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Chapter Zert: Hoo hoo! It'sa me! Lusipurr!

Lusipurr - Half-past Michael (not Mikel) GMT

Just hear those sleigh bells jingling,
Ring-ting-tingling too!
Come on, it's lovely weather
For a sleigh ride together with you!

Outside the snow is falling
And friends are calling "Yoo-hoo!"
Come on, it's lovely weather
For a sleigh ride together with you!

Now will I question your annoying and tiresome address.

Remake Regrets


I found the current Poll of the Week to be quite interesting. The vast majority wishes Chrono Trigger to be remade, and Secret of Mana is (currently) a distant second. I voted for Secret of Mana and here's why: Chrono Trigger is a very complete game that in it's current state is near perfect. Secret of Mana, however, seemed to me to be very rushed at the end. It took so long to gather mana seeds 1-5, but 6-8 came so close together that the plot barely progressed at all. So why does everyone want their favorite game to be remade instead of a game that could really benefit from a little bit a retooling? Especially considering any noticeable changes to Chrono Trigger would probably outrage everybody who voted for it.



I know that if someone remade my cat--and let me tell you, she is perfect just as she is--I would be most wroth. In fact, I would probably explode into a shower of pie-shaped bits. It would be a huge mess. There would be meringue--or cherries if you prefer--in every nook and cranny. Talk about a cleaning mess. Have you ever tried to get meringue--or cherries if you prefer--off of the ceiling? No sir, let me tell you, I am very against anyone remaking my cat. I like her old-school, as they say. I do not need a next-generation edition. She is brilliant just the way she is. Also, this keeps meringue--or cherries if you prefer--from soiling my sprawling and lavish estate.


Hiya Lusipurr,

I've never written to you (to my knowledge), but I just wanted to use my lackluster typing skills to set forth a question of utmost unimportance.

There seems to be a trend with reviewers and even fans of the rpg genre to compare games that are completely unrelated. Such as comparing a Wild Arms game to a Final Fantasy, or Suikaden to Dragon Quest. Sure they're all rpgs, but they don't have that much in common. Even gameplay wise they have taken separate paths. So, my question is, do you think it's alright for these games to each other when scoring or even considering to buy them?

Sorry I suck,



Why compare apples to oranges? They are both types of fruit, to be sure, but they are totally different. For example, can you imagine eating an orange pie? It sounds filthy! Apple pie, on the other hand, is tasty and enjoyable. Especially with some vanilla ice cream and a glass of milk. Mmm. What about eating them straight off of the tree? Well, with an apple, that's easy. You just pick, shine, and eat. With an orange, you have to go through the annoying process of peeling it. Then, you have to eat the segments carefully because there are seeds in them. There's pulp all over the place and it is pretty disgusting in and of itself. Orange juice is okay, but apple juice is loads better. In fact, when you drink apple juice in quantity it makes your wee (not to be confused with your Wii) smell a little funny. And of course, what about apple crisp, apple crumble, apple turnovers, apple fritters, and baked apples, apple dumplings, and apple pastries? No one is out there trying the same thing with oranges. Why is that? Well, because oranges suck. Apples are loads better.

So do not compare apples to oranges, kiddos, because the oranges will lose every single fricking time. Because they suck.

What is all this stuff?


What it do, cuttaluffagus? Been a while since I've written in, Lost Odyssey has been absorbing large chunks of my free time, and deservedly so. By far the best RPG I've played in quite some time.

I stopped playing FF XII maybe halfway through, I found the gambit system amusing for awhile but just could never get invested in the storyline and eventually moved on, but with Lost Odyssey I find myself fully engaged in what's going on with Kaim, Seth, Jasen, and the lot. Plus for a perv like myself there's plenty of amusing eye-candy, Jansen's hottie Uhran ho's (who were also down with ladies themselves apparently), and so many G-MILF's, who knew women hundred's of years old could look so good. And don't get me started on the stately attire of the Numarran Queen. Is she wearing two thongs or is that just one with two straps? Either way, sexy.

However, with March Madness starting up it is time for a break while basketball consumes the television, although I do intend to plow through FFV Advance before Crisis Core comes out during these early round games. But the battery on my DS died shortly after I took down the barrier around Ex-Deaths castle so you get a letter while it recharges.

I had some thoughts on this column while reading the last few the other day. I have to admit I'm somewhat dissapointed to se it down to one a week, although I understand the rational behind it. But getting in a month the amount of QnA I was getting in about half a week less than a year back does make me a sad panda. So I was thinking, maybe you could reward us readers with bonus columns, if we manage to get enough letters to you. You've already got the letter gauge going to help us know when to write in, so say we can push it a good way past green (it was color coded wasn't it?) I'm thinking say you've got 13 good letters, enough for two normal columns, you take those other three and, Tadow!, midweek bonus column as a reward to the unwashed masses for getting off our lazy asses. Just a thought.

Alright, let's see if I can do my best to pepper you with non-spoilerish Lost Odyssey questions before I go. How do you like the extensive use of splitsceens during the cutsenes? I found it distracting at first but now I like being able to see everyones expressions. Which one of those punk kids Cooke or Mack do you think it was who drew on their bedroom wall? Being immortal, do you think Seth's grey hair is an affectation? And isn't it weird how somehow it seems to make her even hotter? How funny is a drunken Ming? And seriously, how hot were those Uhran hookers? A pimp like myself needs to find out how to get there so I can start bumping some breezies.

Never lackin in my mackin,



Is it me, or is it getting a little cramped in here?

I like Lost Odyssey. I think I have said this a few times. That said, the Queen of Numarra has thighs like a clydesdale. She must be a long-time Thighmaster devotee or something. Seriously, her thighs are like tree trunks! Of course, I was not paying any attention to her thighs.

Why is March madness starting up in April? That seems to be something of a misnomer.

In the end, I have decided to just write longer columns on Fridays, rather than to have mid-week columns. This way, the columns will have better quality, and will not feel rushed. This past week I received few letters, so next Friday's column will be of average length (unless I receive a lot more letters).

I like the split-screens, Mack drew on the wall, and Seth's hair is like that because of exposure to sea air from her years as a pirate. Ming is a sleepy drunk, and the Uhran harlots were repulsive.

Have some pie.

Where's the Chaos?


I saw an ad for Chaos Wars in the latest issue of Game Informer. I haven't seen any mention of it on here though, although it comes out in about a month. Have you heard of it or do you have any thoughts on it?



Supposedly it is a GameStop exclusive and will be very difficult to find. It is not being very forcefully marketted, and it has been the subject of several delays.

All bad news. If you want it, you should probably pre-order.

I am beginning to feel a little claustrophobic.


do you know my chance if they plan to released growlanser 4 and growlanser 6 in the USA.

my brother loves this series and so do I if know that would help a lot.


Matthew and Tabitha


Matthew and Tabitha,

Currently, it does not appear that there are any plans to release Growlanser IV in North America. The Growlanser VI situation is less clear, but we do not have any information about a North American release yet. Of course, this does not mean these games will not be released in North America. In fact, North America has often received games years after the Japanese launch. However, release in the immediate future seems unlikely.

As soon as we know more about Growlanser releases, you can be sure we will post it on the site. There are lots of Growlanser fans on our staff, and we are following the situation closely.

Thank you very much for writing in, and keep reading RPGamer!

I can hardly breathe!

I've got the hat! I've got it! It's mine! Mine! MINE!!!

Outro goes here.

Pip lup!

Lusipurr Lusipurr Lusipurr Lusipurr Lusipurr Lusipurr Lusipurr!


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