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Better late than never?
 
 
Here's the deal: An excruciating hospital visit and then my ISP being a general turd kept me from updating until late in the evening. I was originally going to skimp on this column in order to finish it in time. But I can't. I'm a hopeless perfectionist. That is not to say I produce "perfect" columns -- as most of my readers can attest to, with my typos and mistakes and whatnot -- but if I know I can do better, it'll gnaw at me like a belly full of maggots until I wipe away all traces of lackluster, and replace 'em with traces of obsessive goofyness.

Sides, I couldn't let ya'll down on Thorsday.

 
Allright, quit giggling at the title
All hail...Thor..

Okay, I know that RPGamer has a Climax Landers page, but other than that, I haven't heard too much about it besides a few small reviews in gaming magazines. I know that it's out in Japan...are there any plans for bringing it to the US once we get the Dreamcast?

- Silver

Probably. RPGs are "in" now, and with Climax Landers being delayed almost as often as Lunar: SSSC, it'll be relivitvely new by the time DC hits the states. I mean hey, what is Sega going to port instead -- Godzilla?
 
Parasite Eve EX + Alpha
(Parasite Eve spoiler)
Thor,

My friend is on EX mode and I was wondering when he should go to the Chrysler building? He decided that he should defeat the Ultimate Being and that it will aoutomatically take him there. Is he right? Or do you have to go before the battle with Eve.

Play EX mode as normal until you reach the T-Rex. After you frag his prehistoric arse, head over to the Chrysler Building. If you forge on to Eve's chamber on the 4th floor of the Museum, you'll miss your chance to go to the Huge Building of Hardcore Insanity, and you'll have to play PE a second time through -- against your will!
Oh, and which game do you think is more worth buying XenoGears or Resident Evil 2. I need another opinionon that one.

- Walter Mckinnon ^_^

If you want a game like Parasite Eve with real-time battles, go for Resident Evil 2. If you want what is possibly the most vast console-style RPG on the market, pick Xenogears. It really depends on if you like action, or reading text. Lots of text. Hours of text, in fact. Around six months worth, really.
 
The film that inspired Square's incomprehensible endings
(More Final Fantasy VII spoilage than your average sewer leak)
Hey Hey Thorgy,
Ahh well, at least he didn't call me "Thorgasm".
Ok, this is probably gonna sound really weird, but I'll say it anyway: Square might have ripped off the anime classic Akira for FF7. Now, before everyone damns me to eternal merciless hell, hear me out! These are my reasons to believe this in no paticular order:
  1. First off, there is the corrupt government type of stuff going on. Not that big, many movies/games/books have corrupt governments in them, so moving along. . . .
  2. Now, this is where it gets interesting. In both FF7 and Akira, one character, who starts out good, has a sort of fall from grace. In FF7, Sephiroth starts as a heroic soldier, but then the Mako turns him into this evil monster, or a fallen angel. In Akira, Tetsuo starts out as a nice dorky biker gang member. Then, once he is captured by the government and given his psionic powers, he slowly turns into a foamy-at-the-mouth god-like mass-murderer.
  3. Next on our list is "Finding out about characters pasts through trips to little weird places." In FF7, Cloud falls into the Life Stream with Tifa, and he learns about his trippy past and childhood. In Akira, when Kenada goes into that freaky-apocalyptic-blank-little-sub-dimension, we see into his childhood at an orphanage, where we see him meeting Tetsuo. Both Akira's alternate dimension and FF7's Life Stream have much in common, such as the fact that both are made up out of peoples memories.
  4. Now, as my last little thing, you KNOW that Square had to take at least a little of the 3D bike chase/combat scene from Akiras biker gang warfare!
Anyway, that's all! You rock, and keep up the good Thorgasms!
Doh!
Sincerely,

The Damnable Flammable Ben Kid

Just to keep a debate from starting: He could be right, he could be wrong. Square seems to take a little from every source imaginable. From Star Wars to Nausicaa to creepy German plays. The point is, enjoy his theory, and no need to write in a flame or a "yeah, really!" letter. For my sake, not yours. :D
 
From the I Have No Freaking Clue Dept.
Thor the Mighty, Thor the Powerful, Thor the Omniscient (I hope?)

Just had a quick question for you, I've recently been playing Xenogears. I'm doing alright but one things been bugging me. What are Citan and Graf saying in their death blows? you have to under stand I don't speak any japanese at all even with my total love of anime. The most prominent ones are citan's Festive Wind , Crystal water and Graf's Superguided bolt.

Thanks for all the great columns,

- Meloshski

I always wondered what they were saying, too. (And what on earth is said during the boss theme?) Maybe it's better they didn't speak English. All of Bart's lines are positively frightening. When he screamed "JERK!" for the first time, I thought something had gone terribly wrong with my brain -- say, an annurism -- and I was experiencing one last moment of haluciniginic bliss before I died. When I found out it was just a weird voice actor, boy, was my face red!
 
The Call of Lavos
(Chrono Trigger spoiler. Now that's a change!)
Dear Thor Upon Whom My Sun Rises And Sets Upon Every Night,

Have you ever read anything by HP Lovecraft?

Yeah. Reading an H.P. Lovecraft collection now, in fact. The Best of H.P. Lovecraft: Bloodcurdling Tales of Horror and the Macabre. I can't suggest it enough. Go forth and buy it!
According to Lovecraft mythos, Cthulu came out from the sky in prehistoric times and currently sleeps beneith the ocean waiting to awaken and end the world. He has Cthulu spawn who serve his dirty deeds and there are a following of people who devote their lives to him. Now, Chrono Trigger. Lavos came from the sky millions of years ago in prehistoric times, currently (or when you're playing the agem at least) sleeps underground waiting to awaken and end the world. He has Lavos Spawn who serve his dirty deeds like getting rid of a trio of adventurers poking around (as a CT veteran, they do a piss poor job of it) and there is a following of people who have devoted themselves to Lavos (read: Queen Zeal). Am I the only one seeing some sort of similarity here? It can only be concluded that Lavos IS a Great Old One or Elder God! The only difference is that you can actually defeat Lavos. If Lavos and Cthulu got into a fight, who would win and why?
Cthulhu. Lavos would be crawling home with his, uh, tail between his legs within five minutes. Those Old Ones know how to fight nasty.
Also: Where would you like to live the most: Midguard, Figaro, Narshe, Conera, Junon, or Nibelhelm?
Lets see. Midgard's a slum/poluted city, Figaro would be covered in sand... I'd have to say Narshe or Nibelhelm. I'm a sucker for cute little RPG towns. Until they're destoryed in the opening scene of the game, of course.
If you were a steryotypical RPG character, would you be the: Distant Warrior type, physically weak magic using type, the hand-to-hand martial arts user type, the comic relief, or the villain who wants to become God/Destroy the World? What RPG character are you most like? What RPG character would you most like to be?

PS: I am not a psycho.

Whatever the hell Edgar was. But if I had to pick one of those -- comic relief. I mean, Mog was comic relief, and he's about as cool as you can get. He probably has better luck with women than even Edgar. All it'd take is one sexy "Kupoo, baby," and any RPGirl'd be putty in my hand paws.
 
Blarg! ©
In the recent rash of Blarg sightings, and my recent purchase of Linux 5.2, the list grows larger. Under the teaching you how to use it, the Login is Blarg. No, not Blargh, Blarg. You should get a copyright on that thing.

- BJ

I can't. That's not one of my Blarg's, though. It may look alike -- and, indeed, it's spelled exactly the same -- but there's a difference. A difference only Mirtnaists can detect! (In-joke alert. Waah waaah. In-joke alert.)
 
Dear Thor, Thormeister, the Thorminator, Thoronoosky, Thor the Thorster:

I came across a demo of Lunar on the 20th and as I was playing it (it kicks mighty arse by the way) one of the characters, Ramus, says BLARG!! He said it as I entered a misty forest and that vimpy girlie got afraid and said blarg! I just thought that was cool.

Besides that, I'd like to let you folk know that the Lunar Demo is mighty and that all who have seen it should bow to the Creator (or His mighty sidekick, Thor) and be thankful for such a blessing.

- Starmage

Yes, Blarg is in Lunar: SSSC. And it's a grade "A" Blarg, too. Make no mistakes about it: Ramus may yell "BLARG!", but he ain't yelling "Blargg" or "Blargh" or some pansy expression like that. It's a 100% manstyle mega-power Blarg! Of course, the fact that he screams it like a little girl kind of hurts the manstyle mega-power aspects, but hey, what are ya gonna do?

Oh, and Lunar: Silver Star Story Complete is now officially the coolest RPG in existance. I hear it's fun to play, too.

 
Don't argue with the spooky Nordic kid, dear.
Sakaguchi himself has said before that the whole idea with FF6 was not to HAVE any one "main" character. Sure, Terra was more important to the plot than most of the other characters (though I maintain that Celes is just as important, and Locke, Edgar, and to a lesser extent Sabin aren't terribly far behind), but you do not assume the role of Terra. In FF4, you play as Cecil, thus he's the main character. Same with Butz in FF5, Cloud in FF7, and Squall in FF8. But in FF6, there is no one character that the player "becomes", so there is no main character. Well, the fact that the creator of the game says there's no main character is also a major reason why this is true, but anyway...

- Red XIV

Well, when Sakaguchi is invited over for dinner, I'll be sure and pretend there wasn't a main character in Final Fantasy VI. But aside from that, I'll argue to the day I die that, while FFVI had less of a main character than other Final Fantasy games, Terra was still the hero. There's not much of a difference between a main character and a hero, aside from the fact that you could take Terra out of your party, while you're stuck with Cecil or Cloud until the end of the game. (Except for the now cliche "Main Character Ill" phase in Final Fantasy VII.)

And as one reader (JKB) pointed out, Terra is the main character of Final Fantasy IV because she has memory loss and deep emotional wounds. Proof positive in a Square game, heh heh.

 
Ask me something you've always wanted to know!
Mail Thor
(Please note: I have no idea if you're gay or not. That's something you have to answer yourself.)
 
Like Old Crap?
Try the Archives
(Don't worry folks, it'll return as soon as the missing columns do.)
 
Bored? Easily amused? Stoned?
The Hack Archive
Thor Antrim: Anime Style
(Next update:
December 22nd, 2012)
 
Quickies, Quickies, he's the man! If he can't do it, no one can!
Just wondered, have you seen the movie "Doppleganger" with Drew Barrimore (sp?)?
- Joshsquall
Yeah, I saw that. Great horror film... wait, Drew was in it? Hot damn, I have to rent that again.
MUAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!
- Evil Sponge
Pfft, yeah, like I'm really scared of a badguy who can be easily bested with a cup of water. "Absorb this!" 'NoooOoOooOooooOooo....'
Hitler bad. What a racist! This fellow obviously just flew in from the 1980s via heavily modified DeLorean and is now calling Adolf Hitler "bad" -- meaning, as well all know, "good" in accordance with 80s slang. Boo!
The "Fa la la la la la! Fa la la la la!" song is the smurf song. Sung at all times of the day, when skipping, picking smurfberries, tricking gargamel, or whenever a song needs sung. Now, where are my ten points?
- Osiris
*point* *point* *point* *point* *point* *point* *point* *point* *point* *point*
You may well already know this, but Breath of Fire 3 does have two endings. The variation is how you answer the Goddess' question at the end. By the way, when is Lunar:SSSC coming out? (Just kidding...)
- Hollywood
Bastar -- I mean, hehe, funny. Thanks for the tip, Hollywood Hogan.
When are you gonna stop the invisible text at the end of every Ask Thor? By the way, can I shamelessly plug the page I work for?
- The Cabbit
What text? Man, you're crazy! It's best not to argue with crazy peple, so, okay, have your plug. Now please put some pants on and quit chanting "Quack quack, I'm the toilet duck!" already.
 
Thor Stuff: Egotism at its finest

Here are a couple of translations from the Suikoden ending theme. It seems the theme wasn't just in Portuguese, but rather a mix of languages including Portuguese. Or, just really poor Portuguese. Either that, or the lyrics posted a few days back were incorrect. Oh well.

Adventurer before.....hand
Our life that is good don't fall
And if one day he fall well
......run before adventurer
But that way.....

- SigPhreak

And...

Avertuniero antes lance mao (repeat) - Adventurer, before relying
Nossa vida que e Bom nao cai - Our life that is good wonęt fall
Ese um die ele cai ir Bem (cai ir Bim) - And if someday he should fall well (fall well)
De corre antes avertuniero - of running before, Adventurer
Mas assim lassemo - but that way we lasso it.

-Gabriel Morato

Okay, just have to address a few things:
  1. No, I wasn't kidding: Amano and Gaiman really are teaming up for a Sandman graphic novel. Joy.
  2. I know William Shatner was in Star Trek, not Star Wars. I meant that if the Star Wars RPG had Shatner and Jenniffer Love Hewitt, then we'd get the trekies and horndogs, thus cornering the market of geekdom.
  3. I lied. I really do know if you're gay.I'm just not telling.
I've only played Parasite Eve for an hour, but I was quite impressed. Of course, this adds yet another RPG I have to finish, in addition to Xenogears, Legend of Legaia, Azure Dreams, Granstream Saga, Zelda 64, and what the heck, lets toss Final Fantasy 3 in there for good measure.

Ladies beware -- I'm afraid of commitment.

Shadow Zero Dancing Attack EX Mega! Thor "Palinchron" Antrim
My God today sucked.

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