Questions are for Wussies: The Next Generation
Welcome to the second Questions are for Wussies day! (Even though I can't
remember what in blazes I called the last one, it's the second, 'cause I say so.)
Today the only questions I'll be answering are Quickies, so for once, no one has
to worry about sending in corrections. Joy!
I won't say my knowledge of what the real name of the character "Kururu"
(not KuKU ru, but KuRUru) is supposed to be comes from the fact that I
co-wrote the FFV FAQ. Because it doesn't. In fact, we used "Kururu" in
that FAQ, a literal Romanization of the katakana. The RPGe translation
isn't right either, although "Cara" is the closest English name. The guys
at Square almost Romanized it correctly: on Square's Japanese website,
they had it as "Krile", which is close, but it looks way too much like it
should be pronounced "kreel".
It's ACTUALLY "Kurile", which is pronounced "Ku-rill", with the u as in
"put" and the "rill" rhyming with "fill", and the accent on the first
syllable. She's named after a group of islands between Japan and Russia.
Proof? The Katakana rendering of "Kurile" (the islands) is "Ku ru ru."
Sorry for the long-winded note, but I felt your readers would appreciate a
full explanation of why the name sounds so strange.
Dude, no worries. That's what I love about Ask Thor, it's like one big
moderated message board, with (allegedly) humorous comments by yours
truly tossed in, and a few answers a day. And |when if
I can't track down the answer, I can bet my bonnet someone out there knows
what the rest of us don't. It's beautiful when ya think about it. All of
us gamers of all race, creed and color, coming together to battle ignorance
and discover the unknown. C'mere guys, group hug -- but try and cop
a feel and I kick your face in.
P.S. As for "Suikoden", it's "Su i ko den", "Su" as in "Superman", "i" as
in "eel", "ko" as in "coconut", "den" as in "Denver."
- Chris Kohler
Aye, many a sharp-eared -- we're talking positively elven -- reader pointed
out a scene in Metal Gear Solid where Psycho Mantis
(And thanks to A.E.Isthill for sending in that .wav. We love you, man.)
|Sony: Protecting the uniquely stupid since 1995|
Inept Megalomaniac? ahem... anyway,
I realize that this has nothing to do with RPG's but I came across
something I thought everyone might like to know. Sony thinks we're all
idiots. Why, you inquire? Well, I was really bored recently and decided
to take a look at the instruction manual for my Dual Shock controller
(don't ask me why). Under the part entitled "For Saftey" Sony tells us,
and I quote: Do not attempt to operate the controller with anything other
than your hands. Do not operate the controller with, or attach it to;
your head, elbows, other bony parts of your body, face or stomach. WHAT?
How stupid do they think we are? If anyone actually ties the controller to
their elbows, or tries to operate it with their stomach, please tell me so
that I can come to your house and kick your ass? Well those are my two
cents. Oh, wait... "Ask Thor" implies I'm supposed to ask a question.
Er... what, uh, do you think about this... heh, heh, aw crap.
- X The Unknown
Oh crap! I've been operating my Dual Shock controller using only my face for
weeks! No wonder my tongue's so sore...
Heh heh, and congratulations: You're one of the only readers to make me laugh
so hard I risked ruining my monitor with copious amounts of coffee and/or drool.
Don't worry about questions. For today, Questions Are For Wussies!
So like, rejoice, and stuff.
|D'ni? Dunny? Yeah, gutteral stops ROCK!|
I know this has nothing to do with RPG's, but to the guy who wrote about
"Riven's" storyline in yesterdays column, i recommend him to read the MYST
books: "Myst, the book of Atrus", "Myst, the book of Ti'ana" and "Myst,
the book of D'ni"... If you really liked the storyline you'll be blown
away by these books, the first one is a prequel of the game "Myst", the
second one is the story of the fall of "D'ni" and the third about its
revival... They're worth it, give them a try, you can find them in any
bookstore or in Amazon.com.
- Gianpiero Ciammaricone
I've read "Myst, the book of Atrus", and it's as good as Gianpiero says.
Well, actually, I listened to the book-on-tape, because I'm an illiterate
toad. Even in its reduced state, the story was excellent, so I imagine the
book must rock.
Speaking of, what kind of books do ya'll like? Don't bother writing
if it's just books by the famous Jordan/Tolkien/Weis&Hickman -- I'm
looking for book series which remind you of roleplay games, or stories
which you think would appeal more to a "RPGamer" than your average
|Read this if you want to spoil Parasite Eve for yourself|
Thanks for replying to my last letter, even if it was by E-mail. I love
to hear from you anyway. ^_~
Anyway, I read the letter from Alice who
wanted to know about a Parasite Eve script. I don't have a link to one,
but I can explain the ending and the Chrysler Building Ending to her (yes,
I AM obsessive with Square RPGs and I DID beat the Chrysler Building) You
see, in the normal ending, after Aya defeats, more or less, the Ultimate
Being, she has to run away from it because it is the ultimate stage in
evolution, and has evolved even more than any other lifeform could.
That's why she blows it away along with the carrier. Then, Maeda explains
to her that the reason why only she was able to exist around Eve and the
Ultimate Being was because there was a part of Maya in her too; not only
Eve. Aya was born with a defect in her right (left?) eye, and Maya's eye,
complete with Maya's cells, was replaced with Aya's bad eye, so Aya got
her share of Maya Cells as well, just like Melissa (Eve) did when Maya's
kidney or whatever it was was transported into her. Maya's cells
protected Aya's mitochondria in Aya's body and mutated the mitochondria in
Melissa's body. Now, I WILL tell you that I DON'T get why everyone's eyes
flash red at the end. Sorry. As for the Chrysler Building ending, well,
when you get to the top, you find that the real Eve has been hiding there
all along, and that the Eve you fought in the normal game was just a
manifestation of her real self. And guess who's body she's in: Maya's.
So after some words are exchanged between Eve and Aya, Eve allows Maya's
spirit to talk to Aya, and it gets really emotional an' stuff, and then
Eve comes back and taunts Aya, ad the battle with Original Eve (insanely
hard) ensues. If and when you actually defeat her, Eve is killed for good
(or so we think) and Maya's spirit enters Aya's body to be with her
forever. How sweet. :)
And the scary part is, this isn't even my 5th favorite game. If I can
explain a game that isn't really my favorite THAT well, just think how
completely freaky it is when you think about me explaining Xenogears, my
one and only favorite game. Run like hell, everyone. Run like hell.
(Y'know, Thormeister, we'd make a PERFECT team; think about it. :D )
Yeah! We'd be the next Batman and Robin, the next Shaggy and Scooby, the next
Ambiguously Gay Duo... er, wait.|
Ranma, the Great Xenogears Guru
(C'mon, print this in the column! I worked like hell on it! ::gives him
two mint cookies:: There! Pleeeeeeaaaase? ;D )
|Video game award explanation. Yes!|
Dear Comrade Thor,
Regarding the video game awards issues: these are awards by the
industry, not game critics. Games that are nominated for these awards not
only have to excel gaming-wise in their genre, but they also need to have
mass-market appeal. There are few exceptions, but those are few. If you
look at the top game nominations list, it's obvious that a 9-year old
tyke or 25-year old game junkie would have easily enjoyed(and probably
bought) those games. The game junkie buys them for supposedly "hardcore"
gaming reasons(generally), while the 9-year old tyke is usually hyped up
by commericals and word of mouth. A successful game goes through both
channels and the others in-between. Goldeneye is a classic example(it won
last year). Little kids could romp with their little friends in
multiplayer, while the hardcore gamer could do the same, but also
challenge the formindable[sic] 007 mode. Anyway, just had to say that.
Fair enough. I can imagine a lot more people enjoying Parasite Eve than
Xenogears. The thing about Xenogears is that it's so epic, and flawed,
that anyone who completed it will either resent the hell out
of Square, or love the game so much they're willing to suck face with
Richard Simmons to defend its honor.
On the other hand, you have Parasite Eve. Tons of FMV; easy (or at least,
easier) to grasp storyline; less confusing combat; lots of guns and
Resident Evil monsters... and the gameplay bears a striking resemblance
to (GENESIS!) Shadowrun. Truly, a game for the masses.
Ahh well, it's not that important. Award shows rarely
praise anything but big budget titles -- unless the stars are either
English, gay, or both.
More importantly though, after 26 hours of japanese FF6
PSX(frustrating because of the language barrier, but nevertheless a
legendary game), I have finally beaten it and seen the best CG
sequence I have ever seen. I could say magnificient, luminous, moving,
riveting, etc., but "best" should be enough. While watching it, I entered
the highest form of interactive entertainment: envelopment(i.e. I
transcended the physical world and was one with the game). My body was
completely stunned. My eyes were completely fixed on the game. My body
grew immensely cold(all the blood went to my eyes), and I had goosebumps
all over. It's just great. Now everytime I feel depressed I just pop in
FF6 and watch it again. It really restores one's faith in humanity.
I felt like that once. Then someone walked in on me and my girlfriend, and
she's been too paranoid to try again. Um. Try Final Fantasy 6 again, I mean.
Yeah. 'Cause, hehe, I mean, uh, what else could I have meant?|| ||
|Want to try and get answers from an inept megalomaniac?|
(That's Mr. inept megalomaniac to you, pal.)
|Like Old Crap?|
|Try the Archives|
(Beware the Typoes)
|Bored? Easily amused? Stoned?|
|The Hack Archive|
(Edit me. It's fun.)
|Quote of the Undetermined Amount of Time|
|"my butt cheacks smell like sweet puffs of perfume"|
(Wow, he didn't give his name. Big surprise.)
On days when the answers are null, the Quickies flourish; frolicing in the fields and dancing in your dreams!
Chu-chus taste like candy. Yum.
Must be all the Chu-y nougut filling.
Really simple actually. it has been made clear many times before that
chocobos had their origin from the Japanese candy chocoballs. Square has
even said this. So to clear up any doubts or confusion.
Yeah, like they're going to admit to ripping character design off from a hugely
sucessful anime movie. Actually, they might be telling the truth -- the makers
of Chocoballs could've done a little design stealing themselves.
You misspelled "controlling" in your invisible text.
- Um........ uh...... Odin! Yes.... that's me.....
That's the good thing about invisible text. Nobody can tell when you screw up.
you know those 3 columns that are MIA, well i solved the problem send in
quickie to save them. quickie could kick some commie ass, or whoever has
captured them, and bring back the columns. then he'd be a national hero.
yeah for quickie!
He can't. He's too busy.... frolicing. From mega-macho action hero to fem. It's
worse than what happend to the Fonz! Sheesh -- you'd think he was Jean Claud
Van Damne, or something. What a card.
If you ever had any doubts that Scott Sharkey of The Comic is an RPGamer
fan, check out today's strip. Specifically the third panel (or whatever
that box thing is called). He's talking to you, oh attractive trousers
- ChocoMog ZERO
The number of Grade "A" Blargs is ever growing! Beware. Soon, mothers
will name their babies "Blarg"; America will be reborn as Blarg Land, and
Suare will use "Blarg" in Final Fantasy X! ...yeah, I wish.
I was searching on the net recently when I asked myself a question. Self,
I says, what search engine would Thor use? When I couldn't answer it
myself, I decided to go to the source.
The source of Thor? You talked to my parents!?
Oh. Well, uh, I use Yahoo first, but only because it ties in with Altavista.
After that, I try Hotbot or Snap.com. And when all else fails, I try
XXXsearch.com. I don't usually find what I'm looking for, but I never
fail to find something just as good.
|Thor Stuff: Egotism at its finest|
A big thanks to "Slurp aka Slurp-olicious aka dwright aka letsplaydoctor",
who is AKA "the guy who tracked down the three missing Ask Thor's". Lets all
give him a new nickname to show our thanks!
Don't forget to send in tiny lil' questions which I love so much. Maybe
tomorrow we can have a mostly-questions day. Maybe not. We'll have to
wait and see.
Another late update. I really wanted to get something finished before I updated,
I just couldn't complete it before 6pm (GMT -08:00), which is my new self-imposed deadline.
Ahh well, there's always tomorrow. Seeya, gang.
Thor "god of blunder" Antrim
I wrote this while listening to Enya: The Celts. The "Th0r" is intentional. I'm wearing socks. Blarg.