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It's raining women
 
 
Egged on by the high number of locker room jokes, inspired by Cloudy's support of Billy, or just compelled to write by my boyish good looks, female gamers have swamped my in box with letters. Well, not swamped, but it's pretty dang damp.

 
It's always good to double check. Especially when I give an answer.
Hey RPGu-.......aiiiie! Hey Thor!

ahem.

Do you think that Legend of Mana has a good chance of coming to America? I'm hoping and praying, here. GIA said it had a good chance, but I thought I'd get a second opinion to be sure.

- Wandering Prophet

According to my brand new Ouiji board and the ghost of Elvis Presley, the chances of Legend of Mana making it to america are greater than "three hogs playing poker in a slime barrel". While it's unknown what this actually means, chances are the King was hinting at a probable U.S. release. Well, either that, or he just made a pretty good argument against heavy drug use.
 
Name that, uh, dog
On the #rpgamer chat last night - for some reason, we got to talking about wolves. Someone stated that a wolf is a lupine. And I said "What the hell? A lupine is a flower!" - we spent about an hour arguing, really. I looked up lupine in the dictionary - and...a lupine is a flower. Of the genus "lupus" - then I looked up wolf. and it said "of the genus lupus" - does this mean a wolf is a flower? They sure as hell don't smell flowery, unless you spray them with some kinda flower-scented perfume.

- Feuerengel

The only flora/fauna mix I know of is Final Fantasy 3's Leafers, so don't worry about mistrusting certain flowers. Though my knowledge of Latin is somewhat limited (read: nonexistant), I believe you misunderstood that dictionary entry. You see, Lupine is the flower; Lupus is the one that Little Red Riding Hood has to watch out for. (Oh, and while we're at it, systemic lupus erythematosus is the icky disease.)
 
Do the Mario!
Hey Thor!

Do you or anyone you know remember the cartoons Captain N the Game Master, any of the Marios, Danger Mouse, Count Duckula, or Unico. I know this doesn't have to do with RPGs but nobody I know remembers any of these.

Ami, I remember all of those. The Mario cartoons were probably my favorite. Not the crappy Mario World cartoons -- anyone mind telling me how the hell cavemen got in the mix? -- the ultra godly show hosted by (Captain) Lou Albano and a funky looking Luigi. You know, The Super Mario Bros. Super Show! Danger Mouse and Count Duckula were good, but kind of... british. The Game Master rocked, and last but not least, Unico was this whacked out and often creepy Anime, um, well couple of movies, I guess. They were made for kids, but included a bunch of content which can only be described as "freaky as Hades". The movie would switch from cute to disturbing to sad almost every scene.

One thing's for sure, until the day I die, I'll remember... "Toooooooobiiiiiii!"

Also, because I luv getting on my cousin's nerves, I pronounce Cait Sith 'Kate Sith', Cloud 'Clod' and Aeris 'Kebob' ^_^

- Ami Q3 'Can you see the little owl on the $1 bill too? ^_^'

Great job annoying your cousin (what else are cousins for?) and, well, no, I haven't seen an owl. But if ya fold one just right, you get a mushroom. Cool, eh?
 
Nitpicking or honest correction? You decide.
Greetings King of Letters

I hate to nitpick, but you made a mistake. When Powerfree asked about a player for XA files, you answered that modplug would work. Modplug plays XM files. He was asking about XA files. XA files require XAPlay which can be obtained at home.highway.or.jp/soltin/cgame.html Unfortunately the homepage is in Japanese, so I'd suggest getting getting the player from www.phoenix.net/~feldon/psxvideo.html I'm not exactly sure if these kinds of programs are legal. I suspect they would be as long as you don't distribute the files off the CD.

- TheGreyOne

I don't think yer nitpicking at all. Anyway, yeah, my bad. Check out those pages, but beware deadly legal hazards! To ward off weirdos, I've decided not to add an actual link to those sites. If you want to check 'em out, just copy the url. There, I didn't link to it -- ya happy?
 
I wonder if there are any Suikoden "slash" fanfics... O_o
yesterday in the Q&A, someone asked you if there was a game where the character doesnt fall in love with someone in there group, and you kinda said something about the relationship between Gremio and hero. I hope you know that Gremio is a guy, not a woman.
Yeah, I know. That's why I said it was disturbing. And not (just?) because of the whole male/male thing, but because Gremio was basically his nanny. And I don't know about you, but getting hit on by your personal Marry Poppins doesn't sound that... wholesome to me.
Who would want to play through a 15 hour rpg with a gay main character ( i have nothing against gay people).

- rpgrob

Sure ya do, Rob! You just made it clear you wouldn't want to play an RPG with a gay main character. I'm not going to sit here and yell at you, because that would be silly and hypocritical, but if ya don't want to play an RPG with... oh, lets say a German mime as the lead, chances are you have at least a little against German mimes.
 
Legend of Legaia
Hi there!!

Been putting off writing to you for quite a damned while now as I didn't feel I had anything to comment on which I considered worthy of the great and sexy, albeit young (sob!) Thor...

Well, ya know, I am of legal age for... um... cookies. Yeah, that's what I was gonna say. Delicious prozac cookies. Ahem, moving along.
Well, after a quiet evening with my best friend some really decent wine, and our brand new excursion of the week (Legend of Legaia) I believe I have a comment or two to make! Joy!

First off, I'm happy to note that so far the game seems really good. I mean, yes, the plot line leaves a tad to be desired but hey, I think that it more then makes up for it every time the main character executes a powerful move and then grunts enthusiastically in Japanese. Nothing like a good heartfelt grunt or two to really get things going!

I'm also impressed with the wide range of sounds and sound effects I have already noticed.(aka worm movement !?!) But this isn't what I was focusing on really. What stuck out to me was how much better a game really becomes when you feel you have some control over the dialogue boxes! I mean hey, I know it sounds trivial, and I should probably be sitting here complaining of the exp. system, or of the difficulty of getting gold, or the fact that when you purchase a "cloak" and equip it the character is suddenly wearing hot pink knickers, or even that I have a serious problem with run on sentences... but no, I actually kinda like the fact that I can scroll though text as I like..That was probably the biggest drawback in Xenogears for me. Not only was there a monstrous amount of text but I found myself fighting the urge to nap while waiting for it to finish scrolling. You know what else? I like the fighting system in LoL too! I think that even though it does take a little time, its fun.. and a little bit different.

Finally, I'd like to note how much better a game becomes when people are constantly saying different things each time you return to them. I know its nothing new, but its refreshing to see once again. Townsfolk that feel its necessary to say an excessive amount of identical text at an annoyingly snail like pace every single time you speak to them have a tendency to detract from the game as a whole. This doesn't seem to be a big issue in this game. But hey, Im only 5 and a half hours into it so who knows?

Huh. Sounds wicked. Now I think I'll check it out. Ya know, I've been debating whether I should post letters like these or not. On one hand, one or two "initial thoughts" letters can help readers decide what to buy without waiting for the full reviews. On the other, they're usually long, and potentially annoying to anyone who doesn't give a poo. Well, what do you think, my poppets?

Hmmm, looks like an entire letter sans any real questions whatsoever except the rhetorical kind..I feel like I should throw one in just to fill a quota or whatever sooooo, here goes.

Did you find the disembodied head from Ultima "The Black gate" for SNES terrifying to you or anyone you know....or was it just me? (Im tellin ya, that visage was keepin me up at nights!)

your da' bomb!

- Rachael (I named my main character Lord and boy does it make the game fun!) from Virginia

Woo! I've finally reached "da bomb" status! From now on, instead of "Sexypants", I'd like you all to call me "Highly Explosive Dude". Anyway, thanks for the long letter, I don't get many these days. And... I never played that game. Ultima: Exodus scared me away from it.
 
Read this. I don't care what it looks like at first-- just read it.
(Final Fantasy 7 Spoiler.)
Hey Thor,

I will now attempt the impossible, the very thing that has driven many to the brink of insanity and beyond. I will try to make sense of the FF7 ending ::thunder clash::.

First, of course, as we all know, Meteor is coming to kick everyone's behind. However, the power of Holy, fueled by the destruction of Sephiroth who was the one that was preventing it's power from working, stops Meteor and blows it into little tiny pieces. The flying debris hits Midgar and everyone is running around with Meteor shrapnel in their heads yelling, "Aaah! I have Meteor shrapnel in my head!" Midgar becomes uninhabitable because of all the shrapnel, and the dead bodies with the shrapnel in their heads. Meanwhile, Aeris realizes she was never really dead and spends the rest of her life living with a singing lobster named Sebastian.

In a few hundred years, plants have grown over Midgar and it becomes a hang out spot for Nanaki and his kids, who he had from asexual reproduction (don't ask me how).

Now does everyone understand the ending?

- The Flaming Mog

Gee, thanks for giving the once and for all definitive answer, Mog! Now that I'm done pondering Final Fantasy 7's ending, my mono-tasking brain is free to wonder... how do I revive Aeris?
 
Love is in the air. Must be all those dang womenfolk! Consarnit!
Dear Thor,

I'd have to disagree with you describing Secret of Mana as "a game where not ONE person, main characters especially, falls in love with one of the team members." I interpret the ending to very strongly imply that the main character is now a substitute boyfriend/fiance for the girl. Not only does Dyluck himself say something to that effect, but there's a scene in the ending of the girl and the main character and her father all "nodding" to one another.

Ya got me there.

One day I was walking across the town Square and this girl and what looked to be her dad kept following me around and nodding at me At last I know what it meant: I was to be her substitute boyfriend/fiance.

Sheesh -- I'm glad I didn't know what it meant. I'd have freaked out.

For some really platonic RPG's I'd suggest FFT and FF5. In FF5, Butz is literally surrounded by girls, yet falls for none of them (or they for him). In FFT, all of the stuff that a lead character would usually do for their romantic interest (i.e. being concerned about them, saving them repeatedly, etc.), Ramza instead does for his sister. I thought that was a great switch, and a move that really characterized Ramza effectively: he was so busy saving his sister and the world that he didn't really have the time to hit on, say, Agrias. Granted, there's that bit with Delita and the princess, but they're not really in your party as main characters.

Personally, I totally agree with Cloudy Squall on this one - I found FF5 and FFT's platonic plots to be a breath of fresh air in a somewhat cliched genre. Someone ought to remind RPG developers that you don't *need* a romance in the plot line to have a good game.

- Ari Rosenbach

Ditto. While there's nothing wrong with a good love story in an RPG, if every RPG has one, it gets kind of old. Just as "Save the princess", "Topple the evil empire" and "Cope with the mental disorders" have.

Ya know, love is such an easy motivation to use, it's no wonder so many writers implement it. Why, there's quests to rescue a captured love, quests for revenge for a slain love, quests to reunite two lovers, quests to get some -- whatever. Personally, I'd like to start seeing coffee as the main motivation in an RPG. Not all the characters, mind you, one would do. Wouldn't that just rock?

 
...
That last quickie on tuesday was absolutely hilarious! I luv you! Luv! Luv! Luv... gurgle...

- Tigiria

So, um. Was that sex?
 
Wondering what that dream meant?
Ask Thor
(Go on, tell me everything -- just leave out the naughty bits involving Jewel)
 
Now Playing
Nuth'in
(House guests really sap up the ol' gaming time, ya know?)
 
Like Old Crap?
Try the Archives
(Beware the Typoes)
 
Bored? Easily amused? Stoned?
The Hack Archive
Thor Antrim: Anime Style
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Bite sized Quickies
Where can I buy Nuth'in at?
- drunk salor from Xenogears.
At your local Hogwash dealership.
Actually, "Cait Sith" is pronounced "Ket Shee"
-Phoenix
Thanks for the correction. (See? See? Another girl! They're everywhere!)
No RPGuru (HA HA HA insane laughter) I believe its F#@! me im irish. just remindin u what us real irish know! I tried walking up to a girl and saying "Eff pound sign ampersand exclamation point", but she just stared at me until I started hyperventilating. Did I do something wrong?
 
Thor Stuff

Other Eeeevwil games: Dungeon Keeper, Dark Forces II: Jedi Knight.

Other "coincidences": The theme that plays when Edgar is told the story of Sabin and the intro to Contra. Tenchi Muyo In Love's introduction and Xenogears' introduction.

My apologies for failing to warn about that Alundra spoiler. I had it on my to do list, too. That's when the dog rushed in and ate it. Never did find out who's dog that was, either.

No response to my "Jeb" tangent the other day. Weird. The thought that that sort of thing doesn't surprise anyone shocks me. How weird am I? Wait, better not to answer that and just allow me to live a life of dilusion and happiness. Ignorance is bliss, after all.

- Thor "Big Dumb Man" Antrim
I spy with my little eye, something that is hot. Oh, it's a mirror. Tee hee!

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