SoM is a muuuuch better game.
Yeah, the official word is, "Release LoM in the U.S.? But we're Square, and that would make Americans happy. Fat f'n chance!". Still, Square might surprise us with a late release. You never know.
One -other- last thing; how far are you in Legend of Legaia? I just got to Dohati's Castle, and I'm totally in love with the game. It's plot reminds me too much of like.. Mystic Quest or something (maybe cause I'm playing it right after Xenogears and FF Tactics) but the game play is very cool and enveloping.
I'm three hours into it. I'm trying to finish Xenogears before I get wrapped up in yet another game. Blarg.
Yadda. That's all. I Think. No, wait. I just wanted to mention publicly that I think FFVI and FFVII are equal. So kill me already. :X

- Derek Thompson

Okay:

WHAAAAPA! TASTE CRIMSON DEATH WAVES! VICTOLY!

I always wanted to kill someone Samurai Showdown style.

 
Everything you always wanted to know about Terranigma (but were afraid to ask)
Hey Thor,

Actually, Enix did not release Terranigma in Europe, but rather Nintendo of Europe did. As with Illusion of Gaia, the game was licensed from Enix to Nintendo, and translated for North American and European release (According to the ending credits, Dan Owsen was involved in the English translation). In other words, it was Nintendo's decision that inevitably led to us North Americans missing out on the game, though their decision was understandable considering the less than stellar sales of Gaia over here.

- DarkElf

Well, what do you know.
 
Hey! There's a tiny flaw in this game! Let's obsess over it!
Greetings thor, sacred middleman of gamer communication,

Well, I just finished the Luner Demo and it was great. I have just one problem, I don't know about you but the in-game(non-Animecutsceen) english dubbed voice acting was TERRIBLE. It wasn't really a big deal till that part just before the animation at the end. I watch Anime so I have heard lots of bad voice acting before, but this was inexcusable. That part where there talking about all the "great adventures" and stuff uh,.... It sounded like the voice acting for little kiddy puppets in a kiddy show. I mean, this is a nastalga game right? Its not like little kids are going to be playing.The actual dialog in this part was super cheesy as well. If they had left it as text it would have been SO much better(or even in japanese). In my opinion you either use good voice actors or none. They had better fix this in the final product or I will be very disappointed. I want a glorious, man of destiny, epic. NOT a game with the flavor of a little kiddy show. END OF RANT. Anyway, I was wondering what your and others' optinions are on this subject.

- Zelgadis

"Hey! This game's graphics aren't on-par with real life! What gives?"

It's funny how people complain about some things and not others. They expect a video game's script to be as good as a movie's. Not even a normal movie, because Lord knows there are plenty of films which make Final Fantasy VII look coherent, but a great movie. They also expect dubbing as good as Evangelion's. But do they expect graphics as good as the new Star Wars film? No, of course not, that's crazy. But, apparently, expecting perfect dubbing and writing isn't.

When Xenogears was released, everyone bitched because the lip synching was off. Now, with Lunar: SSSC, that's not much of a problem -- so they're going after the actors themselves. You want "TERRIBLE" voice acting? Try Resident Evil, a game whose voice acting was so awful there's a group of people who insist Capcom made it intentionally bad, as a tongue-in-cheek reference to B movies!

The most important thing to keep in mind when criticizing an aspect of a video game is to compare it to its peers. Before you trash Lunar: SSSC's dubbing, ask yourself this: can you name five games with better dubbing?

I couldn't come up with two.

 
Heh
I've heard a lot about gamers who claim to be offended by the heavily religious plots of recent RPGs like Xenogears and Final Fantasy Tactics. I, for one, was highly offended by both games, but my reason has little to do with religion. You see, I am one of the 0.5% of Americans who happens to be illiterate and I couldn't make heads or tails of the plots of either of the games. In fact, text in RPGs in general has been observing a steady upward trend for years. This is interesting because illiteracy has also been on the rise. Why can't a company like Squaresoft, (whose belly is filled with the dollars, (or yen), of consumers), cater to the needs of the illiterate? How can a company like Squaresoft continue to ignore letters from people like me who are illiterate but still human?

- Marmelodov

Ten points if you can spot something wrong with this letter. :D
 
Wondering what that discolored lump is?
Ask Thor
(Open all letters with "Yo, Thor" or die!)
 
Like Old Crap?
Try the Archives
(Beware the Typoes)
 
Bored? Easily amused? Stoned?
The Hack Archive
Thor Antrim: Anime Style
(Edit me. It's fun.)
 
Quote of the Undetermined Amount of Time
"Legend of Legaia has an easy to follow storyline. That makes it a revolutionary RPG."
- Wark_Wark
(No explanation needed.)
 
Quickies that cavort naked under the light of a full moon
Dear CliThoris, Teri Hatcher's erectile Thorgan,

if less Thors started faking Thorgasms, Thor-lovers everywhere would know how good they were easier.
- Sephiroth Katana

Gaah! Fer Cthulhu's sake, just call me "Sexypants" from now on. I mean it.
Craig Kilborn had done tHERSday 3 or 4 times before that. He did tHERSday before you took over the Q&A column. Whups. Kudos to Creggers, then.
That column didn't suck. The improved dancing ninja was worth it. Thanks, man. It's good to know that my obvious ineptitude is forgiven merely because of a funny icon. Job security ROCKS.
We have all heard of Ted Woosley before, but I doubt many have seen his picture. Is there any way you can post a pic of him? It would be real cool. Please try to. MANA 4 EVER!!!!!
- Earl of Mana
Sure thing. You can find Ted Woolsey's picture here.!
 
Thor Stuff: Egotism at its finest

Pretty much everyone seemed to agree that "Action" battle systems were like The Legend of Zelda, or Secret of Mana's. I actually considered that, but I forgot about SoM, and figured suggesting The Legend of Zelda was an RPG would cause more hassle than it was worth. The ironic thing is I really dig Action/RPGs. Ahh.. sweet, sweet memories of Crystalis flowing in...
Well, it had to happen, and today it did.

Someone sent me porn.

Teri Hatcher porn, to be exact.

Now, I enjoy a running gag as much as the next columnist. Hatcher's sort of my "The Box", or Reid's misadventures with his Id. But this is going just a wee bit too far. I enjoy a great body as much as the next Red Blooded American Boy (and, let's be honest, even more than the average Red Blooded American Boy when it's Hatcher's bod), but when you have (apparent) kids sending you smut, you start to wonder if everyone is in on the joke or not.

So for future reference, I try to keep this column "PG 13" -- try to follow the same guidelines with your submissions. (Knowing my luck, I'd access a really zoftig picture just as a visiting friend or family member walked by my PC. Damn my luck, damn it to Hades!)

Ohh, you like?! Thor "Amano rocks" Antrim
Thanks for not flaming me :D

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