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Grammatically Incorrect
 
Hey look, it's me. If you didn't know it, I'm Alex Kimbel, and I'll be doing the column until Wednesday. According to the letters I have received, you all want me to be funny. So, because I am naturally cruel and evil, I will not say anything at all that will even make you crack a smile. Which will work out good either way, because if I suck, I can just say I was doing it on purpose.

Okay then, time for some letters (!)

 
Some people never want to hear the word "crabbit" again...

Hey Neifie,

Didn't want to scare you there.... But what the Hell are crabbits?! It seems like people on this site can't stop bashing them. What are they?! At first I thought they were a Xenogears critter (Chu-Chu), but after completing the game and seeing NO reference to the word "crabbit," I know that can't be it. So what are they and what game are they in?!

Da Red Gobbo

Alex:
I was never really into the crabbit debate (as if I wanted to be :P), but as far as I know, crabbits are "cute" creatures that bounce around and act happy (I have awesome descriptive skills). I think they're most commonly found in videogames and anime.

 
Someone's been in the liquor cabinet

Sup.

I'm playing Final Fantasy 8, right, fighting this boss Cereberus. He's this bad-ass three headed dog. So I was like, "down, doggay, before I be getting medieval," and it was all like, "japanese text, japanese text, I can't get enough of that japanese text." Then he used some spell and nailed my partay, so I dizz-ied. My question is, who do you like more, Marle, Ayla, Schala, or Lucca?!

Alex:
Uh, thanks for that wonderful question. Remember, the trick to beating Cerebrus is to not let the multiple heads intimidate you! I am sure you are saying to yourself "3 heads on one enemy!? That's ... insane!" but just remember that eventually, the heads will get angry at one another and you can just sit back and let them tear eachother apart.

As for my favorite, it would have to be Marle because Marle is hot!@

 
And in this corner
Maybe you can objectively answer this for me. What the hell is wrong with Vic Ireland? His refusal to support Sega any longer because of his own personal hatred towards Bernie Stolar is pathetic, this is the kind of behavior I'd expect from a 7 year old on a school playground during recess not someone who is involved with any sort of serious software company. Someone needs to smack some sense into him, otherwise he'll be throwing his little tantrum for the forseeable future. If he's not willing to act like an adult than perhaps he should let someone who can take over Working Designs.
Alex:
In my opinion, if Vic believes that it would be a bad move to support Sega because of Stolar, then the more power to him. It's about business. If I personally disliked someone, I would under no circumstances want to make business with his company. I have radical views, but I believe personal issues cannot be separated from business issues. Sure, they should be, but it's just too hard to make things work.
 
Do you Xenogears?
Xenogears spoilers

Konbanwa...

First, let me state that I am new to this "Ask Somebody" section, having only started checking it out a week or so ago. I mostly use RPGamer for the News section. Anyway, this thing says that you are just starting your turn at this, so let me be one of the first to greet you: Greetings.

Now, on to business...

Are you a Xenogears fan? Do you believe it is the greatest RPG you have played, completely oblitering any other anything that anyone would dare to say is greater? Do you also agree that it's plot and characters, the things that REALLY matter, along with the music are superior to all others? And do you agree that Small Two of Peices is the most gorgeous of songs you have ever heard? If not, how would you like your intestines served to you: deep fried or grilled?

I agree that Xenogears is a very good game, but I still find it lacking in some areas. And, yes, the music is some of the best I have ever in a game. Xenogears is one of those games, in my opinion, that cannot be missed.

*POSSIBLE SPOILER WARNING! DO NOT SUGGEST READING, FOR ALL YOU WHO HAVE NOT COMPLETELY GONE THROUGH XENOGEARS YET!*

Ahem... I have just finished Xenogears (yet again), basking in it's superb ending and song, and I noticed at the very last screen, it states: "Xenogears, Episode V, THE END." What is that Episode V? Is it emplying that they will make more Xenogears, perhaps taking place before the original? Perhaps on the planet where the Eldridge originated from, during the construction of Deus... Mmmm... That would be great. Learning all the origins and things... Perhaps getting to see the part where the "Wave Existance" was sucked out of it's level of dimension into ours. Or is the game just divided into section that I somehow missed?

That is all for now...
Hitokamisama

Alex:
A long while ago, when I finished the game, someone told me that the scene right at the end was similar to that of Star Trek V's final scene. So, I have been led to believe that the whole "Episode V" thing is just a silly Star Trek reference. They included a few of them in the game if you hadn't noticed ("Resistance is futile").

And yes, everyone's favorite Alex is a trekkie. Hey, at least I don't go to any of those conventions wearing a Starfleet uniform.. Well, not this year anyway.

 
Did somebody say Son May?

Dear Alex,

In regards about buying game CDs. You should always make sure you're not buying a son may copy. those are Taiwanese copies which are dirt cheap and are technically illegal. No one will arrest you for buying them but I know a lot of people might buy something they think is the original thing when it's not and half the time the copies are the same, just not the original thing. That's all for my ramblings.

Tristan Adnade

Alex:
Yeah, before I was really into buying game soundtracks, I bought the Final Fantasy VII OSV. It looked pretty normal, and I thought the big "SM" didn't mean anything. Then someone told me about Son May and I was pretty angry. I (and I assume a lot of people are like this too) don't just purchase the game soundtrack for the music, I also purchase it because it is a collectors' item of sorts. And to find out that your "collectors' item" is essentially a fraud leaves you a bit upset. So remember kiddies, it's not a good thing to buy Son May soundtracks. In fact, the money doesn't even go to Square (well, as if they need it anyway).

 
And I like Cherry Coke too

Alex...

You have a clever mind, good business judgment, a sense of responsibility, and an appreciation of the finer things of life. You are serious-minded and not inclined to make light of things even in little ways, and in your younger years you had more mature interests than others your age. Home and family mean a great deal to you and it is natural that you should desire the security of a peaceful, settled home environment where you can enjoy the companionship of family and friends. Whatever you set out to accomplish you do your very best to complete in accordance with what you consider to be right. In the home you assume your responsibilities capably, having the self-confidence to form your own opinions and make your own decisions. Others can rely on you; once you have given your word you will do your utmost to fulfil a responsibility. However, there is a tendency to be a little too independent in your thinking and it is difficult for you to accept the help of others when you should. Due to your strong sense of responsibility, you could experience worry and mental turmoil through assuming more responsibility than you should. Friction could arise through others feeling that you were interfering with their rights and privileges, even though you are only trying to help.

Now... How correct am I?

Tzepish

Alex:
Wow, the first day and the readers already know me well. Seriously though, that is pretty close to my actual personality, which, erm, scares me. :D
 
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Quickies
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Closing Thoughts:

Can you say "short column"? To be perfectly honest, I did not get many letters. And this means? Yes, you must send me letters!

And nothing eventful ever happens in my life either, so I really can't fill this space with my thoughts at this time. Hey, someone give me something to rant about!

Also, I have noticed it is common among columnists to talk about any flames they receive. ... :D (Get it?)

Alex "I have no nickname and I will probably laugh if you try to give me one but go ahead, okay, run-on sentence" Kimbel
Is "hidden" text really hidden when everyone knows it's there?

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