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Here's the deal: An excruciating hospital visit and then my ISP being a
general turd kept me from updating until late in the evening.
I was originally going to skimp on this column in order to finish it
in time. But I can't. I'm a hopeless perfectionist. That is not to
say I produce "perfect" columns -- as most of my readers can attest to,
with my typos and mistakes and whatnot -- but if I know I can do
better, it'll gnaw at me like a belly full of maggots until I wipe away
all traces of lackluster, and replace 'em with traces of obsessive
goofyness.
Sides, I couldn't let ya'll down on Thorsday.
| | | | Allright, quit giggling at the title |
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All hail...Thor..
Okay, I know that RPGamer has a Climax Landers page, but
other than that, I haven't heard too much about it besides a few small
reviews in gaming magazines. I know that it's out in Japan...are there any
plans for bringing it to the US once we get the Dreamcast?
- Silver
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Probably. RPGs are "in" now, and with Climax Landers being delayed almost
as often as Lunar: SSSC, it'll be relivitvely new by the time DC hits
the states. I mean hey, what is Sega going to port instead -- Godzilla? |
| | Parasite Eve EX + Alpha
(Parasite Eve spoiler) |
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Thor,
My friend is on EX mode and I was wondering when he should go to the
Chrysler building? He decided that he should defeat the Ultimate Being and that it will
aoutomatically take him there. Is he right? Or do you have to go before the battle with Eve. |
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Play EX mode as normal until you reach the T-Rex. After you frag his prehistoric
arse, head over to the Chrysler Building. If you forge on to Eve's chamber
on the 4th floor of the Museum, you'll miss your chance to go to the Huge
Building of Hardcore Insanity, and you'll have to play PE a second time
through -- against your will! |
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Oh, and which game do you think is more worth buying XenoGears or Resident
Evil 2. I need another opinionon that one.
- Walter Mckinnon ^_^ |
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If you want a game like Parasite Eve with real-time battles,
go for Resident Evil 2. If you want what is possibly the most vast
console-style RPG on the market, pick Xenogears. It really depends on
if you like action, or reading text. Lots of text. Hours of text, in
fact. Around six months worth, really. |
| | The film that inspired Square's incomprehensible endings
(More Final Fantasy VII spoilage than your average sewer leak) |
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Hey Hey Thorgy, |
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Ahh well, at least he didn't call me "Thorgasm". |
Ok, this is probably gonna sound really weird, but I'll say it anyway:
Square might have ripped off the anime classic Akira for FF7.
Now, before everyone damns me to eternal merciless hell, hear me out!
These are my reasons to believe this in no paticular order:
- First off, there is the corrupt government type of stuff going on.
Not that big, many movies/games/books have corrupt governments in them, so
moving along. . . .
- Now, this is where it gets interesting. In both FF7 and Akira, one
character, who starts out good, has a sort of fall from grace. In FF7,
Sephiroth starts as a heroic soldier, but then the Mako turns him into
this evil monster, or a fallen angel. In Akira, Tetsuo starts out as a nice dorky biker gang member. Then,
once he is captured by the government and given his psionic powers, he
slowly turns into a foamy-at-the-mouth god-like mass-murderer.
- Next on our list is "Finding out about characters pasts through trips
to little weird places." In FF7, Cloud falls into the Life Stream with
Tifa, and he learns about his trippy past and childhood.
In Akira, when Kenada goes into that
freaky-apocalyptic-blank-little-sub-dimension, we see into his childhood
at an orphanage, where we see him meeting Tetsuo.
Both Akira's alternate dimension and FF7's Life Stream have much in
common, such as the fact that both are made up out of peoples memories.
- Now, as my last little thing, you KNOW that Square had to take at
least a little of the 3D bike chase/combat scene from Akiras biker gang
warfare!
Anyway, that's all! You rock, and keep up the good Thorgasms!
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Doh!
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Sincerely,
The Damnable Flammable Ben Kid
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Just to keep a debate from starting:
He could be right, he could be wrong. Square seems to take a little from
every source imaginable. From Star Wars to Nausicaa to creepy German
plays. The point is, enjoy his theory, and no need to write in a flame
or a "yeah, really!" letter. For my sake, not yours. :D |
| | | From the I Have No Freaking Clue Dept. |
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Thor the Mighty, Thor the Powerful, Thor the Omniscient (I hope?)
Just had a quick question for you, I've recently been playing
Xenogears. I'm doing alright but one things been bugging me. What
are Citan and Graf saying in their death blows? you have to under
stand I don't speak any japanese at all even with my total love of
anime. The most prominent ones are citan's Festive Wind , Crystal
water and Graf's Superguided bolt.
Thanks for all the great columns,
- Meloshski
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I always wondered what they were saying, too. (And what on earth is said
during the boss theme?) Maybe it's better they didn't speak
English. All of Bart's lines are positively frightening. When he screamed "JERK!"
for the first time, I thought something had gone terribly wrong with my brain --
say, an annurism -- and I was experiencing one last moment of haluciniginic
bliss before I died. When I found out it was just a weird voice actor, boy,
was my face red!
|
| | The Call of Lavos
(Chrono Trigger spoiler. Now that's a change!) |
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Dear Thor Upon Whom My Sun Rises And Sets Upon Every Night,
Have you ever read anything by HP Lovecraft? |
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Yeah. Reading an H.P. Lovecraft collection now, in fact. The Best
of H.P. Lovecraft: Bloodcurdling Tales of Horror and the Macabre.
I can't suggest it enough. Go forth and buy it! |
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According to Lovecraft
mythos, Cthulu came out from the sky in prehistoric times and currently
sleeps beneith the ocean waiting to awaken and end the world. He has
Cthulu spawn who serve his dirty deeds and there are a following of people
who devote their lives to him. Now, Chrono Trigger. Lavos came from the
sky millions of years ago in prehistoric times, currently (or when you're
playing the agem at least) sleeps underground waiting to awaken and end
the world. He has Lavos Spawn who serve his dirty deeds like getting rid
of a trio of adventurers poking around (as a CT veteran, they do a piss
poor job of it) and there is a following of people who have devoted
themselves to Lavos (read: Queen Zeal). Am I the only one seeing some sort
of similarity here? It can only be concluded that Lavos IS a Great Old One
or Elder God! The only difference is that you can actually defeat Lavos.
If Lavos and Cthulu got into a fight, who would win and why? |
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Cthulhu. Lavos would be crawling home with his, uh, tail between his
legs within five minutes. Those Old Ones know how to fight nasty. |
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Also: Where would you like to live the most: Midguard, Figaro, Narshe, Conera,
Junon, or Nibelhelm? |
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Lets see. Midgard's a slum/poluted city, Figaro would be covered in sand...
I'd have to say Narshe or Nibelhelm. I'm a sucker for cute little RPG towns.
Until they're destoryed in the opening scene of the game, of course. |
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If you were a steryotypical RPG character, would you be the:
Distant Warrior type, physically weak magic using type, the hand-to-hand
martial arts user type, the comic relief, or the villain who wants to
become God/Destroy the World? What RPG character are you most like? What
RPG character would you most like to be?
PS: I am not a psycho. |
Whatever the hell Edgar was. But if I had to pick one of those -- comic
relief. I mean, Mog was comic relief, and he's about as cool as you can
get. He probably has better luck with women than even Edgar. All it'd
take is one sexy "Kupoo, baby," and any RPGirl'd be putty in my
hand paws. |
| | | Blarg! © |
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In the recent rash of Blarg sightings, and my recent purchase of Linux
5.2, the list grows larger. Under the teaching you how to use it, the
Login is Blarg. No, not Blargh, Blarg. You should get a copyright on that
thing.
- BJ
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I can't. That's not one of my Blarg's, though. It may look alike --
and, indeed, it's spelled exactly the same -- but there's a difference. A
difference only Mirtnaists can detect! (In-joke alert. Waah waaah. In-joke
alert.) |
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Dear Thor, Thormeister, the Thorminator, Thoronoosky, Thor the
Thorster:
I came across a demo of Lunar on the 20th and as I was playing it (it
kicks mighty arse by the way) one of the characters, Ramus, says BLARG!!
He said it as I entered a misty forest and that vimpy girlie got afraid
and said blarg! I just thought that was cool.
Besides that, I'd like to let you folk know that the Lunar Demo is
mighty and that all who have seen it should bow to the Creator (or His
mighty sidekick, Thor) and be thankful for such a blessing.
- Starmage |
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Yes, Blarg is in Lunar: SSSC. And it's a grade "A" Blarg, too. Make no
mistakes about it: Ramus may yell "BLARG!", but he ain't yelling "Blargg" or
"Blargh" or some pansy expression like that. It's a 100% manstyle mega-power
Blarg! Of course, the fact that he screams it like a little girl kind of hurts
the manstyle mega-power aspects, but hey, what are ya gonna do?
Oh, and Lunar: Silver Star Story Complete is now officially the coolest
RPG in existance. I hear it's fun to play, too. |
| | | Don't argue with the spooky Nordic kid, dear. |
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Sakaguchi himself has said before that the whole idea with FF6 was not to
HAVE any one "main" character. Sure, Terra was more important to the plot
than most of the other characters (though I maintain that Celes is just as
important, and Locke, Edgar, and to a lesser extent Sabin aren't terribly
far behind), but you do not assume the role of Terra. In FF4, you play as
Cecil, thus he's the main character. Same with Butz in FF5, Cloud in FF7,
and Squall in FF8. But in FF6, there is no one character that the player
"becomes", so there is no main character. Well, the fact that the creator
of the game says there's no main character is also a major reason why this
is true, but anyway...
- Red XIV |
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Well, when Sakaguchi is invited over for dinner, I'll be sure and pretend
there wasn't a main character in Final Fantasy VI. But aside from that,
I'll argue to the day I die that, while FFVI had less of a main
character than other Final Fantasy games, Terra was still the hero. There's
not much of a difference between a main character and a hero, aside from the
fact that you could take Terra out of your party, while you're stuck with
Cecil or Cloud until the end of the game. (Except for the now cliche "Main
Character Ill" phase in Final Fantasy VII.)
And as one reader (JKB) pointed out, Terra is the main character of
Final Fantasy IV because she has memory loss and deep emotional
wounds. Proof positive in a Square game, heh heh.
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| Ask me something you've always wanted to know! |
Mail Thor
(Please note: I have no idea if you're gay or not. That's something you have to answer yourself.) |
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| Like Old Crap? |
Try the Archives
(Don't worry folks, it'll return as soon as the missing columns do.) |
| |
| Bored? Easily amused? Stoned? |
The Hack Archive
(Next update:
December 22nd, 2012) |
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Quickies, Quickies, he's the man! If he can't do it, no one can!
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Just wondered, have you seen the movie "Doppleganger" with Drew
Barrimore (sp?)?
- Joshsquall
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Yeah, I saw that. Great horror film... wait, Drew was in it? Hot damn, I
have to rent that again.
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MUAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!
- Evil Sponge
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Pfft, yeah, like I'm really scared of a badguy who can be easily bested with
a cup of water. "Absorb this!" 'NoooOoOooOooooOooo....'
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Hitler bad.
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What a racist! This fellow obviously just flew in from the 1980s via
heavily modified DeLorean and is now calling Adolf Hitler "bad" -- meaning,
as well all know, "good" in accordance with 80s slang. Boo!
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The "Fa la la la la la! Fa la la la la!" song is the smurf song. Sung at
all times of the day, when skipping, picking smurfberries, tricking
gargamel, or whenever a song needs sung. Now, where are my ten points?
- Osiris
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*point* *point* *point* *point* *point* *point* *point* *point* *point* *point*
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You may well already know this, but Breath of Fire 3 does have two
endings. The variation is how you answer the Goddess' question at the end.
By the way, when is Lunar:SSSC coming out? (Just kidding...)
- Hollywood
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Bastar -- I mean, hehe, funny. Thanks for the tip, Hollywood Hogan.
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When are you gonna stop the invisible text at the end of every Ask Thor?
By the way, can I shamelessly plug
the page I work for?
- The Cabbit
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What text? Man, you're crazy! It's best not to argue with crazy peple, so, okay,
have your plug. Now please put some pants on and quit chanting "Quack quack,
I'm the toilet duck!" already.
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Thor Stuff: Egotism at its finest
Here are a couple of translations from the Suikoden ending theme.
It seems the theme wasn't just in Portuguese, but rather a mix
of languages including Portuguese. Or, just really poor Portuguese.
Either that, or the lyrics posted a few days back were incorrect.
Oh well.
Adventurer before.....hand
Our life that is good don't fall
And if one day he fall well
......run before adventurer
But that way.....
- SigPhreak
And...
Avertuniero antes lance mao (repeat) - Adventurer, before relying
Nossa vida que e Bom nao cai - Our life that is good won«t fall
Ese um die ele cai ir Bem (cai ir Bim) - And if someday he should fall well (fall well)
De corre antes avertuniero - of running before, Adventurer
Mas assim lassemo - but that way we lasso it.
-Gabriel Morato
Okay, just have to address a few things:
- No, I wasn't kidding: Amano and Gaiman really are teaming up
for a Sandman graphic novel. Joy.
- I know William Shatner was in Star Trek, not Star Wars. I meant
that if the Star Wars RPG had Shatner and Jenniffer Love Hewitt, then
we'd get the trekies and horndogs, thus cornering the market of
geekdom.
- I lied. I really do know if you're gay.I'm just not telling.
I've only played Parasite Eve for an hour, but I was quite impressed.
Of course, this adds yet another RPG I have to finish, in addition to
Xenogears, Legend of Legaia, Azure Dreams, Granstream Saga, Zelda 64,
and what the heck, lets toss Final Fantasy 3 in there for good measure.
Ladies beware -- I'm afraid of commitment.
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 Thor "Palinchron" Antrim
My God today sucked.
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