I don't like Mondays. (Ha ha, I funny!)
Updated: 2:20am, Pacific Time, (GMT -08:00)
In accordance with tradition, I'm more than a widdle iddy bit grumpy right now.
So in an attempt to make my faithful readers feel my pain, I will reply to
letters today in "baby talk".
Kidding. Scared ya, didn't I?
|I used Merriam-Webster for this definition. Bite me.|
what does spoony mean? I tried to look it up in the dictionary but it
wasn't there. my brother is convinced that it's not a real word. tell me
Ah, spoony. The most beloved and misunderstood of all translation "errors".
What few people seem to realize is that "spoony" was neither fictitious
nor a localization error. In fact, using "spoony" was a pretty good call,
considering back then most RPGs still had a bit of Old English peppered throughout.
Anyway, spoony means silly or highly sentimental. When Tellah called
Edward "Spoony bard", it may have been a poor replacement for "stupid bastard",
but c'mon, this was Nintendo before the big Mortal Kombat wakeup call.
What can you expect?
|Getting to know you. Or, in this case, me.|
who is your favorite FF character of all time, and why?
Edgar. Though Mog is a close second, he sucked in battle, so I grew more
attached to Edgar than the dancing wonder. First of all, Edgar looks like
me, or at least more like me than other RPG characters. Second, the relationship
between him and Sabin reminded me of mine with my brother. (He even got all
the muscles, while I got all the looks.) Then there's the love of technology,
the habit of calling people "pinhead", and, of course, the fact that Eddy likes the ladies, and they like him.
Well. Six out of seven, anyway.
please answer my question All Mighty Thorgasm!
- the collard green
Christ, can we just go back to "Sexypants"? How 'bout "Thor"? I'd rather
be called "loverbuns" by Janet Reno than that.|
|Mighty mouse is here to save the day!|
Almighty Thundergod Thor,
I finally finished xenogears after about 1 month of playing, and I
have a bit of a dilemma. I think that I will either get the
Granstream Saga, Legend of Legaia,or Lufia1,2,or 3. I was wondering what
you thought would be best (also take into consideration that I can not
find any of the Lufia series anywhere.)
your most humble worshiper,
Well, I haven't completed any of those games. I'm around three hours into
LoL (I switch back and forth between that and Xenogears), I just tried a
half an hour of Granstream Saga yesterday, and I've yet to play a Lufia
game. I can offer some advice based on what type of game you like, though.
If you like traditional RPGs like Final Fantasy 3, Lunar or Dragon Warrior 4,
you'll appreciate Legend of Legaia. The combat's hard, the battles are long,
and the storyline is your basic (which is sometimes a good thing) Save the
If you dig long puzzles like the ones in Wild ARMs or Zelda 64, try Lufia
2. The story takes place before Lufia 1, and L3 isn't even out yet.
And finally, if you like one-player dungeon crawls/action RPGs, bad Anime and a
highly original setting, try Granstream Saga. Most everyone hates this game,
and I can't see anything particularly "must have" about it, but if you're the
kind of guy who thought Game Gear's Dragon Crystal was a good thing,
you'd dig GS.
|Oh my God! They killed... aww, nevermind. |
(Final Fantasy 3/6j spoiler)
Oh mighty thor,
I would have sent this to Michael but this is really
more of a "thor" subject.
A wise decision. Though sending things to me during the weekend is
usually frowned on, there are some exceptions: Personal questions,
Thor hacks, donations, hookers -- that sort of thing.|
I remembered how in one of your recent letters
in ask thor, some one was whining about how there weren't any moogles in
FFTactics(other than the call spell). Well I found out why. I was checking
the discription of stuff with the select button and I did it with the
pointer on sweegy woods. This is what it said: "Primeval forest surrounded
by a mountain range. Now-extinct Moogles once lived here." So apparently
they once did live in FFTactics world, but now they don't. Either they
were wiped out during the constant warfare, or were killed off by dragons
like the Doe-does were killed off by dogs. I hope this clears this up (I'm
sure it was on everyone's mind).
Uh, that's even more depressing than the theory that Moogles didn't show
up in the World of Ruin because they were killed in the clataclysm.
Poor little guys. So cute, so innocent, just dancing around in the
woods, until an evil Square employee decided to kill them. Didn't
even advance the plot, it was thrown in as an afterthough. Moogles
extinct. Yeah, great idea, coldhearted bastards!
No, no, I'm fine. I've... just got something in my eye.
How dare you do such a thing to insult Canadian Government, After all it's
not us who has had a president who had an affair, continually makes nukes
even though they aren't neccesary and not only that doesn't No anyone
else's history, Watch: 'This Hour has 22 Minutes' and you'll see what I
mean. To top it off America as a whole has a lot of arrogant bastards. I
don't usually complain especially against your column because it is
usually great. But to insult Canadian Government I can't stand for. Don't
make me support my point more because I can if I want to. Anyways I'm
going to stop writing and cool off so bye for now.
P.S. I better see this posted because Canadians diserve an opinion to!
- Treasure Hunter, A true Canadian
Sheesh, I thought you guys were supposed to be polite and laid back.
Anyway, the "Insult" was the title of Friday' quickies:
"More Quickies than the Canadian government deemed acceptible". Real insulting,
eh? Truth is, Canada does have a lot more censorship than America, with
limits on free speech going far beyond yelling "fire" in a crowded theater and
such. But that's not the point. I really couldn't care less about an America/Canada debate.
That was obviously not an insult, so lets move on with our sorry little selves,
|This is like, so last month! Cha!|
(Final Fantasy 7 spoiler. Big freaking surprise.)
Question and Answer Guy Alfred Q. A. Thor,
Ok, about the whole Safer Sephiroth thing (ok, ok, I hear the crowd
groaning in displeasure, just hear me out.) After class with my Jewish
Mysticism professor, I asked him what HE thought about the whole Safer
Sephiroth vs. Seraph Sephiroth vs. Sefer Sefirot thing. What he said was
that there is no doubt in his mind that Safer Sephiroth is meant to be an
allusion to Sefer Sefirot. He even said I could quote him on that. His
name is Professor Ronald Kiener, Chair of the Jewish Studies Department of
Trinity College in Hartford, Connecticut. He plays video games, as well as writing
books on Jewish Mysiticism (i.e. The Early Kabbalah). So there all you
doubters. And take that Thor ya goober.
- Hoenir Aesir
Fine. Professer Ronald Kiener, Chairman of the Jewish Studies Department
of Trinity College in Hartford Connecticut says that "Safer Sephiroth" was
a reference to "Safer Sefirot". Okay then.|
|Debate sucks. Questions are cliche. This is my kinda letter.|
This is from Sony's site, (press release section):
"Final Fantasy VII also brings back many popular characters
from previous games in the heralded Final Fantasy series,
such as Cloud, Cid Highwind and Chocobo, while introduction
new characters, specifically Aeris and Barret. The
combination of these characters creates continuity for an
epic adventure that has captured the attention of more than
13 million videogame fans since the inception of the series
"...brings back many popular characters..." WHAT THE &*%^!? Cloud in Cid
HIGHWIND, returning characters?? What are they talking about?? The whole
thing is %^*%#*#@#*! what do you think?
My favorite part is how they claimed there was a character named "Chocobo".
Not a race of birds -- a character. That's like saying, "New from Sony, Big Lizard and Humans clash in, Godzilla
For the record, I couldn't find that quote. Sadly, PlayStation.com's search engine seemed to
be down at the time, so I couldn't check if I was just looking in the wrong
place. But since the chances of someone making something like this up
are about as good as the chances of Final Fantasy IX being a continuation
of XIII, I think it's safe to say, "HAHAH! SONY STOOOPID!".
|Like mountains and fleas|
You know the enimies in FF6(3) they look like they are the size of
you but when you enter the battle they look like giants. Thats just
wrong. Whould it have hurt Square to make the ememies a realistic
size. How about something similar to the size of you or make your
character something near the same size. It looks like your david
fighting goliath but they didn't even give you his weapon(I'm going
out on a limb here and guessing it is a sling).
I can not stress enough how wrong, and I mean WRONG, that that is.
but then thats just me.
- Walter McKinnon
Well, yeah. I'm pretty sure it is just you. Because most
everyone else knows better than to complain about something so
petty. No offense, dude, but FF3/6 was made a good five years
ago. Cart space was an issue, as well as the fact that large
sprites are extremely hard to animate, because of memory
restrictions -- a problem which haunts the PlayStation to this day.
If the characters outside the battle looked the same as in, Square
would have had to:
Come to think of it, in Final Fantasy VIII, the realistically proportioned
characters look the same in battle as well as out. The
change of styles will most likely alienate longtime fans,
but hey, at least Walter's happy, right?
- Make all enemies super deformed and quite small in battle.
- Gave no character outside the battle animation.
- Laugh at your petty request, spit in your eye, and
Just curious, do you know of any decent non-IRC RPG related chat or
discussion sites? I've tried to find some but they all seem to be
infested with 13 year olds saying "this sucks" and "this rules". If you
know of any let me know.
Finding a good chat room, channel or webboard is nearly impossible.
And since nearly everyone has 'net access, that isn't too surprising.
Joining a new channel and expecting decent conversation is like walking
up to a group of total strangers and expecting the same. Your best bet,
though this is probably difficult anywhere except on IRC (internet
relay chat), is to endure the lameness for a few weeks, get to know the
more intelligent regulars, then invite them to a private channel free
from of debates like "Is Cloud's sword a phallic symbol?", "Y IS NAVI
A HO???" and "Think Mukki would do Gremio?".
(No, because she won't shut her yap, and yes. Just in case you were wondering.)
|Oh have you seen the bakerman?|
(He lives on... uh... something lane.)
|Like Old Crap?|
|Try the Archives|
(Don't worry folks, it'll return as soon as the missing columns do.)
|Quote of the random amount of time|
|"SO U TINK U R FUNI HUH? WIL MY FREIND SNAKE WILL BE HEAR TWO GET YOU TWO SOON!" |
- RPG MAN THE GOD OF THE UNIVURSE, making everyone wonder if he's just acting stupid for attention
|Bored? Easily amused? Stoned?|
|The Hack Archive|
December 22nd, 2012)
|He was a good cop. But he saw too much. Now a corrupt police force and Colombian drug lords have to silence him before he
tells the truth. They killed his wife. They killed his child. But Quickies got away -- and now he's back with a vengeance.|
Okay, I've been wondering: am I blind or is there no section about
Suikoden under Games on this site? There's Suikoden 2, but no apparent
For some reason, RPGamer lists Suikoden by its Japanese title. Beats the hell
out of me, too.|
You seem to have fans in high places. Check out the attachment,
scanned from Saturday's comics page. Also, could you get me
the recipie? Thanks.
Start with 1 stick Crisco-bar or 2 sticks butter, then add 1 teaspoon baking soda, 2 eggs, and prozac. They taste like Shitan -- but trust me, you won't mind.
Does Working Designs have a webpage? I would like to see it and see what
they're saying directly about lunar cuz I'm kinda becoming a lunatic.
http://www.workingdesigns.com. Go figure.
So, an unexpected house guest "stayed the night", hmm??? Well, I know
what to say to that:
Thor got some booty!
Thor got some booty!
Um, hehe. No comment.
Whatever happened to Unfit for Print? It was so much fun to see you bash
the lamer letters.
When I started this job, knowing how many hits RPGamer got every day, I worried
I'd have to wade through a ton of what can only be called crap mail before I got
to a decent letter. Things weren't as bad as I thought, and after only a few weeks,
I had more good mail than I knew what to do with. So now, it's not really needed.
Unless I drop the "helping my readers" pretention and just chew out morons for
your reading pleasure... naw.
From #AskThor, a friends-only hangout on an undisclosed IRC network:
*** Joins: [sfdsfsdfsd] (email@example.com)
<[sfdsfsdfsd]> I've got a question.
<[sfdsfsdfsd]> Why are you such a witless buffoon?
*** Quits: [sfdsfsdfsd] (Quit: I win.)
Thor "The Fei says: Huh?!" Antrim
Okay, fine, I didn't get any booty.