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...Oh wait, it's just our band of misfit heroeswalking around the world map.



...never mind, it’s just KOS-MOS. *whew*

Ah, Oregon Trail
Can we call it an RPG?
I mean, few cliches here, but, you're on an adventure, you're talking to people, and there are choices you have to make.

Plus the "battle" system rocks...
(just think..."Farmer deals 50 damage to Deer. Deer falls! Victory! You've earned 220 pounds of meat!")


Oregon Trail is not an RPG. It is a life simulation, and like life, the graphics are terrible, random bad stuff happens to you, and your last wagon tongue always breaks right before you reach the next town.

Dear Andrew
I've been reading the RPG cliche subject for about three days now, and something just popped into my mind. I know this site that has an entire list of them.

The only problem for you is that it is in Dutch. I can translate it if you'd like...Here's the address: http://www.rpgzone.nl/adventure.php?b=feature&a=1


Thanks John, but already being fluent in 37 languages allows me to easily read the site, and locate it’s English counterpart, here.

Yes, dice DO hurt. It's just that they're using the wrong type of dice. 6-siders are like rounded legos. Now, 4-siders on the other hand... they don't call them "caltrops" for nothing.

-Mike Lemmer

By the power of all nerds everywhere, I summon the ultimate spell, DICE STORM!

You said you wanted main characters with martial skills. Do you really hate good old Xenogears so much you've forgotten of Fei Long Wang? Now *marital* skills, that's what I'm looking for in main characters.


A pretty boy who keeps having mental break downs does NOT count as a martial arts hero. Besides, I was dreaming about a game that focused on the marital arts, not a story that needed 100 text boxes every 5 minutes to explain why Fei was on his knees screaming for his mother.

Soon the name of LooLooHarz the Talking Pony Puma Burgler shall be known to all!!!! huahuahuahuahuahauhauhaa!!!!!!!

Go Go Pretty Pony! To victory! And oats!

Dear Sir,

I resent being called a Xenogears fanboy. For, while being a boy, I am in no way, shape, or form a fan of said game.
But then again, I resent a lot of things. I salute you, you magnificent rabbit!

Oh, and I suggest offending the Scientologists. That should be fun.


Well Christy, I “resent” a lot of things too. Like the love letters, pipe bombs, and bouquets you keep sending me. But as for the “Scientologists”, insulting them is on the same level as throwing bricks at the blind. IE: It’s a lot of fun, until their dog attacks you and grabs mad crotch.

The Final Grumble:

Next Week’s Topic-

When I played Final Fantasy 4 for the first time, I developed the hugest crush on Rydia. She was cute, powerful, and best of all, by far the most sensible character in the game. I know I’m not the only one with a crush on that green-haired summoner, but here’s my big question for next week- What RPG character would you gladly save the world for? Because damn, if Rydia needed my help, even today, I’m not sure if I could say no. No matter if the quest was mad, if it meant I’d get pummeled a heck of a lot, that cute tilt of her head would have me fighting demon lords left and right.

Andrew "Titan!" Duff

Google wants letters about big your wang/boobs are. Are you man/woman/both enough to answer?!

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