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Questions are for Wussies: The Next Generation
 
 
Welcome to the second Questions are for Wussies day! (Even though I can't remember what in blazes I called the last one, it's the second, 'cause I say so.) Today the only questions I'll be answering are Quickies, so for once, no one has to worry about sending in corrections. Joy!
 
Ask Chris
Thor,

I won't say my knowledge of what the real name of the character "Kururu" (not KuKU ru, but KuRUru) is supposed to be comes from the fact that I co-wrote the FFV FAQ. Because it doesn't. In fact, we used "Kururu" in that FAQ, a literal Romanization of the katakana. The RPGe translation isn't right either, although "Cara" is the closest English name. The guys at Square almost Romanized it correctly: on Square's Japanese website, they had it as "Krile", which is close, but it looks way too much like it should be pronounced "kreel".

It's ACTUALLY "Kurile", which is pronounced "Ku-rill", with the u as in "put" and the "rill" rhyming with "fill", and the accent on the first syllable. She's named after a group of islands between Japan and Russia. Proof? The Katakana rendering of "Kurile" (the islands) is "Ku ru ru."

Sorry for the long-winded note, but I felt your readers would appreciate a full explanation of why the name sounds so strange.

Dude, no worries. That's what I love about Ask Thor, it's like one big moderated message board, with (allegedly) humorous comments by yours truly tossed in, and a few answers a day. And when if I can't track down the answer, I can bet my bonnet someone out there knows what the rest of us don't. It's beautiful when ya think about it. All of us gamers of all race, creed and color, coming together to battle ignorance and discover the unknown. C'mere guys, group hug -- but try and cop a feel and I kick your face in.
P.S. As for "Suikoden", it's "Su i ko den", "Su" as in "Superman", "i" as in "eel", "ko" as in "coconut", "den" as in "Denver."

- Chris Kohler

Aye, many a sharp-eared -- we're talking positively elven -- reader pointed out a scene in Metal Gear Solid where Psycho Mantis pronounces 'Suikoden'. (And thanks to A.E.Isthill for sending in that .wav. We love you, man.)
 
Sony: Protecting the uniquely stupid since 1995
Inept Megalomaniac? ahem... anyway,

I realize that this has nothing to do with RPG's but I came across something I thought everyone might like to know. Sony thinks we're all idiots. Why, you inquire? Well, I was really bored recently and decided to take a look at the instruction manual for my Dual Shock controller (don't ask me why). Under the part entitled "For Saftey" Sony tells us, and I quote: Do not attempt to operate the controller with anything other than your hands. Do not operate the controller with, or attach it to; your head, elbows, other bony parts of your body, face or stomach. WHAT? How stupid do they think we are? If anyone actually ties the controller to their elbows, or tries to operate it with their stomach, please tell me so that I can come to your house and kick your ass? Well those are my two cents. Oh, wait... "Ask Thor" implies I'm supposed to ask a question. Er... what, uh, do you think about this... heh, heh, aw crap.

- X The Unknown

Oh crap! I've been operating my Dual Shock controller using only my face for weeks! No wonder my tongue's so sore...

Heh heh, and congratulations: You're one of the only readers to make me laugh so hard I risked ruining my monitor with copious amounts of coffee and/or drool. Don't worry about questions. For today, Questions Are For Wussies! So like, rejoice, and stuff.

 
D'ni? Dunny? Yeah, gutteral stops ROCK!
Dear Thorclopaedia:

I know this has nothing to do with RPG's, but to the guy who wrote about "Riven's" storyline in yesterdays column, i recommend him to read the MYST books: "Myst, the book of Atrus", "Myst, the book of Ti'ana" and "Myst, the book of D'ni"... If you really liked the storyline you'll be blown away by these books, the first one is a prequel of the game "Myst", the second one is the story of the fall of "D'ni" and the third about its revival... They're worth it, give them a try, you can find them in any bookstore or in Amazon.com.

- Gianpiero Ciammaricone

I've read "Myst, the book of Atrus", and it's as good as Gianpiero says. Well, actually, I listened to the book-on-tape, because I'm an illiterate toad. Even in its reduced state, the story was excellent, so I imagine the book must rock.

Speaking of, what kind of books do ya'll like? Don't bother writing if it's just books by the famous Jordan/Tolkien/Weis&Hickman -- I'm looking for book series which remind you of roleplay games, or stories which you think would appeal more to a "RPGamer" than your average reader.

 
Read this if you want to spoil Parasite Eve for yourself
Hey Thormeister..

Thanks for replying to my last letter, even if it was by E-mail. I love to hear from you anyway. ^_~

Anyway, I read the letter from Alice who wanted to know about a Parasite Eve script. I don't have a link to one, but I can explain the ending and the Chrysler Building Ending to her (yes, I AM obsessive with Square RPGs and I DID beat the Chrysler Building) You see, in the normal ending, after Aya defeats, more or less, the Ultimate Being, she has to run away from it because it is the ultimate stage in evolution, and has evolved even more than any other lifeform could. That's why she blows it away along with the carrier. Then, Maeda explains to her that the reason why only she was able to exist around Eve and the Ultimate Being was because there was a part of Maya in her too; not only Eve. Aya was born with a defect in her right (left?) eye, and Maya's eye, complete with Maya's cells, was replaced with Aya's bad eye, so Aya got her share of Maya Cells as well, just like Melissa (Eve) did when Maya's kidney or whatever it was was transported into her. Maya's cells protected Aya's mitochondria in Aya's body and mutated the mitochondria in Melissa's body. Now, I WILL tell you that I DON'T get why everyone's eyes flash red at the end. Sorry. As for the Chrysler Building ending, well, when you get to the top, you find that the real Eve has been hiding there all along, and that the Eve you fought in the normal game was just a manifestation of her real self. And guess who's body she's in: Maya's. So after some words are exchanged between Eve and Aya, Eve allows Maya's spirit to talk to Aya, and it gets really emotional an' stuff, and then Eve comes back and taunts Aya, ad the battle with Original Eve (insanely hard) ensues. If and when you actually defeat her, Eve is killed for good (or so we think) and Maya's spirit enters Aya's body to be with her forever. How sweet. :)

And the scary part is, this isn't even my 5th favorite game. If I can explain a game that isn't really my favorite THAT well, just think how completely freaky it is when you think about me explaining Xenogears, my one and only favorite game. Run like hell, everyone. Run like hell. (Y'know, Thormeister, we'd make a PERFECT team; think about it. :D )

Yeah! We'd be the next Batman and Robin, the next Shaggy and Scooby, the next Ambiguously Gay Duo... er, wait.
Ranma, the Great Xenogears Guru

(C'mon, print this in the column! I worked like hell on it! ::gives him two mint cookies:: There! Pleeeeeeaaaase? ;D )

<munch> Mmmhmm.
 
Video game award explanation. Yes!
Dear Comrade Thor,

Regarding the video game awards issues: these are awards by the industry, not game critics. Games that are nominated for these awards not only have to excel gaming-wise in their genre, but they also need to have mass-market appeal. There are few exceptions, but those are few. If you look at the top game nominations list, it's obvious that a 9-year old tyke or 25-year old game junkie would have easily enjoyed(and probably bought) those games. The game junkie buys them for supposedly "hardcore" gaming reasons(generally), while the 9-year old tyke is usually hyped up by commericals and word of mouth. A successful game goes through both channels and the others in-between. Goldeneye is a classic example(it won last year). Little kids could romp with their little friends in multiplayer, while the hardcore gamer could do the same, but also challenge the formindable[sic] 007 mode. Anyway, just had to say that.

Fair enough. I can imagine a lot more people enjoying Parasite Eve than Xenogears. The thing about Xenogears is that it's so epic, and flawed, that anyone who completed it will either resent the hell out of Square, or love the game so much they're willing to suck face with Richard Simmons to defend its honor.

On the other hand, you have Parasite Eve. Tons of FMV; easy (or at least, easier) to grasp storyline; less confusing combat; lots of guns and Resident Evil monsters... and the gameplay bears a striking resemblance to (GENESIS!) Shadowrun. Truly, a game for the masses.

Ahh well, it's not that important. Award shows rarely praise anything but big budget titles -- unless the stars are either English, gay, or both.

More importantly though, after 26 hours of japanese FF6 PSX(frustrating because of the language barrier, but nevertheless a legendary game), I have finally beaten it and seen the best CG sequence I have ever seen. I could say magnificient, luminous, moving, riveting, etc., but "best" should be enough. While watching it, I entered the highest form of interactive entertainment: envelopment(i.e. I transcended the physical world and was one with the game). My body was completely stunned. My eyes were completely fixed on the game. My body grew immensely cold(all the blood went to my eyes), and I had goosebumps all over. It's just great. Now everytime I feel depressed I just pop in FF6 and watch it again. It really restores one's faith in humanity.

- Valinoru

I felt like that once. Then someone walked in on me and my girlfriend, and she's been too paranoid to try again. Um. Try Final Fantasy 6 again, I mean. Yeah. 'Cause, hehe, I mean, uh, what else could I have meant?
 
Want to try and get answers from an inept megalomaniac?
Mail Thor
(That's Mr. inept megalomaniac to you, pal.)
 
Like Old Crap?
Try the Archives
(Beware the Typoes)
 
Bored? Easily amused? Stoned?
The Hack Archive
Thor Antrim: Anime Style
(Edit me. It's fun.)
 
Quote of the Undetermined Amount of Time
"my butt cheacks smell like sweet puffs of perfume"
- Anonymous.
(Wow, he didn't give his name. Big surprise.)
 
On days when the answers are null, the Quickies flourish; frolicing in the fields and dancing in your dreams!
Chu-chus taste like candy. Yum. Must be all the Chu-y nougut filling.
Really simple actually. it has been made clear many times before that chocobos had their origin from the Japanese candy chocoballs. Square has even said this. So to clear up any doubts or confusion.
- Fish
Yeah, like they're going to admit to ripping character design off from a hugely sucessful anime movie. Actually, they might be telling the truth -- the makers of Chocoballs could've done a little design stealing themselves.
You misspelled "controlling" in your invisible text.
- Um........ uh...... Odin! Yes.... that's me.....
That's the good thing about invisible text. Nobody can tell when you screw up.
you know those 3 columns that are MIA, well i solved the problem send in quickie to save them. quickie could kick some commie ass, or whoever has captured them, and bring back the columns. then he'd be a national hero. yeah for quickie!
-mat
He can't. He's too busy.... frolicing. From mega-macho action hero to fem. It's worse than what happend to the Fonz! Sheesh -- you'd think he was Jean Claud Van Damne, or something. What a card.
If you ever had any doubts that Scott Sharkey of The Comic is an RPGamer fan, check out today's strip. Specifically the third panel (or whatever that box thing is called). He's talking to you, oh attractive trousers guy!
- ChocoMog ZERO
The number of Grade "A" Blargs is ever growing! Beware. Soon, mothers will name their babies "Blarg"; America will be reborn as Blarg Land, and Suare will use "Blarg" in Final Fantasy X! ...yeah, I wish.
I was searching on the net recently when I asked myself a question. Self, I says, what search engine would Thor use? When I couldn't answer it myself, I decided to go to the source.
- Waterman64
The source of Thor? You talked to my parents!? Oh. Well, uh, I use Yahoo first, but only because it ties in with Altavista. After that, I try Hotbot or Snap.com. And when all else fails, I try XXXsearch.com. I don't usually find what I'm looking for, but I never fail to find something just as good.
 
Thor Stuff: Egotism at its finest

A big thanks to "Slurp aka Slurp-olicious aka dwright aka letsplaydoctor", who is AKA "the guy who tracked down the three missing Ask Thor's". Lets all give him a new nickname to show our thanks!

Don't forget to send in tiny lil' questions which I love so much. Maybe tomorrow we can have a mostly-questions day. Maybe not. We'll have to wait and see.

Another late update. I really wanted to get something finished before I updated, I just couldn't complete it before 6pm (GMT -08:00), which is my new self-imposed deadline. Ahh well, there's always tomorrow. Seeya, gang.

Shadow Zero Dancing Attack EX Mega! Thor "god of blunder" Antrim
I wrote this while listening to Enya: The Celts. The "Th0r" is intentional. I'm wearing socks. Blarg.

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