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ERAU QSSI DLRO WEHT
 
 
Print the following image, then hold it up to a mirror:

Print out and hold to a mirror!

Fun for the whole family -- even baby!
 
The introductory letter. Fear.
So... Chocobos come from Kaze no Tani no Nausicaa? This must mean... Moogles came from another Hayao Miyazaki creation, totoro! Yeah! Long live totoro! Never mind that totoro does not have a discernable neck!

Um... anyway...

What do you think the most anticipated game (not necessarily RPG) will be on the Dreamcast?

Oh, no doubt about it: Sonic Adventure. It'll fly off the shelves; purchased by depressed Gen-X'ers who want to recapture the glory days when "eat my shorts" was not only considered funny, but genius. Lets pretend you also asked which RPG I felt was most popular, too: It's a tie between Shen Mue (hype = anticipation) and Grandia 2 (need I explain?).
 
My favorite nickname.
Oh mighty Thor "James Hetfield" Antrim

My parents want to sue you, because every time I read your column, I fall out of my chair and injure my back. Instead of a lawsuit, I will ask you a question. In the first two Breath of Fire games, you needed to have a full set of dragon armor and a dragon sword when you fight the end boss, or you got a really bad ending. So when I beat Breath of Fire 3, I wondered if I needed to beat it with a full set of armor and sword to get a better ending. I am too bored with the game to actually take the time to figure out if it matters or not.

Nope, I don't believe there's a secret ending in Breath of Fire 3.

You aren't the only reader to suffer an Ask Thor related injury. One fan snorted chocolate cake up his nose, another spilled coffee on his lap while reading, and at least five people -- three of which I know, oddly enough; I guess this isn't the sort of thing strangers confess -- were kicked from a school terminal for laughing when they were supposed to be working. C'mon, I'm not that funny. I guess people really are easily amused...

Oh, and please send my condolences to Quickie. No one should have to go through that.

- Swiggus

Don't worry, Quickie -- ahh, well, you'll see soon enough.
 
Dragon Quest-ion
Why can't anything anymore ever be as simple as DQ1/DW1, my personal favorite RPG (tied with Chrono Trigger)? I mean, if you want to heal yourself, you cast Heal. You want to hurt an enemy, cast Hurt. Hurt an enemy even more? Well, you get the drift. I just think there's something to be said for simple.

Alright, I'm done now.

- Colbey

Because people get bored very easily, and usually wander off, always eager to try something new. (Unless, of course, it's Crystal Pepsi.) If you're into that sort of game, and since you (obviously) have access to a computer, try a MUD or two. They're sort of like online Dragon Warrior games. Also try Paladin's Quest for the SNES, which was kind of Dragon Warrior-ish. I'm afraid you'll most likely never find an RPG as simple as Dragon Warrior 1, but you might be able to relive some of the old fun.
 
Damn foo'
I know that most RPGs are now based on Anime and Manga, but what about Barret? I've never seen an Anime/Manga have a big, cussin', ebonics using black in them. So exactly where did he come from?
Gee. I wonder.
 
At least it was better than Adventure
Hello Thor, Almighty God of Info-seeking RPG fans, Answerer of Many Many Questions, and Eater of Prozac Cookies;
Hey, cool! It's one of them really long greetings I used to get before I made the mistake of suggesting everyone call me "Sexypants". Man, I suck.
Sorry for the break from the tradition of asking solely about PSX games, but I own an N64 and the lack of RPGs for it is beginning to annoy me. There are two currently published, and I've heard rumors of three more. Ogre Battle 3, Earthbound 64, and Harvest Moon 64 (whatever that is). I look at the Games list for N64, and it has one (not counting Zelda: tOot). For the love of God, _Sega Saturn_ has more RPGs than that.
Harvest Moon 64'll be kind of an... uh... farming RPG. Don't ask.
1. Will Ogre Battle 3 by Quest ever be released in the US? It was released in Q4 '98 in Japan, so by now, there should be SOME information about translating it...I've seen information about the Japanese release since 1998.
The US port of Ogre Battle 3 should hit the N64 Q3 '99, right before the N64 gets pissed and bites Ogre Battle 3's ear off.
2. Will Earthbound 64 ever be released at all? Apparently it's supposed to be for the DD drive (which has been delayed, delayed delayed...the story of Nintendo's life, eh?), so do you think HAL Laboratories (its developer) will cut it and port it for a cart, or what?
Earthbound 64 was ported to cart format after the 64DD seemingly faded away. Problem is, EB64 was loaded with 64DD features, leaving it gutted after the conversion. Now the chances of even a Japanese release look slim. (A pity -- it would have been the first Earthbound game which wouldn't be dismissed unfairly for its... unique graphics.)
3. Do you pronounce "Laboratories" "Lab-or-a-tor-ies" or "Lab-ra-tor-ies"?
"Lab-ra-tor-ies". What do I look like, some kinda pansy?
4. Why aren't a lot of the RPG developers making games for the N64? Maybe it's the cartridge instead of the CD...
Yeah. It's less risky and costly to produce a CD game. That, and most RPGs come from Japan. The Nintendo 64 isn't half as popular there as it is in the US, so there aren't as many (active) Nintendo third parties who are interested in, ah, dethroning the undesputed king, Quest 64.
5. Should I trade in my N64 for a PSX (or PSX2, depending)?

- Qorkfiend

Er, if you can get me a PlayStation 2 for my Nintendo 64, gimmy a call...
 
Weak! Lame! Um, weak again!
Hey, you:

I was wasting "valuable" school time earlier today to check on websites, and along the way I make my regular visit to Next Generation Online.

I glance down at the news. "Oh, look at that", I think, "the AIAS realeased their nominations for their annual awards". Since they are, in what *was* my opinion, the only legitimate video game award thingy, I load up the page. When looking at the nominations for Game of the Year, I notice that Xenogears isn't there. A bit disappointing, but I can live with it.

But then comes the awful part. I then check the Console RPG of the Year nods -- *it isn't there, either*. AUGH!! And it can't be (as I had hoped) a deadline issue, since Alpha Centauri had no trouble scooping up nods left and right, and that was released in February '99. It didn't get nominated for Outstanding Achievement in Art/Graphics or Charachter or Story Development, either, though they did nominate Pokemon for the latter. Yes, that's right, they thought Pokemon had a better plot that XG. In fact, XG got no nominations whatsoever. (And for that matter, neither did Starcraft, but that's another rant.)

So I write to you to let it be known: These people are IDIOTS, whose only claim to decency is that they are at least better than the Codies (who, for those that don't know, gave Game of the Year to, get this, *Riven*. Haw haw haw haw haw!). Please, let no other new gamers fall in to the trap of thinking that this crap is to be taken seriously.

- crisis/at/quackquack/dot/com

Sadly, there is an unwritten rule that award shows are run by idiots. If you take a gander at at the Next-Generation Online article which lists the Console finalists, you'll notice there's not one sleeper -- not one low profile yet great game on the list. It seems the theory is Parasite Eve had commercials on MTV, Xenogears did not, so Parasite Eve is better. Pathetic.

Oh, well. At least WCW/NWO Revenge is a finalist. That is the best wrestling game on the market, as most people (who aren't die-hard WWF marks) will agree. Who wants to bet WWF Warzone, the higher selling game, wins?

 
Fa, la, la la la la! Fa, la la la la. (Ten points if you can guess this song.)
The lyrics to "Avertuniero Antes Lance Mao" (Suikoden's final song, and well, possible spoiler, mebbe?)
Avertuniero antes lance mao (repeat)
Nossa vida que e Bom nao cai
Ese um die ele cai ir Bem (cai ir Bim)
De corre antes avertuniero
Mas assim lassemo
It's in Portuguese, and while I -did- have a translation before, it's vanished into the deep recesses of whereever deleted e-mail goes when it gets, umm, deleted. Hope that helps at all.

- Davion

Sadly, Babelfish (aka "The Electric Daravon", did little to help translate that sucker. Help?
 
The Anime that started it all
Yes, the Chocobos were based on Nausicaa's Kai and Kui. You hadn't noticed? ^_^
I don't even remember Kai and Kui. Last time I saw Warriors of the Wind (the watered down American version) I was 12!
If you want more examples of director Hayao Miyazaki's influence on the FF series, take a look at these pictures from his 1986 "Laputa: Castle in the Sky" (available in the US from Disney sometime this year, God willing) and think about where else you've seen them.

Oh, and do you recognize the font in this image?

Actually, now that I think about it, Laputa is probably the closest steampunk has ever come to being filmed, especially since Katsuhiro Otomo's Steam Boy has been put on indefinite hold.

- Charlie Tangora

Dude, don't forget The City of Lost Children. That movie's a classic.
 
"Unfit for print? Me?! Guards, seize him!"
Alright, now I am pissed off. I have sent you in 5, count them, 5 E-mails, and you haven't even REPLIED to them! WTF!!? This really burns me.

I would think that even though you don't put my questions up on the column, you would at least REPLY. But I see you're the person who has the kind of audacity to be rude to people who only want an answer. Just curious, do you get flamed often for this sort of thing? Or do you just ignore it, since your ego is so damn huge? And go ahead, give me a snide or wisecracking answer. It's what I'd expect from you at this point, not anything intelligent.

- Annie "more than slightly miffed" Felis

Dear Annie "the world revolves around me" Felis,

Snide? Wisecracking? Naturally -- I'm Thor. Nothing personal.

Each month I get a handfull of letters politely (more or less) asking why their letter wasn't printed, or why I didn't respond. I also receive one or two letters from people who, sadly, don't consider that if I took the time to reply to each and every of the 100-200 letters I receive a day, I'd have no time to work on the actual column, causing literally... dozens of fans to panic.

I wish I could reply to every letter I receive. And if I had one of those nifty magic stopwatches from that episode of the Twilight Zone, I would. But until I can find a way to distort space and time at whim, you'll just have to deal with the fact that a few letters are read, a few more are replied to, and the rest are sadly forgotten, much like Paul Reubens.

You know, Pee Wee Herman?

Ahh, forget it.

 
Wanna know why they call me the "freshmaker"?
Mail Thor
(*ding*)
 
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Try the Archives
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Bored? Easily amused? Stoned?
The Hack Archive
Thor Antrim: Anime Style
(Next update:
December 22nd, 2012)
 
"See you in Hell, Logan," Quickie sneered as he lit the match and tossed it on the corrupt, gasoline-drenched police chief. Logan screamed, and in the effort to stop drop and roll, he fell from the top of the skyscraper onto some power lines, and then into a garbage compactor. "What a flatfoot," Quickie mumbled with a twitch of his upper lip. [Fade credits]
Quick question: which opera is it that's featured in Parasite Eve?
- Llew Silverhand
I'm pretty sure it was created for the game, and not based on anything.
Dear Thor,

Is "Thorgy" more embarrising than "Thorgasm?" :D
- Temjirim

Nope! A Thorgy could just be a whole bunch of people named Thor having a wild party. (Merriam-Webmster! HAHAH! <ahem>, sorry.) While a Thorgasm, uh, well, couldn't.
 
Thor Stuff: Egotism at its finest

Todays Ask Thor was late due to me falling asleep on my bony white ass.

Christine Houser colorized her groovy (and unusually buff) rendition of the mighty (tall) Thor. Christine spent over one hundred and sixty two years coloring this, so be sure and send her lots of money to show you liked it.

RPGamer is officially pronounced "Arr Pee Gamer". The problem is, that sounds dorky. So I prefer to think of it as an acronym. You know -- how the World Wrestling Federation's logo looks more like "WF" than "WWF"? Well, I like to pretend RPGamer is a contraction/abbreviation, and it's really RPG Gamer. That way, I can tell people where I work without embarrassing myself.

"No, no. Not 'Arpy'..."

I also like to imagine that I am a mighty King, who rules as far as the eye can see. And not just any eye, a really wicked eagle eye, that'd see a heck of a lot farther than mine. So I'd take my wicked eagle eye and truck around the villages and swamps, searching for the Gem of Dragonkind. Which, oddly enough, doesn't have anything to do with dragons, but grants eternal life.

Of course, I'd have to pick up a traveling companion. No homoerotic undertones for this adventuring duo, though. Xena would sue. And I'm not too keen on washing another guy's back, or giving mouth to mouth every other episod -- er, day.

My kingdom would be a safe heaven from demons and monsters and people who want to know when Lunar: Silver Star Story Complete will be released. It may not be as high tech as Figaro, or as vast as Grayskull, but I'll be sure to have a huge pit filled with lots of Deadites. Hey, you gotta keep something around to feed visiting Old Ones and Elder Gods.

As far as bad guys go, I think I'm going to shy away from Liches, or people who want to destroy the earth/become God, or Pearl Forrester. I'd rather follow the path James T. Kirk took, and seduce villainous wenches with my manly six pack, teasingly exposed through a rip in my olive green shirt -- no doubt damage from a fight with one of those kids who want to know when Lunar: Silver Star Story Complete will be released.

Then the evil wench would sigh and fall into my arms, weakly ripping off her wench mask and revealing she is none other than... Teri Hatcher's doppelganger.

Yeah, man. That'd rock.

Shadow Zero Dancing Attack EX Mega! Thor "Thundara Maker" Antrim
Blllaarrrgggg! Heh heh, you know it, baby.

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