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Oopsie. Well, SNK isn't totally gone, as proved by the recently announced Koudelka. The odd thing is, I only received one correction about this. Thanks, Chris.

But enough apologizing. It's Thursday. Which means... Thursday Thorsday Madness! TTM has changed over the months -- originally intended as the day I print "get to know" me letters, people sent in way too many letters asking my personal opinion on things, so I dumped that silly idea. TTM hopped around for a while, and finally ended up as an anything goes day.

Well, today, I'm constructing Ask Thor not how I figure you guys would like it, but how I always wanted a Q&A dude to handle a column. It's selfish, I know. I'm just that kind of Thor.

 
Question #1: Short, unique, to the point.
Hey Thor,

Can you post a list of RPG's made by Climax/sonic team? I know They made Shining Force 1, 2, Sowrd of Hayja, Shining Force CD, Landstalker and Alunda, but do you know if there are any other games made by them? Thanks

Climax also developed Dark Savior, a nifty Saturn sequel to Landstalker, Runabout, which was renamed Felony 11-79 outside of Japan, and they're working on a new Dreamcast game called -- get this -- Climax Landers. How bloody egotistical! Naming your creation after yourself is one of the most abusrdly pathetic things I've ever heard. Climax must have some serious problems, I'd stake column, Ask Thor, on it.
 
Weird-ass letter #1: Yes, I'm breaking the usual "3 question intro" rule.
Corneo means horny in Spanish!

- MooglePropaganda

Eh, close enough. When translated to Spanish, other Final Fantasy VII names include:
  • Aerith - "Sacrificial lamb"
  • Yuffie - "Exuberance"
  • Red XIII "Asexual reproduction"
  • Cloud - "Self-conscious boy"
  • Tifa - "She whose breasts defy gravity"
Boy, you learn something new every day.
 
Editorialetter #1: Attack of the yougins
Hey there Thor,

While reading your column today (04/14/99), I noticed a letter from someone that claims that Legend of Legaia's graphics were designed for a 12 year old. Being 12, it kind of disturbed me.

Maybe it was different when you and other people were 12, but people my age very rarely go for what you refer to as "kiddy graphics". The cute SD FFVII graphics were just plain awful. I have read that they seemed to be aimed at "12 year olds". Yeah right!

People also seem to think that all we play are Mario64 and Crash Bandicoot games. Platformers. They don't seem to realize that we do play other, more mature games. And I don't mean 'M' rated fighting games. I mean RPGs.

My first RPG was Legend of Zelda on the NES. I was 4 years old. I got up to Ganon and never won (never though of the Silver Arrows). I played mostly Zelda games until I got my PlayStation. I while later, I got FFVII. I admit, it took me 90 hours to beat, since I was leveling up my Knights of the Round, but I enjoyed it. Then, I got Xenogears. I beat it in 70 hours, with most of it in Babel Tower (jump and miss. See, I don't play platformers). I loved it. The story was awesome, the battle system not too difficult, and best of all, it was fun to play.

I traded my PSX for a little bit to play Zelda. Some people I knew didn't like it because of the text. Being an RPG fan, it just enhanced the game for me. But most people that I knew didn't care about the text, or the RPG feel. It's obvious that we enjoy this type of game. We also can understand the stories behind them.

People are always bashing us because of our age, saying we can't handle certain things. Some of us know more about these very things than that person may ever know. We aren't as stupid as they say. RPGs like Xenogears aren't difficult because of their "complex" storylines. I understood it better than most others did. It's about time that this is recognized.

- Dark Fenrir

Since people base a good deal of what they know on personal experience -- sometimes mislabeled as "stereotyping" -- and thirst for an inflaited sense of self-importance, it's easy for someone to bash those younger than him, citing immaturity -- right before getting wasted and punching a hole through his dorm room wall.

The truth is, a good deal people of all ages are stupid, just in different ways. Wisdom does come with age, but that doesn't necessarily mean the older you are, the wiser your decisions. All too often, people ignore Jimminy Cricket and listen to Goofy.

That out of the way, there are intelligent gamers of most all ages. (At least, age ten and above. Before ten we're sort of mental play-dough. And I'm talking from my personal experience, here.) So if you hear someone bashing twelve year old gamers, don't blow up at them (as they are bigger than you, and will most likely kick your ass), try having a decent conversation about videogames. I know I haven't made (m)any age-related cracks since I met a real genius of a kid a while back. So hopefully, after you impress an elitist gamer with your obvious love of the hobby, the jerk'll come to his senses.

And if not, just kick him in the package and run for your life.

 
Question #2: Shameless promotion of second favorite 16-bit game
Hey thork,

why'd you steal my name? I always name my first character "thor".

What a coincidence! So do I... :D
Anyway, is there any hope of FASA coming out with a shadowrun 2 for any system? Everyone i know that played thought it was great, and also agree if it had the same hype as FF, it would've won the contest. I heard FASA canceled production halfway through, which is really disheartening because at the end of the first shadowrun, they promise another game. I realize they have come out with pen and paper games in the series but everyone must agree its not the same. Finally, if FASA has no plans, could you give them crap about it for me.

Pretty boring letter, huh?

There was a chance of a Shadowrun action/rpg on the PC. FASA Interactive went so far as to print up fliers and posters for Gen Con. Then something very bad happened: Microsoft bought 'em. And from then on, Shadowrun was an unannounced, not an upcoming game. In other words, the project is as dead as the Monty Python parrot. Bummer. I'd kill for a PlayStation/2 Shadowrun. And I don't mean that figuratively.

If you're really into the Shadowrun world, I suggest changing 16-bit systems. The SNES Shadowrun, a graphic adventure/action/rpg is completely different from the almost Secret of Mana-like Genesis version published by Data East. The Genesis Shadowrun is non-linear, with rare storyline events, 'hardcore' gameplay filled with stat building, Phantasy Star IV-esque missions -- I'd call them "jobs", but you might think FFT/FF5, which is a totally different thing -- and the best morbid sense of humor this side of Shadowrun. You haven't lived until you've mowed down innocent bystanders -- just 'cause.

So try it, you'll like it! (Unless you need FMV and 300 pages of text to enjoy yourself. Wussy.)

 
Correction #1: And a little bit o' the question tossed in for taste
Thor

Over the weekend Michael said that FF6 on the anthology wil have, only at the begining, end, and opera scene. If thats true, what are all those FMV screenshots all over RPGamer? Are those Japanese version only? If so, that really sucks. I know its kinda rude to bitch even more, now that we're actually getting the anthology, but if they're gonna bring it here at all, why not bring it in full?

I hate Final Fantasy Anthology.

Not because Final Fantasy IV isn't included. Not because Final Fantasy VI will most likely just use the SNES script, and we'll miss out on everything Nintendo thought was inappropriate (not to mention all the text Woolsey had to cut due to space limitations). No, I hate Final Fantasy Anthology because it's so damn confusing.

From from the beginning, FFA's been shrouded by mystery, misinformation and speculation. Not that Square helped any -- have they ever ordered sites to remove a news story before? What was the big deal? Bottom line was, people simply read too much conflicting reports at once, and now everyone's confused. I still get three or four letters a day asking about it. Maybe I'll write up that FAQ I'm always procrastonatin'...

But enough rant. Well, for now, anyway. There are two full motion videos which play throughout Final Fantasy VI. The first is the intro sequence, with shots of Terra, and Vicks, and Wedge, and other intro-y things. Then you have the ending movie, which I won't detail because I'd have to put a spoiler warning, and I'm too lazy to do that. (Just more random, pretty images, basically.) Then there's a sort of bonus film, which isn't played during the actual game; it's just available in the Omake/Extras mode. It's basically a remix of the intro and ending movies, with Aria De Mezzo Caraterre (the opera song) playing in the background.

There's no rendered opera scene in game. The FMV does not replace FF6's original intro or ending. Okay then.

 
Flame #1: "Mommy, you forgot to wipe me!"
Hey there Genius,

How about next time when you "promote" a Final Fantasy IV translation hack, you "promote" the damn rom along with it?

- Utterly Confused

Dude, if you can't load up Yahoo and search for "Final+Fantasy+ROM", it's probably a good idea to sterilize youself now, least those pesky genes be passed on to an unfortunate heir...
 
Editorialetter #2: The last of the "killer" thread
The article on how Michael Carneal got 8 hits(five of them headshots) whereas an average officer will only hit with one in five bullets fails to take some very major factors into account. The first is that police officers seldom shoot into crowds. Michael Carneal did. The second is that police officers seldom(I would expect) shoot at an essentially non-moving target. There was no way that the entire crowd could get out of Carneal's line of fire at any time. The third is that police officers have a chance of being shot at while in this situation. This will lower ANYBODY'S accuracy, as they are frightened and concerned with getting out of the line of fire themselves. Carneal wasn't being shot at or otherwise attacked, I'd be willing to bet. The fifth is that police officers probably often shoot without a clear field of fire. I doubt that most school lobbies have much cover, I know mine doesn't. Based on this, one out of five isn't bad for police officers, but eight out of eight is what you'd expect from a maniac in this situation.

Basically, there was nothing surprising about the fact that he got 8 hits. If you don't believe me, try for yourself. Walk up to a wall(nobody likes it when you take potshots at a crowd) and shoot at it 8 times. It WILL have 8 holes in it. Actually, don't do that. Nobody will like that much, either. But you get my point. A monkey could have done it.

The fact that he got 5 headshots is a bit surprising, but not entirely unexpected. If he was shooting at shoulder to head height, more bullets would be expected to hit high. The fact that the bullets did hit high(and thus killed a higher portion of the people shot than usual, since most vital areas are in the chest and head) is to be expected(especially since if he misses one person, in a crowd he'd hit the guy behind him), but I would expect a few less head hits and a few more chest/shoulder hits. He probably just got "lucky" there. This whole mess disgusts me, and a bunch of distorted statistics being spread around by their lawyers(you might want to look up Jack Thompson, he has a history of going up against the First Amendment) and/or Adbusters isn't going to make things better. By the way, I'd really be interested in seeing the full text of that article you quoted, if possible--I can't find it at Adbusters.

No idea. I hadn't even heard of Adbusters before. I've lead such a sheltered life.
P.S. Sorry that was so long and dry.

- John Wilkie

No problem. I found it highly interesting, and that's the only thing that counts today. <grin>
 
Weird-ass letter #2: What can I say? I'm a stallion.
Heya, Thor, according to this site on Norse Mythology-

Your hammer causes people to get pregnant, you wear a girdle that boosts stamina, you can't cross the rainbow bridge cause you're so hot you'd burn it down, and you ride in a cart drawn by two immortal billy goats that have names you'd give a dentist(Toothgnasher and Toothgrinder). Hmmm, maybe it's not too late to change your name. . . .or . . maybe it's a good thing. . .

- Songbird

My hammer causes people to get pregnant...

Naw, too easy.

 
Question #3: Find the Samurai
Hello my friend. Someone asked about Samurai RPGs. How about Shogun Assassin by Konami, coming out for PSX in the next few months?

- Todd

It took me an hour to find out that "Sogun Assassain" was renamed "Soul of the Samurai". Why I insist on asking friends and doing open text searches long before checking the official site, I'll never know. Anyway, what we've got here is your standard Resident Evil clone, set in Japan, with a bit more text than usual. If you dig that sort of thing, by all means enjoy, but it's not really much of an RPG.

Or at least, a console RPG. Some might call it an RPG. I wouldn't, but some would. Look, forget it. Lets not have this fight again. Please, baby? Lets just snuggle and talk about it in the morning.

 
Weird-ass letter #3: "Nuh huh!" 'Yah huh!' "Double nuh huh!" '...damn.'
Greetings, O brother Thor...

You know, I've noticed. A lot of people call you "sexy". Personally... I really don't think you're that sexy.

Couldn't agree more.
Coursin' I'm a dude.
Oh. Well... cool. A lot cooler than if you did find me sexy, anyway.
Anyways, though, that's a good little poem you had there. TOO BAD BRAK SAID IT FIRST!! YOU MURDERER!!

Sexily yours,

- Mr. D

Don't be silly, man. Everyone knows I stole it from the classic Warner Bros. cartoon The Goofy Gophers! (No relation to The Gay Gerbils).
 
Flame #2: I never get real flames. They're either way too polite to consider flames, or suspiciously weird. Like this one.
YOU SUCK THOR!!!! MEET YOUR KNEW CHALLENGE THE RPG MAN!!!! PREPATE TO DIE SCUM!!!!!!!

- RPG MAN THE GOD OF THE UNIVERSE

On that fateful day, the two giants clashed. Thor, God of Thunder, Coffee and Typos on one end of the mystic chessboard selected for the duel, RPG MAN, GOD OF THE UNIVERSE on the other. Thor won the coin toss, and got white. What followed was "pretty" by no one's standards. Except maybe President William Jefferson Clinton (aka Bill Clinton, when not on trial), who really didn't give "two mule's asses what she, er, it looks like".

Thor unleashed a Weird Tangent (lv2) on RPG MAN. The Tangent, a sort of short story mixed with a celebrity deathmatch, bored RPG MAN to tears. Literally.

After sobbing for seven minutes, RPG MAN knew it was time to attack. It was already 8:20, and his bedtime was in ten minutes. Grinning evily, he not only hit capslock, but changed the font to Impact, size 30. He then began to power up for a particularly nasty flameball sent with his brand new hotmail account. Curiously, the real name field was "RPGMASTER GOD OF UNIVURSE".

Thor crouches low, sensing danger.

Just when things look their darkest for our hero, like really dark, like really really The Transformers Movie dark re-directed by Tim Burton dark, RPG MAN (known as "RPGMASTER" to his friend) realizes that "heads I win, tails you lose" is not the standard coin-toss announcement. Enraged, he powers up to flameball (lv4).

Thor stands up, checks his watch, and giggles. "Night night, RPG," he says, and watches as a hulking Elder God oozes from the ground, wraps a tentacle around the now screaming RPG MAN/MASTER, and pulls him down to a fate worse than death: A forced bedtime.

 
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("Ask Thor" didn't go with half the topics, anyway.)
 
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Quote of the Week
"I have nothing about real midgets. But all those fat, short, big headed midgets just freak me out!"
- Anonymous on "Super Deformed" character design
 
Bored? Easily amused? Stoned?
The Hack Archive
Thor Antrim: Anime Style
(Next update:
December 22nd, 2012)
 
No Quickies today either. You'll see.
 
Thor Stuff

I received a few good Legend of Legaia letters today, which I am saving tomorrow, because if we talk abot LoL any more than we are already, the people who like it will get burned out, and the people who hate it'll stop reading.

As you can see, Quote of the Moment is back. (Formerly known as quote of the day/week/whatever.) I think I finally found a way to keep the sidebar from screwing up. I just hope it works next update, too.

Well, enough of that. I would like to hear what you guys thought of this. I'm expecting tons of, "change back!" letters. Don't worry, this is a one-time thing. Or, maybe it'll be an every TTM thing. Or, maybe it'll be a

Well, I was planning on a big funny reference or something, but the only one I could come up with was an old Montel Willams commercial.

Nevermind.

Shadow Zero Dancing Attack EX Mega! Thor "Hey baby, wanna see my dancing Ninja?" Antrim
I'd say the odds are around 50/50 that ya'll liked this.

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